AN: This is planned as a oneshot - which is slightly unusual for me, giving that it isn't the usual 'happy, super-fun' story. It is quite angsty and a bit... depressing if I may say so. I was inspired to it by the Bruno Mars song 'When I was your man' - hence the title. Turned out a bit different than what I had in mind, but works ok that way as well. I might maybe write a companion piece, or a sequel - depending on how I get inspired. MAYBE. And no, reviews or PMs or faving or following will not influence that (much). That being said, feel free to review and fav and follow :) My first try with first person POV as well... Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think about it. Like it?

Ianto was not any different than any of the guys before him. For me at least. I knew it was never enough what I gave. I knew that Ianto wanted more. He never asked for more, but I could see it in his eyes, the way he was around me, the way he spoke. I saw it in everything Ianto did. He might have tried to see if there wasn't a chance of this becoming more once or twice, talking, approaching topics he shouldn't. But he knew the rules – right from the start. He knew I didn't do commitment, relationships and monogamy. And he knew I never would. That was just the way it and how I was, always had been, always will be.

It was … sex. A form of release that both of us needed with our kind of job. Everyone working for Torchwood knew, that having a functioning relationship outside the job was pretty much impossible. You could never talk about what you did for a living, could never talk about the horrors you saw on a daily basis, never could share anything – unless of course you wanted to constantly retcon your partner. Even Gwen, who was the only one of us having something remotely close to a relationship was cheating on her boyfriend with Owen. Because she couldn't share what she did with Rhys.

What me and Ianto did was … complicated. It certainly wasn't a one-night-stand. Not with the number of nights we had spent with each other. It clearly wasn't a friends with benefits – although it came pretty close. I certainly hoped this wasn't some boss–employee thing, and that Ianto felt obliged to do it. But then again, I knew Ianto – at least I hope he did – and I saw how Ianto was with me, when we took care of each other. There was no obligation, he was in this willingly and a very happy participant. Although the happy part probably depended on the point of view.

I knew he wanted more. Of course I did. And as I said, I knew Ianto. I knew how he ticked, what him tick and what he actually wanted. I actually believe I knew better than he wanted than Ianto did know himself. He wanted something. Something that wasn't just a quick screw in some backalley after we hunted down the tenth Weevil that week. Or some quick fuck under my office during lunch break.

He wanted attention – preferably my sole attention – and dating. Commitment and love. All things I didn't do and didn't give. I was a man of many pleasures and interests. And as much as I hate saying it, no one ever captured my interest long enough just for themselves. I was always restless, always moving on, always on the look-out and the pull – to put in with Owen's words.

I didn't do monogamy. And I never would. Everyone at Torchwood knew. Hell, I even had a reputation, one I kinda worked very hard for in all fairness. Not that I was particularly proud of it, but it wasn't like I cared or could be bothered much by it either. He knew that the moment he gave into my constant flirting and innuendos and… harassment. If he was hoping for flowers and dates, cosy and intimate nights at home, with a movie and night-long love-making he certainly was getting involved with the wrong guy.

It was... convenient – as much as I hate saying it. We were both available, needed a release and it worked. For me at least. And yes, I know I am selfish, but in this world we are living it is either kill or get killed. Not that I ever wanted to hurt Ianto – unless it was for pleasure, but that is a whole different story. Whenever I needed him, he was there. He never turned me down. Not once. Even if he was dead on his feet, after having chased weird, creppy aliens for four days straight and all he wanted was a warm bed and to sleep through the next few days – not even then did he turn me down.

I would like to say it was the same when he needed me. But I realize he never came to me in that regards. It was always me. I took and he… he gave, being the good guy that he was. He never complained, never turned me down, never said no. Except for when I craved another quickie between the sheets last week. At that stage we had been doing this for months now, going towards a year. I was so used to having him around, telling him when I needed him that I hadn't expected anything less than the usual nod, or 'ok' or any form of acknowledgement. But he actually said no, said he had plans and then he left, following where Owen, Gwen and Tosh who had left just a few moments earlier.

