Yusei and the Chicken Wing Trip
Hello, everyone, from your friendly neighborhood Peach Wookiee. This is my debut fic for 5Ds and yes, it is a crack fic. This is probably one of the most bizarre things I have ever written. It was brought to fruition by sleep deprivation, a few days of being stressed and sad, hearing a song from the musical, Chicago, and seeing the Facility mini-arc again. This may not be humorous to everyone; in fact, it may be more scarring than that fan art I made of one Dr. Vellian Crowler as Dr. Frankenfurter. You may love or hate it; what is undeniable is that it is, again, very strange. In any event, I hope that you enjoy this. Or I hope at least that you tolerate it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own 5Ds. I don't own Chicago. I just own this very, very bizarre crack fic. Yes, I know there is OOC. As I said, this is one weird fic. I doubt, among other things, that Leo would watch Chicago with Luna, unless bribery was somehow involved.
Yusei Fudo was having an incredibly weird day. First, his duel runner had somehow been covered in cotton candy. He suspected Leo (perhaps aided and abetted by Crow) of doing it, but he had no proof. And then, when he had returned to his apartment in the TOPS, Akiza had been… singing opera. She never sang opera. And then Jack had been dancing around like an idiot, screaming, "I WANT TO DANCE DISCO!"
"Okay, that was just strange. I'm going for a walk," Yusei muttered. The duelist made his way out of the building and to the rougher part of town. He smelled the scent of beer, milk and pretzels and knew he must be at the Bootleg. He went inside and was shocked to see a huge stage. It glowed with thousands of Christmas lights and spotlights, the latter of which was focused on the center of red velvet curtains. And then a familiar figure emerged from the opening, wearing a gold A-line dress. It was… "Chief Armstrong?!" the 19-year-old yelped in horror.
Indeed it was the former warden of the New Domino Correctional Facility. And he winked coquettishly at the audience. The man still wore his beard, and now wore a sparkly golden headband that resembled a crown on his bald head. He wore no make-up or wig, but he pranced around in his very large kitten-heeled gold shoes. The would-be singer twirled around like a young woman overjoyed to be at her first fancy party, clearly enjoying the beautiful (on anyone else) dress. "Hello, everyone," he said in a falsetto voice, flipping the edge of his beard like a girl flips her hair. "My name is Mama Armstrong and I'm here to entertain you." He drew in a deep breath and sang "When You're Good to Mama" from the musical, Chicago, in that same disturbing falsetto. The big man moved through the audience, teasing the various members.
At the very end of the song, he came up to Yusei and hugged him…
"NOOO!" Yusei screamed, flying up from his bed. His heart raced inside of his chest, sweat poured out of him and his head spun. "Was… was it a dream?" he wondered out loud. And then, he heard the song... "AAHH!!!" he shouted, running from his bedroom, wild-eyed. He tore outside and tripped over a lawn chair into the pool.
Luna and Leo, watching the movie Chicago, had heard their surrogate brother scream. They charged to their bedroom door, only to see him fly in a less-than-graceful belly flop into the pool. "Uh… What did we do, Luna?" the boy asked his twin sister curiously.
"No idea, Leo…" And so Yusei, after getting out of the pool, resolved never again to have spicy barbecue chicken wings before bedtime.
THE END