I guess this was the story of how I found my voice. Literally, and figuratively. Of how I could finally hear my own voice again, and not use sign language to simply ask for a glass of water. To say I love you to a certain man that changed my life forever.

Whether or not I had told anyone, about how I lost it or why I did it, it wouldn't have changed anything. I would always be the mute girl, the useless lieutenant that was only on the Enterprise to study in a small lab. I was cooped up in there constantly. It was my second home, only not as welcoming. My days were mundane pleasures, but it was enough for me. I was fine with a boring life. The monotonous hum of my days was like a soothing lull sometimes, but could also turn into a constricting sound without a volume.

I would spend about 13 hours in the lab, studying the cells of foreign plants or animal blood. I would then go back to my quarters, eat alone or with a friend, and sleep. I woke up and the cycle began again, never changed or interrupted. Occasionally I would go to the rec room with Uhura or the captain, two people I had become extremely close with over the past two years.

It was quite useless, I thought, but it was the best I could do. It was my dream to serve aboard the Enterprise all through my years at the academy, and I was living it. But it felt more of a nightmare as of late. Since the Khan incident, I spent an increasing amount of hours in the lab, studying his blood on a variety of plants and animal cells. It was incredible, to inquest it.

His blood was fascinating and constantly kept me busy with new research, a challenge that I greeted with open arms.

Nyota, a friend I appreciated greatly at the end of every day, would come and drag me out of that damn lab to eat in the mess hall or go to the rec room. I wasn't a hermit, I went out to the rec room to listen to a crew member play the piano or play checkers with Mr. Scott. Or I would go to Gaila's room for her monthly sleepovers, an event she had come up with out of the blue. She claimed it would keep us close, even when we didn't see each other at all during the day. Nyota and I did have fun at them, even though all Gaila would prefer to talk about were the attractive men on board.

But I constantly felt a twinge of guilt, for always being such a nudnick that would require them to speak for me or explain that I was unable to speak . I could only sign or mouth words, so Nyota was often translating for me. I felt like a burden to her, and everyone else who was around me. But I guess without the help of all those friends, I wouldn't have ever found my voice again.

It had been a particularly long day at the lab. I had skipped lunch, dropped a petri dish on the floor, and was working on 5 hours of sleep. I sighed deeply and tightened my grip on the delicate syringe so as it might have broken if Uhura had not knocked on the lab door. I lifted my head and placed the needle down, smiling at her. I wished I could have displayed my gratitude in a more, I don't know, transparent way, so she always knew how happy I was to have a friend like her. Of course, there was the nurse Christine, which had been the only one in med bay to understand my signing the day of my checkup. I was afraid Doctor McCoy would yell at me for not speaking, but luckily she had come to my rescue. She had then proceeded to scold him for not waiting for my explanation.

With Gaila, Uhura's close friend from the academy, she had saved me from a similar issue.

"Kirk, layoff will you?" She had hissed at him the day he tried to make a move on me. Having been unable to tell him to stop, he took it as an okay to be a little handsy. I fought the urge to smack him when he grabbed my waist and pulled me close when I was in the mess hall. He was obviously joking, a lighthearted smile pulled across his face as he took another sip of his drink.

"Oh come on Gaila, we were just having a little fun! Weren't we, Stella?" He said flirtatiously. I was speechless, as in, even if I could talk I wouldn't know what to say. Gaila scowled.

"She doesn't talk Kirk, so again, layoff!"

He looked confused for a minute, before looking at me square in the eye. I knew that look. The look of pity, changing to embarrassment and then to curiosity. How did it happen?

I had never told anyone. I couldn't. For the rest of the night I regretted my decision to tag along with Gaila to the ships bar night. But after the incident, Kirk and I had become close acquaintances, eating in the mess together on some occasions or inviting me to his annual holiday parties personally (although I would politely decline.) He wasn't as much as an ass as I had initially believed.

"It's almost midnight." Uhura began, searching my face.

"You should get to bed. Did you eat dinner?" She asked, concern on her face. Sometimes she reminded me of my mother, which irritated me, but I knew she was just trying to help. She was a xenolinguistics genius. She could speak hundreds of languages except one. The one language where you cannot speak at all.

I shook my head slowly, and she sighed.

"Let's go get something to eat." She offered, and I finally stood up from my lab chair. Refusing the offer would only lead to a small discussion of my personal care issues of eating and sleeping enough. I would of course lose that fight and we would still be walking down the glassy hall of the enterprise to the mess.

Uhura was gorgeous. She was tall, thin, had dark caramel skin and silky smooth hair. She was the encapsulation of pretty, the archetype of a model. I often found myself feeling jealous.