The rumors started a day later. Gwen and Tosh, who always knew everything about everyone were discussing Ianto over some coffee in the kitchen when I came and got a refill.

"He is so gorgeous," I only heard when approaching, wondering about who they were talking.

"And so charming," Tosh added a moment later. "I think he makes Ianto very happy."

"In more than one way," Gwen giggled and Tosh's cheeks tinted slightly a soft pink.

"Who makes Ianto happy?" I finally asked, seeing both women look at me surprised, as if they hadn't even noticed I was just a few feet away.

I saw both of them exchanging cautious glances with each other, as if not sure whether to tell me or not. In the end Gwen seemed to decide it was ok, since she went on.

"Parker, Ianto's boyfriend. We met him last night."

I raised both my eyebrows, this being the first time I had heard anything about a boyfriend in Ianto's life. But then again the last time I actually really talked to him had been a while ago and the last time we had a go at each other was weeks back. So a lot of things could have happened since then.

"He's adorable," Tosh said a moment later. "I think even Owen liked him."

Gwen just nodded in agreement and a moment later both women took their coffee and left to get started on their paperwork, or whatever else that needed taking care of.

I sent everyone home early, with the rift being quiet and such. It was a welcome break to the hectic and busy weeks we had until now. I was just checking CCTV of that day to see if anything unusual was going on that maybe needed my attention. I was still thinking about Ianto, that Parker guy and what that meant for us. Well… I guess it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what exactly it meant for us. There wouldn't be an us any longer. Us was over. And for the first time since… well, for the first time every actually I was the one being left. Leave it to Ianto to come and change things around.

The CCTV recording rewind backwards and only a few moments in I saw Ianto meeting who must have been Parker earlier that evening. He really did look happy. But then again, so did he when he was with me. And Gwen had been right, that Parker guy really was gorgeous. Tall, handsome, broad shoulders, well-built (at least from what I could tell).

I could see them without a doubt dancing and doing couple-y things, going out on dates and Ianto getting the attention he could handle and then some more. Although maybe a bit skittish at first it would be what Ianto needed and deserved.

And then I realized, it wasn't just Ianto who wanted attention. I was as crazy for his as he needed mine. There was a strange sensation I felt when pleasing Ianto, when doing something that made him react in the most unexpected ways, when slowly drawing out the pleasure and desire.

I might not have been the dating-and-flowers guy, but I always made sure he was pleased, sated and satisfied. And maybe it wasn't entirely just about sex. We never talked about stuff, true. But we clearly weren't just screwing each other unconscious. A typical one-night-stand doesn't care or bother that the other one gets out of this. They certainly don't give a damn, whether they get pleased, sated and ended up happy. It usually is just 'have a go at each other and see what you end up with'. But then nothing Ianto and me ever did was ever typical. I had our own rules which I dictated – or at least thought I did. Maybe I had been following myself, as much as I thought Ianto had been following himself these past few months.

Looking at the CCTV footage, I spent moment wondering whether we - Parker, Ianto and me - could come to some kind of arrangement. An arrangement where Parker could be still all that and more for Ianto and I just… could keep the few nights we had. It was actually nice waking up next to someone known and not a stranger you'd never see again – or all alone.

And now I realize that Ianto had been different. He came and changed the rules. And for the first time, for the first time I thought that maybe, just maybe I could do commitment and dating, monogamy and love. That I could do it for Ianto – if he still would have wanted me. But looking at the pictures of him and Parker, it was obvious that he found all this and that he didn't need me anymore. It became obvious that he had moved on. And left me behind.

Looking at Parker and Ianto – I was too late. Once more it seemed like I was late, always missing the important and right moments. And maybe I should just sit back and be happy for Ianto that he finally found someone who could give him all he wanted and more.

Someone who gave him what I didn't.

*-*-*-*- THE END (for now anyway) -*-*-*-*