A/N: *Grasshopper* WEEEEEE!!!! We'rrrrre back! With three bags of
pixie
stix!!! Three bags of pixie stix that we walked through a thunderstorm to get!
Seriously! Anyways.....this will pretty much have nothing to do with the first one
except for the same characters, etc., etc., etc. (a la "The King and I") *Moirae* I have a
headache. 'Nuff said. *Grasshopper* Kitty's being a party pooper and not typing nothing! But we'll make her! So, on with the story! Oh yeah, same couplings as before. Lots of OOC and bashing, especially at the end.
Prelude
So, as you all know, the Garden started to sink, thanks to Kitty trying to fly it again. Grrrr....But, what you don't know, is that Binx, Kola, Lori, and Samy were viciously slain and fed to the T-Rexasaurs. Also, Raven and Keiry escaped, leaving their poor comrades behind to suffer. ((Sorry guys....Nothing personal but it's hard doing too many people. DON'T HATE US PLEASE!)) So, now it's just Grasshopper, Kitty, and Moirae left in the Squell fanclub. (Which really doesn't exist anymore...) All must cry for us.
"Squall, Squall! Squallie-poo!!!!" screamed Selphie.
Squall, remembering what had happened a few months before, took one look at her yellow dress and bouncing hair, ran away and cursed his luck.
"Dammit. Not again." He slammed into the Shell that had been put up after Kitty's last disastrous flight into the ocean and fell unconscious.
Selphie, unaware that he couldn't hear her, ran over to him.
"Squall!"
Selphie, noticing that he was unconscious, slapped him a few times until his gray eyes opened
and narrowed at her.
"What is it this time? Another hair-brained scheme to get me into another musical?"
"No, silly. Headmaster Cid put me in charge of the Garden Festival this year!"
Squall glared up at the girl sitting on his stomach. "Oh, just peachy."
"Isn't it?!" Selphie grinned really big and bounced up and down. "Will you help me with
ideas?"
Squall looks at her, dumbfounded, his mouth open. His eyes slid out of focus as drool
dribbled out of his mouth. Selphie tilted her head to the side quizzically, looking at him
for a few minutes. She leaned in really close to his face and yelled "BOO!"
Squall's eyes opened wide in shock. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON TOP
OF ME???" he bellowed.
Selphie flipped backwards and looked down at him with her luminous green eyes. "Help
me with the Garden Festival, help me with the Garden Festival, help me with the Garden
Festival," she chanted.
Squall looked hard at her, and screamed "ONLY IF YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR HYNE-FORSAKEN LIFE," spit flying out of his mouth and landing on the hyper girl's face.
"Eww, Squall! Okay, fine, I'll leave you alone, but you've got to help me," she said,
crossing her fingers behind her back. "Okay, I've got to find more recruits, so... I'll just
leave you alone now," she said, as she backed away from Squall's furious gaze slowly,
then turned around and ran down the hall singing 'In the Golden Afternoon'.
****
Zell, Grasshopper, Seifer, Moirae, and Kitty were in the cafeteria eating lunch. All see
Selphie coming through the doors at the far end and duck under the table, each silently
praying that she had not seen them. Zell squealed like a girl, and all turned to look at him.
"Shh! You want her to hear you?" they whispered.
"Yeah, Chicken-Wuss, you want her to hear you, girlie-boy?" Seifer chortled.
"You can't use two, hyphenated and insulting names in the same sentence, silly! It's just preposterous!" Kitty exclaimed, then clapped her hand over he mouth as she heard the
click-clacking of Selphie's heels getting closer.
"Quick, someone, cast Hero and make us all invisible!" whispered Grasshopper.
"Quick, someone, shut them up!" Moirae mimicked in a high voice.
"Um... sweetheart, that's invincible," Zell corrected Grasshopper. Then, seeing her wide,
eyes becoming red, he stammered "Um... I love you, sweetie- honey- ummm..." then the
table exploded. Because that kinda happens sometimes.
Anyway, after seeing the table explode, Selphie runs over and jumps up and down.
"Heeeeey, guys! I'm on pixie stix, which is slang for sugary.... stuff!"
Moirae mimics her to Kitty. "I'm a bouncy little teenager in a yellow dress which makes me look a ten year old and I need to improve my vocabulary!" Selphie didn't hear her, but Grasshopper slapped Kitty.
"Be nice."
"Puu," said Kitty, all in puu mode, because puus are cute. But Kitty is not, but she can
pretend to be, and that's okay. Everyone turned to look at her. "Whaaa....?" she asked,
her eyes out of focus, giving her the appearance of being high.
