The Starship Wheaton
(A/N)
What happens when you cross a nerd, a sitcom and a sci fi series? This fic. I own sod all, just a fan trying to have some fun. Please r+r, etc
When Penny awoke, her eyes were sore with the bright lights surrounding her. At first, she thought was in a hospital somewhere, but as her eyes adjusted, she realised just how wrong she was.
It was a gleamingly bright white room, with high-tech panels and controls dotted evenly around it. To her right, she could see a broad pane of glass, looking out into space. Looking down, she could see that she was wearing a blue sundress, with a badge on the right hand corner. Around the room was Sheldon (with a yellow shirt), Leonard (yellow again), Howard (a red this time), Raj (a fellow blue), Bernadette (yellow) and, finally Amy (blue).
"Where are we?" she choked.
The others seemed to be asleep, but Sheldon awoke within an instant.
"Oh my lord.." he murmured, looking around in awe.
"What, where are we?" Penny asked, slightly annoyed this time.
"This is the bridge of the Starship Enterprise, NCC-1701, the flagship of the Federation of United Planets," he shouted in glee.
"Yeah, well, a sleep ago, we were in Pasadena, California!"
Whilst Sheldon was busy admiring the controls, the others woke up one by one. The last to wake was Leonard, who groggily fell into the chair in the middle of the room.
"Stop!" Sheldon commanded. "That's my spot," he said, turning around to face Leonard.
"If we are where I think we are, we are hundreds of lightyears away, two hundred years in the future and on a spaceship!" Leonard said angrily. "It doesn't apply here!"
"Cathedra mea, regulae meae,"
"It's not your chair!"
"Is too, I'm the captain!"
"I thought you were Spock in our landing party?".
This final statement silenced Sheldon.
"So, first order of business, positions," Leonard said, turning to face his friends. "I'm captain, Howard, you're chief engineer, Amy, you can be Medical Officer-"
"Why?" Amy retorted, unsure as to her qualifications.
"You can look at blood and not be squeamish," Sheldon replied, before giving a Vulcan Salute in reply to Leonard's exasperated expression.
"Sheldon, you can be Science Officer," Leonard said, gaining a pleased look off of Sheldon. "Raj, you navigate, Bernadette, you be pilot," he finished, looking around the bridge.
"Wait, what about me?" Penny spoke up, once again inferior to the rest of her friends. Whilst Leonard struggled for an answer, Raj whispered into Howard's ear, which came out as:
"There's a Cheesecake Factory on the Enterprise. Maybe you can work there!"
"Fine. Where is it?" she replied half-heartedly.
"I can't remember. Just wander around until you find it," Howard finished, before watching Penny walk into the turbolift. "Ok, I'm going to engineering, wish me luck!"
"Good luck!" Sheldon replied as Howard left the bridge also. "You're gonna need it," he muttered under his breath as an addition.
"Captain, might I recommend we name the ship?" Sheldon asked, about half an hour later.
"Fine. What about...Enterprise?" Leonard asked sarcastically, focusing on the view screen.
"No...what about we name it after Wil Wheaton, my best friend?"
"Fine. This ship is now called the Wheaton,".
"Starship Wheaton," Sheldon corrected.
"Fine. Raj, nearest approximation to Sector 001?"
"Where's Sector 001?" Bernadette asked curiously.
"Earth," Leonard replied simply. Raj tried to answer, but found he couldn't. Instead, he spun around in his chair and held up five fingers.
"Weeks?". Raj shook his head. "Days?". Another shake. "Hours?". Finally, a nod. "Ok. Warp 6 is go," Leonard said simply.
"Two hours to go," said Leonard's voice over the comm system. Howard was sat back in engineering, reading a technical journal. He had recently discovered that being a chief engineer of the Enterprise (or, the Wheaton) was actually mind-numbingly boring. Strangely, he felt a sympathy for Scotty. And Geordi. And Trip.
"Captain, spaceship to the right!" Bernadette squeaked.
"Vessel to starboard," Sheldon corrected. "And it's a bird-of-prey, oh yay,"
"Why, are they goodies?" She asked again.
"Not really, they're locking on photon torpedoes," said Raj, who had found the canteen in the past three hours.
