Snow and ice. For the past few days, in the sparse moments in which Mr. Yaoyu bothered to look up from his desk and out across the deserted alley that was his post, that's all that coated the streets of Inkopolis. No pedestrians. Any and all vehicles were covered in the stuff.

Not that it was a problem for Larry. If the decaying quality of his building and its furnishings weren't enough already, snow and ice were the perfect deterrents for visitors and residents of his building. Everything belonging to or inside his apartment building creaked constantly, from the iron gate he was guarding to the elevator inside. This blessed combination of misfortune and lack of upkeep was perfect. No activity, no problems, and no need to stay awake.

So he began resting his head, craning his long neck. Being an eel, he could coil his body up to whatever comfortable shape he preferred. Larry positioned himself to become his own pillow, pressing his head to his neck with one ear pointed at the phone built-in across from his station just in case. With his neck comfortably coiled, he shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

"Larry Yaoyu."

Larry's eyes opened slowly. "Wuzzat?"

"Ah, good, you can hear me. That's one prerequisite fulfilled."

Larry looked around. Much like when he closed his eyes for the first time, the entire area around him was coated in inky blackness. Craning his neck to look around more, he turned around, finding nothing but a simple grave. A ruined tombstone with the shape of a cross carved into it crudely, dead seaweed adorning the ground around the stone.

So far, not the oddest dream Larry's had.

"There has been a movement, Larry Yaoyu. I'm certain you've noticed the emptiness in your city. The lack of any life, any energy."

Larry blinked. Whatever subliminal message his subconscious had in mind for him was really redundant if not old news.

"Ah, Splatfests. What a waste. Celebrating the joys of life wasted on lesser creatures that lack gratitude. If you ask me, the Shining Serpent was severely misunderstood. Dragging life back to the bottom of the ocean would've taught you sea creatures a poignant lesson in gratitude. What luck that you and the other bottomfeeders never learned it and are now suffering for it."

"...Huh?" Larry asked, trying not to yawn but yawning anyway.

"I've yet to introduce myself, have I? I am the Abyssal Spirit."

The gravestone cracked. From the cracks, a black deluge of seawater sprayed, filling the void with a barely visible flood. The water level in the area rose past Larry's head and the seaweed around the grave rose, dancing with the waves in a eerie back-and-forth rhythm. Larry barely reacted. Even if the water was frigid and some of the seaweed slapped his face as the waves rolled by, he continued to listen intently if not sleepily.

"The life has been drained out of Inkopolis, its citizens dull and the embers of its life burning out. Now, as perfectly delightful it is to see you all depressed, I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a predicament. You see, my goal was to help the Shining Serpent swallow The Guiding Light's subjects in the endless ocean of this world. That was eons ago, I'm afraid, but I can still serve to drown this world even without the help of billions of water and an unsuccessful sea snake."

Larry frowned. That was kinda racist. This was his dream though, so what did that make him? Was he really satisfied with himself? Was he really satisfied with his life?

"That's why I'm here, Mr. Yaoyu. I'm here to offer you a seat in power that's more than sitting at a- Hey."

Sure, the naps were fun, but Larry was starting to wonder. All of his other eel friends got jobs that were much more exciting. An electric eel he knew in elementary school was responsible for taking care of the Great Zapfish from time to time. Lucky son of a gun. A few other ribbon eels, a very pretty one especially, became dancers and even backed-up the famed Squid Sisters from time to time.

"Are you ignoring me? Hey, eel. You have nothing else to do."

The talking gravestone did remind Larry why he decided not to go to college in the first place. He wasn't particularly fond of sitting around and being told off for his actions. If anything, his current job was a dream come true. No people, no problems.

"Look, here."

The gravestone emitted a subtle glow. Plumes of smoke could be seen rising out of the cracks and beneath the seaweed, illuminated by the grave. Among the underwater smog was the vague outline of an orb, vibrating terribly in the water as it floated towards Larry.

"Here, just take part of my power, go out into the city and-"

"Excuse me? Mr. Yaoyu?"

Larry recognized THAT voice. He looked away from the grave, craning his neck up to the sky. The black void began to fizzle out, as did the outline of the orb floating toward him.

"No, don't listen to the dumb squid girl in the stupid hat. Listen to me. I will grant you supernatural abilities. C'mon. Don't IGNORE ME YOU-"

Larry shot up from his desk with a start. "Huh? Wha?"

Three Inkling stood before him. A familiar girl wearing a Sporty Bobble Hat and a SQUID GIRL Tunic looked up at him with yellowish eyes, waiting patiently with two other Inkling boys looking around the alley in a morbid fascination.

"Oh, hello Katelyn." Larry yawned with his robotic greeting, "Here to see Mei-Lin again? Bought some friends too I see."

In the back of his mind, Larry was slightly bothered by how his insomnia botched his wording, but he also was too tired to care so whatever.

"Yeah, I am. Listen…" Katelyn's face grew worried, "Has she come out at all since I left?"

Larry shook his head. "Nope. It's only been you 'round here for today. Saw you come in and out, and that's it, and here you are with two more Inklings."

Katelyn managed to nod, but Larry noticed she looked more bothered than usual. "Okay, thanks Larry. Can you open the gate for us?"

Larry nodded, almost falling asleep in the middle of nodding. "Yeah, okay. Just...gimme a sec."

Larry reached over to the gate next to his post. Tapping it lightly, he knocked the entire gate over where it fell to the ground with a *CLANG*, startling the two boys accompanying her.

"Here you go," Larry grunted groggily, already practically asleep again, "Have a nice visit...and all that…"

Then, without another word, he actually was asleep again, snoring while the three Inklings in front of him moved on, talking about the odd security guard and the terrible state of his building while he happily moved on to the next introspective dream.

"Un. Be. Lievable."

In the pitch black realm of the abyss, the abyss' patron spirit stewed over a volcanic pipe. A stream of bubbles filled with images shot out, flying fast and up toward the surface. Many of the images were like cameras, each one depicting different sentient sea creatures going about their days.

"Apparently insomnia and desperation don't go hand in hand for these creatures. If sitting down here for eons wasn't already, I would say this was a complete waste of my time."

One bubble depicting a sleeping eel security guard floated away slowly, drifting off and out of the gravestone's domain. Another one floated toward the grave in its place.

"Alright, don't let me down bubble number four thousand ninety-six."

The gravestone sat in silence for a moment, studying the bubble. After a few moments, plumes of smoke began to rise from around the grave again. The outline of an orb appeared from the cracks of the gravestone, slowly but surely floating toward the bubble. The orb and the bubble collided and combined, and soon enough, the bubble began to glow much as the grave did.

"Let's hope that you're a much better candidate than the last one, Reynauld. You'll be the zero that helps keep this frozen wasteland of a city the way it is."

shoutouts to ultrapyre for making one missed call and the pizza-loving turtle for making a spin-off of one missed call which made me want to make another spin-off

read one missed call