"What have you been smoking?" Grasshopper asked.
"Puu has not been smoking, Puu has been eating pixie stix."
"What's the difference?" muttered Seifer. Moirae smacked him.
"Commandment numerus duo: Thou shalt not blaspheme Kitty," she said menacingly. He
glared at her. An uncomfortable silence followed.
"Anyway..." Selphie said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "I was wondering if you
guys would like to be on the Garden Festival committee since I'm the head of it this year,
and I kinda... need... help," she said, her voice getting softer and softer as she noticed the
evil glares of the people before her. "PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! I really need help, and this is my first time doing this and I can't do all of it on my own!!!!" she begged after getting on her knees.
They looked at the pathetic girl before them. "Um, Selphie?" asked Zell. "This is, like, your fifth time to do something like this."
"But... this is my first time doing the Festival UNDERWATER!"
"So who's gonna come?!" cried Kitty.
"We are, silly Kitty!" Selphie exclaimed.
Everyone stared at Grasshopper rolling on the floor laughing hysterically, after consuming
a few pixie stix she stole from Kitty. Zell tried to restrain her, but he only succeeded in breaking his nose.
"It's all your fault, G-chan! I hate you!"
Grasshopper's eyes teared up. "But, but... I'm really emotional right now." She ran to
her room.
Kitty watched her slam into the door, then run through them. "PMS."
Seifer's face winced. "Overshare!"
****
After that bizarre....episode, Selphie went looking for Rinoa and Irvine. She knew that
they had gone to train. ((A/N: *coughcoughCausethey'reweakasCRAP!coughcough*))
Selphie went into the training center, making sure not to forget her nunchakus like she did
the day before. She shook her head at the memory; it was not pretty. She immediately
found them trying to beat a T-Rexasaur.
"You sillies! You're not strong enough to beat those yet!" Selphie yelled at them. Rinoa
and Irvine, distracted, turned their heads. They were quickly swallowed by the big, mean,
sad excuse for a dinosaur. Selphie ran over to it, sliced it open, and lots of stuff fell out.
Guts, liver, heart, blood, bits of mayonnaise, Irvine, Rinoa, and Grasshopper. Wait a
minute...Grasshopper? Irvine scratched his head, the one on his neck not the...never mind.
"Ummm...How did you get in there Grasshopper?" he asked.
"Well, I came in here with my lunch and the meanie ate me!" she replied like it was everyday that she got eaten by a dinosaur. Selphie looked at the blood.
"Why is mayonnaise in his blood?" she asked.
"Because I had consumed half of a very large deli sandwich and he ate the other half!" she
replied like it was no big deal. Which it wasn't, in her mind. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a juice box and took a sip.
"Yum! Apple juice! Oh! Tart!" she started laughing maniacally. However, she was still swallowing at the time and snorted some up her nose. She coughed. "Hmmm...I smell
apple juice!" Grasshopper skipped off to her dorm.
Everyone sweatdropped.
"Anywaysss....I got put in charge of Garden Festival this year again," Selphie started to
say, "and I was wondering if y'all would help me."
"Sure Selph!" Rinoa said, reeeaally excited! She started talking really fast.
"Doyouknowwhatthethemeisyet?Ihavesomegreatideas!BladyblaudyblaudyBLAH!"
"Ummm....sure..." she replied without knowing what in the world she said. "What about you Irvy?" she fluttered her eyelashes.
"Okay, but what are you gonna do for me?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows. Selphie
giggled and walked off, adding a booty shake every now and then. Irvine started panting
and followed her like a huffalump to honey. Rinoa sighed and went back to training.
*****
The almighty voice...well, more like the scratchy, fruity voice.....of Headmaster Cid came
over the intercom.
"Will the Sorceress Warriors, Grasshopper, Kitty, Moirae, and the lapdog..."
"HEY! I RESENT THAT!" screamed Seifer up at the intercom.
"....please report to my office immediately?"
"NO!" they all said from all over the Garden in unison...well, except for G-Chan and Zell
because they're just such goody-goodies.
After blackmail, bribery, and coaxing (all of this
over the intercom mind you) they all made their way to his office on the....dun dun duuun....third floor.
Once they got there, Cid started pacing in the way that he does.
"Okay, as you can see, we've been under water for a few months now..." he started saying.
"Naaaaaah! Really?" Seifer muttered sarcastically.
"Would you like to swim with the fishes young man?"
Seifer cowered. "N-No s-sir."