But I was able to suppress those feelings quickly. She was beautiful, but did not have to be despised because of it. Along with a pretty face came her pretty personality. She was strong, kind, and an intelligent woman. She never shied away from danger, and was always up the challenge presented to her. She was several things that I was not.

When we got there, I was surprised to see the captain, sitting leisurely with his legs propped up against the table, sipping from a black mug. Judging from the smell, it was coffee. He was moving his hands as he talked, and was clearly passionate about what he was saying. The captain was like that, always completely engrossed in the words that crossed his lips or trusting in his ideas in a hectic situation. While he usually wore his goofy, flirtatious demeanor of a laid back man, behind it was a qualified, august star fleet captain that could handle any curve balls pitched his way.

Next to him was the first commander, Spock, listening to the captain speak. I had only had one conversation with him, which was obviously one-sided. I don't think he had even noticed my muteness, which I was grateful for. He had simply explained to me how to inject a sample of blood into an Andorian cactus, a prickly plant that made it hard to find its veins. I had nodded once before he went back to his own work, and then left to the bridge when the captain called for him. As a Vulcan, he made especially hard to read and understand. Half the time in the lab I didn't know if he was angry or happy or simply indifferent.

When he and Nyota had separated, he came to lab unchanged and unaffected by the breakup. He did not speak of it, not that anyone had asked about it, and he most certainly didn't show any emotion regarding it.

My friend however, was a little bit less fond of the split. She didn't cry, no, Nyota did not cry. She simply didn't say his name, for a while actually. She refused to talk about it. I was worried for a while, but after a few weeks she was fully recovered, flirting in no time with a few other cadets or lieutenants. Her strong demeanor was a polar opposite of mine, for she was a very capable woman.

The captain smiled as he met Uhura's gaze, and she looked at me, as if looking for approval. I frowned at her, and she sighed.

"I know, I know. I'll stop doing that." She said, and I smiled at her before we made our way to their table.

"Hello ladies, pretty late isn't it?" He sang in a tired voice. Uhura nodded and we sat down. The captain was drumming one hand against the table idly, his other holding the steaming mug in his hand.

"Yes, well, I had to drag Stella out of the lab so she could eat. She's too devoted to her work."

Uhura smiled at me, and I smiled back. Her humor was more satirical, but the humor beneath the surface was often pellucid

"Yes, Stella's a good little lieutenant, always getting her work done on time." Jim joked tiredly but gave me a dopey smile.

I looked at Commander Spock, who met my eyes before I averted my gaze. He was the only one here that didn't know, and there was a damn high chance he would find out soon. His stare made me shift uncomfortably in my seat. I knew Vulcans and there adversity to showing emotions the way humans did, but it often made me wonder where all the emotions fled to when the controller was busy working or facing a difficult situation.

"You want to go get something to eat?" Uhura asked me, and I nodded slowly before getting up.

I could feel Kirk's eyes on my back and I bit my lip.

I was glad I wasn't facing them because I could feel my face burn. Kirk knew everything about my silence; he was the captain, of course he had to know. But it was still mortifying to have to do things differently than others, to be treated differently than others. Sometimes I wanted to yell at people, tell them it wasn't my choice. They had no idea what I had gone through, and what I had gone through in order to talk again. They didn't understand. But of course, I often didn't want to admit I had the issue at all. I liked to think I was like everyone else, even when the blatant truth was staring me in the face.

Replicators made food from voice command. I seldom used them because of that. But what many people aboard the ship didn't know that there was an access code to a computer pad, made for people like me. People who didn't have a voice. Which now on the Enterprise, was just me, unless you counted Ensign Chekov, who had to use it because of his thick Russian accent. I had found out the day I was in the mess with Sulu, and the curly haired boy, no older than seventeen, had scolded the machine in Russian that he didn't have an accent, the machine did. It had been a comical exchange, even though out situations were completely different.

I entered the code slowly, jogging my memory to remember the code.

184-480-78

The computer beeped and letters slid across the screen.

Access granted, Lieutenant Anderson.

I made a few deft movements and my fingers danced across the key board. Moments later, a cup of black coffee and an apple appeared.

I grabbed it and slowly made my way back. Uhura and Kirk had been engrossed in a stimulating discussion regarding the Klingons way of replication food. Did they even do that? I had no idea.

The commander however, hadn't taken his eyes off me. Ignoring it, I placed my cup and apple down before Uhura made a face.

"I can't see how you could possibly drink plain black coffee. Sure you don't want any sugar, or milk?"

I shook my head, and she grimaced before looking at the two men.

