James Potter was quite unaware he was smiling as he strolled down the corridor after serving yet another detention under his Transfiguration teacher and Head Of House Minerva McGonagall ,but smiling he was, maybe it was because he'd just pulled another successful prank that yes, did get him a week worth of detentions and 50 points removed from Gryffindor, but gave him the opportunity to humiliate that creature with a greasy mop for hair Snivellus Snape or maybe it was just that in a few minutes he would be entering the common room he shared with his "future bride-she just doesn't know it yet Padfoot!! Lily Evans. Who knew? Certainly not James, because he didn't even know he was smiling.
After a short walk he came to a stop outside a portrait of a rather grumpy looking man who was sitting at a table with a bottle of FireWhiskey propped in front of him, James said the password "Blueberry Pancakes", not his favourite things in the world but it has been Lily's choice and he'd decided that he would just have to adjust to the taste of them when Lily - "she will be mine Moony so cease your laughter!" made them for him when they were married. The portrait swung open and there she sat.
Lily Evans occupied the red armchair by the fire and was quite oblivious to James' presence until he roared "YOUR PRINCE HAS RETURNED MY LADY!". As soon as she managed to pick herself up off the floor Lily marched up to James and slapped him leaving an odd handshaped imprint upon his now partially red face.
"What in the name of Merlin's beard was that for??!" He demanded.
"That Potter!", she shrieked in response, "was for scaring me half to death, my heart's still going at a million miles per hour!"
James smirked "I've found that I often have that affect on girls, my dashing looks alone have made even Veela's faint".
Lily unsuccessfully tried to suppress a snort, "Clearly there are no mirrors in the Potter household!", she snapped bitingly.
"Now my little flower", he began " James Potter does not need mirrors to know that he always looks the picture of perfection"
At this a mirror was roughly smashed into his face and the Head Boy looked shocked as he took in the sight before him.
"My cheek! My cheek! It's the colour of a clown's nose! Oh Evans if you'd wanted my cheeks to look rosier you should have just told me!" he wailed miserably. "I'd have worn blusher for you! Wait - don't tell the guys I said that!
Lily was half-tempted to smile but quickly realised that would not be the best idea and so attempted to turn the topic of conversation to anything other than what make-up Potter would be willing to wear for her and asked him what he had been doing that night.
James, who had managed to recover from being forced to see his reflection at a time when he was not in his greatest state, once again smirked and said "Why, I had no idea you were so worried about me, I'll wait up for you next time your out late".
Any urge to smile at James Potter had now disappeared "Just answer the question!", she commanded heatedly.
James' eyes had suddenly lit up and he was grinning broadly as he explained in great detail about his latest prank. After a "brief" 35 minute description of it he stopped talking and waited for Lily to respond.
"So what you're saying to me Potter, is that you and Black made a "Sexy Snivellus Calendar" which basically consisted of Snape's head being superimposed onto the bodies of different things and that you only got caught because you asked Professor McGonagall
l what she thought of "Mr September" which was Snape wearing a leather skirt and knee high white socks sitting by the lake making a daisy chain…."
"Yep!", James answered proudly.
"You idiot! Snape gets enough hassle without you making a fool out of h-….." Lily trailed off because James was looking at her thoughtfully.
"You're absolutely right Evans!", he proclaimed.
"I'm what??!"
"You know I was thinking about talking to Padfoot about what a massive mistake we made"
"Were you??"
"Yes. It's all clear to me now Lils, what were we doing making a "Sexy Snivellus Calendar", when we could have been making a "Lovely Lily" one!"
"GAHHHHHHHH!", was all Lily managed to reply.
"Well I think I'll be off to bed catch up on some beauty sleep", James told her.."not that I need it,. Night!"
James sprinted up the stairs while Lily just stood there rooted to the spot. "I hate you James Potter"
The next day James walked into the Great Hall and took a seat next to one of his best friends and fellow Marauders Remus Lupin. "A merry morning to you Moony old pal" he greeted cheerfully. "I've got a revolutionary idea to win the heart of Lily Evans once and for all!" Remus just rolled his eyes and was taking a big gulp of pumpkin juice when James declared "I'm writing her a love song!" Rather unfortunately for Peter Pettigrew he had chosen to sit down opposite Remus at the exact moment that James had announced his plan and was rewarded with a massive jet of pumpkin juice in the face.