"Good. Now, as I was saying. We need to figure out how to back up on land."
"Sir?" Selphie asked raising her hand. "Why did you pick us?"
"Because I have a thing on all of your heads." he replied bluntly. Irvine looked between
his legs. "No, not that head, Irvine." he said, shaking his head as if saying "Poor,
demented, lost soul."
"And what are these things on our heads?" Kitty asked innocently.
"Well, with you, there's too many to count. Moirae, the whole manipulating Seifer thing.."
"BUT THAT WAS KITTY!" she yelled. Cid blinked.
"Well, you're guilty by association. Grasshopper, for just being so Hynedamn random."
"Hynedamn random, Hynedamn random!" Grasshopper said, cracking up.
"I rest my case. Seifer, you're a lapdog. Rinoa, you make me wish I had a hot body like
yours. Squall for resurrecting NORG. Selphie, for having Irvine in your room late at night when I was watching you through a camera from my office. Irvine for being a playa. Quistis for having a stick up her ass." he finished out of breath.
Rinoa restrained Squall from attacking Cid while Zell patted Grasshopper on the back to keep her from breaking down and crying. Kitty played cat's cradle with her chains. Moirae just sat there staring out the window. Quisits ran out of the room, crying.
Seifer said, "Damn right I'm a lapdog! And I LIKE it!"
Everyone turned to him and gasped.
Moirae stood up and said "You can be MY lapdog!"
They all turned to look at her.
She turned red and sat down, muttering, "What? He can..."
Everyone sweatdropped.
Grasshopper turned to Zell with a big grin on her face. "Zell, you can come to my room
tonight and we can role-play! It'll be the adventures of Grasshopper and her amazing
Inflatable Whip!" ((Trademark Kitty))
Zell looked at his girlfriend and nodded, an equally big grin on his face.
Grasshopper looked back at him and said "I was... kidding. But we can go 'TRAIN' in the
'TRAINING CENTER'," suggestively.
After looking at the two crazy-in-love people in front of him, Cid turned back to face everyone, just to find everyone on the floor, fainted. "Well, people, wake up or else I'm gonna feed ya to the sharks."
Everyone sat in their chairs.
"Thank you. As I was saying, figure out a way to make the Garden resurface. Or else."
"Puu? Ooohhhh yeah.... mmmhmmm.... righty-oh!" Kitty said, having a conversation with
her other Puu-self. "Birds wearing tuxedos... maybe you mean penguins?" She paused
for a moment. "They peck out the eyes and flap the infernal wings!" she cried out. Her
checkered top hat fell off of her head. As she bent down to get it, two guards came in to
take her to the loony bin for the fifth time this week. And it was only Tuesday.
"NO! Don't take me away from Puu!!! PUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" her voice receded as the guards dragged her away. A few minutes later, she was seen floating outside Cid's window, and she was mouthing "Puu" and pounding on the glass.
"Oh shit! I forgot we were under water again. Dammit- seventh time I've done that, too," Cid cursed. "Let her in, Hynedammit!" Presently, the two guards swam to her in diving suits and dragged her back inside.
After staring at the bizarre scene, Cid turned once again to the people- minus Kitty- in his office. "Get some ideas. And hurry it up. I really want to send that girl to the asylum. Now LEAVE."
Everyone got up slowly, and ran out of the room.
****
The Next Day
"Okay, I have ten people signed up to help me." Selphie muttered, checking her notepad. "Now all we need is a theme."
Selphie walked into the cafeteria, knowing that everyone would be in there. She was right
because we all know that Selphie is psychic, just like Kitty. She sat down next to Zell who, after being taken off his no-meat diet that day, was stuffing his face with hot-dogs. G-Chan was sitting next to him....actually, so close to him that she was almost in his lap. Quistis was sleeping because she ended up going back up to Cid's office and beating the crap out of him and then casting Confuse so that he wouldn't know that it was her. Seifer was being Moirae's lapdog and Moirae was obviously happy about it. Squall was looking at the two in disgust and Rinoa was giggling. Irvine was trying to suppress a boner caused by the two. Selphie hit Quistis over the head to wake her up. She shot up, and used Bad Breath on Selphie, who promptly put up a Protect.
"Okay everyone, we're having a meeting in the Quad to start setting up for the Festival at
7:00 sharp!" she said all business like. "We'll also discuss possible themes and decorations and entertainment."
Everyone stared at her. Moirae leaned up to Seifer.
"I knew she would take my advice on learning a bigger vocabulary." she said.
