A cold case close to home
Summary: Stella doesn't cry…much. And when she does it's because she's hurting so bad that she's lost the will to care that other people are watching the tears fall down her face. Stella only cries when it's something that hits close to home. Slightly SMacked, but not romantic.
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Stella sat in her office staring at the files, tears streaming down her puffy eyes and her mind wracked with guilt. It had been declared cold…this of all cases, the one where she not only wanted to help the victims, but also identified with them and would do anything to bring them justice. All her hard work, all the evidence analyzed, all the suspects questioned, had amounted to nothing, which always left her feeling bad, but this time the feeling was worse a hundredfold as all the victims were young orphans.
Once upon a time it might have been her in their position, only back in her days at St Basil's orphanage, there hadn't been an orphan-killer out there. These children, now corpses on an autopsy table, had once had their whole lives ahead of them, and now they would never get the chance to flourish into the wonderful people they might have been. Stella knew she was lucky to have had that chance. Her orphanage days were distant as she now led a comfortable lifestyle as a crime scene investigator.
And now there was nothing she could do but put the files aside and hope that one day some new evidence might come to light. As she gazed at the files, she knew it was the last time she would look at the faces of the victims before closing them for the last time and putting them into the pile of cold cases. Stella was afraid of closing the files because it meant she'd given up on them, something she'd never wanted to admit to.
It was late at night and most of the team had gone home. However, Stella eventually heard a knocking on her door as someone came in. Hastily she begun to wipe the tears away, but not before she felt a pair of strong arms around her shoulders. She didn't need to turn around to see who it was.
"Time to put the files down, Stell," said Mac. Stella shook her head. She couldn't, wouldn't, put down the files. Not until the orphan-killer had been caught.
"I can't, Mac," she said, her voice wavering. She swallowed, trying to fight a fresh onslaught of tears.
"I understand your reluctance to stop working on this case, but there's nothing more you can do for them. You've already done a great job, and someday we will catch the killer. We always do."
"There must be something…"She lost the battle as the tears overwhelmed her. She felt pathetic and useless in front of Mac, but right now she ignored those feelings. This case was too sad and it hit far too close to home. There were thousands of vulnerable children out there in orphanages, and any of them could be the killer's next victim. She couldn't stand to think that, because she'd failed at her job, another child might die.
"Let's get you home, Stell," said Mac, and Stella allowed herself to be helped out of her chair by her partner and best friend. She looked away as Mac picked up the files and put them away, knowing that if he didn't do it for her, she never would. As the two of them walked away, Stella looked behind her as she reluctantly closed the door on the case that was so close to her heart.
"Imagine if it was me," she said.
Mac raised his eyebrows. "How do you mean?"
"Imagine a ten-year-old me lying on that autopsy table. I was once just like them, but I was given a chance at life. They will never get that chance, which is why I have to find the killer. There are many more children out there that deserve a chance at life, and one of them might die because we couldn't catch the killer." She choked out the last part of the sentence. It was too horrible to think about.
"Listen to me," said Mac. "The case is cold. There is nothing more we can do for them. Now we need to focus on other cases, cases which have evidence and suspects, cases that we are still able to solve. Whether we catch the orphan-killer or not, there are still others out there, other families of victims that need justice, and can be brought justice. And even if it's not the orphan-killer, every killer we lock up in prison is another murderer off the street, making the city just that little bit safer. And because the city is a little safer, more people will have a chance to live their lives that might have been killed if we didn't solve those cases. Maybe they're not orphans, but they're still people with lives. Do you understand me, Stella?"
She nodded, knowing he was right. She didn't feel any better but at least he had caused her to think rationally about what the right thing to do was.
"Can I drive you?" asked Mac.
"Sure."
They left the building, his arm around her shoulder. Stella smiled faintly, knowing she was the only one he would do that for, and also knowing she wouldn't do her job half as well without him. At that thought, she recalled the situation with the horse with the bullet, and remembered how the roles had been reversed:
"I honestly wouldn't do my job without you," Mac said.
"Yes you would. You just wouldn't be as good," Stella replied.
She wouldn't be as good without him either.
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A/N: This was my first attempt at a CSI:NY fanfiction. Hopefully I got them in character, but I'll leave it for you reviewers to decide!