"No."
"But Chloe-"
"I said no, Beca, and that's the end of it. I can't give you that, and I'm sorry about it, but it's not going to change."
Beca exhaled in frustration, running a hand through her hair as she tried to think of what to say. Of all the ways that she might have envisioned her relationship going, of all the problems she had imagined them encountering, this was definitely not on the list. Sighing, Beca dropped her hands to her sides in defeat.
"I just…I don't know why you're so against us being open and out about the fact that we're dating, Chloe. I mean, I get that you're nervous about people reacting badly, but I don't think we should let the possibility of a few awkward looks or shitty comments dictate what we do with our lives."
Chloe shook her head, trying to articulate her concerns. "It's not just that, Beca. I'm sorry for being scared, but I'm not you." Her tone turned pleading as she met Beca's eyes, begging her to understand. "I'm not brave like you, Beca. Why can't we just keep being happy like this? Has the way we've been doing things really been so awful?"
Groaning, Beca shook her head and said, "That's not the point and you know it, Chloe. You know that I've been happy with you- honestly, this is the happiest I've been in my life- but you've made me better than this. You're the one who made me believe that I was worth your time, that I could be deserving of your love, and I don't understand why you're so desperate to keep us a secret. It's like I'm worthy of your love, but not all of it, and not all of the time. Not when there are people we don't know around, or when we're in public, or whatever."
Taking a deep breath to try to steady herself, Beca spoke her greatest fear.
"The way that you act makes me think that you're embarrassed of me, that I'm not good enough and that the reason you act this way is because of something I'm doing."
Chloe felt like her heart was breaking as Beca spoke, and she stepped closer to the brunette, reaching out tentatively to cup her cheek and try to get her to make eye contact. It had never been her intention to make Beca feel like her love for her was conditional- in fact, nothing could be further form the truth. Opening her mouth to try to explain that she loved Beca, that the brunette was more than good enough, Chloe felt a stab of hurt when Beca pulled away and cut her off before she could speak.
Still not looking directly at Chloe, she quietly said, "I can't do this right now. I think you need to leave." Tears sprung to Chloe's eyes at the words and she opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, and finally shut it without saying anything. After a second to try to compose herself, Chloe murmured, "Okay. If that's what you want."
Walking slowly to the door, Chloe opened it but hesitated before stepping outside. Looking back at Beca, she whispered, "I do love you, Beca." The DJ tensed at the words but didn't react in any other way, and Chloe blinked back a fresh wave of tears as she stepped though the door and closed it behind her.
The quite click of the latch snapped Chloe's last thread of self control, and she fumbled through her phone, pressing a few keys more out of instinct than anything else. When the other line picked up, Chloe felt a sob bubbling up in her chest, and she couldn't force her voice to work. Aubrey's tone switched instantly as the muffled sound of Chloe's cries came through the phone, and the blonde tersely asked, "Where are you Chloe?"
Using the last reserves of her strength, Chloe hiccuped, "B-Beca's," and felt a swell of thankfulness when all Aubrey said was, "I'm on my way."
Five minutes later, Aubrey's silver Nissan screeched into the parking lot in front of Beca's residence hall and the blonde made a beeline for Beca's doorstep, frantically searching for any sign of Chloe. When she spotted the redhead, she felt an overwhelming urge to kick down Beca's door and murder the DJ, but before she could do anything Chloe was running to her, holding her tightly and sobbing into her chest, and Aubrey's focus shifted to helping her friend.
Aubrey murmured soothing words into Chloe's hair, trying to calm her even a littler bit. After a long several minutes, Aubrey gently tugged Chloe to the car, placing her in the passenger seat before going to the other side and getting in.
The drive back to their shared apartment was silent, and Aubrey kept sneaking worried glances at Chloe. The redhead was eerily still, just staring out the window, and Aubrey felt her stomach sink. This was so not good. When they were finally home, Aubrey led Chloe inside, draping a blanket over her and curling up behind her when the redhead collapsed onto her bed.
Aubrey was silent, knowing that Chloe would tell her what had happened when she was ready. They laid there for what felt like hours but could have been minutes, until finally Chloe's voice broke the silence. "Everything is falling apart, Bree," she mumbled, "Beca hates me, she thinks that I don't love her and that I'm embarrassed of her because I wont be super public about us." Aubrey felt her heart clench painfully at the naked pain in Chloe's voice, and she held the redhead a little bit tighter.
"I'm not embarrassed, though," Chloe continued, "Not even a little bit! I love Beca so, so much, and if I could I would show her off to everyone because I feel so incredibly lucky to be dating her. But I just…I'm so scared, Bree."
Chloe stopped speaking for a minute, knowing that Aubrey already knew the story and would be able to fill in the blanks and figure the rest out for herself. Eventually, Aubrey hesitantly said, "Maybe…maybe you should tell her what happened, Chloe. I know I'm not always Beca's biggest fan, but…if she knew, then maybe-"
Chloe's whole body tensed and she jerked away from Aubrey as though she had been physically hurt. Turning to face Aubrey, Chloe's voice was harsh and tinged with panic as she shook her head emphatically. "No. Beca cant know. What if she…what if she hates me for it? What if she blames me? What if she breaks up with me? What if-"
The redhead burst into tears, wrapping her arms tightly around herself as she tried to keep from falling apart entirely. Aubrey reached out cautiously, and when Chloe didn't shy away she drew the redhead into her arms and held her until she began to calm down. Sighing deeply, she stroked Chloe's hair and quietly said, "Chloe. I wish there was something else to say, but…look at where things are at now. This is already hurting the both of you and killing your relationship. I don't think that Beca would react how you seem to think she will. Beca loves you, Chlo, and you need to trust in that."
