Obviously, the title of the song indicates that there will be some course (lol. What a funny adjective) language, but seriously, who above grade 3 hasn't heard bad words.

Based on the song 'Who the fuck is Alice' by Smokie.

AU. AH.

Jasper's Pov

Rose called when she got the word,
She said: "I suppose you've heard - About Alice."
Well I rushed to the window, and I looked outside, but I could hardly believe my eyes as a big limousine rolled up into Alice's drive...

Oh Shit!! The driver was loadin' bag after bag of Alice's stuff into the boot of the limo – She was leavin'.

Oh, I don't know why she's leavin' or where she's gonna go. I guess she's got her reasons, but I just don't want to know 'cos for twenty-four years I've been livin' next door to Alice.

Edward and Emmet swung open my front door and walked in as if they owned the place as I mumbling about Alice.

"Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?!" Emmett boomed. Edward shook his head, laughing at his stupid bear of a brother. He pointed out the window to the house next door. The one with the green fence and matching tiles on the roof. It had been there for about 25 years, but was painted regularly. Alice's family built it so they could move in. The house was pretty ugly, but I didn't watch the house for the colour scheme; I watched for her.

"Alice," Edward began. "is the little pixie that's been living next to Jazzy-boy for twenty…?" He trailed off, so I picked up.

"She's been livin' there for 24 years; I was 2 when she was born."

"Twenty-four years just waitin' for a chance to tell her how I'm feelin', maybe get a second glance. Now I've got to get used to not livin' next door to Alice. " I told them sadly. Emmett looked like he was about to break down into a laughin' fit, but Edward looked sympathetic.

"Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?" Jacob quizzed as he walked through my open front door. I sighed as I explained again.

"Grew up together, two kids in the park. Carved our initials deep in the bark - Me and Alice." I remembered.

"Well… maybe you could talk to her before she leaves… I don't know… some crap like on the movies Rachel watches; those girly ones."

I was about to respond when we heard the driver call out next door so we rushed to the window like a bunch of teenage girls.

Now she walks through the door with her head held high. Just for a moment I caught her eye as a big limousine pulled slowly out of Alice's drive.

Oh, I don't know why she's leavin' or where she's gonna go. I guess she's got her reasons, but I just don't want to know 'cos for twenty-four years I've been livin' next door to Alice.

"Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?!" Jessica Stanley yelped as she came in too.

Who the hell let her in!? Jessica had a… thing about my friends and me- If we had a love interest she wanted to know… probably just to corner them in a dark alley and clear the path for her. Ha! In her dreams! So Em, Edward, Jake and I all explained to Jessica who Alice is… was.

Twenty-four years just waitin' for a chance to tell her how I'm feelin', maybe get a second glance. Now I gotta get used to not livin' next door to Alice...

"Oh well." Em said as he stretched his arms over his head and leaned back on the couch. "We'll find you a new chick and you can forget Alice."

"Alice, who the fuck is Alice?" My dad asked as he popped his head in through the door from the kitchen – Yes, I still lived with my parents… why would I move away from Alice?

"The neighbour." I reminded him. He nodded his head.

"Oh yeah. She got some job as a fashion designer or whatever. Moved out to the city. Those Brandons got loads of money, doubt she'll be back." He told us before shuffling back into the kitchen to find some cake.

Never come back? Never come back!? It felt as though I was on fired and frozen at the same time. Shit. I was probably about to cry.

"Ok, see ya guys." I said, trying to keep my voice even. They gave each other looks before Edward shooed them out.

3 days later I was still mopin' around my room, missin' Alice. I hadn't' spoken to her for like… 3 months, but that didn't mean I didn't watch her in a slightly obsessed manner.

Rose called back, asked how I felt,
She said: "I know how to help - Get over Alice!"
Jess said: "Now Alice is gone -But I'm still here. You know I've been waiting for twenty-four years..." Ugh! Stupid cow!

I doubt I'll ever stop missin' her. The way she looks first thing in the mornin' as she goes out to grab the paper. The way she smiles as she dances around her livin' room. How she's always wearin' somethin' completely different, but still beautiful. But most of all I'll miss her laugh. Her laugh sounds like a hundred bells all tinklin' in perfect harmony.

Now I'll never get used to not livin' next door to Alice...

Want another chapter? What did you think… it's pretty short, but it's the first thing I've written since like…last week.

Please Review! Even if it's just one word!