As the Evening Twilight Fades
"For age is opportunity no less than itself,
Though in another dress
And as evening twilight fades away,
The sky is filled with stars
Invisible by day."
Longfellow
Chapter One
Bella grumbled. Today had been awful.
Nothing ruined a day like the potential for and subsequent death of romance.
Of course, none of this had really been her fault. That was possibly the most frustrating fact. If it were only a matter of character, she could always fix that. But no, there were so many of these external factors. Factors, of course, ranging from tree roots to werewolves with serious anger-management issues. These were things so very far beyond her control that she was entirely unable to predict a bad day.
A day like today.
"There's no use fuming about it," he said quietly.
He stared at Bella, though his hands continued to move the steering wheel this way and that. He didn't bother to look at the road. And Bella didn't bother to chastise him.
"There's no use living," she countered, staring out the window. She wasn't sure whether it was his reckless driving, or the events of the day that made her stomach fill with the inklings of queasiness. She was barely able to make out the dark green of the trees that had transformed into a blur at their passing. Everything in Forks seemed blurry today. Clouds, possibly blacker than she had ever seen, hung loosely from the heavens, looking so full that they might fall, obscuring all remnants of light. It made the early evening feel like midnight. Only Edward glowed slightly, his alabaster skin standing out against the rest of the world.
Bella slipped a furtive glance in his direction. Her eyes slid to the corners of their sockets, but she still could not see the full expression of his face. She wondered if his other side was wound into his perfect crooked smile. She slowly pulled her eyes from the glorious sight, and turned back to the blurriness that was Washington state.
Edward sighed, sending his light fragrance through the car. Though Bella could barely smell it from her place against the window, it made her long for him. She fought down the desire to curl herself into his lap. After all, she was angry, resentful, and very hurt. And angry, resentful, and very hurt people did not go crawling into the laps of love. Perhaps the rules were different when your love just so happened to be a vampire. Not likely.
She felt the car slow, and with that, the blurriness transform into nearly solid shapes. She was glad they were entering a more residential area of Forks. She was dying to get out of the car. Although it was dark and wet, it was relatively warm. The humidity made her slim legs stick to the leather seats of his car. The lack of comfort was generally felt throughout the car.
It was then that Bella remembered the third member of their party. She instantly regretted her overly melodramatic words. Looking towards the side mirror of the car, she spotted the handsome Jasper. He was expressionless, and yet, she could tell that he was not happy. Perhaps that was what fueled the hazy discomfort of the tiny, confined space.
"I'm sorry, Jasper."
Bella watched the young-looking vampire as he came to attention at the sound of his name. He met her eyes through the glass of the side mirror. His eyes were sharp and very black. She wondered how long it had been since he had last fed. She decided not to think about it – the idea frightened her.
"It's not your fault, Bella," he said, marking each syllable. This did not make her feel any better.
"Alice can handle herself," added Edward.
At this, she noted that Jasper's face changed from glum to alert. Even the remote mention of Alice captivated his attention. It seemed so strange to see such a blonde, beautiful boy looking so very disgusted. Bella though she heard the faint rumblings of a growl from behind her.
She knew Edward had said this, not to antagonize Jasper, but to ease her mind. Only it didn't. It only sent her mind into a spastic recollection of the day, slowing to the last few hours – it was nearly torturous. What if Alice couldn't handle herself? Sure, she was graceful, beautiful, and strong. But what if there were something stronger? Alice could see the possibilities of the future – but could she see the anguish of the present?
Bella pressed a button, allowing her window to roll down. The sharp gust of air was welcome. It was so strong that she was forced to close her eyes, thereby evading the piercing blackness she knew was waiting for her in the mirror. She realized her nausea was nothing but a strong, unhealthy sense of guilt.
The air slackened, and Bella opened her eyes again. The car stopped rather abruptly in front of Charlie's house. She pretended that neither boy was staring as she hastened out of the car, fighting with her seatbelt along the way.
"Goodnight," she said, without even looking back. She wouldn't bring herself to look into the angry eyes of Jasper, or the sad face of Edward. She just wanted to get inside and turn on all the lights. She was so sick of this darkness.
She climbed the steps to the door two at a time. Luckily, her daily dose of mortal peril seemed to have been used up, and she did not miss a step.
She had locked the door before leaving in the morning, regretting it as she fumbled through her rarely-used purse for her ring of keys. Maybe she had left them inside? Maybe Edward had filched them from her without her noticing?
As she scrambled, she dropped her bag in frustration. She heard the car door slam. No doubt her prince charming would feel compelled to save her.
"Don't," she commanded.
"What?" She heard her father call.
She stood without gathering her purse, and saw Charlie standing besides his trusty police cruiser. She searched the street for signs of Edward's car, but found none.
"Nothing…" she began. He gave her a puzzled look, but did not pry. "I can't find my keys. I think I might have locked them inside."
"Oh." Charlie smiled, happy to save the day, "I've got mine right here."
Bella scanned the street a second time. She wondered if Edward was going to show up again tonight. Though she had been resistant towards him in the car, she really wanted to throw herself upon his hard chest and collapse. She felt sorry for her standoffish attitude.
Charlie came up the walk, and fumbled for his own keys. The door opened with an audible groan, and the pair made their way into the comfort of the place they knew as home.
"Did you have fun fishing?" Bella asked, taking off her shoes.
"Yeah," Charlie remarked thoughtfully, "but it's just not the same without Harry…"
He walked into the living room and immediately reached for the remote control. His eyes were glued to the screen before Bella was able to finish taking off her jacket.
She tramped upstairs, stepping into the bathroom. She flicked on the two sets of lights in the room. She couldn't stand to be in the dark now.
She looked at herself in the mirror. Her skin was dewy with humidity. She splashed cold water on herself. It did not refresh her the way it used to. She scrutinized herself with greater care than usual, looking over her face, and gingerly spreading it out with her fingers. She pulled her skin tight against the bone. When she released it, she noticed little creases. Were they laugh lines? Worry lines? Wrinkles?
She took a step back from the mirror and they were no longer visible. Perhaps she was just being overly critical. Either way, it made her sore. She felt old.
She slid on her pajamas in the bathroom, just in case Edward was waiting for her in her room. He wasn't.
Now, not only was she angry, resentful, very hurt, and guilty – she was disappointed. She wanted more than anything to trace the contours of his skin or tousle his beautiful auburn hair. She wanted him. But, like usual, she felt unworthy.
Bella fell asleep with a grimace upon her face.
A/N: This was written after New Moon, when I had yet to read the excellence that is Eclipse. Now that I'm finished with the semester, I plan on writing more frequently, so look for more later.
How is it? Something I should change? A suggestion perhaps? Then please send a review and let me know!