"She drinks her coffee black. Her taste buds are crazy!" She attempted to make a joke, and Kirk laughed and I smiled. Yes, I did take my coffee black and yes, it was bitter. But I liked it that way. I took a sip and felt to burn down my throat and warm my mouth.

Spock was silent as well, but watched our exchange with calm eyes.

"So Spock, find anything interesting in the plant you were studying?" Uhura inquired, looking at the Vulcan.

He nodded his head once, curtly.

"Yes, lieutenant, it seems to have reacted quite interestingly to Khan's regenerative cells. I do not spend enough time in the lab to study it in depth, however there are several other scientists observing It.", he explained. Uhura shot a quick glance at me, knowing I was one of those scientists.

I was thrilled when I had been chosen to work aboard the Enterprise, my field of expertise being in xeno-botany. Since my first day aboard, my knowledge of extraterrestrial plant life had been expanded further than one could ever imagine. I had the opportunity to learn about and explore a completely different realm of botany.

Spock watched me as I took a sip of my coffee. It burned down my throat again as he continued to explain. I pierced the skin of my apple with my finger nail, a bead of juice seeping from the bruised skin.

"I am aware, Lieutenant Anderson, that you are among the staff studying the plant. Your research is quite impressive regarding the change in the plants photosynthesis due to the blood." He said monotonously. I smiled slightly before taking another sip. He looked at me again. His eyes flickered with- confusion? He didn't say anything though, and I disregarded the thought. I was tired, so mistaking emotion in my Vulcan commander's eyes was probably a side affect of my sleep deprived mind.

Kirk glanced at his watch, yawning.

"Well, lieutenants, I don't know about you but I'm exhausted. I'm going to call it a night."

Uhura and I nodded in agreement. I downed my coffee quickly before we stood up, and I threw my cup down the trash shoot.

"You didn't eat." Uhura nodded towards my apple. I shrugged and shook my head. I wasn't hungry. The clock read almost 12:45, and I could feel my head getting cloudy with drowsiness.

Kirk and Spock stood up and followed us to the door.

"It was nice talking to you, Anderson, Uhura." He said, before flashing her a smile that could be called flirtatious but later defended as friendly. She rolled her eyes but smiled anyway before he took off to his quarters.

"Get some rest, okay?" She said, almost motherly again, before handing me my apple and heading off to her quarters. That left me alone with the commander.

"Assuming your quarters are in the same direction as my own, it is only logical for me to escort you to your room." He stated simply. I nodded hesitantly. There was a slim chance he had over looked my lack of talking. He was intelligent, that much I knew. The way he had acted during the Khan incident. Calm and collected and calculating while the entire ship was in chaos. During the disarrangement, I had found myself in the lab, searching through files and files to find anything that could react to the sample of blood taken by Doctor McCoy. Anything similar to his blood that could reverse the affects of Kirk's cells which had suffered devastating affects from the radiation. I had not been able to find one however, but the commander had managed to save the captain after beaming down the Earth and capturing Khan.

"Lieutenant, may I ask a personal query?" He broke the silence. I nodded again.

"After witnessing your exchanges in the mess hall and entering an authorization code on the replicator, it is only logical to assume you are unable to speak."

I hesitated for a split second before reaching up to rub my temples. He looked at me, one eye brow raised ever so slightly before I nodded. He looked away from me.

"Apologies. I was not aware during our previous meetings, I hope I have not offended you.", he apologized before he stopped walking. He was practically a foot taller than me, I noticed. His towering figure made him seem more intimidating than usual.

I had always been a little bit shorter than most people my age, but I liked to think I was average height. But who was I kidding? I was barely 5'2", and people usually were taller than I anyway, whether or not I was short or average.

I was still surprised by his apology, seeing as he had nothing to be sorry for. But I nodded and smiled slightly, a motion I made constantly to display a range of emotions or phrases, from "apology accepted" to "you are a complete idiot". I made one similar to the former.

He stopped at my door.

"Seeing as our conversations are one sided, perhaps we should attempt a different form of discussion while in the lab. Perhaps writing on paper?" He suggested. I nodded.

My hand writing was atrocious before the accident. But when I need a way to communicate with others before I could sign, I wrote on paper. It was a nuisance for me, and I'm pretty sure others felt the same. It was a waste of paper and often inconvenient. It frustrated me so much that I had once snapped a pen in two. I had apologized to the owner of the pen, my doctor, but it was beside the point. I was sometimes difficult for others to handle.

Once I had parted with Commander Spock, I went straight to bed, seeing as it was almost one in the morning. I tiredly yanked off my uniform and threw it carelessly on the floor before yanking my hair from its bun. The bed was a welcoming haven for my weary limbs.

I lay in the empty dark silence, sighing deeply far too many times before finally falling asleep.