~ Hey kids, I'm back, and here to share stories of the story my life currently revolves around (ahahahaha I wish I was kidding). Of the two of us, I think A. Ham is the recalcitrant raconteur who really deserves the title (despite the fact that he didn't write anecdotes exactly), but I digress. Anyway, as usual I own nothing. These characters were real people, this particular event was of my own creation (as I don't think they historically had a triad), this story was inspired by Lin-Manuel Miranda's musical. At one point I quote the letters written by Hamilton to Laurens, but who even has the jurisdiction to sue me for that? Anyway here you go ~
"Eliza!"
The frantic shout echoed down the long, wide main hallway of the Hamilton estate, and stopped outside the door to the parlor.
"Eliza!"
A second, slightly louder call, penetrated the dark wood and reached the ears of one Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton, whose head shot up in alarm. She hastily placed her reading on an accent table and, gathering her skirts, stood and hurried away.
Nearing a closed door in an upstairs hallway, she paused.
"Alex, what's the matter?" Eliza asked from outside the study. No more sound came from within, and she pressed her ear to the wood and called again.
"Eliza, open the door but be very careful. Walk around the edge of the room to us." This voice was different, but she recognized it immediately. John Laurens. Something must be horribly wrong to scare him. Eliza tentatively reached out a hand and slowly opened the door.
Her eyes widened as she took in the sight. Her husband, Alex, and their partner, Laurens, were wrapped around each other and standing on Alex's armchair, both of their faces twisted with fear. Though both pairs of round, frightened eyes had focused on her upon her entrance, they flickered back to something on the floor before the large desk. Eliza gulped and flattened herself against the wall, then very carefully sidled her way around the room to the other side of the desk.
Raising a shaky hand, Alex pointed to the stretch of floor surrounding the bottom of the chair. Eliza followed their line of sight and suddenly burst out laughing. From the chair, Alex and Laurens exchanged a disgruntled look, watching her literally bend over in laughter.
After several long moments, Eliza straightened up and wiped the tears of mirth from her eyes.
"Do you mean to tell me…" She addressed them both, still chuckling. "Do you mean to tell me that you've fought and won the American Revolution, you've killed people and seen people killed, you've helped build an entire nation, and you're scared of a spider?"
"Look, Eliza," Alex said in a slightly shrill voice. He tried to extract his arms from the tangle of limbs that was he and Laurens, but Laurens somehow managed to pull Alex even closer to himself, simultaneously rendering him totally trapped. Alex paused and stared at the man, who gave him a small grin, then turned back to his wife.
"Fighting with guns and ships is different than being completely defenseless against something with so many damn legs."
A quite undignified snort escaped, and Eliza lifted a hand to her face to cover up her smile. Her boys looked at her pleadingly.
"Eliiiiza," Laurens whined. She removed her hand again and smiled up at him indulgently. He batted his eyes in a very over-exaggerated, almost comical manner and Alex tried to blow a kiss without the use of his hands. An unwavering, amused gaze was all that met their begging.
"I've decided," Eliza said eventually, "That I'll get rid of the spider if you can convince me."
Alarmed looks.
"How are we meant to do that?" Laurens asked faintly. The cogs in Alex's brain were already quite visibly turning.
"Figure it out."
The men were silent for a while, staring at the spider, lost in thought. Tapping her foot, Eliza watched the emotions playing across their faces. Alex was all determined lines and set jaw, while Laurens was furrowed brow and soft, slight frown. Her boys.
Several minutes passed in silence. The men, still locked together in an embrace - such which begged the question of which body part belonged to which person - remained fixated on the floor. They appeared not to have noticed that the spider had long since wandered off and was now idly drifting across a heavily annotated copy of Common Sense.
"Your beauty is beyond compare," Alex said suddenly. The other two jumped in surprise and looked at him. Alex was gazing adoringly at Eliza. "The sun herself could not match your radiance, the moon your brilliance. Your eyes are as black at the night sky, yet still full of stars, and your smile the warmth of summer. But of course, even your beauty, magnificent though it be, holds only a candle to the glory of your mind. Wit to rival Voltaire, and a thirst for knowledge and freedom that I find a companion in. Our minds, our thoughts, they exist to find each other, and so they have. The two of us - nay, the three of us - are the perfect accents in a great symphony, fitting together like the cogs in its metronome."
A beat of silence.
Eliza swooned.
"She likes it when I wax poetic," Alex said, turning to Laurens, who looked similarly starstruck. Alex looked between his partners.
"Laurens? Eliza?"
Neither of them responded.
Shifting slightly in Laurens' arms, Alex looked back to the spider. Or rather, he found, where the spider used to be.
A piercing shriek startled Laurens and Eliza out of their stupor - they both jerked slightly and stared at Alex. With round eyes, he gestured to the floor.
"The sp-spider's gone and vanished."
Still looking a bit dazed, Eliza scanned the floor and noticed the spider dozing on some papers several feet away. She moved over to it swiftly, grabbing another paper from the desk, rolled it up, and carefully scooped up the spider. Walking to the window with spider and paper in hand, she passed Alex and Laurens, who flinched violently and untangled themselves to clamber off the chair and across the room. Eliza ignored them and opened the window, then simply brushed the spider off the paper. All three of them stopped to watch it fall.
"Not that I couldn't've done that myself," Alex piped up a second later. His partners rolled their eyes at him, then Eliza turned to Laurens.
"In the… ahem, excitement of Alex's little speech I forgot that you didn't try to convince me."
Laurens rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. With a fond look very thinly veiled by exasperation, Eliza continued.
"It's too late now, of course, but perhaps there's something you could do to thank me."
The two of them locked gazes while Alex glanced between them with the look of a kid in a candy store. Laurens stalked up to Eliza, and putting his hands on her waist, said
"We all know I don't do words like Alex, but it might be in my power, by action rather than words, to convince you that I love you."