"Yeah, whatever." he replied.
"Stop copying me, dammit!" Squall said, wielding his Lionheart. Seifer wielded his Hyperion. Everyone else wielded whatever weapon they had and the entire cafeteria got into a big wielding fight.
******
That Night
"Where is everyone?" Selphie wondered aloud to herself. "I said 7:00 sharp and it's 7:30!" A look of realization hit her. She slapped her forehead. "Dammit!" She ran back to the cafeteria. Everyone was still cleaning up from the wielding fight.
"GUYS! I meant 7:00 PM not AM!" she screamed to her friends.
They all looked at each other and defeatedly dragged themselves to the Quad. They seated
themselves in a circle. "So, any ideas?" she asked.
"Oh! ME ME! PICK ME!" Rinoa yelled waving her hand in the air.
"Umm...yeah. Go ahead Rinoa."
"Ha! She picked me!" she boasted to everyone. Squall palm-faced. "What about an 'Under the Sea' theme?" she suggested. Everyone stared at her and blinked.
"But we ARE under the sea...." Quistis said, scratching her head.
"Wait! That's an awesome idea, Rinoa!" Selphie exclaimed. "We can make the Quad all
blue and green and since we're under the sea, it'll be even more realistic."
Zell jumped up suddenly. "And there can be giant seahorses galloping around the Quad with mongooses on their backs and wielding giant thumbtacks!"
"Thumbtacks?" Seifer asked, arching an eyebrow.
Zell shrugged. "Thumbtacks make the world go 'round."
"Or rather, we should throw in a few SPORKS and FOONS just to even things out," Moirae retorted.
"Perhaps..."
Grasshopper jumped up and down. "Can it be formal! I wanna wear coral! Oooh, oooh,
and seaweed...and fishnet...and all those other fishy things you can make clothes out of!"
((G-chan= ^ ^))
Seifer was starting to get into this. "Or what if we had everyone dress like bunnies and
hop around!?" he yelled. Squall, who had been scratching his head with his gunblade,
pointed at Seifer, the gunblade stuck in his hair.
"Bunney..." Squall said in a weird voice. ((To get this you need to watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas". *thumbs up*))
"Or what if we roleplayed? It could be Cosplay!" Quistis suggested. Selphie was furiously writing down all the suggestions.
"Anything else?" she asked.
"What about-" Grasshopper started to say before being interrupted by Seifer.
"No more suggestions from you!" he said.
"But it's really good!" she said jumping up and down like she had to go to the bathroom
really badly. Cause that happens sometimes. Just like exploding tables. ((G-Chan: *nods
head* Yes, it does.))
"What about EGL?" Kitty suggested.
Moirae's eyes got really wide and she got a huge smile on her face. She nodded her head furiously.
"Yeah!" she yelled.
She started babbling on about all the EGL outfits that she and Seifer had until she was finally shut up by Zell throwing Selphie on top of her. Selphie just looked around, confused. She got up and started jumping up and down like Grasshopper, which she was still doing by the way.
"Okay, these are all awesome ideas so I'm gonna let the students decide. We'll hold a
vote!" Selphie said, smiling. "C'mon Irvy!" she dragged him with her towards Cid's office. Everyone went to bed.
****
The Next Next Day
Selphie held a vote and all the students came and voted. There was a tie between....drum roll please.....a formal and "Under the Sea"!!!! So, decorations were made. But things weren't going very well so far.
"Zell! I said green and blue streamers not black ad red!" Selphie whined.
"B-But, Kitty told me that we changed the colors to black and red!" Zell cried.
"Kitty, get yo' ass over here!" Selphie screamed. Kitty skipped over.
"Were you manipulating people again?" Selphie accussed.
"Me? No! Of course not! Want some tea?" she asked, holding up an "Alice in Wonderland" teacup.
"No! Are you mad?!"
"Of course. We're all mad here!" Kitty responded, nudging Selphie before skipping away
because of course she's not going to nudge Selphie AFTER skipping away. That's just...well...mad.
((Moirae's note: What kinda crack is G-chan on???))((G-Chan's note: I'm not on CRACK silly Moirae. I'M HIGH ON LIFE! *holds up half-empty (or half- full depending on how you look at it.) bottle of gingerale.))
Anyways, Selphie sent Zell out to get the right streamers from the storage room and everything else was running smoothly....sort of.
"Rinoa, Grasshopper, what are you doing?" Selphie asked. They were completely covered in blue, green, and aquamarine paint.
