Dance with Me
Disclaimer: The only thing I take the credit for is the story idea.
A million snow flakes fell gently from the sky as I sat on my front steps. It was about eighteen degrees and I was in a pair of dark wash jeans, a t-shirt, and a pair of my old worn out Ugg boots. The funny thing was that I wasn't cold. I was numb. Truth was I didn't want to go back into that empty house filled with sad memories. I'd rather be outside and watch families play in the snow. I rather watch as the men in plows, rid the snow from the streets. My house which used to contain laughter and happiness, now only held memories.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrapped one of my arms around them. The other was outstretched into the open air. I watched as the snowflakes collected onto the palm of my hand before disappearing before my eyes. Most things seemed to do that lately.
People say that after the accident, something changed about me. I began losing my friends. I didn't like to be in big groups. It was like I was betraying her. How could I have fun knowing that she's gone? But changed, I am. I am a different person – even I know that. How could it not be, though? She was my life and I was hers. She gave me everything before I was even old enough to appreciate all that she had done for me.
Nothing seemed important to me anymore. I no longer tried in school. My teachers had noticed too, but were too polite to say anything. They knew what I was going through, but didn't know how to handle it. Some say I don't either, but I beg to differ. I'm doing just fine on my own, really.
About a month ago, I had quit my one true passion – dancing. It used to be my form of expression, but lately I've had trouble expressing myself. It was either that or I just didn't want people to see what I was feeling. I didn't even know what I was feeling. A part of me was still numb and the other just wanted to get through life as quickly as possible.
The people at school don't talk to me anymore, afraid of saying the wrong thing to me. I didn't mind. It was one less fake smile I had to put on. My best friends however, haven't.
I turned off my phone long ago not wanting to deal with the excessive text messages, phone calls, and voice messages. They show up at my house from time to time, but I pretend I'm not home. I watch from my bedroom window as they ring the doorbell and wait patiently for at least fifteen minutes before walking away with defeated frowns on their faces.
Breathing in the fresh air, I watched as the snow piled up. I hadn't realized how long I had been out, but I knew it was too long. My car was hidden beneath the white powder. I couldn't help myself, though. Winter was her favorite season and she especially loved the snow. She always said how clean everything looked and how quiet everything seemed. As soon as that first snowflake starts to fall everything goes quiet.
"You trying to get sick, crazy girl?" I omitted a small gasp. Troy, one of my best friends learned against the railing of my front steps. I hadn't heard or seen him walk up my driveway. As he began taking off his thick winter gloves, I started to get up. I knew I should have gone in earlier.
"Hey I didn't mean to make you go inside. I just came to check on you. Do you need anything? The roads are crazy today, do you have enough food?" Turning around, I looked at him for the first time in weeks. He had taken his jacket off revealing his thick winter sweater along with a zip-up sweatshirt. Sitting back down, I nodded my head. I flinched when he put his jacket around my shoulders.
"What do you have in the house?" Leaning against the side of the house, I shrugged my shoulders. If he had the decency to come and check on me, I would at least have to try my best to not go into the house and lock the door.
Subconsciously, I slipped my arms through the jacket. I watched as he walked passed me and entered my house. I couldn't help but let out a few tears. No one but me had been in my house since the accident. When relatives wanted to come over, I always made excuses about how I wasn't going to be home. I didn't want other people to share the same feeling I have every time I enter my home – quietness, emptiness. It was the feeling that something was missing, or someone.
"Pop-tarts and water bottles don't count as food. When was the last time you went food shopping?" I looked down and folded my hands in my lap. I knew exactly the last day I had food in the house. It was right before the accident.
"You're not taking care of yourself, Gabriella." I heard him sigh loudly before he tossed his gloves on one of the steps. I picked up a hand full of snow and watched as it quickly melted in my bare hand.
"I'm doing just fine." I whispered. The truth was I thought the opposite. Ever since what happened, I've had a hard time taking care of myself. It wasn't my motive to starve myself; I just couldn't bring myself to eat. I had that sickly feeling inside of me, the one where you just aren't hungry.
I knew I saw a difference in my appearance. My weight had dropped noticeably to ninety six pounds and my jeans no longer fit correctly. Maybe I do need someone to take care of me. I needed someone to keep me company at times. I needed a friend.
"Come here" He held his hands out to me, but I had no desire to take them.
"What is it Troy?" I was quickly growing tired of the conversation. I just wanted to be back inside in the safety of home.
"You and I," he said as he gently grasped my fragile arms in his large hands and lifted me from my sitting position, "are going to dance this out." He led me onto the middle of my front yard, the snow reaching up to my ankle.
"What? That's crazy. I'm not going to dance." I struggled against him as he held my arm around his neck, forcing me to keep it there.
"You're different when you dance. You put up a wall so easily, but when you dance I can feel every emotion. You never did get that chance to grieve. It's eating away at you. Forget everything and just dance with me." I felt him wrap his arm around me and pull me close.
He grasped my other hand in his and I knew that I wasn't getting out of it. Troy started out slow, swaying my from side to side. I made no attempt to move. If my mother isn't with me I don't deserve to be happy. She was my happiness.
"Just let go." He whispered in my ear. I gasped when I felt him pick me up with one arm and place me on top of his feet.
Pressing the side of my face against his arm, I closed my eyes. It felt like I was in heaven with my mother. We were dancing on puffy white clouds, floating in the sky. Tears leaked from my eyes as I squeezed my eyes even tighter. I wanted this feeling to last forever. I felt as if she were next to me, dancing in sync. I missed her so much.
Letting out a sob, I couldn't help the tears that were falling so freely. Troy didn't say anything, he just held me as he continued to move.
"I never got to say goodbye to her." My fists pounded in anger against his chest. He pulled me in tighter to his chest.
"Even though she isn't here physically, she is always watching down on you. She loves you so much." I noticed his use of the present tense. Rather than use the past tense of love, he chose the present.
It was then that I realized that she would continue to love me no matter what. It didn't matter if she was here or not, she loves me unconditionally no one can take that away. Not even a drunk driver.
Just do me a favor everyone, and never take anyone for granted. In an instant a person can disappear from your life. Though this didn't happen to me, I've seen it through the eyes of my best friend. Make the most of the time you have with everyone. I hope I touched at least one person.