Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine
A/N:
So, few quick notes before we begin, and there will be a few quick notes after as well. First off, this is my first Naruto fic, so be gentle. Second, by nature I'm a Naruto/Sakura fan, however I wanted to make this story as "realistic" as possible within the Naruto universe. I'm saying this because this story is in part based on a true story and I wanted to make it as 'real' as I could. Lastly this will likely have some OOC-ness in all the characters since again, this is my first try at Naruto.
Bold Italics = Kyuubi
Italics = thoughts, within the mind, etc...
Hope you enjoy it, and critiques are welcome.
Walking Away
XXXXX
"Why?" was all his mind could cobble together.
Splinters of wood flew in every direction as he assaulted the trunk of a tree at Team 7's old training grounds.
"How did it come to this? Why?"
Blood dripped in between his fingers and from gashes and cuts, the reddish liquid oozed from his ankles and feet. Both his gloves and boots had been torn apart, the material being no match for the onslaught.
It had already been three months to do the day, since it had happened. Three months and the words, the feelings were still fresh in his mind. It wouldn't leave him, not when training, not when eating, and not even in his sleep. They plagued him, like locusts forever swarming a field.
"I don't love you like that anymore... I'm sorry... I know this hurts, but I don't want you like that anymore, Naruto..."
Pain swelled into his gut as the words, the sound of her voice replayed, over and over again. He paused from punishing the bark and marveled at his twisted form of release. The crushed bones, the cut skin, all of it was meaningless to him.
"I love you Naruto. I've been chasing after you for so long. I'm so happy I finally caught you."
He rest his head against the old oak tree, tears silently falling as the wind brushed against his yellow bangs, ruffling his hair, almost like a parent trying to cheer up their child up.
"Was this her own doing?" he asked himself, as he tried to push the memories from his mind.
"You always hide your emotions from me Hinata! Stop always thinking about me and tell me when something is bugging you!"
"Or... was it my own...?"
"I love you so much, Naruto! Please, fight it! You're just stressed, the Kyuubi has been working so hard to get out, please! Don't leave me!"
The short pause he took was enough to get him to realize he had been hitting the same tree since early morning and it was now well past noon. Naruto tore his gaze from the damage he had done and painfully turned around and leaned against the tree, sliding down its rough edges to the ground. As he did so, he quickly became aware of just how tired he really was.
His once ocean blue eyes that burned with such a fire and determination, had glazed over in torment and sorrow. For Naruto, this was the hardest time of his life: worse then anything that had ever happened before.
"Please... God..." he moaned out, wondering just how pathetic he sounded. "Please let me sleep without dreams..."
He fought. He fought like hell to keep his eyes open, to stop the warm breeze from soothing his aches and pains, luring him into unconsciousness. "Please..." He begged once more, before darkness took him and he fell limp against the oak tree.
~ Start Dream/Mind Scape
He stood at the edge of the world. Life was teaming all around him: lush trees and flowers, green grass and fields as far as the eye could see surrounded him, except with the black abyss that lie before him.
He was sleeping. He knew it. It was bizarre, twisted and God's sense of strange humor, but none the less, he knew. He knew what was about to happen. It would happen as it had always happened, for the past three months, without fail.
Naruto turned around and gazed at the life behind him. In the far distance, black clouds rushed at him, casting a morbid shadow on the life beneath them. Darkness seemed to eat up the flowers and tress, swallowing them into nothingness as it raced towards him. He could feel the fear creep up his legs and into his stomach and churned in response of the sight. His legs moved against his will, his feet set on running straight off the cliff.
'This is a dream. I know it. I don't know how, but I do.' he mused, his eyes reflecting the sadness he felt. 'Its a fucking dream... So why? Why does all this pain feel so damn real?'
And just like all the times before, Naruto ran off the cliff and fell into his memories.
XX
"Th-thank you Naruto-kun, for accompanying me back from the academy." said a very nervous Hyuga.
"No problem Hinata! I didn't know you liked teaching so much. Those kids have to be a handful."
He had met up with Hinata at the academy after being 'escorted' out of the Hokage's office after another failed attempt to bribe her for a better mission.
