Memoirs of a coffeeboy
Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police. Tracking down alien life on Earth and arming the human race against the future. The 21st century is when everything changes. And you've gotta be ready. Ready to see sex gas, the living dead, huge pteranodoms and your naked boss, who by the way has a really great ass –
Sometimes I wondered, what the hell was I thinking? My position in Torchwood had never been really special. I was just a joke to everyone. Well, mostly to Owen and Suzie but now that Suzie is deceased… Anyway, I kept on remembering one messenger conversation from the early days. I actually liked my job and all that came with it, though sometimes Owen just pissed me off.
CaptainJH says: Hi, Ianto. You guys remember how important this day is?
sato909 says: yes, and I'm prepared. Gwen will see a clean workplace if it's up to me. Suzie, you still haven't cleaned up your desk and took those old coffee cups away.
r3surr3ct3d says: yeah, well I've been busy doin' other things.
janettheweevil says: like what?
CaptainJH says: Like her job. Now, you must remember that we are not to treat Gwen as an outsider, but also not as a family member. She's new, she will learn and that's why you're here. To teach her.
janettheweevil says: oh, great. Just what I need. I bet she's one of those women who faint when they see blood.
r3surr3ct3d says: oh, shut up, owen! She's a cop! She's used to seeing blood.
CaptainJH says: Hey, Ianto, would you pay a visit to my office, let's say, in ten minutes?
coffeeboy83 says: Of course. You want me to bring you some coffee?
CaptainJH says: Sure.
r3surr3ct3d says: why don't you clean up my desk, too, plz?
coffeeboy83 says: Hey, I'm not your servant!!!
janettheweevil says: oh, so you can't clean Suzie's desk but you'll do anythin' Jack wants? To me that sounds like a servant.
r3surr3ct3dsays: yeah, look at his nickname.
CaptainJH says: Stop it! We have bigger things to worry about than Ianto.
coffeeboy83 says: Thanks a lot guys, after all this I really feel appreciated here.
janettheweevil says: jack, when you're saying "we have bigger things to worry about than ianto", has that somethin' to do with measuring tapes?
r3surr3ct3d says: haha! That was a good one!
sato909 says: Oh God, Owen, you're such a perv. Grow up! Jack, when will Gwen arrive?
CaptainJH says: Within an hour. Guys, clean up your desks and look professional. I know this job is more like having fun to you, but I want Gwen to take it seriously because it takes skill. Understood?
sato909 says: sure.
r3surr3ct3d says: yeah whatever.
janettheweevil says: go have fun with your servant boy, I'm outta here.
CaptainJH says: Ianto, 1 minute.
coffeeboy83 says: yes, sir, I'm on my way
I knew he hadn't mean anything by inviting me to his office, but it still had given me warm shivers down my spine. He probably just wanted me to get him some coffee or talk, I'd thought. Anyway, I had gone offline and then straight to his office… Which leads me to that one time when Gwen had already joined our team and things got pretty awkward, at least for me.
There had been me, Owen, and Toshiko sitting around our coffee table and questioning Gwen about Jack. Jack hardly ever tells us anything about himself, so we figured he might have had said something to Gwen.
"So, what has he told you?" Owen asked with curiosity.
"What about?" Gwen said and looked confused.
"Himself!" Tosh answered, waiting for a reply.
"You've been here longer than I have", Gwen said and raised her eyebrows.
"We were counting on you!" Tosh said.
"You're a cop, you've been trained to ask questions", Owen said, clearly becoming a little frustrated when she didn't know anything.
"You don't know anything?" Gwen asked in disbelief.
"No. Not who he is, not where he's from, nothing. Except, him being gay", Owen answered and gave Gwen a "you know" look. I froze, hoping that no one would notice. Suddenly I felt all awkward and just wanted to get out of the table.
"No he's not! Really, d'you think?" Gwen asked Owen. He nodded.
"Owen does, I don't", Tosh said and smiled.
"And I don't care", I informed them, quickly shoving food into my mouth so I'd avoid any speaking. Owen and Gwen discussed something about Jack's clothes and soon after that Jack himself came back. We started talking about the case we'd been working on and nobody paid much attention to me. I was talking to them, but secretly I was checking out Jack. He was so handsome… Too handsome. Once Tosh had said that he'd shag anything if it was gorgeous. Then it made me wonder if he thought I was gorgeous, which would, after all, be impossible. I wasn't even sure if he noticed me sometimes.