"Umm...nooothing...." Grasshopper replied, hiding a paint can behind her back. Rinoa did the same. Selphie just shook her head.
"I don't wanna know. Just clean up the mess when you're done and make sure to paint
sea stuff."
Selphie walked off to wear Seifer and Squall were bringing in speakers and stuff for the DJ. They decided on a DJ since they obviously couldn't bring a band down from Dollet or Balamb.
"Stop slacking off on me, Puberty Boy." Seifer said, his teeth grit together.
Squall, having enough of Seifer's taunting, dropped the speaker they were carrying together, on
Seifer's foot.
"DAMMIT!" Seifer yelled, grabbing his injured foot and hopping on his other leg.
"Cut it out you two! We can't afford to break one of these speakers! Just hurry up and
put it on the stage." She went to check on Irvine, Quistis, and Moirae with the lighting.
"How's it going so far?" she asked Quistis.
"Okay, so far. But we're gonna need a few more strings of blue lights." she replied.
"No problem. Uh-oh.....Moirae! Stop moving before you get yourself tangled up in the lights! I can't afford for someone to die on me right now!" Selphie screamed. "If you die then you're not getting paid!"
"You mean we're getting paid for this?" Seifer asked astounded. "HELL YEAH! C'mon, pick up the pace Pub-I mean- Sq- I mean- COMMANDER....yeah.." he said arrogantly. "Let me tell ya, he's good at COMMANDING." he muttered.
"I heard that!" Squall said.
"I meant for you to! That was the point!"
"Shut up!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
".....Whatever...."
"............"
Selphie was starting to tense up. Zell came back an hour later, holding a hotdog.
"ZELL! Where are the streamers!?" Selphie yelled. Zell looked down at his hotdog.
"Oops...." Zell ran off, dropping the hotdog, picking it back up, and running to get the streamers.
Kitty followed him with an evil grin on her face.
"Ohhh boy....." Selphie said as she saw the two exit the Quad.
Everything went smoothly for awhile except for Moirae almost choking herself with the lights but
other than that, everything was going good. That is, until Kitty came back into the Quad, holding the streamers, Zell hopping on all fours behind her. Grasshopper dropped her paintbrush (but
she made sure to wash it so that it wouldn't get paint on the floor because that would be mean) and ran up to the two.
"What did you do to him!?" she screeched. "Did you get out the inflatable whip?!"
"Nooo...Remeber what I did to Seifer?" Kitty replied.
Grasshopper went pale and ran up to Zell. His nose was twitching just like a rabbit's.
Squall turned around, with a microphone in his hair. He pointed at Zell. "Bunney..."
"What did she do to you Zelly?" Grasshopper asked, kneeling down to his level. Zell looked at her with big, blue eyes and licked her nose. "Awww...bunny kisses!" She hugged him. Zell suddenly snapped out of it.
"W-What happened." he asked Grasshopper.
Grasshopper, not wanting to make him embarrassed that he was manipulated by Kitty, thought up a lie.
"Umm...you died a horrible death and....my....tears revived you....YEAH!" she said.
"Ohhh...okay!" Zell went to go hang the streamers.
Grasshopper glared at Kitty. Kitty smiled. Moirae almost choked herself again. Seifer saved her and proclaimed his undying love for her. Quistis cried. Rinoa tried to clean the paint off of her. Squall took the microphone out of his hair. Selphie screamed and pulled out some of her hair. Irvine tried to comfort Selphie but it didn't matter because everyone had forgotten that he was there anyway. Well, not really. Only Selphie did because she puts career over men. So does Seifer. At least, we HOPE he does....
****
Once again, the group was eating lunch in the cafeteria. Zell was having a hotdog. Grasshopper, not wanting to displease her man, was also eating a hotdog. Kitty was eating a salad with ranch dressing. Moirae wasn't eating anything. Seifer was stuffing his face with pizza. Quistis was sitting by Squall, refusing to sit anywhere near Seifer. She tried to make him talk to her, but he had his head on the table, pretending to be dead.
Rinoa was nowhere to be found. ((But it's not if anyone cared anyway.)) Irvine was with Selphie doing... things. Bad things. Like 'X-rated things which cannot be mentioned here' things. Anyway, carrying on...
The group was talking about the Garden Festival. Of course, what ELSE would they be
talking about? It's not like they have personal PROBLEMS or ANYTHING ELSE that matters in their sad, pathetic lives (apart from Moirae... she's suicidal!).
"Well, I think it's gonna suck," Kitty said, looking up from her salad.