Hinata smiled as her cheeks burned with a tint of rose, "N-not really... Sometimes, yes, but for the most part, they're well behaved."
The Hyuga compound wasn't far from the entrance to the academy. The Hyuga were proud, almost arrogant in their ways to show that they held some of the most tactful minds in all of Konoha. To show this, they stationed themselves closest to the places where students would be, both civilian and ninja alike.
The rest of their short walk was in relative silence, Naruto walking with his hands behind his head, enjoying the soft breeze and fully aware of Hinata's agitated state. Unlike what most people believed, he wasn't stupid, and knew she liked him. It was something that he had been debating and struggling with ever since his fight with Pain.
He admitted it to himself soon after, that the event made him realize Hinata, and although it had been almost a year since that day, he found himself drawing closer to her.
'I wonder if... maybe I should...?'
They reached their destination and Naruto put his thoughts on hold.
'Something's different...' he thought, as he watched Hinata shift back and forth in place.
"Something wrong, Hinata?" he asked.
She took a step forward, getting closer to him. "Naruto-kun... I... would... do... do you like me?"
Hinata wasn't stupid either. She had noticed the growing attraction between Naruto and herself and somewhere deep down inside, she found the courage to push for it.
"Ahh.... well... Umm... you see..." he stuttered back, completely caught off guard by her question. "Umm...I !!!" he sputtered out, but acting on impulse and courage she normally didn't have, Hinata quickly kissed him in response.
Naruto wasn't sure what pushed him forward more, be it the rush of hormones and the little devil inside him, or his heart, but he didn't hesitate and deepened the embrace. One thing he knew for sure, both sources of encouragement were guiding him.
XX
He opened his eyes and he was still falling, or at least, he thought he was.
'Everything's always so black...' he thought.
The only indication Naruto had that he was even moving were the silver objects that started going past him, seemingly floating upward. This was one of the stranger things that he had found. It was something that started not to long ago, merely a week or so, but it completely changed the way he looked at dreams and his mind. As he fell, silver blobs that looked like liquid versions of mirrors appeared all around him. The 'mirrors' cast reflections of him falling, but they also showed him his memories.
'Is this the state of my mind?' he wondered. 'Shattered memor?!?!?' but before he could think any further, a memory appeared right below him and he fell into it.
XX
A considerable amount of time had passed since their first encounter. Merely 2 years later and they finally started dating. Life had kept them apart, his training and hunting the remnants of Akatsuki and her up-bringing as the leader of the Hyuga clan had not only kept them busy but it also created a rift due to her family and his tenant. Because of that, one couldn't forget that the Hyuga had some of the oldest elders in the village and to put it lightly, Naruto wasn't exactly favored amongst them.
Since that first kiss however, they had gotten much closer and despite the bickering of some of the elders, Hinata and Naruto had started dating.
To this day, it had been roughly two months since they finally made it official and they were celebrating by spending time away from the village, in the surrounding forests.
"Isn't it a beautiful day, Naruto?" she asked, smiling bright as they walked deeper into the forest, her shyness and stuttering completely gone.
"Sure is!" he replied, smiling wide as he carried a picnic basket they had both prepared before hand.
It wasn't long until they reached a small grove that had beautiful flowers and soft grass, unlike the rest of the forest that was uneven and overgrown.
"This looks like a good spot, right?" Naruto asked, while turning his attention to Hinata.
She smiled at him, nodding her head as she did, but she didn't look him in the eyes.
Naruto cocked his head to the side, almost in a pout, "What's wrong Hinata? You know you don't have to hide anything from me."
He caught her off guard, "Ahh.... I don't want to ruin our day, can we save it for some other time?"
Naruto regarded her briefly, seeing the nervousness in her eyes, and something else he recognized almost immediately.
'Fear...' he thought, but he didn't allow the discovery to be shown on his face. "Absolutely!" he responded cheerfully, "just tell me when you're ready."
And that was the last time he had seen that fear, until three days later when they were both in his apartment making dinner.
"Umm... Naruto? I... I would like to talk to you..." she said nervously.
He could hear it in her voice this time, "Is this what you wanted to talk about a few days ago?"
She nodded.
"Okay, what's up?"
They stood there for what felt like hours before she said anything. "I... you know... about a 'girl's time of the month'... right?"
