Disclaimer: No, I'm not Tolkien. I am the Lord of the Ring! Muahahahaha!...yeah...so

Overview: We are in Middle Earth. And not 'we' as you and me, but the characters of the story. When, where, how? You'll find out.

Mary-Sue? The question will be asked, challenged, and debated. There WILL be an original character. It WILL be female... Will she rob hearts? You have to read and find out if you really want to flame me.

Oh yeah... when someone is thinking it will look like this: 'hehehehe' And seeing how I don't really know Elvish, and don't want to take the time to look up translations, anything spoken in Elvish will look like this: "hehehehe" , so let's all pay attention, yes? One more time:

speaking: "Hello."

Elvish: "Hello"

Thinking: 'Hello'

This will all change in a few chapters, so look for the notice, thank you.

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Hail the Conquering Heros!

Chapter One: Let's Start at the Beginning.

It was the Third Age of Middle Earth. Darkness was seeping back into the world; shadows were beginning to cover the lands. One of the last peaceful havens left was the realm of Lothlorien. There reigned the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn. The elves knew the day when they would fade from this world was coming. Yet, they remained happy. Their voices still filtered through the woods. Their presence was still needed. And one family was to be given a great gift. This gift wasn't going to change the world, actually, it would have little impact on its surroundings. But it would bring love and joy into three lives.

Haldir was returning from his shift on guard, walking through the trees, looking rather tired. Yet being an elf, he still appeared beautiful, as most elves do. His blonde hair flowed down his back. His blue eyes were taking in all around him. He could handle any problem thrown at him, or so he thought. Haldir was walking back towards the heart of the city when he heard a rustling up ahead. He had readied his bow when, out of a bush popped a young girl. She had long curly brown hair and was rather short and skinny. She looked up at Haldir with curious hazel eyes. She walked up to him and tugged his shirt, trying to gain the attention he was already giving her.

"Hey mister, what are you doing?"

Haldir's face went blank at the random question. 'How... how did a human girl make it this far into the woods.'

"Child, how did you come this far into the woods of Lothlorien?"

"Into what! Lolorain?"

"No, Lothlorien."

"Where's that?"

"Here."

"Huh?"

Haldir groaned," The forest your standing in child."

"This is a forest? I've never been in one... How do I know you aren't lying to me?"

"I have no reason to. You are in Lothlorien..."

"Oh! What was the question?"

Haldir sat down quickly and massaged his temples. "How did you get this far into the wood."

"Um...I dunno, good luck.

Haldir began cursing in Elvish, ignoring the girl in front of him. "Stupid child, giving me a damn headache."

"Um, sir. Can you please talk in Common."

Haldir glared at her before standing up. He grabbed the girl and threew her over his shoulder much to her dismay. He began walking quickly into the city. 'I'll leave this problem with Lady Galadriel.'

Meanwhile, our young friend was looking at the ground trying to think. 'This guy is weird. He gets mad, and gets more mad, and more, and more, and more...'

"Hey mister, what's your name? Mine is Niamh."

Haldir chose to ignore the girl and continued walking. He ran up the steps around one of the great trees, trying in vain to get to Lady Galadriel. Niamh took the liberty to poke his back. 'Get this child away from me...' He came to the throne room, pausing at the throne of Lady Galadriel.

"Haldir, who is that you have with you," Galadriel inquired.

"I found this child in the woods. Some how she made it past all of our guards. I've brought her here for you to decide what to do with her."

Galadriel looked at the girl as Haldir rather unkindly drops her. She turned to Celeborn, seeking his opinion on the matter. After a moment Galadriel rose and walked to the girl.

"Where are you from my child?"

"Um...that land over there with that city with that king person... um, wow... Oh yes, I hail from Rohan... I think."

Galadriel gave the girl a strange look. There was no possible way a young girl could have made it to Lothlorien, especially all the way from Rohan.

"How did you get here?"

Niamh frowned and scratched her head," Um, good question...I don't know."

Galadriel felt her patience wearing thin and continued her questioning as gently as possible," Well, what is your name?"

