Title: Young_Padfoot VS. the Harry Potter Characters.
Author: Young_Padfoot
Note: If you can't bear to read ridiculously fictional stories, you might as well leave now. In my twisted little mind, I hold my own court cases, like what you are about to read. I really do like the Harry Potter Books (obviously), but I thought some things had to be straightened out. Please read and review, it would really make my day. Enjoy! Wait, I have one more thing to say: Sirius, Ron, and Draco RULE!
Young_Padfoot VS. the Harry Potter Characters.
"Order, order."
The courtroom began to settle down as the prisoners of my imagination, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Draco, filed into the courtroom followed by an officer.
"Before we began, I have to ask one question" the judge began while looking politely puzzled. "Why are Harry, Ron, and Draco in handcuffs, but not Hermione?"
"No particular reason" I answered cheerfully as I made sure the handcuffs were securely on their wrists.
"I must admit, this is one of the stranger cases I have ever seen, but since it's your mind and not mine that's screwed up, we'll push on. Who do you call to the stand first?"
Looking over the prisoners, I selected the one that was one of the most screwed up.
"I call Harry up."
Draco made an attempt to point and laugh at Harry, but the handcuffs made this slightly difficult, so he settled for just standing there, laughing like a maniac.
While getting strange looks from the courtroom audience, Harry kicked Draco in the shins while on his way to the box. Draco, for some reason, immediately shut up.
Harry faced one more problem: how to get into the box? He stood there staring at it for a moment before trying to open the door. After several unsuccessful attempts, Harry got fed up and began to violently kick the door. The door swung back at him, hitting him in the knees.
Once more, Draco went into a fit of laughter, only to be shut up again by Ron smashing his foot.
When Harry was seated, I began.
"Harry, do you know why you are here?"
"No, not really."
"It has been brought to my attention that something is seriously wrong in your relationship with Voldemort."
The audience gasped.
"Yes, I said Voldemort, get over it."
"You mean all these people are afraid of me?" Voldemort stood up out of the audience. No one had really been paying attention to who was in the audience, so naturally, all of the audience began to yell and shriek.
"YES, Voldemort. All these people are afraid of YOU."
"Awesome."
"Moving on, you and Voldemort do not play nice" I said, acting like I'm talking to a little kid.
"Well, HE started it!"
"DID NOT!"
"DID TOO!"
~ Goes on for a long period of time ~
"SHUT UP! Voldemort, here are some nice crayons and a pretty coloring book. Have a ball." I secretly hoped this would work or I would have to call a time out.
Looking like a happy little three-year old, Voldemort snatched the book and crayons out of my hand, sat cross-legged one the floor, and began to entertain himself while muttering 'color, color, color' cheerfully.
I turned back toward Harry. "I want you and Voldemort to spend some, erm, 'quality time' together. You could be such good friends!"
At this point, Harry went into a minor seizer and began to shake violently. I had the officer drag Harry out before he got any worse, followed by Voldemort, who looked a tad bit confused, but still singing to himself.
The judge scratched his head. "Well, that was a bit, odd…"
"Moving on. I call Ron to the stand."
I guess Ron had already figured out his own way to get into the box, 'cause he simply jumped over the door and seated himself.
"Ron you are up here because of a few things. Number one, you are way too stubborn that it makes you look stupid. Number two, wait, no, you ARE stupid, and Number three, what WERE you thinking when you liked that veela, Fluer?"
"I'm not stupid, and I'm not that stubborn!"
Ron had already proved my point. I began to bang my head on the table out of frustration.
"Young_Padfoot, those tables are BRAND new!" I think the judge was a little pissed.
"Sorry. Ron, trust me, you need help. And I thought MY mind was screwed up! I think you should see a professional."
"Professional what?"
"Oh, never mind, just go!"
Once again, Ron had to prove his stubbornness because he had to be dragged out reluctantly.
"Hermione, you're next."
Hermione, being the smart one, opened the door with the edge of her foot.
"Finally! Someone who figured it out!"
"Do I get a prize?"
"No."
"You're mean."
"Thank you. I have a couple of things to say to you. Why are you so stuck up? Loosen up a little!"
"What does 'loosen up' mean?"
"Like, to relax."
"Oh, that."
"Yes, that. And why do you have to be overly emotional all the time?"
Hermione's eyes began to tear up. The officer handed her tissues, sympathizing with her.
Since Hermione wasn't getting any better, I decided to wrap things up.
"As your sentence, I'm going to make you spend one week at Saint Martha School (My old school). I want to see how long you can last there."
Hermione didn't even wait for the officer. She escorted herself out of the room, sobbing.
"Last, but not least, Draco, UP HERE!"
Draco fell into the box. Why he did that, I do NOT want to know.
"Draco, even though I admire your evilness, I think a couple of things should be straightened out. You need to work on your comebacks just a little bit, know how to be a better battler, and kill Pansy Parkension."
"What?"
"You heard me. I also sentence you to one week at Saint Martha School, and to see a professional sniper."
Draco was escorted out of the courtroom.
The judge looked over at me. "Why did you need me here? I was having a perfectly good nap when you called me over here?!?"
"I dunno, I just felt like it."
Before the judge could get a hold on my throat, I quickly jumped over the gate and ran out the door.
~*~ After the Case ~*~
Things were going well with Harry and Voldemort, until Harry insisted on playing with Voldemorts pink, fluffy bunny rabbit after he said no. Then all hell broke loose. Once again, Voldemort tried to kill Harry, but failed. Let's just leave it at that.
Ron went to the head doctor, but the doctor threw him out early because all Ron did was stare at him blankly.
Hermione went to Saint Martha's and got beat up by the vicious third graders, who joined alliances with the kindergardeners.
Draco simply bought out the school and claimed himself the ruler of all.
Final note: Do not attempt this in your own head. VERY DANGEROUS!
Told ya I was screwed up!