He nodded in response.
"Well... I'm... concerned about mine..."
It got deathly quiet in the room and the only thing that could be heard, which sounded like explosions from bomb tags, was the water boiling in the pot on the stove.
"But... we... were really careful...." he said, not believing what she saying.
"I know, and I... I...." she replied, her eyes not meeting his. She started to tremble lightly and the aura Naruto sensed from her made his chakra spike by accident. He took a step forward, suddenly aware of something being very wrong.
"But... you don't think... its what we did... Do you...?"
Hinata, realizing that he had figured something out, could only nod in surprise.
".... Did... you cheat on me?" he mumbled.
"NO! No Naruto, I did no such thing!" she fired back, now very afraid of losing him.
"Then what?" he retorted with a touch of anger that he couldn't hide. "What are you saying then Hinata!?"
"I... I.... I was... a..."
"A what!?" he almost screamed.
"A one night stand!" she cried back, collapsing onto the floor and crying hysterically.
The shock wave that he felt run over him was worse then anything he had experienced before.
"You...What?" was all Naruto could respond as he rushed forward to embrace the fragile young woman.
XX
The memory burst open like a balloon as Naruto came flying back out. He crunched his eyes shut, fighting off the torrent of emotions that he experienced days, and weeks after that night. When the pain subsided, he slowly opened them, defeat written all over his face.
"So much pain," he said weakly. "So much worry and regret over something we couldn't control..."
His memories shifted to the source of that frustration and suddenly, his black surroundings turned to blood red as the image of a Hyuga male filled every memory bubble that past him.
Rage consumed him in an instant and the fox's cloak quickly surrounded him.
"DIE!!" he bellowed to the images and a violent red explosion tore through every memory within his sight. As the red wave of chakra obliterated the spheres, the cloak died down almost as fast as it had come, and the blackness returned, followed with an overwhelming sense of uselessness and failure.
"Neji would have killed him had he ever found out," he said to the darkness. "I only met him once, by chance and almost immediately after she told me... Had I met him a few months down the road..."
A dark, and sinister laugh echoed through the darkness, and Naruto silently cursed himself for allowing his rage to consume him again. For all his strength and abilities, he never imagined himself comforting and supporting a rape victim, let alone his own girlfriend and Hinata of all people. She didn't like that word at all, and had struggled with doubt and sorrow for being weak and not stopping him. She didn't know why she didn't fight him and just allowed it to happen. For that and other reasons, Naruto had fought through the pain and suffering of feeling useless to help her and anger for the bastard that started it. But for all that effort, for all that they had gone through, there was one thing that was spared of them.
"At least... At least there wasn't a child involved..." he said quietly before another memory swallowed him whole.
XX
"Again!" he shouted at his clones, fed up with his performance and ability.
They all hesitated, seeing their creator in such a state, but his dark glare made them quickly come at him again.
Fifteen shadow clones continued their relentless barrage of punches and kicks as Naruto trained harder then ever before.
Rage started to seep out of one of the clones, and was quickly consumed by the fox's chakra.
"Naruto!" shouted Yamato who stood nearby observing him, "you must control yourself!" and he started doing hand signs.
"NO!" shouted Naruto, as he and the other clones all charged the Kyubbified clone and dispelled him with ruthless attacks. "I told you to not interfere Yamato! Stay out of this!"
Yamato could only watch in slight awe and worry as Naruto quickly resumed his training.
'He's so beat up by what's been happening that he refuses help so he can strengthen his mind and will against the fox. Admirable yes... but Naruto... don't you see what it's doing to you...?'
Hinata was standing not far from the entrance to the grounds and had seen the exchange.
'And those around you?' Yamato thought, before turning to her. "Hello Hinata, how are you today?"
"Good, thank you Yamato-san," she replied.
"I'm glad you're hear Hinata," he smiled. "Would you watch Naruto for me? I'm tired and would like to get something to eat and rest a little before I advance Naruto's training. He should be fine without me, but in the event I'm needed, just spike your chakra. Is that acceptable?"
Hinata nodded, "Yes, of course Yamato-san."
Yamato bowed, "Thank you Hinata, I shall return in a few hours," and with that he disappeared.