I did care about Jack. I'll always remember the first alien we tamed together. It was a pteranodom, a big, yellowish dinosaur-like creature. Before that, I'd been trying to convince Jack that I was a good worker, but Jack had said there was no job for me and there never would be. I even had tried to compliment his coat (which looks great on him, by the way)! One morning I even had got him coffee and told him I could be a butler, but he had said that he didn't need a butler. I thought everyone needed a butler! Then, on one night Jack had had enough. He'd yelled at me and told me to disappear from the town, but I'd said I knew there was a pteranodom in a hall near by. Those were the magic words. He instantly took me with him to the Hub and got a big injection needle for the creature.
"Do we really need that?" I asked, because it was one hell of a big needle and it sure didn't feel very pleasant if someone stabbed it in your neck.
"Yep, it makes the creature pass out", he answered and smiled his oh-so-sexy smile.
After that, we went to a big storage hall that was empty, or should I say 'almost' empty, since there was a creature from outer space flying around (and oh, if you're wondering, the pteranodom was a female. I later named it Jessica, after my aunt). We walked quietly closer when Jack stopped me.
"Hold this, I'll keep it occupied", he said and gave me the injection needle, which, obviously, I was supposed to stab in the creature's neck. I looked at Jack with a horrified expression on my face, because I was a huge animal lover and though this wasn't exactly any household pet, I really didn't want it to get hurt. Poor thing!
"No no no, I'll keep it occupied", I whispered.
"It's way too dangerous", he said and didn't look very convinced, so I added: "I have a secret weapon; chocolate!" I pulled a chocolate bar out of my suit. Then I walked closer to her.
"Here, c'mon girl, I know you like it, it's your favourite", I said, trying to tempt her with the chocolate bar. It was 80% cocoa and I lately found out that it was Jack's favourite too. You can only imagine all the things we did after that…
The pteranodom took the chocolate while Jack approached it from behind, but just as he was going to gave her the injection, she turned around and faced him. Jack didn't hesitate. He quickly moved so close to her that it was easy for him to hit the right spot. As soon as he did so, she flapped her wings and grabbed Jack with her. I watched in horror the two of them flying around and Jack started screaming my name.
"IANTO!!!" (I sometimes wonder how he sounds like in bed…)
Anyway, the creature turned around, flew towards me and dropped Jack down. He fell right on top of me, gave a victorious laugh and quickly rolled me on top of him, so the creature could fall and pass out safely next to us. Then it was all silent, just our bodies pressed together and lips so close that my urge to kiss him was almost unbearable. We laid like that for a few seconds, and then I realized how awkward it was and whispered: "I should go." I got up and started walking away when I heard a voice behind me.
"Hey! Report for work first thing tomorrow." I turned around and faced Jack, who smiled at me. I nodded and continued walking towards the door and heard him say: "Like the suit, by the way." I smiled widely, glad that he couldn't see my face and walked out the door.
Two days later
I yawned widely. It was morning and I was very tired, but somehow I managed to get myself out of the bed. I went to the kitchen, took my tea mug and decided I should go to the computer, just to check my mails and maybe… If Jack had sent me something (uh, something related to work, of course). I took a long, delicious sip from my cup, enjoying the taste of tea, since I rarely ever had it at work. You know, I learnt to drink coffee just because I knew Jack liked it and I wanted to spend more time with him. And what could be a better time for that than the coffee breaks?
After that I got dressed and ready for work, smiling on my way to the car. The drive from my house to the Hub took about 15 minutes and it was a very good thing, because sometimes our days could end at night and I always wanted to get in bed early. I sang along with the radio, to Kylie Minogue's song, Two Hearts. I've done some rapping too and I think my rhymes are good (I once caught Jack while he was listening to Eminem. Not that it was the reason I started rapping, of course…) I checked my appearance from the rear view mirror and stepped out of the car.
When I arrived to the office, everyone seemed to be busy. I was just about to ask what was going on, when Gwen bumped into me.
"Oh, Ianto, I'm so sorry!"
"It's fine, just tell me, why are you running?"