"Always the optimist, aren't you, Kitty?" Grasshopper asked. "What do you think, Zell?" she asked, looking into his deep blue eyes.
Quistis jumped into the conversation, "Yeah, it's gonna blow."
"Ummm.... flghyt fgrsh daksdes," he replied, a piece of hotdog still in his mouth.
"Swallow and say it again, Chicken-Wuss," said Seifer.
Zell swallowed his HOTDOG
((Moirae: Contrary to the belief of the two BAKATACHI behind me. Grasshopper: Well look at all the blowing and sucking in the above paragraphs! Moirae: *blinks*))
and said, "It's gonna be good this year."
"That's what I thought," said Grasshopper triumphantly.
"So you actually think?" muttered Moirae sarcastically to Seifer. He snickered.
"WHAT WAS THAT?" Grasshopper shrieked toward the two.
"NOTHING," they said together.
"But... you did say that comment about her actu-" Kitty broke off when Seifer smacked her upside the head.
"She didn't say anything, it was Puu, remember?" he told her more than asked her.
She nodded, looking a little dazed. "Puu..."
"Anyway, I think it's gonna be great," Grasshopper said. She got up and dragged Zell with her to deposit their trash, then walked out of the cafeteria. Everyone stared after then, lapsing into an uncomfortable silence. One by one, they got up and left until Kitty was left, because Kitty is always alone. ((Poor Kitty!))
****
The Day of the Garden Festival (The whole group: *sarcasm* Woohoo....)
Selphie woke up with a start. Because, as we all know, it is quite impossible to wake up
with a finish. She looked out the window to see water everywhere.
"Oh no! It's raining! Seifer and Quistis were right! It is gonna suck and blow! I hate it when Seifer and Quistis are right!" she exclaimed.
Now she was depressed. She curled up into a fetal position and went back to bed. Quistis came in.
"Selphie! What are you still doing in bed! We still have some stuff to do before the festival starts!"
"But it's raining!" Selphie said, pointing out the window.
Quistis palm-faced and dragged Selphie out of bed. Selphie got dressed and the two went down for breakfast. Everyone was really excited about the festival, even Squall. Of course, he didn't
show it because he's such a party-pooper but we all know, deep down in his heart, that he just might have been excited. After breakfast, they put up the last decorations and went to go get ready. Well, the girls did anyway. The guys just sat around Squall's dorm room and watched TV
untill Squall came in and kicked them out yelling profanity at them for breaking into his room. Which was mean because....it....was.
Then, they stared out at the ocean and Irvine brought up the theory of evil wooden bubbles of doom. Zell and Seifer looked at him and wished that there was some way of tossing him out in the ocean. Unfortunately, there was none. Well, there was, but only Cid knew about it and he wouldn't tell anyone for just that reason. Plus, he's a faggot but we won't go there....Although, if he knew it was Irvine, then he probably would have agreed.
A few hours later, the girls were almost ready. They all went to Selphie's dorm to do their make-up. They were even able to get some lipgloss and mascara on Kitty and Moirae! Then they all went to the Quad to meet up with the guys. The girls walked down the stairs into the Quad one by one because they can.
Quistis was wearing a peach colored dress that glittered. ((But then again, how can you color a peach? There could be an orange or a purple peach. Or even an aquamarine peach! But we have to go by the generic color of the peach because the government is hiding the true essence of the peach! Brought to you by the mindless babble of Kitty.))
Moirae was wearing Victorian EGL, which was all ruffly and poofy and darkred and black. Kitty
came jeans and a t-shirt because she can. But they were nice jeans. Selphie was wearing a
poofy yellow polka-dotted dress. Rinoa was wearing a pretty blue prom dress that was made by Gucci or some other high-dollar company because although she hates her father, she still doesn't mind taking his money. Grasshopper was wearing a black dress that was white in the middle from the waist down.
Well, it was a lot of fun. The girls made the guys dance and even though they complained,
but they know they liked it. Plus the fact that they knew they were gonna get some that night.
((Damn, gutter-minded G-Chan.))
But of course, Kitty decided to be anti-social...AGAIN and went to go stand in the corner. Actually, just imagine Squall as a girl at the SeeD ball and there you have Kitty. She got bored and started fiddling with a control panel she found. She saw two big, red buttons.
"Ohhhh! What do these buttons do?" she asked herself.
She pressed the first one and the floor started to open up (just like in "It's a Wonderful Life") and everyone fell into an unknown pool. She pressed the second button and suddenly the Garden started to shake. A floatation device had sprung up around the Garden, causing it to float upwards. A few minutes later, they were floating on the water. Kinda ironic actually. When they were under water they were dry but once they got above the water they were wet! And everyone worshipped Kitty, as it should be.