Hinata walked over to the bundle of trees where Yamato had been standing and sat down. She watched as Naruto cursed and panted, pushing himself to his absolute limits. It took time, due to the fact that he was so focused but eventually, he noticed her and decided it would be a good idea to take a short break and talk with her.
"Hiya Hinata," he smiled cheerfully. "What brings you here? I thought you were suppose to be at the academy today?"
She smiled back, "I let the kids out early today since most of them are doing well at the moment and I thought I'd come over and see how you were."
"Oh, I see. Well, thank you!" he replied sheepishly.
Her smile fell slightly, "You're always so tired... and stressed Naruto... So much has happened since the fox tried to break out. I know you've been busy with your training and everything but... can't you... take a break for a few days? You've earned the rest."
Naruto's smile softened, "You know I can't do that... I can't let my guard down. Not after discovering why the fox is struggling so much..."
Her features showed she was concerned but she pressed onward, "Naruto... about the other day... We came too close to breaking-up for my comfort..."
Her voice hinted at fear, but there was playfulness and a little bit of humor in what she said next, "And we've done this already before... How many more times must we do this before you start listening to me?"
He turned around, not wanting to look into her eyes, "I'm... I'm sorry... I don't know why that happened... Why I can't control my fears and doubts..."
She got up and came behind him, encircling her arms around his stomach, "You've been uptight, and worried about everything lately... You're stressed, you're angry and all you ever want to do is just rest when I'm around..."
"I know... I'm sorry... Maybe I should take a break...."
Hinata's smile brightened, "But you won't, will you?"
His chuckle didn't have the mirth it usually did, "Haha... guilty..."
He could feel her shake her head, "Baka... you need to listen to me more..."
"Yeah... yeah I do..."
They stood that way for some time before she let him go and he turned around. He scratched his head in thought and smiled again, "Say Hinata... Um... we're getting close to that time, right?"
Hinata sighed, "Really Naruto? You're still worried about this?"
"Uhhh... hahaha...." he said, and quickly turned around again. "Sorry..."
She sighed, and wrapped her arms around him again, "No Naruto... I'm not pregnant."
XX
Another burst memory and Naruto appeared. He frowned as he recalled the 'ritual' as they called it. For some reason, the words never gave him comfort. It wasn't that he didn't trust Hinata, it was that something inside of him couldn't trust himself to allow him to believe that. It was so stupid, he knew, but he couldn't help but worry about what would happen if she were. It almost became second nature for them to have this conversation. She knew exactly what he meant when he said, "that time."
It was sad, and almost pathetic, but it happened every time, almost like clockwork. Naruto chuckled slightly as he recalled that one time Hinata was so annoyed at his pestering about it that she randomly called it, 'his cycle' and the idea just stuck.
'It was annoying,' he thought, 'but funny none the less. It's only been what, about four months since the last time we... I wonder if... Ugh... Stop... Now that is ridiculous. Not only is it not possible at this point, but I know I would have been told about it by now. Especially considering she...."
He stopped abruptly as the next memory bubble appeared below him.
'No... No, not that one...' he pleaded but much to his dismay, the memory wouldn't move.
XX
"Hello Hinata..." he said quietly, as he noticed her walking along the street in front of him.
"Oh, hello Naruto-san, how are you today?"
"Good, thank you," he lied through his teeth, but the mask he put in place was almost perfect.
They walked in silence through the markets, seemingly headed in the same direction. As they approached the academy Hinata began to veer off to walk inside, but Naruto stopped her.
"Hinata... can we talk in private, briefly?"
She seemed taken back, but nodded as they both walked into the academy. She led him to an empty class room, and shut the door behind them.
"What's wrong Naruto?"
He hesitated before continuing, "Umm... You know... Are you uhh..."
Hinata shook her head, "Pregnant?"
He nodded weakly.
"...No, I'm not..." and the hesitation she included with her reply sent Naruto into a panic.
"Hold on... Why did you pause like that? Is there something I should..." but before he could continue, she held up her hands in an effort to calm him and get his attention.
"Wait... Allow me to explain... Yesterday, I just got it so the answer is no, but a few days ago I started showing some minor signs that made me start wondering."