"You don't know? We noticed a man who – oh, never mind, come with me!" I ran after Gwen, out to the parking lot and into the SUV. Everybody else had already gotten in there.
"So, what is this all about?"
"We have a man runnin' around with some alien technology", Owen explained while we were driving through the streets.
"Yeah, don't ask", Gwen said as she noticed the confused look on my face. "We know as little as you do, Tosh discovered just an hour ago that – "
"We've got him! Everybody, out!" Jack yelled so we all stepped out of the car.
"Ianto, park the car somewhere safe", Owen said and threw me the keys. I watched as they ran after the mystery man. I felt quite left out, but got back into the SUV and started it. My good mood had gone away and I was sure that the rest of the day wasn't going to be any better.
After I'd parked the car I decided to get back at the hub. It was only few blocks away so it took me only seven minutes by foot. I opened the door and suddenly it felt all strange. Usually there were noises of everybody chatting or yelling at each other but now there was only Jessie and me. I sighed and walked to my desk. Maybe there was something useful I could do. I sat down to check my emails but there was nothing special, just some notifications from Facebook and one mail from my sister. I opened it, though I knew it would be the same old song about how I didn't come for a visit very often and how I should find myself a girlfriend, blah blah blah. This time she had written rather long mail.
Ianto,
I know you're at the computer almost every day and I sure as hell know that you read these emails. You just don't bother to answer any of them! Why is it so hard for you to type down a few words and make me happy? And don't tell me it's your work again, I bet you have plenty of free time, but apparently no time for me, then. So, has anything special happened? Have you got a girl? A life? Michael just turned six; he's growing up so fast. You should come and see him. Anyway, text me or email me or whatever, just, please, contact me.
Love,
Cassie
I knew she cared for me, of course she did. But I just couldn't tell her that my work took much more time than it seemed to take, and that the only person I was attracted to was my boss and he was a man. God, sometimes Cassie just didn't saw the bigger picture. I typed a reply to her.
Cass,
I do read your emails. I'm sorry, but I really can't come for a visit, I have to work. Tell Michael a happy birthday for me, will you?
Love,
Ianto
I pressed 'send' and logged out. Sometimes I wished I'd just walked away when Jack said I couldn't work for him. My personal life was all messed up with my job and that was a catastrophe. It was just too much for me to let go, Jack and the others and the excitement my job gave me. Of course there had been days I thought I would die but normally we had fun. The point was, nobody except us could ever realise how amazing this job really was, and nobody would understand.
Suddenly I heard the door open and the rest of the team walked in. Gwen and Owen were chatting and laughing, Tosh was all focused on her laptop and Jack walked straight up to me. He looked a bit like he had looked at the night we tamed the pteranodom, victorious and sexy as hell.
"So, everything fine back here?" He asked me, smiling.
"Yes, sir", I answered.
"We'll better start working, then. Ianto, Tosh, Owen and Gwen, come with me. We have to make some plans for tonight!"
"He's in a good mood", Tosh said smiling as she passed me. She was right, though, because Jack hadn't been very cheerful during the past few weeks. He had had so many phone calls and too much paperwork going on, so I'd figured he just needed some action. I followed Tosh and got into Jack's office so we could discuss where the best place to party was.
After a quick vote we ended up ordering some Chinese and watching a movie. Of course, Jack wanted us to see something excellent which meant that none of us knew it. The movie was called Fight Club and only Owen was truly excited about it. Actually, after watching it I have to say it was very good, though I'd rather watch movies like Brokeback Mountain or Moulin Rouge. Tosh and Gwen were shocked so bad that they couldn't speak, Jack looked really appreciating and Owen looked like a retard. Literally. I don't think he understood what had happened in the end.
"Well, I'd better go now", Gwen said. "Jack, thanks for the movie, it was really amazing."
"It was my pleasure", Jack said smiling as he collected the trash away.
"But how did he…?" Owen asked with a confused voice.
"It'll come to you", I answered and left with Tosh and Gwen. I heard Jack laughing as we opened the door and stepped into the cold air of November. Then each of us went in different directions and I was left shivering in my car. I turned on the heating and drove back home.
A week later
The sound of my phone waked me up. I noticed that I was still at the hub, surrounded by papers and my tie was missing. I quickly snapped my phone open and answered.
