"Goodbye, Bella," I managed to choke out in a relatively calm voice. C'mon, you can do better than that, I lied to myself. I mustn't let her know how much this is hurting me. There was absolutely no way I could get through this. I looked at her face, her beautiful face. The heart shape I had caressed so many times, the large brown eyes that had held me captive. A willing captive, but a captive nonetheless. They were larger than I remembered right now, and were brimming with tears. I fought back the urge to rush to her, to take her in my freezing, hard arms and hold her. To tell her it was okay, I was just being an idiot. That I would never, ever hurt her. I wanted to so badly. But I wanted her to be happy. I would not ruin her happiness by my selfishness. She couldn't be happy with me, a monster; a creature that had brought an end to the lives of so many of her kind. Soon she would open her eyes, and see me for what I was, and she would love me no more, if she ever had.

I should just walk away. I shouldn't care so much about her – she's a human! But I did care, and nothing could change that. The pain in my cold, un-beating heart was already unbearable.

"Wait!" she cried out in her gorgeously angelic voice. I pivoted as she stumbled towards me; she reminded me of a blind drunk. An eighteen-year-old, beautiful, blind drunk. Instead of holding her close to me, as I wished, I grabbed her arms and held her steady, then pushed her arms back towards her trembling body. I had told myself I wouldn't do this, that it was completely unnecessary and would ruin my lie. I did it anyway.

I leaned toward her, as closely as I dared without giving up with this quest for her happiness. I pressed my inhumanly cold lips to her very human forehead. "Take care of yourself," I whispered, and turning abruptly, I ran as fast as I could away from her, her tear-filled eyes boring holes into my back and penetrating my heart.

I walked in the door from school, closing the door quietly so as not to awake Charlie and provoke the usual "How was your day? How was school?" questions. I looked at the couch. That was where we…me and…him…had sat the last time, watching Romeo and Juliet. He had pulled me against him, and kissed my hair. I fingered my plain brown ponytail. Back then…it had seemed like he could love me. But now…tears sprang to my eyes. I collapsed against the door, sliding to the cold linoleum floor with a slight thump.

This cold, hard surface reminded me of something…something infinitely more beautiful. His skin. Everything I saw…my CD's, my car, the stereo I had gotten on my disastrous 18th birthday (I ripped that out of my car; there was considerable damage left), my grandma's rocking chair, my window. I couldn't live in peace. I wasn't sure if I could live at all much longer. I curled into a ball, clutching my knees to my chest.


I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone