(This was inspired by my musing things over in my head. I think it's nice to consider that Integra was not always the strong, level headed leader she plays in the manga. This is the result of that musing. Enjoy.
I don't own Hellsing)

The room suddenly felt empty. There was nothing left but the lingering laughter and settling quiet that always filled the mansion. Integra was forced to face that fact. She had been stuck with an adults job, a man's job and was facing the repercussions of that fact.

The ball hadn't been her idea and she hadn't enjoyed a moment of it. Some of the higher up englishmen had hinted at her inability to create ties and alliances, to higher her status in their eyes. So, with Walter's help she threw a ball, made small talk and a complete fool of herself. Trying to talk to these men only led to ignorance and obnoxious comments on subjects to which they had no idea what they were speaking of. Being around them seemed to drain her energy and she felt like a corpse.

So now she sat, her hand on her cheek glancing at the mess her house was in at present and wondering exactly how she had managed to get herself in this situation. Why she had thought this was at all a good idea.

It had been two years since Alucard had awoken, two years since her life had changed, she had lost her father and gained the weight of the world. She was a lost little girl whether she was willing to admit it or not. Everyone talked about her, about her age, her gender, her utter incompetence but she knew she was strong enough to deal with it, to prove them all wrong and make something of Hellsing, just as her father had wanted.

"You seem... distracted, Miss. Hellsing."

Integra looked up quickly, he appeared out of thin air, pulling her out of her reverie. "What? No. There's nothing to be distracted from."

Alucard considered that a moment, kneeling down beside her. The air between them was thick.

Integra glanced up at him, his eyes were so red. It was sometimes hard to believe he had once been a human but there were rare moments that she could see it. She could see the shadows of a man who had once existed, a human man who had had some sense of human emotion. It came out every so often and it disturbed her. Then just as quickly it would vanish and he changed back into the inhumane monster she had grown to know.

He confused her. No matter how hard she tried through all their broken conversations she couldn't figure him out. She let her head rest against the table. She sighed, placing her glasses gently on the table beside her. Her father had taught her to never let her guard down around a vampire but she knew this vampire couldn't lay a finger against her. Or so she thought.

"You're letting your guard down Miss. Hellsing. Someone could attack." She felt his fangs slide against her neck and immediately she had the gun she always kept on her pointed at his chest. Her eyes wide and alert.

"Never." She whispered. "Never will I let you drink from me again!" She knew the gun wouldn't even hinder him but she convinced herself that to a degree he was still under her authority and in her rage it was all she had against him.

It made her skin crawl when he began to laugh. She watched him, frozen as he let out a trail of laughter that seemed to come from centuries past. It reminded her how inhuman this man truly was.

"Shoot." He said, suddenly calm, a grin still placed on his lips. She put her glasses back on slowly, body suddenly rigid and alert as she kept the gun aimed at his chest. She was just so exhausted but Integra knew she was just going along with his sick game. The amused expression never left his face.

"I'm going to bed." Integra growled. The vampire suddenly cocked his head to one side.

"You can't do it?" He said. She felt her hand automatically tighten against the gun. Her weakness, being called out so directly. She felt her hands shake ever so slightly. Of course the vampire noticed, his eyes darted down to the gun and with a deliberate movement of his hand he held it steady at the place where his silent heart rested. "Now." He purred.

"NO!" She yelled, suddenly dropping the gun on the floor. "I am the one in control here. I will not have you coming in here and telling me what to do, trying to pollute my mind. Get out! Get out now." She commanded. Alucard raised an eyebrow in response, his grin widening.

"Of course. I am at your command, Miss. Hellsing." He gave a sweeping bow and disappeared.

Integra watched the empty air for a long moment. He was mocking her. Finally she was able to drag herself up to her room and falling into bed. She heard Walter poke his head in but she couldn't muster enough energy to respond so she let him think she had fallen asleep. She didn't know how long she sat there staring at nothing before sleep finally took her.

Alucard sat for a moment, watching the young girl sleep. She was so vulnerable when she slept. He let his hand lightly graze her neck, pulling a strand of blond hair out of her face to expose the skin underneath. He leaned down until he was almost touching his lips to her neck. "Sleep well my Master." He whispered before letting the night consume him.