As I have been browsing the archives in I have been inspired to write fanfiction. However, I suck at composition, so I decided to read others works in an attempt to find techniques, styles, and effective use of plot devices. But every fanfiction I came across always had the same problems. Therefore, I have devised a set of rules for when I finally get around to writing fanfiction which I invite my fellow fanfic writers to abide by:
Rule#1: The laws of physics shall be replaced with the laws of anime. They make everything more fun and usually make more sense
Rule#2: Cliches are like the black plague; they're only useful for killing massive portions of the populace
Rule#3: I will never use the word "neat". Ever.
Rule#4: a lot is an empty parcel of land, not a description of amount, and shall be used as such
Rule#5: I will obtain a clear understanding of the difference between OOC and ROOC. OOC means that a character reacts differently then they normally would for a perfectly good reason which may be explained at that point or at some later date. ROOC is much the same as OOC save for the fact that a perfectly good reason is replaced with the character was high.
Rule#6: If, for some obscure reason, I feel the need to include sexual scenes, I will refrain from doing so unless it was part of the story in the first place. While it may seem like a good idea at the time, I am most likely horny, and the fact that two characters just broke the headboard is very hard to explain away.
Rule#7: I will plan before I write, but I will accept both criticism and suggestion for my story and adjust the minor plot points accordingly. Thus I will avoid both flying by the seat of my pants and walking around with my head up my ass, because in both situations, everyone loses.
Rule#8: I will keep in mind that slander of a group is wrong, and I shall not do it unless the situation absolutely calls for it. However, I shall respond with a prompt "fuck you" to anyone who bitches about my language. There was a disclaimer in chapter 1, you retard, or can't you read?
Rule#9: Whenever I say retard, I am referring to the voluntarily stupid, not the mentally retarded. I happen to know some mentally retarded people, and for the most part, they kick ass.
Rule#10: while I am open to suggestions, I am closed to flames. They shall be returned, save that mine shall be far more literal, for I shall be giving them marshmallow roasters…in place of computers.
Rule#11: My opinions are my own, just as the character's opinions are their own. They shall stay as such.
Rule#12: While my villain may be as insane and sociopathic as he likes when the heroes first encounter him, he must, at some point in his life, have been (at the very least) a functional member of society, until tragedy struck.
Rule#13: If I decide to access the loophole presented in Rule #6, or I decide to include romance, the relationship will be somewhat believable (I'm looking at you, Yaoi fangirls).
Rule#14: Suspension of disbelief is perfectly acceptable for things like why Spiderman can stick to the wall through his full body suit or why superman can do jack all at night. It is not acceptable, however, for things like character development and oh, I don't know, maybe, the plot.
Rule#15: Only literary gods can successfully pull off a self-insertion story. If you believe you are qualified for such a title (which you aren't) you must first acquire a document that states such signed by 1000 different people (and no, cyber-groupies don't count).
Rule#16: you can only violate a characters persona so much until it becomes retarded. A good rule of thumb is that if the extent of the violation would make the character's creator weep, it is probably retarded.
Rule#17: you can never have too many pirates and/or ninjas. However, as it is with all things, there is a time and place for everything.
Rule#18:while it fun to make the main characters so obscenely powerful that them fighting villains becomes more akin to ninjas beating up small children, you must keep in mind that 2 second fights involving the total pwnage of your opponent does not make for good suspense or drama.
Rule#19: while the screen and paper may be two dimensional, the characters should not follow suit.
Rule#20: the thesaurus does not make for a good story.
Rule#21: characters that sole purpose is to provide fan service should be killed off as soon as possible. Its not because they are not appreciated (rather this is usually quite the opposite), but rather because they usually don't transfer to text very well.
Rule#22: not everything a character does is rationally explainable, so don't try to. On the other hand, People do, from time to time, actually use common sense.
Rule#23: I will never use a Deus Ex Machina, nor will my story ever be a Deus Ex Machina
Rule#24: foreshadowing is my friend; the "hulk smash" approach is not
Rule#25: Cat-girls are indisputably awesome, and doing anything like making them villains or anything but promiscuous is a heinous crime punishable only by a slow, cruel, painful, and optionally unusual death. An innocence verging on stupidity is optional, but usually makes for a great addition.
Rule#26: I will never EVER use emoticons in my story. They are retarded and make you sound like a pwz0r which, if you are using them, you are.
Rule#27: 1337 is reserved for comedic purposes only. Using it anywhere else will most likely lead people to question the capabilities of your mental facilities.
Rule#28: it is perfectly okay to go back and edit the dialogue of your previous works (or even previous chapters) to improve the quality of it, but make sure you keep the continuity of the story.
Rule#29: I will finish what I start; after all, there is nothing more annoying than coming across a good fanfiction that ends mid-story. If you want to drop a story fine, but at least end them (and when ending them, keep Rule#23 in mind)
Rule#30: I will try and get a friend of the opposite gender to help with writing, or at the very least, to be a beta-reader. The female and male minds are completely alien to each other and only a literary master can create a believable simulation of the opposing gender's mindset (and in case you were wondering, no, as was previously mentioned, you are not a literary master).
Rule#31: No matter how much you may wish it to be otherwise, some characters have to be prudes, because they wouldn't work otherwise. Deal with it.
Rule#32: people are never blunt (small children usually are, but they're technically proto-people, so they really don't count).
Rule#33: never make a helpful all-knowing character. This would usually create plot holes in the future, and knowing everything would make you incredibly jaded. Also never EVER make them male, because they would inevitably use this information to score with attractive females everywhere and thus, would be far too busy to help the characters(while it may be tempting to invoke rule#30, keep in mind that an all-knowing being would know that being a prude gets you nowhere)
Rule#34: A romance should be more easily spotted by any character than a giant trying to hide behind a shrub, unless they are involved, in which case they will be completely blind. Or not-preferably not.
Rule#35: In fiction, war is good for everything.
Rule#36: plot points are not road signs, they should be well hidden…like literary ninjas.
Rule#37: while this should be common sense, apparently it bears repeating; nothing is ever funny if it needs to be explained
Rule #38: the word "jeez" is also never to be used. Just because you need to keep the rating of your story down doesn't give you the excuse to use words from "jeez" or "golly gosh". Speaking of which, "golly gosh" is also banned.
Rule#?(also known as Rule#WTF?!): if you find yourself lacking comedic content, there is always the option of a character informing the surrounding area that there is a party in their pants and their companions are not invited. If their love interest is present, the character has the option of making a subtle invitation to them note: The choice to use this action is usually reserved for male characters…usually.