The Friend
Her piercing gaze is framed by soft lashes. The irises pull me in, they know no bounds, the peaks and valley beckon me forward. It's as if I a suddenly surrounded by a velvet blanket, I feel warm all over. The center of my chest aches and I can't bring myself to breathe. I only wonder if I have given myself away, can those eyes look right into my soul? I look away because the one thing that is more powerful than my desire is my fear. I take a second and look again. I keep doing this. I take another peak. She can't possible know already right? She looks back, and literally I feel a shock. The cliché-edness mocks me. Again I look away in fear, but again and again it happens. Her lips form the slightest smile and again she pierces me. This time I stop fighting it. There no harm done I tell myself but I know in the back of my head that I couldn't produce more harm any other way. Suddenly she starts walking towards me. Or at least I think so. I casually look behind me and then look back at her. I look her up and down; she can't possibly know I'm practically undressing her with my eyes. All those clichés fly at me and I'm at their mercy. She at last reaches me, and I narrow my eyes. I won't be at her mercy; I know the power of my own gaze. I raise one eyebrow ever so slowly and put on this smile that comes straight from my ego. I know it's cute all the same. She smiles, and I boldly say hi. She says hello as well and from here I know I can do this. I tell a joke and she laughs, I see her wonderful eyes crinkle in the most adorable way. My smile gets bigger and I can get bolder. I learn that I will see her again, and I start planning. I will try my hardest I tell myself, and if I fail, there's no real harm done right?
It's been a year. I still catch my breath every time she walks into my sight. Now I'm lucky enough to get rather frequent brush of the arm. I constantly grab for her hands. I play with them as if I'm a child and try my hardest not to give myself away. I tell myself to play and not caress, but sometimes I forget. Each time I do I look up at her face to see if she's suspicious. I can't read those impassible eyes, they always capture me instead. There are rare moments such as last month, where she sits on my lap and I get to play with her back and hair. I stroke her hair and wrap my arms around her waist. I pretend I'm just being friendly but as I breathe into the curve of her neck my eyes start to droop with lust. My body stays limp but my insides are burning up. Her breast grazes my hand and I almost lose it. I snap back into reality and shy away. She can't ever know.
Today she's over at my house. It's just us too. We talk about heavy things, family, the future, the past. She manages to open her heart to me while all the while breaking mine. Her eyes are downcast and her eyelashes gently lull into a rhythmic pattern. Each time they lower I feel myself losing control. I want to tell her so bad, I mean I owe it to her after all she's told me, but I don't. She tells me that I'm such a mystery to her even. I tell her that I really am not. She tells me I have the saddest eyes ever as she looks up at me. I caress her sides and say nothing. I just look at her. Then, she whispers
"I know I'm not the only one you know." I tell her that I get that, and that lots of people have problems in their lives. She suddenly stands up and clenches her jaw. "Stop doing this to me, stop being so kind." She leaves the room and walks into my bedroom to gather her things. I ask her what's wrong, and she says with eerily calm "nothing." I don't know why but I lose it.
"What the hell did I do to you?"
She pauses and turns around. She looks at me with a mixture of pity and fear.
"I know I'm not alone in this…But I just didn't want to lose you. No. I just don't want to lose myself"
"So you'd rather I suffer?"
"Yes, I'm selfish, don't you see? I just wanted a friend."
"Fuck you" I whisper
"No fuck you for walking into my life"
"You're the one that walked into mine, remember? Don't act like you didn't know what you were getting yourself into"
"I DIDN'T! I couldn't stop… I could stop staring, I couldn't stop myself from walking to you, I couldn't stop myself from letting you touch me. But I can't be what you are. I'm not."
"You're right." I say, never breaking eye contact. "I should of known…you were too perfect, you ARE to perfect, I should of known"
"I'm not perfect…"
"Fuck you, you fucking know you are."