"Shields to maximum!" Leonard shouted, focusing his attention again. As the torpedoes hit, the ship shook violently, throwing the crew to the side.
"Shields at 2%, captain," Raj informed him bleakly.
"Damn, what was that?" Leonard asked, trembling slightly.
"A direct volley of torpedo hits to a certain section. A formidable procedure, never seen on Star Trek before," Sheldon commented.
"Great. Phasers, lock on, prepare to fire on my command," Leonard said, watching the vessel turn around. "FIRE!" he screamed, whilst he watched the vessel get hit by a pair of red shots.
"Oh, marvellous plan, Captain," Sheldon said. "A direct hit to the rear warp drive, cause a meltdown. Brilliant," he commented and commended.
"They're firing again," Raj said, observing it pensively.
"Brace for impact," Leonard told the ship. The ship shook much more violently this time.
"Warp leak in engineering, get out of there Howard!"
"No kidding!" replied the engineer.
"Captain, we need to shut off the secondary full from the saucer section. As soon as Howard is out of there," Raj said, checking the monitor constantly.
"What about Penny?" Bernadette asked Leonard.
"Aw crap!" he moaned. "Where is she?" he asked impatiently.
"I don't know!" Raj complained. "She could be anywhere on the ship!"
"Cutting off in 30 seconds, Captain?" Sheldon said, preparing to flick the switch.
"I'm here, I'm here!" Howard panted as he emerged into the bridge.
"Great, Amy?" Bernadette asked.
"She's on deck five, in medical," Sheldon said in a perfect monotone.
"That means she's ok," Leonard explained.
"10 seconds, Captain,"
"Penny, NO!"
"8...7...6...5...4,"
"Sheldon, don't push the button!"
"3...2...1," he finished, as the button was pushed down.
"Ships bulkheads activated," rang the computers voice.
"Penny," Leonard whispered simply.
"Bestie," agreed Amy ruefully.
"Nonsense," Sheldon spoke. "We had to do it. The needs of the many-" he started, before being punched in the face by Leonard.
"Sheldon, Penny has DIED!" he roared. "Can you even comprehend that? The fact that someone I love, that we all love, has been wiped out in an instant, and that it's all your fault?!"
"Leonard-" Raj started, holding back his friend.
"No!" Leonard interrupted. "I'm gonna kill the son of a-"
"What's Sheldon done now?" asked a familiar blonde waitress.
"Penny?" asked Amy, her mouth agape with shock.
"Yeah?" she replied uncertainly.
"We can have a party later, but right now, there's a coolant leak in engineering. We can take the Jeffries Tubes there, but the radiation will kill us," Howard explained quickly.
"What about thruster suits?" Raj asked. "They're perfectly accessible and would work against radiation!"
"We can't get to them in time!" Leonard moaned. "Wait, where's Sheldon?"
Sheldon Cooper was a genius. A double-PhD standard genius. The kind of genius that comes around once, maybe twice a generation. But this, this was not a smart plan.
He was crawling through a series of tunnels and ladders, trying to find the warp core. His knowledge had betrayed him as he wandered around the ship in a blind panic. Finally, he found the hatch marked "DANGER. DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT PROTECTION". Opening it, he crawled in slowly.
20 minutes later, Howard, Raj and Leonard had ran to engineering wearing thruster suits. They quickly located the glass pane that led into the warp core. Inside, they could see Sheldon slumped against the wall, panting heavily.
"Leonard, the ship, how is she?" he asked in a rasping tone.
"Fine. We made it. We're home," he said, choking back tears.
"Do not pity me. It is logical. The needs of the many-"
"Goddammit Sheldon, quote Wrath of Khan all you like, I'm still not launching your corpse down to Genesis in a torpedo!"
"Fine. But know this; you, were," Sheldon tried to reply, before falling to the floor. "Smarter," he gasped, with his last breath, before the life drained from his face.
Leonard awoke with a start. The sunlight peered in through the blinds, blinding him slightly. Checking his alarm clock, he started to get up when he saw that it was 9:39. However, he remembered that it was a Sunday, and lay back down in bed. Sighing to himself, he thought:
"No more Star Trek before bed again,".