"My name is Niamh Laune. I'm seven and a half years old. I hail from Rohan, yet I do not know how I got here."

Galadriel paused and turned to Haldir, "Haldir, take the child with you."

"What! Why my lady?"

"You and your brothers could use some excitement. Also, I happen to know you have room in your flet. She seems comfortable with you and I want her to settle in."

Haldir frowned before picking up the child again and storming out. Galadriel sat back down and smiled at her husband. Yes, this is quite an unusual situation for Haldir, but her visions never steered her wrongly.

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"So, your name is Haledir?"

"Haldir."

"Haladeer?"

"Haldir."

"Halodier?"

"Haldir."

"Why didn't you just say so Haldir?"

Haldir groaned and dropped the girl. Niamh dusted herself off and ran after him. 'He's funny!' Niamh trailed Haldir all the way to his 'home.'

"You live up in a tree?"

"Yes."

"How come you don't fall out? Is there a floor?"

"Yes"

"Is there a bed? Food? A bathroom?"

"Yes"

"Are you married? Have a girlfriend? A dog?"

"No"

"Can you say more then one word at a time?"

Haldir glared at her and started up the stairs to his flet. Niamh ran after him and ended up running into him, falling flat onto her behind.

"Don't."

Niamh rolled her eyes and examined her temporary new home. It was rather plain. She looks towards another door, voices were coming from it.

"Orophin, Rumil come here."

His two brothers came from the other room and glance between their brother and the small girl. Rumil started coughing but it quickly became a laugh. She looked so cute, holding onto his brother's hand like that.

"Rumil, will you act serious for once?"

Naimh glanced at Haldir and noticed the scowl that never seemed to leave the elf's face, "You are mean."

This caused Orophin and Rumil to begin laughing. Haldir glared at the three of them, "If it's that funny you two take care of her."

And with that Haldir stormed to his room, Niamh watching him leave with a small smile on her face. 'Cranky.' She glanced up at the two remaining elves. She looked at Orophin and motioned for him to come closer. Orophin knelt down to her level, his curiosity getting the better of him.. Niamh walked up to him and smiled a sweetly innocent smile. Then she reaches up to his ears and tugs on them.

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Haldir jumped up at the sound of his brother's screams. He ran into the main room to see Orophin on the floor holding his ears, Rumil trying not to laugh, and Niamh trying to look concerned.

"What happened?"

Rumil choked back a laugh, "She...pulled his...ears!"

Haldir glanced at he girl who is beginning to look scared. Niamh raised her hands up in defense.

"I had no idea..."

"If you are going to live in my house, under my roof, you will abide by my rules..."

Niamh gulped as Haldir begins a long list. She tried to focus on his droning voice but all the words began to run together.

"One: Don't touch me. Two: Don't touch my brothers. Three: Keep quiet. Four: Don't touch me. Five: Don't talk to me unless I question you. Six: Don't make a mess. Seven: No eating unless at meal time. Eight: Don't touch me..."

"...Seventy-three: Don't touch my weapons. Do you understand."

Niamh nodded and glanced at the now standing Orophin. He seemed to be okay.

"I didn't know they were real..."

Rumil began to laugh again and Haldir rolled his eyes. 'Why for the love of Eru does this child have to live here...' Haldir glanced at the others in the room. Rumil was now showing Niamh how to hold his bow. Which was quite impossible, seeing how it is three times her size. Orophin was standing back at a distance, still holding his ears. Haldir sighed and sat down, he was getting to old for this.

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A/N: Hmmm...That was rather short. So, yes this supposed to be mildly funny. Haldir, Rumil, and Orophin are now stuck watching Niamh. No, her name isn't elvish, know what it is? This story isn't supposed to be true to canon. The elves aren't speaking or acting right. Oh well, it fun to play with them. Next chapter, Niamh will explore her boundaries, Rumil will be hanging around, Orophin will still be scared, and Haldir, well he'll be suffering some more. Ideas, comments, complaints, criticism, free monkeys, and flames will be accepted. Have fun!
Nenuial