"Hello?"
"Ianto, where the hell are you? I've been trying to call you all morning!" My sister said sounding angry.
"What's the time?" I asked sleepily. I had been working late and apparently fallen asleep in the middle of something. I hoped I could remember what.
"It's almost eleven and you were supposed to be here at nine! Michael is really disappointed and now it's too late for you to come, because we're going to the church and then to Mum's place. Why is it that you can't ever keep your promises? This was the third time you said you would come but again you forgot! Or was it your work again? Whatever the reason, I am tired of you. You always let us down and I wouldn't even mind, but Michael, he's just a kid and I can never promise him that you will appear because you never do! You weren't raised like that, I only wonder what aunt Jessie would say about all this…" I snapped my phone shut. She was right about me but I had told her that I didn't have the time to see Michael. It was like I was some kind of a father figure to the kid, since Cassie had divorced her husband three years ago. She had never been good at relationships. I made a promise to myself that I'd go and watch some of Michael's football games to cheer him up. I owed that to him.
I drank the last drops of the tea from my cup and stood up. I decided to get out and maybe get some food, when I noticed that Owen had left something on his desk. I hesitated a moment, because I felt bad. I wasn't the kind of guy who peeks through other people's stuff, but finally my curiosity won me over. I walked closer to the desk and was rather surprised.
The card was pink but not heart-shaped (thank God for that). I noticed that it was sent on the 16th of November and it had the slightest smell of some cologne I didn't quite recognize. My conscience told it was wrong to peek through Owen's personal stuff but I was too curious to let it be. I quickly glanced around to make sure that nobody was watching me and opened the card.
Hi!
Y'know I ain't good at this. I just wanna wish you a happy birthday and uhm… I hope ya like nuts.
Nuts
Nuts are nice
And so was the price
I hope Gwen doesn't realize
Chocolate is great
I won't be late
So would you kindly be my date?
Love, Rhys
I couldn't believe it. So Rhys wanted to be Owen's date? My God, that was just insane... I carefully put the card back down on Owen's desk and sneaked out like a bad school boy (I've done some things in my past… but just for your information, I'm not telling any of the details). Soon Jack called us all to come and take care of the case we'd been working on for weeks. I decided to think about the card later, because I wanted to do my job well and impress Jack whenever there was a chance for it. What I didn't know was that the surprises didn't end there.
After my long day at work I drove back home. The sun was setting as I parked my car, which made me wonder, how much time Torchwood actually took from me. I felt a little bit guilty because I had neglected Cassie and her family but I had enough problems already. I wasn't ready to deal with this one, too.
As soon as I got in, I walked straight to the kitchen and had a cup of the finest tea ever made. That was a habit I wouldn't quit. Then I logged into messenger to see how many of my friends were there and, as usual, got added in a conversation as soon as they noticed I was online.
Coffeeboy83 has joined the conversation
sato909 says: so, what d'you think?
janettheweevil says: …what the fuck?
new_gsays: oh my god.
sato909 says: exactly.
coffeeboy83 says: hey, what is it?
new_gsays: Ianto, you should really see this.
coffeeboy83 says: see what?
janettheweevil says: this! .com/watch?v=ecwTiXw4dlo
coffeeboy83 says: oh my god, when did he do that?
sato909 says: apparently before he joined Torchwood, I mean, look at his clothes.
new_gsays: yeah, definitely not our jack.
janettheweevil says: dear mary mother of god, I fell off my freakin' chair…
sato909 says: please, owen, don't mention mary.
janettheweevil says: sorry, I forgot.
coffeeboy83 says: he's really talented!
new_gsays: yeah, but where is he now?
CaptainJH says: He's here and he wants to know what the hell did you guys see.
janettheweevil says: oh, jack, we were just wonderin' why you didn't tell us about your wild past?
new_gsays: what owen means is that we didn't know you could sing, that's all.
CaptainJH says: Well, you have heard me singing before. In the karaoke bar, remember?
sato909 says: I don't remember anything like that, jack.
coffeeboy83says: I don't remember it, either.
CaptainJH says: Oh, I must've been there with Luke... Anyway, now that you know I can sing, could somebody please explain what the hell has happened here?
coffeboy83says: who's Luke?!
janettheweevil says: we decided to do a little research.
sato909says: it's my fault, Jack, I mentioned it first.
new_gsays: so owen and I… we kinda looked at your desk.
janettheweevil says: actually, we kinda looked in your desk drawers.
