A/N: Here's my second fic! Woohoo! I really don't think that there's going to be a sequel... sorry! But anyways, it's REALLY WEIRD. Totally strange... This is my first songfic. The song is actually Goodbye Earl, not Goodbye Kenny. I just changed a couple words in it. Well, nothing like this would ever happen. This fic does move pretty fast, sorry. Oh well, on with the fic...
Goodbye Kenny
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Catie Roth and Val Linear had been best friends for life. Ever since they first met in kindergarten. Val was a cheerleader, EMT, overachieving prep. Catie was the total opposite. She was a goth girl who never exercised. Why were they best friends? Who knows. But they were.
Val and Catie were the best of friends
All through their high school days
Both members of the 4-H Club
Both active in the FFA
After graduation Val went out lookin'
for a bright new world
Catie looked all around this town
and all she found was Kenny
After high school, Val and Catie both went off to college. Val went to Harvard, with her boyfriend Tyler. They both had scholarships. Tyler, for his football skills, and Val for her good grades.
Catie went to the local college... not a very special place. Her only good friend in the world besides Val, Jamie, and moved to New York to go to a special college there. He was training to be an open heart surgeon... and she missed him a lot.
After college, Val and Tyler decided to get married. They bought a country cottage in Atlanta and moved there as soon as possible. They had a vineyard behind their house and made the finest wine in all of Georgia. Everything was going extremely well for them, until one tragic day. Tyler was in a car accident. He died, and Val was totally heartbroken. Somehow, she managed to live through it. She did have to sell the vineyard, though.
Back to Catie. One day, a few weeks after college graduation, Catie met up with an old friend from high school, Kenny. Having nothing better to do with their lives, they decided to get married. They had a small wedding at a church nearby and they moved into Kenny's small apartment.
Well, everything was going all fine and dandy... for the first two weeks atleast. Then, Catie found out then Kenny was a bad, no extremely bad, alcoholic. One night he came home drunk and beat Catie black and blue. She thought it was just a one time thing, but it wasn't...
So Catie filed for a divorce.
And Kenny didn't like that. One evening he broke into Catie's brand new apartment and attacked her. A person next door heard the racket and called the police. Catie just barely survived.
Well it wasn't two weeks
after she got married
Catie started gettin' abused
She put on dark glasses and long-sleeved blouses
And make-up to cover a bruise
Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce
She let the law take it from there
But Kenny walked right through that restraining order
And put her in intensive care
Catie needed someone to talk to. So she called her best friend, Val Linear. They hadn't talked in years.
"Hello? Val?" Catie said into the receiver.
"Catie? I can't believe it!" Val squealed into the phone, still sounding just like a cheerleader. "I've missed you so much!"
"Me too." Catie replied.
Val noticed sadness and hurt in the other woman's voice. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"Not really... Its Kenny..."
"Kenny? Did he hurt you?"
"He was drunk... He abused me..."
"What? I can't believe it! I'm coming as soon as possible." So she hang up the phone and that very night she flew to Kingsport to be with her friend.
Right away Val flew in from Atlanta
On a red eye midnight flight
She held Catie's hand as they
worked out a plan
And it didn't take 'em long to decide
That Kenny had to die
Goodbye Kenny
Those black-eyed peas
They tasted all right to me Kenny
You're feeling weak
Why don't you lay down
And sleep Kenny
Ain't it dark
Wrapped up in that tarp Kenny
Val arrived the next morning and she rushed over to Catie's apartment, for Catie had just been let out of the hospital. She tried her best to soothe Catie and keep her calm. They talked a lot that day, and they figured out a plan...
That night, Catie and Val invited Kenny over for dinner. He wasn't drunk, so he didn't hurt either of them. He tried telling him that he was sorry, but Catie and Val didn't listen. They just served him chicken, peas, and wine.
Well, that wine wasn't quite normal. They had poisoned it. So an hour or two after dinner Kenny started feeling pretty weak. He soon began getting very sick. Catie and Val didn't bother calling a hospital. Instead, they locked him inside the bathroom to die overnight.
And he did.
The next day, Catie and Val woke up bright and early. They wrapped up the dead Kenny in a tarp and hid him in a locked chest in a closet. They then called the police to report Kenny missing.
The cops came by to bring Kenny in
They searched the house
high and low
Then they tipped their hats
and said "thank you ladies
if you hear from him let us know"
Well the weeks went by and
Spring turned to Summer
And Summer faded into Fall
And it turns out he was a missing person
who nobody missed at all
The cops looked all over the apartment but found no evidence of Kenny being there. Kenny turned into a missing person that was never found. No one really cared.
Val and Catie decided to live a country life. They bought a house near a highway where they sold fruits, meats, gifts, etc. They had a great time, knowing that Kenny couldn't hurt them.
One day, around noon, Val and Catie took a drive to a nearby lake. They brought Kenny along. They dropped him into the lake and watched him sink down into the murky water, trunk and all...
So the girls bought some land
and a roadside stand
Out on Highway 109
They sell Tennessee ham
and strawberry jam
And they don't lose any sleep at night 'cause
Kenny had to die
Goodbye Kenny
We need a break
Let's go out to the lake Kenny
We'll pack a lunch
And stuff you in the trunk Kenny
Well is that all right
Good Let's go for a ride
Kenny Hey
By the way, if anyone wanted to know, Jamie grew up to be a very successful open heart surgeon. He was so talented, in fact, that he became the next multi-millionaire! He lived happily ever after in an expensive mansion with his new wife Brooke.
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A/N: I HATE KENNY!!! That's why I killed him.. So did
you like it? It was pretty strange, right? Kind of short, though. Hehe...