And everyone lived happily ever after. ((Okay, if you want a juicier ending, read on. If not, go do yourself a favor and read a better fanfic.))
********
The Garden was secured to its natural spot and never flew above water again
because the stupid humans learned their lesson.
Headmaster Cid died because we don't like him and wanted him to die so we got Irvine to snipe him.
Edea eloped with a Treppie.
Quistis killed all remaining Treppies at Garden because they also suck. Quistis became commander of Garden. She was raped by some random guy off the street and we think he was a hobo, well, a homo-hobo but that's okay because he was silly. She was then eaten by wolves.
Rinoa and Squall got married and had lots of kids but Squall wasn't sure if they were all his.
They would have been living in a trailer park if Garden wasn't there. Squall became the Headmaster of Garden and he divorced Rinoa. She became a prostitute among the hidden
Treppies that were at the mercy of Quistis. Squall ran around in circles for the rest of his days. He won every cake walk.
Xu and Nida raped each other often and usually at the same time. Nobody really knows why.
It's kind of like exploding tables. It just kinda happens.
Grasshopper realized that she was the biggest Mary-Sue on earth and let Zell control the relationship...almost. She had some power because otherwise Zell would have had a threesome with her and a hotdog but we won't go there.
Moirae and Seifer got married in Vegas and divorced two days later.
Moirae killed herself with a string of Christmas lights because Seifer wasn't there to save her, due to the fact that he was pushing Rinoa off a cliff at the time where she died a horrible, tragic death
and was then eaten by wolves. When her skull cracked, there was much rejoicing.
Selphie and Irvine mysteriously disappeared after Irvine decided to hit on Quistis when she was
being eaten by the wolves. We think it was a double homicide by the homo- hobo but that's okay
because he liked bunny kisses. And so does G-Chan even though she's annoying as
CRAP! Because crap can be annoying. And it is flammable.
Kitty was worshipped and took over the world and anyone who wasn't dead before died. And all was happy. So, therefore you are dead so go away, as you are dead. Therefore you cannot
read because you are dead. Go away. Bye. Wait! Before you die completely, please leave a review!
stix!!! Three bags of pixie stix that we walked through a thunderstorm to get!
Seriously! Anyways.....this will pretty much have nothing to do with the first one
except for the same characters, etc., etc., etc. (a la "The King and I") *Moirae* I have a
headache. 'Nuff said. *Grasshopper* Kitty's being a party pooper and not typing nothing! But we'll make her! So, on with the story! Oh yeah, same couplings as before. Lots of OOC and bashing, especially at the end.
Prelude
So, as you all know, the Garden started to sink, thanks to Kitty trying to fly it again. Grrrr....But, what you don't know, is that Binx, Kola, Lori, and Samy were viciously slain and fed to the T-Rexasaurs. Also, Raven and Keiry escaped, leaving their poor comrades behind to suffer. ((Sorry guys....Nothing personal but it's hard doing too many people. DON'T HATE US PLEASE!)) So, now it's just Grasshopper, Kitty, and Moirae left in the Squell fanclub. (Which really doesn't exist anymore...) All must cry for us.
"Squall, Squall! Squallie-poo!!!!" screamed Selphie.
Squall, remembering what had happened a few months before, took one look at her yellow dress and bouncing hair, ran away and cursed his luck.
"Dammit. Not again." He slammed into the Shell that had been put up after Kitty's last disastrous flight into the ocean and fell unconscious.
Selphie, unaware that he couldn't hear her, ran over to him.
"Squall!"
Selphie, noticing that he was unconscious, slapped him a few times until his gray eyes opened
and narrowed at her.
"What is it this time? Another hair-brained scheme to get me into another musical?"
"No, silly. Headmaster Cid put me in charge of the Garden Festival this year!"
Squall glared up at the girl sitting on his stomach. "Oh, just peachy."
"Isn't it?!" Selphie grinned really big and bounced up and down. "Will you help me with
ideas?"
Squall looks at her, dumbfounded, his mouth open. His eyes slid out of focus as drool
dribbled out of his mouth. Selphie tilted her head to the side quizzically, looking at him
for a few minutes. She leaned in really close to his face and yelled "BOO!"
Squall's eyes opened wide in shock. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ON TOP
OF ME???" he bellowed.
Selphie flipped backwards and looked down at him with her luminous green eyes. "Help
me with the Garden Festival, help me with the Garden Festival, help me with the Garden
Festival," she chanted.