"Minor signs?" he asked, the fear evident in his voice.
"Yes, minor, Naruto. I assure you, everything is alright."
Naruto's shoulders slumped slightly showing relief.
"But... there is one other thing..."
They tensed again, but not as much, "What?"
"... I... debated that... if I was pregnant... I might not have told you and just... not had the baby..."
She knew the moment she said those words that what she did was wrong. Very wrong. The hurt, shock and surprise that flew across his face was so strong that she was surprised by it, and it showed in her eyes.
"You... had 'debated'... not telling me that... I... might have had... I might have been... a, a dad!?"
His voice had started off shaky, but as her words replayed over in his mind, as the meaning of exactly what she said sunk in, frustration and anger took hold.
"Hinata... What were you thinking!? You know where I stand! How I am with families! How I would have reacted!!" his voice grew louder. "Why!?"
"Naruto... Just, wait. I can't have a child now. Not with what's going on at the academy and my mother and father... and Kizoku's parents and sister... they wouldn't have wanted me to..."
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT THEY THINK!" he roared, his eyes flickering red.
Hearing him, and seeing his eyes change froze her in her place.
"You think, I care what your so called 'family' thinks? You think I care what your boy friend or his family thinks!? It's not their decision! It's OURS!" he yelled again, his eyes telling the story.
"I... I..."
"Who are you?" he spat. "What have you become Hinata? I don't recognize you anymore..."
Frustrated, angry and hurt, he left her in the room.
XX
As the last bubble broke away into tiny shards, Naruto fell through it with tears threatening to fall. His mind was blank and he fell for what seemed like hours. Eventually, the hurt and pain started to subside, and more memories floated up past him. He could see some of them line up before him, and he shut his eyes, silently praying they would be better then the ones before.
XXX
"I don't understand! I thought things were getting better! Why Hinata, why!?"
"...I'm sorry Naruto... I just... I just can't do this anymore. I want to be happy. And I realized, that I wasn't happy, not with the way things were."
XX
"Please... Ino, please try and talk to her for me..."
It broke Ino's heart to see Naruto begging for help. He never begged and to see him do so with tears in his eyes was almost too much for even her.
"I'm so sorry Naruto. I will try and talk to to her and see where she stands when I go into the academy today. Will that be okay?"
He weakly nodded as his body shook with sobs. Ino started crying herself and got down on her hands and knees and held him close.
"My God Naruto, I'm so sorry. I know how it feels, you know what I've been through with Shikamaru and Kiba... I'm so sorry..."
XX
"She doesn't deserve you!" Sakura nearly shouted as her fists shook the table, threatening to break it in half. "She actually said that to you!? She let her family and her new boy friend's family influence that!?"
"I don't know Sakura... I understand why she would. I mean, we had 'mini-breakups' in the past, and I'm sure she was hurting then. She just wanted to be happy, so its no surprise to me why she jumped at the first chance of getting what she wanted... and both families agree with this one, unlike what it was with me... But, you're right... That doesn't explain her response.
"Damn straight it doesn't!" she continued ranting. "I'm sorry, but that just shows her immaturity. Shows how much she really takes into consideration the consequences of her actions. YOU at least acknowledged them and worried about them! And family?! Just because her new boy toy is part of the lesser branch of Hyuga and their parents approve doesn't mean shit!"
"..."
XX
"It just sucks Sensei... I can't even describe how much it sucks."
"I know, believe me" replied Kakashi. "You've heard me mention Rin before, right?"
Naruto nodded.
"Well... Back when we were still a team, when Obito was still alive... Rin chased after me, and I ignored her, because back then, I had the mind set of Sasuke, minus the revenge. It took time, and Obito's death... but I realized that I had feelings for Rin as well, and I started to return them. By that time though, she had gotten over me, and realized that Obito was the one she should have been chasing. I tried consoling her, tried making her feel better and help her move on, but in the end... I realized that regardless of what I did, I would never get her attention again...."
Naruto was taken back by Kakashi's sudden revelation, "Wow, Sensei... I'm sorry, I didn't know..."
Kakashi's one visible eye brightened, "Oh don't be. I'm sharing this with you because through that, I realized something. I realized something very important after Rin disappeared."
