The Other Side of the Door
Disclaimer:
I own nothing with the exception of Aubrie Cullen.
Rating:
K+ (PG-13)
Genre:
Romance/Drama
Pairing:
Carlisle/Bella (with a Carlisle/Esme scene)
Author's Note:
For the sake of this story, Carlisle and Bella are engaged and Bella has already been changed.
Should've Said No
I walked into Carlisle's study, planning to surprise him for our anniversary. However, when I walked into the study, I never would have guessed that I'd be the one to be surprised. I walked in to see my fiance sharing a passionate embrace with an older yet undeniably beautiful brunette woman. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I love him! I trusted him! I've given him everything I possibly can! Wasn't that enough? It used to be! Didn't it? I had always thought we were happy! Was I really just that stupid!?
My entire body is numb as the small black box in my hand falls to the floor with a soft thud. In an instant, all eyes are on me. I see shock in both their eyes. Then, I see defeat flood his eyes. He knows he's caught. He knows there's nothing he can say or do to make this okay. Finally, I find my voice.
"Carlisle? How could you?!" My voice is small and broken, but, final. He hangs his head in shame. The other woman makes a silent exit. Any other woman might have chased after her, but, I won't. I don't blame her for this mess. He probably made her believe he was single and that they weren't doing anything wrong. He probably lied to her every bit as much as he had lied to me.
"Bella." His voice is cracking. He's trying to lure me into believing he's truly sorry for his actions. I don't believe him. The emotion in his voice is fake. I know it. Everything he has ever said or done is a lie. At least, that's the only logical conclusion I can see.
"How many?" I ask, weakly, unsure of whether or not I really want to know the answer to that. "How many are there?!" My anger is taking over. "How many have there been?!" I feel the tears streaming down my face. My head is spinning. Nothing's making any sense.
"Bella...Please...Please...forgive me!" He's begging. Pathetic. Does he really think I'm just gonna forgive and forget that easily?! What kind of fool does he take me for!?
"No!" My voice is shaking but, final. "No, Carlisle! I won't forgive you! How the hell can you sit there and ask me to forgive you?! You kissed her, Carlisle! Have you slept with her, too?! How many times did you do her in our bed?!" I'm being irrational. Part of me wonders why I'm even still standing here, having any conversation with him, at all.
"Bella, please. She's nothing to me, honestly. You know you're the only one I want to be with forever!" He's approaching me. His hands are on my shoulders, trying to calm me down. I won't fall for it. I can't. I can't let myself fall victim to anymore of his lies. I won't let him have that power over me.
"Get your filthy hands off of me!" I'm yelling now and the tears are falling freely. I see tears welling up in his eyes as well. Fake tears, I assume. Though, part of me wants them to be sincere. I want him hurt! I want him to hurt as much as I do! I want him to have to suffer the pain I'm enduring! He deserves it!
"Please, Bella. I swear to you, it was nothing! It will never happen again! Just...please. I'm begging you to forgive me! I'll do anything! I'll do whatever you want!" He's really being pathetic! A small sadistic part of me takes a measure of enjoyment in that.
I've had enough! I can't even stand the sight of him! "GET OUT!" I'm screaming now. I can tell he knows I'm being serious. He steps back, just staring into my eyes. I see a measure of fear in his. He's afraid. I'm scaring him with my anger. Good.
He hangs his head in shame. He's admitting defeat. Just before he turns to leave, he sees the small box on the floor at my feet. Picking it up, he opens it to find a small gold band. Taking it out, he examines it in his hands. It was a gift from me to him. It was a solid gold band I had engraved with our names around the outside with a brief message written inside. Inside it was inscribed with una profundamente licitación, cariño apasionado para otra persona. A friend of mine had translated the definition of 'love' for me to have inscribed on the ring. Carlisle and I had always found Spanish to be the most beautiful and romantic language in the world. Carlisle had even proposed to me in Spanish when a friend of ours bought us a trip to Barcelona.
He knows the significance of the engraving as he takes a shakey breath before responding. "If that's what you want." And, he's gone. I hear an engine roar to life before I see a silver jeep speed away. I don't know where he's going and-right now-I can't bring myself to care. I back up, mindlessly, until my back hits the door. Upon impact, I allow myself to slide to the ground. Drawing my knees to my chest, I let the tears fall freely. Sobs wrack my body violently as I howl and scream my pain to the empty house.
What am I supposed to do now? Carlisle was...everything to me. I lived for him. I know I will never love anyone the way I loved him. I just sit on the floor and cry for hours. Finally, I look up and see the moon shining high up in the sky. I find myself staring up at it. Then, I know exactly what I'm going to do.
I pack a duffle bag of some extra clothes and grab the keys to my truck. Throwing the duffel bag in the bed, I climb inside and slam the door shut. With a quick turn of the engine, I leave the driveway and take off with a particular destination in mind.
Dulcinea and I have been friends for a few months, now. We first met when she started working as an OR nurse at the hospital where I, myself, am employed. She was an undeniably beautiful immortal. I was stunned to find another kindred spirit in Forks. I felt a slight physical attraction to her. But, I knew I was irrevocably in love with Bella. I knew Bella would always have my heart. Which was why I have absolutely no idea how in the hell I ended up where I am now.
