We open up in a field of flowers, where our hero, the great Deadpool, was currently skipping his away around the place. "Why the fuck am I skipping?" Deadpool wondered out loud. He glanced up at the sky, trying to spot whoever the hell came up with the idea of him skipping. He narrowed his eyes through his mask, and jabbed a finger towards the sky. "Hey King!" He yelled. "Stop fucking around with me and make me do something badass!"
You asked for it.
Suddenly, about fifteen ninjas appeared from all around him. Deadpool grinned, and yanked out his katanas. "Now this is what I'm talking about!" He cackled. The ninjas quickly lunged at him. The merc with a mouth then let out a battle cry that sounded an awful lot like: "CHIMICHANGAS!" Deadpool lunged at the first ninja, who quickly dodged the swift slice of the mercenary's katana. The ninja retaliated by pulling out a knife, and stabbing it into Deadpool's arm. Deadpool narrowed his eyes, glaring at the ninja. "Oh you're deep shit now," He growled. Then, he yanked out the knife, and swiftly threw it towards another ninja.
The ninja caught the knife in between its fingers. It then carelessly dropped the knife, and ran towards Deadpool. The mutate quickly performed a blocking maneuver, but the ninja kicked him in the face! Deadpool fell to the ground, and glared up at the sky. "What the hell?" He screamed. "Why the fuck are you doing this to me?!"
Alright, I've had my fun.
Deadpool nodded in satisfaction, and leaped back to his feet. He turned towards the ninjas, who were waiting patiently for him to attack. Deadpool grinned, and ran towards them, only to trip, fall, and land in a pile of crap that just so happened to be there. "Why do you hate me?" He screamed again.
Just kidding.
Deadpool rolled out of the way of a kick, and pulled out his pistols. "Eat lead, motherfucker!" Then he fired away. He laughed as the ninja fell down dead, and he quickly went trigger happy. He leaped into the air, and did some crazy Devil May Cry moves. He landed on his feet, and turned around, seeing that only three ninjas were still alive. He grinned evily. But then, to his surprise, the ninjas vanished. Deadpool tightened his grip on his swords, and tensed up, ready to spring at any moment. After about ten seconds, he glanced back up into the sky.
"Is this some kind of joke, King?" He asked. "Because if it is-" Suddenly, he was kicked in the back. He landed on the ground, but immediately sprung himself back up. He turned around, and saw the ninjas lunging at him. He narrowed his eyes, and matrix ducked. He thrusted upwards with his katana, stabbing and killing the first ninja. He then pulled out one of his pistols, and fired three shots at the second. The third ninja stared blankly at its dead comrades, and glanced up, and pretty muched pissed itself. Deadpool smirked, and pulled out his pistol.
"Sayanara, shit-stain." He said. Then he fired the gun at the ninja's face, blowing it to bits. Deadpool grinned, and glanced back up at the sky. "Is that the best you got, King?" He taunted. He began to prance around the flowers, laughing his ass off. "Yeah! You can't do shit to me! I'M FUCKING INVINCIBLE!" He smirked. "Come on! Give me the best you got!"
Be careful what you wish for, Wilson.
Deadpool then heard something land behind him. Deadpool chuckled. "Oh, and I see we have a new challenger!" He turned around. "Come and face me-" He froze, and his eyes widened.
"You've got to be shitting me." He said. Standing there, right in front of him, was...him! Or at least, a version of him. This Deapool was shirtless, and didn't seem to have any weapons on him. He was bald, and maskless. His mouth was missing for some God awful reason. This Deadpool stared at our Deadpool, tilting his head slightly. Our Deadpool turned to you, the reader. "That's Hollywood, folks." He deadpanned, gesturing his thumb towards his counterpart. Then he turned his head back towards his "evil" version. The evil Deapool continued to stare at our merc with a mouth. Deadpool narrowed his eyes.
"How the actual fuck are you me?" He asked. The other Deadpool didn't respond. Instead, he clenched his fists, causing freakin' Baraka blades to pop out from his arms! Deadpool backed up slightly. "Damn, that's freaky." He muttered. Then his eyes narrowed. He cracked his knuckles. "Sorry, chum. But there can be only one of us."