CaptainJH says: Why?
sato909 says: because, Jack, you never tell us anything about yourself!
janettheweevil says: yeah, how come you know eeeverythin' about us but we don't know nothin' about you?
new_gsays: and jack, who is this Doctor?
CaptainJH says: Just an old friend of mine.
sato909 says: you mean he's old or you knew each other a long time ago?
CaptainJH says: Both.
janettheweevil says: so, then tell us, what's he like?
new_gsays: yes, jack, please tell us.
CaptainJH says: He's amazing. He's like fire and ice, dangerous, brilliant and good looking.
sato909 says: so… where is he now?
CaptainJH says: Far away from here.
coffeeboy83 says: do you miss him?
CaptainJH says: Hey, enough questions! We have a case to work on, so let's continue. I'm going offline.
janettheweevil says: has he got someone else? were you lovers?
sato909 says: jack, if he's so important to you, why haven't you called him?
coffeeboy83 says: yes, why haven't you?
new_gsays: if he ever comes here, could we see him?
janettheweevil says: is he even human?
CaptainJH says: Yes, no, you decide. Bye.
Who the hell was Luke? And what about the Doctor? I really couldn't wrap my mind around anything Jack had said, especially after the shocking birthday card discovery. I ordered a pizza because I had to think about whether I was going to tell Gwen or not and if I was ever going to find out more about Luke and the Doctor.
Next day arrived way too soon. I hadn't heard my alarm ringing so I decided to inform everyone I was going to be a bit late. I ate breakfast at the same time as I logged into messenger (and no, I'm not there all the time, it's just that I want to check if I get any emails from Jack… Or the others. Or Cassie). I dressed in a hurry and by the time I got back from the bathroom, I had been added to a conversation.
janettheweevil says: I'm booooored here
new_gsays: same here
sato909 says: you guys could work, I mean, some of us do. I'm running a translate program on the script we found last week, so, if neither one of you knows who killed that girl, you should be working.
janettheweevil says: yes, mom, we could work but who wants to do that? I'm tired.
new_gsays: tell me something new, owen.
janettheweevil says: there's nothin' to tell
coffeeboy83 says: hi guys, I'm gonna be a bit late, sorry. D'you know anything new about Jack?
sato909 says: why, has something happened?
coffeeboy83 says: no, I was just asking.
janettheweevil says: you weren't just asking! he's takin' jack on a date.
new_gsays: oh, really?
sato909 says: good for you!
coffeeboy83 says: no! I wasn't planning on anything like that.
janettheweevil says: translation; he hasn't asked jack yet
new_gsays: you should!
janettheweevil says: I bet our coffee boy hasn't got the guts to do that.
coffeeboy83 says: no! can we just please let this go?
sato909 says: okay.
janettheweevilsays: sorry, Tosh, but I figured out how to get access to our security system.
sato909says: and I should be mad because…?
janettheweevil says: nothin', just, I can see what happened in every security camera ever.
new_gsays: oh, I never should've spilled that juice on your desk, owen, I'm so sorry!
coffeeboy83 says: owen, don't watch those tapes.
janettheweevil says: well, I have already. great material.
coffeeboy83 says: what?!
sato909 says: I haven't done anything stupid so I don't really care.
janettheweevil says: you know what I mean.
coffeeboy83says: no, owen, don't say a word about it!
janettheweevil says: oh, I couldn't, I'm not like that.
new_gsays: yes, you are and he knows it too!
janettheweevil says: *grin*
coffeeboy83 says: owen, I'm serious. don't say anything to jack, okay?
janettheweevil says: about the other night? or do you mean earlier, like when I wasn't even in the house? oh, that one was sweet, haha…
sato909 says: I'm going now, I gotta work.
new_gsays: me too.
coffeeboy83 says: I hate you, owen.
janettheweevil says: hahaha.
I logged out and hurried to my car. I just hated Owen sometimes and I couldn't understand why he had to be such an ass. If he only knew that I had seen the birthday card… (well, actually, I wouldn't tell anyone because I'm a trustworthy person and it was wrong to look through Owen's personal stuff). It was freezing inside my car so I turned the heating on and started driving to the hub.