As I pressed my lips to Dulcinea's, we turn when we hear a soft thud by the door. Oh, dear, God. Bella. She's seen us. How the hell could I have been so stupid?! I've just destroyed the best thing I ever had! And what the hell for?! A cheap, tawdry affair! I hate myself at the moment. I don't know how Bella will ever forgive me! I'm not sure she really should! I've ruined everything. I see it in her eyes. Her beautiful eyes are flooded with hurt.
I hang my head in shame as Dulcinea makes her silent exit. It's far too silent. I just wish Bella would just start yelling and screaming at me! Tell me that she hates me and never wants to see me again! That I could live with. This...This is just torture. My eyes fall upon the small black box that lies at her feet. Part of me wonders what it could hold. Another part wonders if I really want to know or if knowing would only make things worse. Finally, Bella does speak.
"Carlisle? How could you?!" Her voice is small and broken and it tears me apart. How could I have been so stupid!? I have to be the biggest idiot in the world to throw away everything Bella and I had together. We had been through everything, together. The good and the bad, we'd stayed strong through it all. I love her and I knew that.
I try to calm her down. I try to talk to her, try to work things out. I don't really know why. I've crossed a line I can't uncross. Part of me just has to try, though. Senseless though it may be. "Bella...Please...Please...forgive me!" I'm begging. I must look pathetic. Honestly, I probably am pathetic. Wouldn't I have to be to betray a woman so perfect as Bella. She's everything to me and, in one afternoon, I've thrown it all away. So stupid! I mentally scold myself.
"Now!" Her voice is shaking but final. I feel my heart shatter into millions of little pieces. "No, Carlisle! I won't forgive you! How the hell can you sit there and ask me to forgive you?! You kissed her, Carlisle! Have you slept with her, too?! How many times did you do her in our bed?!" She's right. As stupid as it was to betray her the way I have, it was even more moronic to ask her forgiveness. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve her. I know that.
"Bella, please. She's nothing to me, honestly. You know you're the only one I want to be with forever!" Why am I still pleading with her?! How could she ever possibly want me, now. I can't even look at myself. Still, I approach her. My hands find her shoulders, still fighting to keep her. Why? She should be free. Free to love somebody more deserving of her divine perfection than me.
"Get your filthy hands off of me!" She's yelling now and I can see the tears falling freely. Tears are burning my own eyes as well. It's over and I know that. A blind man could see that. A more honorable man would just walk away now. But, then, I'm not an honorable man. My actions this afternoon should be evidence enough of that.
"Please, Bella. I swear to you, it was nothing! It will never happen again! Just...please. I'm begging you to forgive me! I'll do anything! I'll do whatever you want!" I'm pleading with her, now. I'm desperate and pathetic and I don't care! I would do anything-I would die-to prove to her that she truly is everything to me! Right now, death sounds incredibly inviting. I would much rather die than continue hurting my beloved Bella. She's not your Bella anymore, asshole! You've made damn sure of that! I scold myself. I have no right to think of her as 'my Bella' anymore!
"GET OUT!" I flinch as she starts screaming at me. Just before I turn to leave as instructed, my curiosity gets the better of me. I reach down to pick up the small black box on the floor. Opening the lid, I take out the small gold band inside. Around the outside, I see our names engraved. Upon closer inspection, I see a brief message inscribed on the inside of the band. Una profundamente licitación, cariño apasionado para otra persona. It was the definition of 'love', written in Spanish. That really made me feel lower than pond scum. I remember our trip to Barcelona where I proposed to her, in spanish.
I spent months perfecting my proposal. Not just learning the words. But, planning every minute detail. I wanted the entire night to be perfect and it was. My sister, Aubrie, had helped me pick out the perfect ring. It was a vintage Victorian style engagement ring with an oval face and a point seven five carat diamond center stone, accented by smaller stones in a web of white gold. It fit Bella perfectly. Aubrie had also set up with reservations at the most romantic restaurant in the city. After dinner, we took a long stroll on the beach. Standing in the moonlight, I was breathless when I took in the sight of Bella's radiant beauty only accentuated in the glowing moonlight. I got down on one knee right then and there, in the sand, and asked her to marry me in the fluent Spanish Aubrie had taught me. "Señorita Bella Swan, prometo amarle cada momento de para siempre. Señorita Bella Swan, prometo amarle cada momento de para siempre. ¿Usted me casará?" Bella had been hesitant at first, insisting that she would not be 'that girl'...the girl that got married straight out of high school. It took a little convincing, but, I finally got her to agree to marry me.
Now, I had thrown all that away for nothing. I fondled the ring in my fingers a moment before I turned to leave. "If that's what you want." I mutter brokenly. And, with that, I am gone. I won't prolong her agony any longer. Entering the garage, Emmett's jeep is the first car I spot. Climbing into the passenger seat, I slip the little gold band into my pocket before opening the garage door. Firing up the engine, I stomp the gas and take off. Where I'm headed, I don't know. I just have to get away from Bella. I have to give her every chance to move on and find someone more deserving of her utter perfection than I. And, that thought kills me. I always knew I would never be able to stand the thought of Bella in another man's arms but, now, I knew that would be best for Bella. I won't interfere with that. This would be the last time she would ever see me. It's the only way she'll ever move on.