The other Deadpool didn't say anything, as was expected. Deadpool pointed a katana at his opponent. "Prepare to kiss my ass, Reynolds!" He hissed. Then he lunged at Deadpool 2. Deadpool 2 swiftly dodged the attack, and swung his arms blades in a sweeping motion. Deadpool 1 reacted quickly, ducking underneath the attack, and stabbing at the exposed stomach. But Deadpool 2 saw it coming. He jumped into the air, and fired freaking lasers from his eyes! They hit Deadpool 1 in the chest, and he landed on the ground with an 'oof.' He groaned.
"What the hell?" He complained. "Who came up with the laser idea? This is Deadpool, not fucking Superman!" Deadpool 2 landed gracefully on the ground, and ran towards Deadpool 1. Deadpool 1 rolled away, and pulled out a shotgun. He turned to the reader. "A shotgun. How convenient." He then aimed it at Deadpool 2. "Buckshot, bitch!"
Then he fired it, and the rounds went flying towards Deadpool 2. They made contact, and Deadpool 2 went flying back, landing roughly on the ground. Deadpool 1 grinned, and ran towards his downed opponent. He made a wild swing with his katanas, but Deadpool 2 rolled out of the way, and parried the blades of his opponent. The two stood up, glaring at one another. Then they started clashing with their blades. Deadpool 1 spun his swords around at breakneck speed, yet somehow Deadpool 2 blocked and countered them all. Deadpool 1 was then kicked away by his counterpart. He glared at Deadpool 2.
"Why can't you just fucking die like a good little christian boy already?" He yelled. Deadpool 2 did not answer. The two clashed again, evenly matched in battle. Then Deadpool 1 ducked down, and performed a sweep kick. Deadpool 2 jumped to avoid it, but was elbowed in the face. He landed on his feet, staggering. Deadpool 1 lunged, thrusting his sword into his enemy. The katana sliced through Deadpool 2, causing Deadpool 1 to squeal in joy.
But then Deadpool 2 grabbed the katana, and slowly withdrew it from his body. He then shoved Deadpool 1 away, causing the latter to fall onto the ground, dazed. Deadpool 2 stabbed his arm blades at our hero, who dodged them, and pulled out his pistols. "MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS, BITCH!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Then he fired his guns as fast as he could at the advancing mutate. The bullets whizzed into Deadpool 2's body, and he was knocked back by the sudden force. He fell to the ground, and Deadpool 1 stood up, and continued firing.
But soon his guns ran out of ammo, and he tossed them away. He stared at Deadpool 2's still form, and smirked. Then, to his horror, the evil Deadpool began to stand up. "Why are you still alive?!" Deadpool 1 hissed, drawing out his katanas. Deadpool 2 stood up straight, and cracked his neck. Then his arm blades reappeared, and he lunged at Deadpool 1. Deadpool 1 readied himself, and swiftly dodged Deadpool 2's arm blades. He then sliced his katanas deep into his opponent's arm.
Deadpool 2's eyes actually widened as he saw his arm get sliced off. He turned to Deadpool 1, who sliced his katana right through the evil Deadpool's neck. Deadpool 2's head rolled onto the ground, but it was soon crushed by Deadpool 1's boot.
"Deadpool wins. FATALITY!" A deep, booming voice announced. Deadpool grinned, and tossed his fists into the air.
"I win!" He yelled. "HAHA, I win! Fuck you, Gavin Hood, I win!" Then he paused, and he turned to the reader. "Why the fuck did you even read this piece of garbage?" He asked.
Then suddenly, Cable appeared behind Deadpool. "Wade, we need your help." He said. "Your fight with your alternate self has driven the world to chaos. Only you can put a-"
"Fuck you and your precious world, Cable!" Deadpool screamed, going back to celebrating. "I WON!" Then he leaped into the air, and "Ocean Man" from The Spongebob Squarepants Movie began to play.