On that weekend we had one hell of a party. It was all Gwen's idea because she wanted to celebrate Christmas somehow. We were at the centre of the hub and Owen had some karaoke stuff with him.
"Let's play Sing Star!" Owen shouted happily and opened a bottle of beer.
"Yeah! Great idea, who wants to go first?" Jack asked and looked towards me which made me feel very uncomfortable.
"Is it the Sing Star Legends?" Tosh asked while playing Tetris with her computer. She was playing the hardest level which, of course, was way too hard for me. Sometimes I truly adore Tosh.
"No, it's the Christmas Edition! C'mon guys, I love it! You too, Ianto!" Gwen exclaimed and I didn't know weather to laugh or cry. Tosh shut her computer down and went to stand near Owen's desk, where he was starting the game and typing in our names. Meanwhile, Gwen was sorting out the microphones, looking excited and giggling like a little girl. Then Jack came to talk to me.
"C'mon Ianto, you know it's gonna be fun!"
"Yes, it's just, I've never played it before", I stuttered, wondering where my confidence was when I needed it the most. Every morning I was singing in my car and now I felt like I was chocking. I'm just pathetic.
"That's alright, I can sing first." Jack went and picked up the microphone. Then he cleared his throat and smiled.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to sing Sleigh Ride first."
"Okay, here ya go!" Gwen said and pressed PLAY. Jack instantly got into a Christmas mood and started swinging to the rhythm of the music. I was completely mesmerised by his amazing voice as he sang and made a show of it. When the song ended, he had made the new high score and we applauded wildly. Gwen and Tosh gave him appreciating whistles and I shot an admiring glance at him.
"Thank you, thank you, now, who wants to be next?"
"I can sing!" Gwen cheered and hopped towards Jack to get the mic. She'd taken couple of tequilas and was a bit wasted already. I didn't say anything, though, because she was funny when she was drunk.
"I wanna sing… Deck the Halls! Yes, that's my favourite!"
"Alright, then, the stage is all yours", Owen chuckled and pressed PLAY. As Gwen was singing (I think she's an okay singer but considering the circumstances, it really wasn't too pleasant for my ears) I smiled at Jack. He winked at me and took a sip from his beer bottle. Then he raised the bottle, as if he liked to offer it to me, too.
"Thanks", I said as I went and got the bottle. If everybody else was drunk then it wouldn't matter if I was too, I figured.
"Wahoo, here ya go, girl! Okay, who's next? Ianto?" Owen asked and looked at me.
"Uhm, sure, why not", I said and grabbed the mic. Owen looked amused. "Okay, coffee boy, I'll select somethin' that you sure will like. Let's see… Oh, yes, this is the one!"
I gulped. Owen had selected "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" which definitely wasn't the song I wanted to sing. Only the fact that I'd been drinking kept me going as I inhaled deep and started to sing.
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows…" Oh my God, it was such a stupid children's song and I couldn't quite grasp the fact that I was singing it. In front of the hottest man alive. He must think I'm so pathetic, I thought in silent frustration. When the song finally ended, I was relieved but everyone gave me a big applause like I'd been good or something. Oh, Lord, I'm totally humiliated now, I thought as Tosh grabbed the mic and started singing Jingle Bell Rock.
"Ianto, can I have a word with you?" Jack asked me, looking and sounding rather sober though he'd been drinking. I nodded. We quietly took off and left the others having fun and sing (especially Owen who'd decided to sing something from the Naughty Santa soundtrack). Jack led me upstairs to his office and closed the door behind us.
"So, you're quite a singer, Ianto!"
"No, sir, I'm really not as talented as you are."
"Well, that depends on the matter. I'd imagine you're quite good doing some other things."
"Like what?" I asked, heart pounding rapidly as Jack walked closer to me.
"Like…" He whispered and kissed me sweetly on the mouth.
It was a total surprise for me. First of all because it felt good (as in I've-never-kissed-a-man-before good) and I was surprised even more when he slid his hand down my back into my jeans. What the hell was happening? I didn't know and I didn't care, all the stuff we were doing just went on easy, like I'd done it my whole life (must've really been like that for Jack). Before I even noticed, I was only wearing my boxers and he wasn't wearing anything at all. We were kissing more roughly and just as we were about to get down and dirty, the security camera went crazy. We both turned our heads to see what was going on in the cells down in the basement. My mouth fell open.
