Sunlight drifted into the dusty canyon on the northern side on the main continent. A red, furry lion type... thing with two cubs ran through to a high peak in the canyon. After roaring at the grassy ruins of Midgar, he turned to them, and in his deep, silky voice asked,
"How the hell did I have kids? I was supposed to be the last one of my kind. And how the hell can my grandfather be human?? That's just wrong."
---
The Lifestream is like the northern lights. It's shiny and doesn't do dick all. Some weird ass clam juice fell from the sky at least a hundred years ago. How should I know? I'm just a little kid. This clam juice made some emo kid called Sephiroth who carried a sword that was at least five miles long, who liked fire, caused all the fangirls (And some fan boys) to fap all night. Please, stop Denzel from fapping. He has to take out the garbage and do his other chores, but he can't because he likes fapping too much and he gets sore. Anyway, what kind of name is Denzel for a white kid? Denzel's a good ol' black name.
Denzel: Marlene, you're white too.
Marlene: Shut up, foo! Mah daddeh's a black man!
Denzel: You were adopted.
Marlene: Shuddup, cracka! (snaps fingers) Yeah I Di-id
--
Marlene Wallace sat by the bed, clicking her tongue. "Denzel, why aren't you taking out the garbage? Aren't you tired of fapping?"
"I caaaan't..." Denzel whined. "I've got ink on my forehead."
"I told you to have a bath," Marlene said. "Did an octopus cum on your face or something?"
Denzel looked from side to side, hesitantly replying "Maybe-"
"Oh, Denzel. What's Tifa gonna say?"
"We...we could say someone else did it; Like I fell down."
"I guess." Marlene sighed.
"Good." Denzel said. "Now YOU take out the garbage, woman."
"Well, I AM nothing without a man." Marlene said as she sidled off.
---
"Fucking phone," Tifa muttered. "I'm trying to run two businesses here, take care of several thousand kids because people obviously can't use condoms, and what does Cloud do? Come home in all hours of the night with some new boy or girl which I have to take care of for the next ten years. He's not here right now; He might be out looking for more kids to take downstairs to his room. He does that to every newcomer. He is so lonely without Aerith."
After looking around, seeing the Seventh Heaven was empty, she muttered "Better take a break before I start talking to myself again."
She goose-stepped up the stairs picking up the phone saying what Cloud always wanted her to say;
"Cloud Strife's Sexual Research in Children Center. Oh, hey, Reno! Uh huh. How's rude? Yeah, us girls get that every month. He'll be fine. Cook him dinner or something, that'll cheer him up. And try not to set fire to your cereal this time. Yeah, Cloud's off pouting that his old sword got all rusty. That's what happens when you leave it out in the rain. OK, I'll tell him. Tell Rude when his rag's over that we should totally hang out sometime. Go the Mall and look for new shoes and hot boys. Hey! I'm just kidding. No need to get jealous. OK, talk to you later. Bye."