Naruto quirked his head in interest, "What?"
The Jounin's eyes flashed through emotions, "I realized that... if you want to date someone and you've never dated them before, you must peruse it. You must show interest and you have to work for it, there's no other way around it... But... if you've been intimate with someone before... If you've shared your life with someone and then things go wrong but you still want to try and make it work, and they don't... You have to... step back. You have to let it go and allow them time on their own..."
Naruto flinched at his words.
"I know its not something you want to hear... Quite frankly, it sucks and it's something no one wants to hear. But, regardless of whether or not they realize what they're doing, some women do what they do in order to 'wipe the slate clean' so to speak. They simply get up and move on, and by immediately showing them you want to make things work and you're still interested... That will only make matters worse for you and her and it will only drive you further apart. Its hard, especially because most often times, that means we must face our pain alone, but this is the only way I've been able to come up with that could potentially work."
"That does suck," Naruto replied and they looked at each other briefly before both laughing slightly.
They both sat in silence for a few minutes before Kakashi spoke up again.
"That however, is the true test of someone's character..."
Naruto's eyes pressed the Jounin on.
"It's human nature to seek out help when we're suffering. You going to Sakura and Ino shows you're still human. But the true test of strength, the true test of character is for people to take their pain and sorrow and 'suffer silently' as it were, or in such a way that no one else notices. There is no greater means to show someone's strength of will then this, at least, that is what I believe..."
XXX
Naruto opened his eyes, and found himself somewhere he was not expecting to be.
"The sewers..." he said to himself.
Water droplets fell from rusted pipes and the sounds of those drops hitting water echoed for what must have been miles. He would never forget the sound, nor the smell of this place, even though he desperately wanted to.
"This is different..." he once again said aloud. "If I was dreaming... I sure as hell wouldn't end up here... I should have gotten up by now..."
He sighed, knowing full well that he never came here unless there was a reason, so he trudged forward to greet the one creature he wasn't in the mood to see. It wasn't long before he found himself in an enormous room, with equally enormous bars at the one end.
"I smell a morsel of meat approaching..." chuckled the demon.
"What do you want fox?" asked Naruto as he neared the cage.
"Congratulations are in order," laughed the fox, "you've made it to the final round."
Naruto was annoyed, but curious, "What are you talking about?"
The demon laughed, "Your misery has served me well. It has been a long time since I've feasted on such raw emotion."
Naruto gritted his teeth, "Stay out of my memories Kyuubi."
Once again, the demon laughed, "Oh, but I've called you down here to see this one particular memory..."
Naruto's frustration was replaced with confusion as one last silver like sphere slowly pushed itself out through the bars of the cage.
"I've saved the best for last... Do give me one last hearty meal of sorrow..."
Images flickered across the surface of the sphere and it was at that moment that Naruto realized what the fox had done.
"You... Bastard..."
"I take pride in my work," replied the demon as his hellish eyes shown against the darkness.
Before Naruto could argue any further, the memory split half apart as a set of jaws appeared on it and lunged right at him.
XX
Naruto did his best, he tried as hard as he could, but he couldn't stop the tears. The sobs were so bad, that he had trouble keeping himself from shaking.
"Why Hinata? I thought things were getting better...? Please... Please don't go! I've finally figured it all out! I know now. I love you! I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out, I'm so sorry. Please, please don't leave me. I'm sorry! I know I've done wrong, I know I've messed up, but please, give me another chance! I want to make this work, so bad, I don't want to give up!"
Hinata looked at him with sad eyes, but they held a gaze that would not sway or give in.
"I'm sorry Naruto..."
All the tension, all the pain and hurt that he had been holding back burst through him.
"I don't understand! I thought things were getting better! Why Hinata, why!?"
"...I'm sorry Naruto... I just... I just can't do this anymore. I want to be happy. And I realized, that I wasn't happy, not with the way things were."
He cried. He cried harder then he thought he ever could, or would. He felt pathetic and he felt that despite what was happening, that he shouldn't be crying. That he should show his strength, show his worth, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
He was on his knees and struggled to meet her eyes but when he did, he smiled weakly, "Please... Hinata-chan.... I Love You..."
