Main chars: Naruto, Fugaku.
Summary: AU. Naruto is dating Fugaku's daughter, Sasuke. Cue in the typical father/boyfriend talk/interrogation. (complete with threats of a .9mm and a shovel) not really about the .9mm
Warnings: female Sasuke, shifting 3rd person views (is there even such a thing? I don't know), and one sentence about Itachi and his homosexuality. If any of that bothers you, then please go back, I understand completely how one little thing can ruin something you might've been enjoying (happens to me all the time. O the dangers of fan fiction… X.X) and oh yeah, bad grammar. cuz that prolly deserves a warning too -.-;
He wished he were in his car again. At least it was safer there than in this interrogation room the Uchihas called a parlor. Fugaku was staring him down, and Naruto was gripping the armrests on the chair like a convict in the electric chair, swallowing and sweating as if someone just caught him drowning a baby. If it weren't for the slightly constipated look on his face, his symptoms and tenseness were not unlike the way he was during one of his and Sasuke's more intense fuc--
"Rh-rhm." He had to clear his throat to clear his wandering mind for fear that Mr. Uchiha's darkening glare meant he could somehow read Naruto's mind. He doubted Fugaku would appreciate his less than holy thoughts about his precious daughter.
Naruto attempted a grin through his nervousness, as if that would place him in Fugaku's good graces. Yeah right. Naruto was her boyfriend, and boyfriends have dicks. And hormones. And semen. Almost nothing could get Naruto back in his good graces. Fugaku liked the boy better (barely) when he was still small and thought Sasuke had cooties. Fugaku had no qualms whatsoever if every single potential suitor thought his daughter had cooties. It would make living his life much easier. Mikoto would probably object to that, however, as having grandchildren the natural way would be a little difficult since Itachi, their gay and impotent son, obviously couldn't give her any.
Back to the boy at hand. Naruto did not enjoy the silence, but wasn't sure if he'd fare better with questions. Technically, he was waiting for Sasuke to Finnish. Getting. Ready. (insert annoyed grimace) but he knew what this was. Fugaku probably told her to take her sweet little time ("But don't spend too much time on your appearance. You know you really don't need that junk, sweetie, your face is fine….") to stall for time. Time he can spend torturing Poor Little (not little!!) Naruto.
"So…." Fugaku began. Naruto swallowed and straightened up a bit. "I hear you'll be taking her to a movie."
Inwardly Naruto was in a full panic. 'Oh please don't make me say it, please don't make me say it…!!!'
"…What will you be watching?" he asked lightly. Naruto wanted to die. He cleared his throat first.
"Uh-" he caught himself. He felt like he was in his first job interview, trying not to use "uh" and "um" too much.
"Well," he began again, "it's a… it's a romantic comedy." 'Nice,' he thought weakly. It was just too bad lying was not an option around the Uchiha. Any Uchiha, really.
"'Zack and Miri Make a Porno'," Fugaku said. He took distinct joy at watching Naruto flinch slightly when he relayed the title of the movie loud and clear, taking emphasis on the last word.
"I hardly classify that as romantic." At least Naruto felt enough humility to briefly look away.
"My dad's uncle would probably disagree with you." Naruto stated quietly. He wasn't even thinking when he said it, but as the saying goes, "A bird that you set free may be caught again, but a word that escapes your lips will not return." *
Fugaku's eyes flashed briefly. He spoke; "Well now, it's a good thing I am speaking with you and not Jiraiya, then, isn't it, Naruto?"
"Y-yes." 'Shit!' thought Naruto. "You stumbled! You cannotstumble!' He didn't like the smirk that overcame Fugaku's face.
"Do you like the decorum?" Fugaku asked. Naruto's mind blanked out a bit at the random question and sudden change in tone, but when he viewed Fugaku's hand raise and span out in a motion to indicate the room, Naruto took the invitation and looked around the parlor. His eyes stopped at a certain "wall ornament".
"Yes, I am most proud of my sharp-shooting accomplishments." Fugaku said fluidly. Naruto gulped visibly, and his perspiration became more prominent. "…I practice at least once a week." Fugaku said, and he had a ball watching that one sink in.
"How was your weekend?" the Uchiha clan head asked, and just as Naruto opened his mouth and took in a breath to reply, he cut him off.
"That's very nice. I spent mine helping my wife out in the yard. And you know, the funniest thing happened. One of my shovels broke, so I went out to the store to replace it. I still have yet to break it in, and I'm just waiting for a chance to do so. Isn't that grand, Naruto?" Fugaku had on the evilest half-grin Naruto had ever seen.
Sharp shooting awards. A shovel. The threat was very clear. Naruto didn't trust his voice, knowing it'd break, so he simply gave a firm nod.
The silence stretched. And stretched. And stretched. Naruto wondered if maybe he'd have to holes in his forehead from the force of Fugaku's burning glare on his face.
But then, (wonderfully, amazingly, brilliantly) the sound of footsteps rushing down the stairs sent heavenly joyous relief flowing inside his ears, flooding throughout his soul, and flowing out his sense. Sasuke was finally ready, and he never appreciated her presence more than he did now. Truly, surely, Sasuke must've been his angel in disguise (a rather fetching disguise). It couldn't have been more clear.
Naruto stood immediately and rushed to her side. "Ready?" he asked impatiently.
"Hello to you too, Dobe." Ever with her sarcastic charm. She rolled her eyes but smirked anyway, standing on her tiptoes to peck Naruto's cheek in way of greeting. Naruto didn't fail to notice the twitch of Fugaku's eye.
Sasuke walked over to her father and gave him the same treatment.
"Bye, Dad!" and she was out the door with Naruto hot on her heels. Knowing he'd regret it, Naruto risked a look back and what he saw put the cold steel fist of fear clamping back over his heart. Fugaku, with a darker glare than what he sported before, mouthed the words "New Shovel."
The squeal of tire on asphalt was the only sound heard in the entire neighborhood exactly .02 seconds after Naruto received his final warning.
-x-
"Daddy didn't bother you too much, did he?" Sasuke asked as she changed the radio station. Naruto's taste in music was simply atrocious.
Naruto looked at her, one hand on the wheel, and promptly answered with all the conviction he had in his being.
"Your father is the devil."
-END-
*Jewish Proverb. Got it from a quote site XD.
AN: yeah. I got the idea for this when I put Naruto and Fugaku in the character boxes to see what would show up, just out of crack curiosity :P people are crazy sometimes, y'know? But yeah, nothing interesting came up (to me, anyway, no offense intended) and I thought, y'know, it'd be so funny if someone wrote a story on Fugaku grilling Naruto before he went out on a date with one of his daughters…. Yeah. Sounded easy enough for even ME to do, so this was born. At… precisely 3 in the morning today. I was extremely tired but didn't feel like sleeping yet. I'm awake now and rested and have reread and fixed any big flaws and ran a spell checker on it, but otherwise this was not really edited too much as this is meant to be something light and not serious, so sorry for any mistakes and annoyances found throughout. Well there you have it, hope some of you enjoyed this and if not, I don't blame ya. Leave me a note/review if you like, s'up to you. Bye now.
PS: there's another version of this story. Different rating, Uncensored, that's about it. In case you're wondering (but why would you be? lol)