"I'm not per.." I walk towards her and grab her wrists. She fights me at first but I don't let go. I pull her in for a hug like I usually do when we fight but she grabs my forearm and stops me. She looks up at me. "uh oh" I tell myself. She is so close to me I can see those irises clearly. The unmistakable blanket surrounds me and my tense jaw relaxes. My grip on her wrists loosens and I shut up. I can't speak. I do the only thing I can do at this point and stare. I stare at her with such bluntness that she should be blushing and looking away. Hell I should be looking away. I bore into her skull and undress her with no regret. I can feel the warmth pooling in my lower abdomen and I don't try to conceal actions as I lick my lips. She looks at them and I know I'm falling. She moves maybe a centimeter forward, or maybe she just appears to be closer I don't know. I inch a bit closer myself and now I know I can't be imagining this because she is obviously not going anywhere. Our faces are centimeters apart but we both have our eyes open. Then, her eyelashes begin to lower. I know I've lost it now. My own eyes close and I go for it as I capture her top lip in mine. I know if I continue I won't be able to stop so I pull away. She opens her eyes suddenly and looks at me in agitation. I just stare. Her face suddenly changed and she begins to move away when I grab her wrists again. Since it's already too late, I begin to gush. The soft, delicate spell of just moments ago is broken as I begin to tell her how I fell for her at first sight and have just fallen deeper and deeper as I got to know her. I tell her our friendship is a sham and that I have no plans of being her friend. I tell her my intentions were never pure and that all I've wanted to do since I first saw her was to fuck her. I don't spare her the language. When I've finished, she almost languidly begins to speak. She says "I already told you, I know." Then she takes squeezes my forearms, and leans forward to whisper into my ear just one thing, "I've always wanted to fuck you too." My eyebrows at this point must have reached the ceiling but then they lower and I almost snark. I always knew she was a vixen; there was never no denying that. I lead her by her wrists onto me as I sit down on the bed. She moves her hands from my forearms to my shoulders. At this point I'm half lying down, half seated against the head board. I move my hands from her wrists and place them on her waist. I move slightly forward and again capture her lips. This time, I'm not gentle. I practically attack her lips with mines. I kiss her feverishly and she doesn't seem to mind at all. She responds enthusiastically by proceeding to grind against my stomach. My eyes go straight up to the ceiling and I escape her lips to let out a sharp exhalation. The last time I made this sound, I had dunked into a cold lake. I remember someone telling me I sounded dirty and I guess they were right. She takes my break in kissing as a go and she begins to kiss my neck. At this point my eyes could be at the back of my head, and my gasps begin to get louder. She reaches this spot on my neck where every time she kisses it, I arch up. She begins to suck on it and my arching coincides with her grinding. We both let out moans of pleasure as we get some much needed contact after all this build up. I take advantage of her break to flip her over. This time I straddle her waist and I quickly take off and toss my shirt on the floor. I proceed to remove her blouse and throw it on the floor too. I'm about to kiss her again but first I take a moment to admire her. All the imagining in the world could not have prepared me for the sight I witness. My egoistic smile comes up and I cock my eyebrow almost arrogantly. I'm sorry but I really couldn't help myself. Her eyes light up and she lets on a big grin before pulling me down hard against her mouth. Between kisses she says "that smile of yours has always driven me wild." I laugh but now I'm starting to feel so hot. Like furnace hot so I unbutton my pants. Before I take off hers I ask her if she's okay with going on… She responds by sliding out of her jeans and immediately taking off her bra. Now if my eyes were big before they were certainly massive now. At last she takes off her panties and I'm frozen in place. I guess she senses my inability to move because she takes the initiative and unhooks my bra. She throws it on the floor alongside the other clothes and lord have mercy, she begins to suck on my breasts. I drag my nails through her back and she moans. I push her down and return the favour. I take the time to relieve my tension by grinding against her mould. She reaches down and pulls me up to remove my panties. We're both completely naked now and there's nothing between us.
The next morning we both get up to the sound of the early morning alarm.
"Lea, we better go"
"Dianna, let's just not go today, I don't even think we have any scenes today"
I flash my wicked smile before turning off the alarm. I look into those deep irises of hers and once again fall under her spell.
"Whatever you say Lea"