Owen was kissing Janet passionately and she was sort of kissing him back (well, weevils don't do much kissing). The reason why the camera had gone nuts was that Owen had accidentally left the cell door open while doing the nasty with the weevil.
"What the…?" Jack started and then we both truly realized what was happening. Suddenly we both felt very sober and Jack started dressing up.
"Ianto, get your clothes and your gun, we're going down there."
"Yes, sir. But what about the others? Should I get them, too?" I asked, wondering if they were in the shape for taming any aliens. Jack was obviously thinking the same.
"No, don't alarm them, just come with me." We rushed through the doors and down the stairs that led to the basement. Jack opened the door and as we burst in, I saw something really disturbing and sick.
Owen was half-naked, undressing the weevil and they were both moaning (Owen in pleasure and Janet probably because she thought she could eat Owen soon). I felt like I wanted to vomit. The look on Jack's face was disgusted but he pointed Owen with the gun and said: "Owen! Stop whatever you're doing, now! And get dressed." Owen slowly turned to face us, though he looked too wasted to even know his own name. I shot Janet with my gun (not to harm or kill her, that's why I used my stun gun) and grabbed Owen by the hand. He stumbled away from the weevil and I watched as Jack put Janet back to her cell. Then I forced Owen to dress, though it took a very long time.
"There ya go, sleep well", Jack said and closed the cell door.
"Donle… his fighted… this", Owen mumbled something completely not understandable as Jack and I glanced at him in confusion.
"What did you say?" Jack asked him.
"Don't… let Rhys find out… about this", he said and then passed out on the floor.
When we'd dragged Owen back to his office to get some sleep, Jack put his hand on my shoulder and turned me around.
"Thanks for helping me, Ianto."
"No problem, sir, I'm just doing my job."
"Yeah, well, you certainly are good at it", he said and smiled, making my heart skip a beat. Oh, God, I felt like a teenager again. He kissed me quickly on the mouth and said: "Let's go find Tosh and Gwen." We walked towards the centre of the Hub in all peace and quiet. I was still confused because of what had happened between me and Jack and also the disgusting scene we'd witnessed just a few moments ago. Oh, this Christmas was something I'd always remember, I thought. Suddenly Jack stopped me and we both stared in disbelief the view in front of us. Jack chuckled: "Well, this is something you don't get to see very often!"
Gwen had passed out sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall and still having a bottle of tequila in her hand. Tosh's head was on Gwen's lap and she had the first four buttons of her shirt open. On top of all that, both of them had their hair completely messed up.
"So… Should I, uhm, wake them up?" I asked feeling ashamed for them.
"Yeah…" Jack answered and couldn't quite stop staring. "I mean, yeah, come on", he said and carefully shook Gwen by the shoulder. I pulled Toshiko up, and then lifted her hand around my neck. She opened her eyes and giggled but I managed to walk her on the couch. She curled up in a ball like a baby and closed her eyes. Gwen had woken up, too, and she was trying to get intimate with Jack. I helped him to find a nice place for her (and by a nice place we thought Jack's bed), so she could just fall asleep and let us relax. As soon as Gwen was safely under the blanket, I sighed.
"This has been quite a day, sir."
"Yes. Would you like some pizza?" he asked and smiled at me. I nodded.
"Of course. You want me to order it, sir?"
"That would be awesome, thanks", he said and sat down on his chair. I went to my office and called to the 24- hour delivery service (it had became a tradition because everyone always wanted pizza, and it made me wonder if Owen had came up with a new nickname for me… Not that I'd like the idea of it). After the pizzas arrived I went back to Jack's office.
"Here you are, sir", I said and gave him the other box.
"Mmm, you're great, Ianto", he said while eating the first slice.
"Thank you, it was my pleasure." We didn't talk but I definitely felt happy, since I was with my dream man and nobody was disturbing us. This is unreal, I thought and just enjoyed watching Jack. He switched on the radio and my smile widened as I heard the song.
"Two hearts are beating together, I'm in love, ooh, I'm in love…"
Oh, I was on cloud nine.