When Chloe didn't say anything, Aubrey exhaled, knowing that she needed to try something else. "Chloe, what if Beca came to you and told you that this had happened to her?"
Chloe's whole body tensed, tightly coiled like a spring as she choked out, "Oh god, Aubrey, did something happen? Please, please tell me you don't know something I don't."
Quickly trying to ease Chloe's fears, Aubrey shook her head. "No, Chloe, not at all." Chloe sagged against the blonde with relief, but was instantly back on edge as Aubrey continued, "But if something did happen, or if something happened now, would you hate her for it?"
Chloe turned tear-filled eyes to meet Aubrey's gaze and asked dully, "Why would you even ask me to think about that? How can you ask me to imagine that about the one person I'm trying to protect more than anything? You really think I could ever hate her anyways?"
Aubrey shook her head, gently cupping Chloe's cheek as she said, "No, Chloe, I don't think that. I know you don't want to think about it, but my point is that, if you would still love her, why would she respond any differently? Sometimes you have to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that they'll love and support you just like you would love and support them if the roles were reversed."
Chloe didn't say anything, just slowly laid back down and pulled Aubrey with her. Hugging Chloe tightly, Aubrey whispered, "Just think about it. Beca is only pushing this because she doesn't understand where you're coming from." Leaning over and kissing Chloe on the cheek, Aubrey settled back in and murmured, "Now get some sleep. I'll be right here."
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Chloe gradually woke to the sound of her phone vibrating.
Aubrey grumbled behind her, holding her a little more tightly, and Chloe sent a silent thank-you out to the universe for giving her such an amazing best friend. She really didn't know what she would have done these past few years without the blonde.
Moving just enough to grab her phone to see who would text her at what seemed to be an early hour, based on the hazy light in her window, Chloe felt her heart jump as Beca's name flashed on her screen. Steeling herself, she opened the message. Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion as her eyes skimmed the screen, picking out the important information from the message.
Beca wanted to meet up for coffee to talk about things.
Huh.
Chloe felt a bemused smile touch the corners of her mouth at the thought of Beca actually wanting to talk, and she ignored her nerves as she quickly typed and sent her response.
Setting her pone down, Chloe snuggled back into Aubrey. She had a few hours before she needed to meet Beca, and she fully intended to spend them cuddling and sleeping.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
By the time 2:00pm rolled around, Chloe's nerves were running rampant. She didn't know what to expect from this meeting- after the previous night, all bets were off and she didn't know whether to gear up for reconciliation or for Beca breaking up with her.
Inhaling and holding the breath for a beat, Chloe exhaled and walked inside. It was a cute little coffee shop- one of hers and Beca's favourites, actually. It was a little ways off campus, but still close enough for Beca to walk, and it was open 24/7. The decorations were quirky- the ceiling tiles were all painted with different things, and they combined to create an eclectic mural on the ceiling. Comfy chairs and couches filled nearly all of the floor space, and Beca and Chloe had a favourite back corner where nobody could see them from the rest of the shop. It was a perfect little secluded area to talk and hang out, and Chloe was comfortable enough back there that she didn't mind a little physical affection and contact either.
Chloe zigzagged her way through the sea of chairs straight back to the corner where she knew Beca was undoubtedly waiting. The DJ was sitting facing away from Chloe with her headphones on, and Chloe carefully walked around the front of Beca so that she didn't startle the brunette when she dropped down next to her on the couch.
Beca smiled at her, sliding her headphones off to rest around her neck, and she quietly said, "Hi."
Chloe was trying to analyze Beca's every move and expression, but when she couldn't figure anything out her shoulders sagged and she could only murmur, "Hey," in response. They sat there in silence for a few minutes until Chloe suddenly blurted out, "Are you breaking up with me?"
The second the words were out, she was clapping her hands over her mouth, wishing she could take the words back. Beca chuckled dryly at the redhead's panic and shook her head. "I don't think so…or at least, I hope not. I actually was hoping we could just talk and try to figure things out."
Chloe nodded, the relief that Beca wasn't planning on breaking up with her nearly overwhelming. Jumping in before Beca could say anything else, Chloe said, "Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I do love you. I'm sorry that I gave you a reason to doubt that, or to think that I'm embarrassed or anything like that."
Lacing her fingers with Beca's, Chloe quickly continued, "You are perfect- so perfect in every way- and I swear that everything we've been arguing over is because of me and my own issues. I'm completely the one at fault, and I can't apologize enough if I didn't make that clear."
Beca sighed. "I do know that you love me, Chloe, this has just kind of caught me off guard and it's been hard. I was thinking about it last night, after you left, though, and I think that maybe it wasn't fair to you to start throwing around ultimatums. I mean, if the people that we care about know, then maybe that's enough for now. I'm not saying I'm okay with that forever, because I do want us to be able to be open someday. But maybe if you need time to get there, then I can keep doing it for a while longer. I don't want to force you into anything, you know?"
Chloe felt tears spring to her eyes at what Beca was saying. She dove forward and hugged Beca tightly, happiness and relief and love all mingling together as the DJ returned the embrace. Wiping her eyes as she pulled back, Chloe looked at Beca seriously. She was determined to keep the brunette from doubting or thinking anything that might lead to a break-up, so she said, "Thank you so much, Beca. I promise I'm going t work out my things. I want to be able to give you everything you deserve and more, and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen."
The sincerity in Chloe's voice tugged at Beca's heartstrings, and she hugged the redhead again. Sinking into the embrace, Chloe tried to calm her racing thoughts.
She didn't know if what she had just promised Beca was possible, but if she tried hard enough then there was bound to be a way. As long as she had Beca, she could figure the rest out. Right?
Okey dokey. So here's another fic that will likely be straying a bit from the portrayals of these characters in the movie, if you're into that type of thing. We'll see where it goes! Thanks for reading!