A/N I like pie!!!!!!!!! This is my first… dirtyfic! (gasp!) By the way, if I make any random references to Zucchinis, don't worry about it… That will only make sense to CJ and Brittany…. Probably…
I DOTH NOT OWN THY NARU-CHAN!!! If I did, I wouldn't be old enough to watch it… (gigglegigglenosebleed!!!!)
I rated this M for A)Dirty Language, B) adult situations, C)Child Birth, D) My OC Katra Minehawa, E) LOTSA YAOI SMUTTINESS!!! (GO LEMONS!!!! xD)
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Too bad there aren't even any limes in the first chapter…. xD
Shonen-Ai/ Yaoi
SasUKE, NaruSeme
Sasuke
"I love you." These are the words he always wanted to hear, every time he was in bed, but he knew that it would never happen. To put it simply, they were fuck buddies. He was simply there for kissing, for touching. At least, that's what he thought. Uchiha Sasuke scrubbed the floor again, waiting for his Naruto-kun to come home. He'd been waiting for the past three weeks, but today he would be there. The mission was supposed to be over yesterday, but the ANBU black opps still had to get home.
"How long does it take to get here, dammit?!" Sasuke screamed, throwing his head back. He yelled continuously in his rage at the time, wordlessly. When he was done, he looked to the door, hoping that it would magically open, but it didn't.
Do you hate me? He thought, Isthis why you haven't come home yet? Is it true that I'm just your toy, and you don't care? But at the sound of a pop and a blast of smoke, he looked around.
"Miss me?" said the husky voice of Uzumaki Naruto, the one that Sasuke loved. In that moment, he didn't care what Naruto thought, about love or anything. He was just happy that his Naru-kun was alive.
"You know I did, I always do," Sasuke replied, looking at the one he loved. Then he gasped. "Your face, your clothes, what happened to you?"
Naruto's face was beaten and bruised, and covered in blood. His clothes were the same, and they were torn to the point of mere scraps. And even though his boyfriend was all beat up, Sasuke still thought about how hot it was. The man I love is standing, half-naked, in my living room. I mustbe in heaven! He thought, then blushed.
"Yo. What's going on in that screwed up mind of yours?" Naruto said playfully. "Thinking naughty thoughts?" Sasuke blushed even more, then Naruto grinned.
"I thought so. You ready for some action? 'Cause you got plenty coming, whether you like it or not. Now, little boy, you ready to ride?"
"Shouldn't I clean you up, first?!" Sasuke exclaimed as Naruto limped over.
"Whaddya mean? I'm fine," Naruto coughed.
"And a medical team should definitely take a look at those wounds!" Sasuke stammered, standing and moving closer.
"I'm. Fine," Naruto growled shortly.
"They look kinda deep… Sakura-chan could always come over and have a loo-"
"Shut-up! Dammit, can't you just shut-up for a minute? I wanna take you, right here, right now, and all you can think of is Sakura! What the hell?!" Naruto shouted.
"I… I'm sorry, Naruto- kun…" Sasuke said timidly.
"You know what?" Naruto asked gruffly. Before Sasuke answered, he told him himself. "I'm fucking sick and tired of all this crap! I've been on a mission, and I wantedto relax, but I guess you don't care, do you? I'm leaving. Don't follow me."
Sasuke stood there, shocked, as Naruto changed quickly, threw his jacket on, and stormed out of the house. He knew exactly where Naruto would go. The bar downtown, where he'd joke and laugh with his 'friends' and they would make fun of their partners.
He would lie and say he didn't have a boyfriend. They would ask what was he talking about, he had Sasuke. He would reply that they weren't married, they didn't even like each other, that the only reason they were together was because the sex was good. The others would look at him in shock then continue to talk about their own lovers. Naruto would fall over dead drunk, and in the morning, Sasuke would pick him up.
That was how it always happened. Whether he liked it or not, Naruto was just like that. He knew what they talked about because Shikamaru and himself had recently become friends, and Shika had always been in Naruto's 'clique'.
Sasuke went back to his cleaning as the door slammed. He sighed and gave up on the blood that had stained the floor since their first time in the kitchen. Recently, Naruto had become even more violent than when they first began seeing each other. He had always been an aggressive seme, but he was slowly getting more and more angry as the days went by…
Oh, Naru-kun… Sasuke thought, standing and throwing his washrag into the sink. Sasuke went to the bedroom and started fixing it up and making it two-people worthy again. He removed the magazines that had helped him through the last three weeks and shoved them into the shoebox that all of his 'personal belongings' went in. in this box were some older magazines, the first letter he'd gotten from Naruto, a flower from their first 'Date' and an unused condom.
Sasuke always locked up his box in a safe under the floorboards before Naruto got home, because said seme didn't like the idea of his uke getting pleasure from anything other than him. He had made that clear the first time he found a yaoi magazine in the bathroom and burned it. Of course, if Naruto knew that every time Sasuke climaxed he shouted his name, he might have thought differently.