She didn't move. She didn't tense or relax. It was as if the words hadn't meant a thing, and worst of all, the sound of her voice confirmed that they didn't.
"... I know you do... I don't love you like that anymore... I'm sorry... I know this hurts, but I don't want you like that anymore, Naruto..."
He could feel the convulsions coming, the raw pain swelled in his stomach and churned in such a way it nearly made him sick.
"Please Naruto, stop crying. I feel horrible doing this to you," she said, sounding almost annoyed with him.
He looked at her as if she had gone mad, but despite everything that was screaming to come out of him, despite it all, he forced the tears back into his eyes. He steadied his breathing and focused his nerves into keeping a calm heart beat.
"Thank you, Naruto and I'm sorry..."
She smiled weakly, and then left his apartment.
Just like that.
Naruto didn't know how much time had passed. He wasn't sure when she left, or how far away she might have been, but as the minutes ticked by, the forces he had used to settle himself began to wane.
Tears started falling again. Sobs started over, and the pain he worked so hard to suppress came roaring back. He could feel his mask crack as his smile slowly broke away.
Naruto sank to his knees, fell on his side, and wept.
XX
The fox was waiting patiently, and growled merrily when the orb shattered into thousands of pieces, revealing Naruto sitting on his knees, his eyes water stained and broken.
The demon nudged its nose against the bars so he could be as close to Naruto as possible, "What ails you boy?"
Naruto didn't speak.
"Do you wish for aid?"
"...Yes... I do..."
The fox's tales swished back and forth in anticipation.
"I can help you, Naruto Uzumaki... Give me your Pain... Give me your Fears... Give me your Enemies... And I shall give you the power and will to protect yourself... You will never feel pain again..."
A red chakra started to seep from behind the bars and slowly made its way over to Naruto.
"I can free you from this torment and suffering. Give me control and I will give you that which you desire most..."
Naruto stared blankly at the bars, "Hinata..."
The demon growled with glee as it stood up, shaking the room and rattling the walls. The red chakra was within Naruto's reach.
"What say you?"
Naruto turned his head slightly to look upon chakra.
"Boy... What say you? Shall I free you from your pain?"
Naruto's eyes held a distant gaze in them at first, but as he stared at the chakra and the words rang in his ears, something ignited a fire in his eyes and the fox growled in frustration.
"Boy! Answer Me!"
The haze in his eyes cleared and a blue flame seemed to glow within them, "No..." he said calmly, earning a ear splitting shriek of rage as a reply.
"Damn You Uzumaki! Give me your will and I shall be free!!!!"
Naruto stood up at this point, his eyes holding a look of determination, "No Kyuubi... I understand now... What you've been trying to do. Ever since you realized the seal was shrinking... and taking more of your chakra from you... You've been hell bent on escaping, haven't you?"
"ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!" the fox bellowed, ramming its head against the cage.
"You would even use my own memories against me... My dreams... You'd do anything to get out, wouldn't you?"
His response was a blast of rage that would have killed anyone, "I. WILL. BE. FREE."
Naruto smiled sadly, "No fox... You will never be free. And for awhile, neither will I..."
~ End Dream/Mind Scape
Naruto's eyes opened slowly, as if waking after a long and tiring battle. He would have made a move to try and stand had it not been for Sakura who was kneeling down in front of him, wrapping his hands in bandages and tending to the other wounds.
"Baka!" she yelled with more concern then annoyance. "What were you thinking?"
She paused when she saw that his eyes held a haze in them, flickering through emotions. "Naruto...? Are you okay?"
Her voice snapped him back to reality and with it a fiery glow appeared burned through the haze. Sakura took notice of it, and was about to ask again when he finally replied, "I'm... I'm okay..."
The manner in which he did so however, did not sit well with her in the slightest, "I don't believe you. Normally, ten times out of nine, I would, but not this time."
He chuckled at her as they both shared a smile, "Thank you Sakura. I'd like to talk to you later, but right now, I need time to be alone."
She smiled warmly, but she still held a look of worry.
"Alright... Just let me know when, and I'll be there... Your injuries are all healed. They were mostly small fractures that between me and your buddy, we've taken care of."