"Moony that was like a tidal wave!", he howled miserably
"I know!", said James, ignoring Peter and taking his friend spitting out his drink as a sign of approval "I don't know why I've been wasting all these years talking to her when I could have been expressing my feelings in the form of song!"
Remus spoke "James…errr…are you quite sure that's a good idea, I mean you're not the greatest at singing and everything and well….I'm just saying your voice makes the earlobes tingle and everything.
James beamed.
"..Just not in a pleasant way is all", Remus finished.
"I think you're a good singer James" said Peter chiming in.
At this moment Sirius Black plopped down in the seat next to Peter. "Hey Padfoot James is trying to come up with ideas to win Lily over he could use your input", went Peter.
"Hmmmm", Sirius appeared to be deep in thought which was a) alarming and b) unusual. He snapped his fingers. "Got it!". he grinned "Well it's obvious isn't it the ladies love me I'm charming, I'm witty I'm alarmingly pretty! Heh on top of that I'm a poet but anyway Prongsy old pal, my greatest and most mighty attribute is my hair. It's silky it's smooth I should be doing advertisements for Sleekeazy's Hair Potion!!.
Everyone stared at him. "What exactly are you trying to say Padfoot?" James said accusingly.
"Well, mate. You're not as blessed as I am in the looks department", Sirius stated offhandedly. "You need to get that hair trimmed and worked into a style. There was an awkward silence. "James…..why are you growling at me.?…"
Suddenly James whined "but Pads if I cut off my wild untameable locks what would she run her fingers through! In point of fact what would I run my fingers through?"
"Well, my hair is caress ably smooth Prongs…..you can touch it if you want no petting mind…."
"All right that's it! Back to my original idea! I'm writing her a love song!"
Sirius looked up interestedly "can I play the electric guitar nelll nell newwwhhh nelllll!" And he was completely lost in his role-playing he stood up on the table "are you ready to rock…HOGWAAAAARRRRTS!"
"Good Lord Padfoot, get down! The first years don't deserve to be exposed to such acts!" Remus shoved him off the table and he toppled onto the floor. Standing up immediately and looking completely unaffected he looked at James pleadingly "Can I James?? Please??".
"No you loveable fool you can't murder my love song with your horrible air guitar playing and even more horrible crowd shout-outs!" Sirius glared "a love song needs a…mellow kind of sound so you can play the bassoon!"
Sirius immediately brightened and was about to give James a hug when a confused look spread across his features "James….." he began, "how do you play a baboon??…."
James was saved from answering by Remus who insisted that they needed to get to Potions before they were late. Upon entering the dungeons the first face they saw belonged to Severus Snape who immediately marched up to Sirius and James.
Sirius sighed. "Snivellus, no you will never have hair like mine how many times must I tell you?"
Snape glowered angrily. "I'll have you know Black", he spat "that I have the kind of hair that people who use Sleekeazy's Hair Potion dream of.
Remus snorted "Yeah, well if the product was called Slimyeazy's Hair Potion then maybe what you're claiming would be true!
The Marauders all laughed.
Snape's lip curled a look of distaste appearing on his pale face. "I actually came to complain about that calendar you made", he started "I didn't like the picture for Mr July, it did me no justice at all .
"Whats this about Mr July", boomed Professor Slughorn the Potion's Master as he entered the room.
"Potter and Black made a calendar of Severus Professor", said Lily.
"A calendar Miss Evans?? Is this true boys??"
"Yep!", said Sirius cheerfully "and Snape here was just complaining about our photography skills"
"Sir they had me wearing Eskimo clothes on a beach! It was July!"
"A wise choice boys", said Slughorn and smiled at James and Sirius "if his face is that pale I shudder to think what lies under those robes…."
"It was horrible", James said gravely. "He's like a marshmallow, and not the pink ones."
"My body is a temple!", Snape defended heatedly.
"Mr Snape", rumbled Slug horn "You're brilliant at Potions but I shall have to ask you to remove yourself from this room if you're going to continue to lie to that extent."
Everyone took their seats as the lesson began.
"Hey Evans" Evans turn round"
"What do you want Potter??"
"I just want to see your eyes so I know how best to describe them in the love song I'm writing for you."
"Sirius is playing the baboon!", added in Peter.
"Potter! I-do-not-want-you-to-write-a-love-song-I-do-not-want-you-near-me", she hissed.
"You'll grow to love me Evans."