Lulu closed her eyes as she stretched out on the sand under the hot sun. Much had changed since she had last been home but the sun was still shining. She felt as though a thousand years of darkness could pass over but here in Besaid the sun would still shine, waiting for her return, heralding her angel's face.
Her eyes flickered open at a soft thump and she turned her head slightly, crimson eyes searching the man who now lay beside her, eyes closed against the sun.
Wakka.
Even on Besaid, where the sun always shone, looking at him darkened her heart, twisting it painfully. Because when she looked at him, all she could think of was what could have been… before Chappu, before Sin, before her three sorrowful pilgrimages… perhaps then they could have been together.
Lulu longed for his touch, for his soft caress to steal her away from a hollow world. But even on Besaid, the sun could not reach the void in her heart and though he held her often, it only hurt her, for she was sure his embrace meant much more to her than it did to him.
-
I feel these 4 walls closing in
My face up against the glass
I'm looking out...
Is this my life I'm wonderingIt happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
Its greener pastures I'm thinking about
Wide-open spaces far away-
Wakka opened one eye, grinning, 'what'chu looking at?'
Lulu shook her head and closed her eyes again as she turned her gaze on the sun.
A comfortable silence fell between them, then-
'Are you happy, Lu?' asked Wakka, 'with the way things went, I mean.'
'Hmm?'
'Well, Sin is gone,' said Wakka, 'but… Tidus an' Sir Auron…? Chappu? Do you think we could have saved them, ya?'
'No,' said Lulu, her voice hard, 'I don't.'
'No?'
'No,' said Lulu again, 'all we can do is go on as usual and hope things fall back into place.'
'That right, ya?' said Wakka.
'You don't need to feel bad,' said Lulu, no hint of emotion in her words, 'there was nothing we could do.' Lulu let an impassive mask hold her face steady as her heart thudded in her chest.
-
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
-
'So we did the right thing?'
'I'm not even going to bother doubting it,' Lulu told him, 'it's over now- whether we like it or not, and time isn't going to turn back just because we messed up.'
'So you do think we could have saved them!'
'I will always think I could have saved Chappu, at least,' said Lulu slowly, 'Tidus and Auron, I am not so sure… but Chappu… Chappu went to Djose because of me. He died to keep me safe. I could have saved Chappu.'
'Chappu knew what he was doing, ya,' said Wakka, taking Lulu's hand sadly, 'he knew the risks but he did it anyway… he loved you, Lu.'
'And see how I've repaid him,' said Lulu sadly, turning her head away slightly in her shame.
'Lu, it wasn't you that killed him, ya!'
'That's not what I meant.'
'Huh?'
Lulu shook her head sadly but made no reply.
He died to save me and I fell in love with his older brother…
'What, ya?'
'I wish I could tell you…'
-
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
-
When Chappu died, Lulu shut herself down emotionally- she emptied her heart of all feelings, good and bad… but it couldn't just stay like that, could it? It couldn't make things easy for her. Lulu's eyes flickered down to Wakka's hand in hers and thought miserably about how badly she wanted him to touch her, to kiss her… and how badly she wanted to do the same… to wake up beside him every day, feeling his body against hers…
Oh, Yevon, Lu! You're losing it!
-
I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare back, care free along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head first headlong without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free
-
'Lu? Hey! Lu? Are you listening?'Lulu blinked and shook her head, 'I'm sorry, I-'
'Completely spaced out?' Wakka offered, 'no worries, ya.'
'What were you saying?'
'What were you thinking?'
'What?'
Wakka chuckled, 'I asked you what you were thinking about.'
'I heard,' said Lulu, blushing.
'And…?'
'What do you mean "and?", ya! Tell me!'
Lulu shook her head, 'it doesn't matter.'
'It must have been pretty important, ya?' said Wakka and he laughed.
'Not so important that you have to know about it,' said Lulu smilingly.
Wakka ran his thumb over her soft hand gently and grinned sheepishly as she gave him a quizzical look.
'What are you thinking?' asked Lulu.
Wakka's ears turned as red as his hair and he sat up, letting her hand fall. Lulu sat up too and was silent for a moment before taking his hand again, 'who said you could let go?'
'Umm… okay…' Wakka scratched the back of his neck with his other hand and chuckled foolishly.
-
All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, not feel scared
-
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
-
I wanna run too.
-
Breaklessly abandoning my self before you
I wanna open up my heart tell him how I feel
-
Lulu pulled Wakka's hand into her lap in an attempt to force him closer to her but he shifted slightly and lost balance, crashing into her and pushing her back onto the sand. Ears burning, Wakka cast a nervous glance at her face and smiled shakily upon seeing that she didn't appear mad. In fact, she was smiling. Lulu began to laugh softly, her warm breath against his neck.
Wakka raised his head a little more and made to move off of her but Lulu was adamant that he would not move, putting a hand on his shoulder and pulling him back.
'What… what are you…?'
Lulu gave him an almost fearful look before touching her lips to his gently.
Wakka sat up, carefully pulling her with him and setting her down in his lap, their lips never parting for a moment. It was a few minutes before either of them actually realized what they were doing, and by then, they were lying down again, Wakka had his hands up her black t-shirt and Lulu was moaning into his mouth as he ran his calloused hands over her soft breasts.
-
Wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind
I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too
I wanna run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!
-
'Lu, what are we doing?' asked Wakka softly, removing his hands and sitting up slowly, shaking his head.
'I don't know,' Lulu breathed, 'I'm sorry. It was… my fault.'
'Do you want…?'
Lulu flushed red, 'I love you.'
Wakka embraced her gently, kissing her neck, 'I love you too, ya.'
'For so long, I have feared telling you… there just seemed to be too much in the way- there was Chappu, Sin, the pilgrimage…' she cut herself off sadly and went on, 'it is so hard to draw the line between love and such a close friendship… but I never had any doubt.'
'Lu, I've loved you for as long as I can remember… but you were Chappu's girl, ya! He was gonna marry you…'
'I would not have accepted him,' said Lulu, 'I was not ready to be married.'
'But maybe in time…'
'I never believed that I would some day wish to marry, Wakka,' said Lulu, 'I warned Chappu from the beginning that I could not commit to a relationship. I told him that I could never marry him, or anyone else, and I that could never bear him children… but he did not seem to mind, He was just content to know that I loved him…'
'Me too, ya,' said Wakka quickly, a hand on her cheek, 'I'd never wanna do nothing that'd make you uncomfortable-'
'No, Wakka,' said Lulu softly, 'you don't understand.'
'What, ya?'
Lulu took a deep breath, 'Wakka, I want that from you!' her eyes filled with tears she refused to cry, 'I want… I want to be yours, you know?'
Wakka grinned brightly and kissed her again, 'marry me, Lu?'
Lulu smiled too and nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
'I suppose we should tell, Rikku, ya…' said Wakka, 'we might as well get it over with.'
'"I told you so! I told you so!" We're in for it now, Wakka…'
'Is it worth it?' he asked jovially.
Lulu thought about it mockingly before standing, 'yes, I think so,' she decided eventually and she reached down a hand to help Wakka up, 'so long as you'll stay with me.'
-
I wanna run with the wild horses.