He smiled sheepishly as he stood up, "Thank you Sakura-chan!" and with one last bright smile, he disappeared into a pile of leaves.
XX
He stood on the top of the Hokage mountain as the sun started to burn the skies in brilliant orange and red colors.
'All that suffering... All that effort and it was all in vain...'
He tried walking down that dark path of hate and depression. Then and there, he tried hating her, bringing out her worst flaws, showing the things she did in the past to hurt them, hurt him. He tried everything.
"And I still can't hate her," he chuckled which quickly turned into a full blown laugh.
'Why not laugh?' he thought. 'There's really nothing else I can do.'
Looking down from the 4th's head, Naruto understood. He understood why she did some of the things she did, why she was acting the way she was now.
"Well... I can't try and win her back at this point... That would be hopeless. Not only would that disgust her, but that would destroy what friendship we have left."
He shifted on his feet, allowing the stiffness to slowly fade away from his legs. His bright blue eyes, that held a fire in them just moments ago died away, leaving a burning ember. The flame had been doused, but it wasn't extinguished.
'I hate understanding this. I wish I could just put it all behind me, hate her, forget her... But that's not how its going to work... That's not who I am... The only way I could hope to win her back... To get her to notice me again... I...'
He sighed in defeat, doing his best to not slip back into the darkness he had spent so much time and energy trying to stay out of.
"I have to let her go." he said hoarsely. "I have to walk away from what we put so much effort into... And start anew. It doesn't help take the bite away but.... Ah hell, this sucks..."
Silence was all that responded to him as he took a few steps forward and sat down at the edge, admiring the view as the sun started to set.
'It's so sad...' he thought as a warm breeze rushed around him. 'I understand why she did left, and I hold no ill will against her, its just...'
"It's just hard... to see someone you believed would never leave you just... walk away like that," he finished out loud.
Naruto knew that it would take time to heal, he knew it wouldn't be easy, especially since he'd likely be running into her due to their status as ninja. But at the same, despite the heartache, the pain, and the struggles she was going to put him through, he couldn't help but understand her. Even if he didn't comprehend the entire story, even if he didn't know the why behind all of her actions, he still understood.
Naruto stood back up and sighed as the sky lit up with the sun dipping below the horizon.
'Who knows?' he thought to himself, 'Life is unpredictable and changes so fast. Whose to say what the future holds for either of us?'
He smiled at the idea, coupled together with a tinge of happiness and sorrow mixed in. 'We both have things to work out for ourselves, and maybe our lives will intertwine... then again.... maybe not...'
The words he thought would bring him serenity only brought more sorrow and he frowned, "But I guess... I..."
As the brightly lit skies dimmed, he smiled although it was pained and slightly forced. Slowly, tears trickled down his face as he turned around and headed away from the mountain.
Naruto knew it would be a long and difficult journey before he found himself truly happy again but he knew if he didn't start walking, he'd never find it. Be it with her, or without was something only time could tell him. So he started, with that very moment he backed away from the edge of the mountain, he started doing the last thing he ever thought he would do.
"Time to go," he whispered softly, "time to start... walking away..."
XXXXX
A/N:
Right, so to start I apologize for this entire fic seemingly existing in a dream like state. It was the only way I could come up with to accurately, and quickly tell a very long tale compressed into a few thousand words.
Secondly, I also apologize for some of the 'long winded' conversations. I sort of got lazy and just let them flow. I also apologize for the lack of detail in places. I didn't want this to be a full blown out story, although looking back it could very easily become that and maybe one day I will, but for now, I just wanted the 'dream' sequences to give glimpses of Naruto's past with Hinata and some of the things that occurred between them. Another note is that not all of the "memories" that he went through appeared in the order in which they originally occurred, if that makes sense.
Thirdly, as I'm sure you may have noticed, I switched between a first and third person type of dialogue in the story. Also probably not as good as it could be, but eh, I'm feeling lazy so it is what it is.
And lastly, as I stated before, this is based on a true story and for all those who can understand and relate I wish to say: you are not alone in your struggles.
Review if you feel the urge and thanks for reading!
9/13/09: detail edit. I wouldn't have bothered but it was a crucial detail so hideously wrong that I had to. Funny that you notice this stuff AFTER a post. Go figure.