After putting away the box, Sasuke started making his dinner. He ate in the living room and laughed at stupid TV shows on Cartoon Network, just like every night. And, just like every night, he worried horribly over Naruto. The only reason tonight was different was because he was getting drunk instead of going on dangerous missions.
Suddenly, in the middle of his favorite show, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (Cheese was so funny!), he got a phone call, jolting him from the zombie-like state he attained from watching Bloo.
"Wha?" He asked the person on the other side, taking a drink of his beer.
"Hey, Sasuke. It's me," said the voice of one of his closest friends as of late, Nara Shikamaru.
"Hey, man! What's up? Aren't you at the club?" he asked, straightening up and putting his bowl of Mac n' Cheese on the coffee table.
"Yeah, umm…" Shikamaru said, sounding distracted and worried.
"Dude, what's going on?" Sasuke laughed and sat up to hear what was going on in the background. "It sounds like someone's tryna have a baby!"
"Umm… yeah, about that…"
"Aw, shit! Kat-chan's having the baby?! Why was she in the bar in the first place?!" Sasuke cursed, jumping to his feet.
"Well, Gaara-san didn't want to leave her alone, but he was determined to see the guys because he hasn't been here in two months, and her water just broke in the middle of the floor, and there's a raging snow storm outside, and Tsunade-sama decided that this would be the weekend she, Shizune-san and Sakura-chan go on vacation, and the medical nin are all out on call to save Shino, Neji, and Chouji, and Naruto's already drunk himself into a coma, and-"
"Shika! Calm down, you're rambling. Don't worry, I'll be there soon. Just give me ten minutes, ok?" Sasuke said calmly, already pulling on his winter coat and getting his medical books. He'd never heard his friend this confused and he knew that things had to be bad.
"Ok," Shikamaru sighed with relief.
"YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!!!!" Sasuke heard Katra yelling in the background.
"Um, you should probably hurry, Katra-san looks about ready to kill Gaa-"
"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHH!!!!!!!!!"
"-ra-san…" Shikamaru finished. "Damn, this is troublesome…"
Fifteen Minutes Later
"Sorry I took so long!" Sasuke cried, pushing into the crowded bar. There were already 8 inches of snow on the ground when Sasuke had left his apartment, and buckets were falling on his head for the six blocks between his house and the pub, not to mention the wind!
"DAMMIT!!!! I'M DYING HERE AND ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS THE SNOW OUTSIDE!!!!" Katra yelled from one of the 'Happy' rooms, designed especially for his customers who wanted to get lucky with someone they didn't know.
"Sasuke! Oh, thank Kami you're here!" said Bob, the Owner (He was foreign). "You have to do something! She keeps complaining about the pain but wants a natural child birth, and is mad if you sayanything about Kazekage-sama!" Bob said, leading Sasuke to the room farthest back. Many people milled around the door, trying to peek in at the Kazekage's wife.
"Excuse me… Excuse me! EVERYBODY MOVE!" Sasuke yelled, his usually quiet voice so loud it even shut Kat up. Everyone by the door stepped aside and let the learning medic into the room. A panicked Gaara stood beside the bed where his wife lay, her face the color of strawberries. Shikamaru stood on the other side, letting her grip his hand tightly. As he walked in the room, Sasuke heard a few bones crack, and Shikamaru's face turned a dark purple as he tried not to cry out in pain.
"AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She yelled as a spasm racked her body. As she screamed this, a drunk Jiraiya shuffled into the room, following Sasuke.
"I wonder which hurts worse, have your nuts ripped off or going through child birth?" he asked thin air. Katra glared at him and said, "You wanna find out?! I'll rip 'em off personally!"
"Okay, Kat-chan… Calm down," Sasuke said, opening his book. The woman glared at him in that 'Death-By-Tooth-Pick' kind of way, and he smiled kindly at her, her gaze softening. She slowly let go of Shika's hand, and he ran as far from her as he could while still being in the room, shaking his hand. Everyone heard several morecracks as his fingers popped back into place and a groan for every one.
"You think that was bad?" Rock Lee was heard whispering, "You're lucky you're not married to Sakura… I couldn't move my hand for a month! It was worse than when Gaara and I fought in Junior High!" At this, Gaara looked skeptically at the corner he was standing in.
"Okay, Everyone out!" Sasuke called as Katra shuddered with another convulsion. Gaara started heading for the door, but Sasuke held him back.
"You just said 'Everyone out,'" Gaara stated, a panicked look in his eye.
"Man, your child is about to be born. You don't wanna be here?" Sasuke asked.
"I see your point," Gaara said numbly, walking back to the head of the bed.
"Besides," Sasuke began, smirking, "I wasn't the one who did this to her, so I don't want to be yelled at for it…" At this, he grinned. Gaara glared at him and made a sand replica for Katra to hold onto through her pain.
---------------Four hours and a LOT of screaming and punching later...-------------------
"Ladies and gentlemen," Sasuke said, stepping out of the room and wiping his hands on a wet rag, "I give you the Kazekage's daughter." Gaara exited the room, holding his new baby girl. He looked at her in awe and held her like a fragile piece of crystal. The crowd around the door applauded with many cheers, and someone yelled, "A round for everyone!" Sasuke glanced back into the room to see how Kat was doing, but she was fine. She seemed to have fallen asleep the moment Sasuke had said the baby was a girl, a smile lingering on her flushed face.
"So, what are you gonna name her?" many people asked as they led him to a table in the front, still holding his child. "Well, we had decided that if It was a girl it would either be Hanasuna or Kaida… I'm not sure what Katra will want to name her…"
"Hey, isn't 'Kaida' Katra's old best friend's name? The one who died?" Jiraiya asked, sidling over. He was a little more sober now.
"Yes," Gaara replied quietly as the baby woke up. "Hi, Hanasuna-chan," he whispered as the tiny hands reached up.
"Gaara-kun," Sasuke said, coming over to the new father, "Go and be with your wife. She's asleep now, but she'll want a look at that kid when she wakes up." Gaara nodded and walked slowly and carefully back to the birthing room. He walked as though he was holding an entirely full cup of milk or soup, and stared at his daughter the whole time.
"You did good, Sasuke-kun," Said a voice from behind Sasuke. The hand attached to the voice clasped his shoulder and gave him a little shake.
"Thanks Kiba," Sasuke said, sighing with exhaustion. "Oh, hey, do you know where Naruto is? I wanna take him home."
"Um… Lessee, I think he's passed out over in the corner. He's been that way for a while, actually, since before you got here," Kiba replied, gesturing towards the lounge area. "I don't think you should try to bring him home now, though, it's still a blizzard out there. I'm sure, since Kat-chan's using one of the Happy Rooms, Bob wouldn't mind if you and Naruto holed up in a different one…. And hey, who knows? You might just end up getting luck-" his smart-ass joke was cut short by an elbow in the gut.
"Go ask Bob if we can use a room… For sleeping!" he called after the snickering dog-boy. Sasuke found his lover and put his arm around him, carefully dragging him through the crowd of blissful men and women (After all, who wouldn't be in bliss? Being stuck in a building made for getting you drunk? That's paradise!). Kiba found him halfway through the main entrance and handed him the keys to room 6- AKA the 'Honeymooning Heaven' room. Kiba disappeared before Sasuke smacked him, and he heard a "Sweet dreams…" fading away into the crowd. I'm gonna kill that jerk someday, Sasuke thought, dragging his Naru-kun to room six.
After triply checking the lock on the door, he quickly stripped Naruto to his boxers and did the same himself. He laid Naruto onto the bed and climbed over him to the other side, sliding both under the covers. Sasuke rolled Naruto over to face him and looked at the sleeping nin, whose bruises and cuts had already nearly healed. Thanks, Kyuubi, Sasuke silently thanked the spirit inhabiting his lover's body. He kissed Naruto's forehead, then his nose, and finally his lips, breathing in the scent that kept him alive.
"I love you, Naruto," He murmured as he drifted to sleep.
"I love you too, Sasuke."
Katra: GASP! TWIST TIE ENDING!
Kaida: Yup… Wait, I think you mean 'Twist Ending.'
Katra: Nope:)
Kaida: Riiight….
Katra: And did you see that?! I was in the story!!!
Kaida: Yeah, I know… My name was there, too.
Katra: But that wasn't just my name! That was me! Me!
Kaida: When did you give birth to Gaara's daughter?
Katra: Well, I haven't yet… But you remember that night we went to that part with that guy, Rei? Remember that Me and Gaara disappeared for two hours and when we came back, we were all sweaty?
Kaida: … YOU TWO HAD SMUTTINESS AT REI'S PARTY?!?!
Katra: No, don't be silly! We were just playing basketball! No, we had smuttiness right after the party.
Kaida: What do you mean? I was with you the whole time after the party, Gaara didn't go home with us.
Katra: …. Then who's kid is in my tummy?
Itachi: I have come to claim my son so that I may revive the Uchiha clan.
Kaida & Katra: ……………………………………………………………………… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!–start running from crazy Homicidal Uchiha-
Kaida: THIS IS WHY THERE IS ABSTINENCE!!!!
Katra: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WASN'T GAARA?! HE SAID HE WAS!!!!
Kaida: …… you're kidding, right? He's about four feet taller than Gaa-chan and not nearly as cute!
Katra:Well….. YOUR MOM!!!!!!
Kaida: Gawd, you're such a Baka!!
Itachi:-chasing Child Bearer- GIVE ME MY BABY UCHIHA!!!!
Kaida: Well, we're probably gonna be running from Itachi for a while, so you can review in the meantime, okay? Also, special contest; Guess the baby's name! If you can guess what Gaara's daughter's name will be correctly, I'll add you into one of the following chapters, but review fast! These things are popping out of my brain like gum pops in a LA mall, ok? R&R!! –catches up with Katra- Someday, someone will kill you, and I will laugh.
Katra:Yeah, Probably.
Ja Ne:)