Squall looked hard at her, and screamed "ONLY IF YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR THE REST OF YOUR HYNE-FORSAKEN LIFE," spit flying out of his mouth and landing on the hyper girl's face.
"Eww, Squall! Okay, fine, I'll leave you alone, but you've got to help me," she said,
crossing her fingers behind her back. "Okay, I've got to find more recruits, so... I'll just
leave you alone now," she said, as she backed away from Squall's furious gaze slowly,
then turned around and ran down the hall singing 'In the Golden Afternoon'.
****
Zell, Grasshopper, Seifer, Moirae, and Kitty were in the cafeteria eating lunch. All see
Selphie coming through the doors at the far end and duck under the table, each silently
praying that she had not seen them. Zell squealed like a girl, and all turned to look at him.
"Shh! You want her to hear you?" they whispered.
"Yeah, Chicken-Wuss, you want her to hear you, girlie-boy?" Seifer chortled.
"You can't use two, hyphenated and insulting names in the same sentence, silly! It's just preposterous!" Kitty exclaimed, then clapped her hand over he mouth as she heard the
click-clacking of Selphie's heels getting closer.
"Quick, someone, cast Hero and make us all invisible!" whispered Grasshopper.
"Quick, someone, shut them up!" Moirae mimicked in a high voice.
"Um... sweetheart, that's invincible," Zell corrected Grasshopper. Then, seeing her wide,
eyes becoming red, he stammered "Um... I love you, sweetie- honey- ummm..." then the
table exploded. Because that kinda happens sometimes.
Anyway, after seeing the table explode, Selphie runs over and jumps up and down.
"Heeeeey, guys! I'm on pixie stix, which is slang for sugary.... stuff!"
Moirae mimics her to Kitty. "I'm a bouncy little teenager in a yellow dress which makes me look a ten year old and I need to improve my vocabulary!" Selphie didn't hear her, but Grasshopper slapped Kitty.
"Be nice."
"Puu," said Kitty, all in puu mode, because puus are cute. But Kitty is not, but she can
pretend to be, and that's okay. Everyone turned to look at her. "Whaaa....?" she asked,
her eyes out of focus, giving her the appearance of being high.
"What have you been smoking?" Grasshopper asked.
"Puu has not been smoking, Puu has been eating pixie stix."
"What's the difference?" muttered Seifer. Moirae smacked him.
"Commandment numerus duo: Thou shalt not blaspheme Kitty," she said menacingly. He
glared at her. An uncomfortable silence followed.
"Anyway..." Selphie said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "I was wondering if you
guys would like to be on the Garden Festival committee since I'm the head of it this year,
and I kinda... need... help," she said, her voice getting softer and softer as she noticed the
evil glares of the people before her. "PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!!! I really need help, and this is my first time doing this and I can't do all of it on my own!!!!" she begged after getting on her knees.
They looked at the pathetic girl before them. "Um, Selphie?" asked Zell. "This is, like, your fifth time to do something like this."
"But... this is my first time doing the Festival UNDERWATER!"
"So who's gonna come?!" cried Kitty.
"We are, silly Kitty!" Selphie exclaimed.
Everyone stared at Grasshopper rolling on the floor laughing hysterically, after consuming
a few pixie stix she stole from Kitty. Zell tried to restrain her, but he only succeeded in breaking his nose.
"It's all your fault, G-chan! I hate you!"
Grasshopper's eyes teared up. "But, but... I'm really emotional right now." She ran to
her room.
Kitty watched her slam into the door, then run through them. "PMS."
Seifer's face winced. "Overshare!"
****
After that bizarre....episode, Selphie went looking for Rinoa and Irvine. She knew that
they had gone to train. ((A/N: *coughcoughCausethey'reweakasCRAP!coughcough*))
Selphie went into the training center, making sure not to forget her nunchakus like she did
the day before. She shook her head at the memory; it was not pretty. She immediately
found them trying to beat a T-Rexasaur.
"You sillies! You're not strong enough to beat those yet!" Selphie yelled at them. Rinoa
and Irvine, distracted, turned their heads. They were quickly swallowed by the big, mean,
sad excuse for a dinosaur. Selphie ran over to it, sliced it open, and lots of stuff fell out.
Guts, liver, heart, blood, bits of mayonnaise, Irvine, Rinoa, and Grasshopper. Wait a
minute...Grasshopper? Irvine scratched his head, the one on his neck not the...never mind.
"Ummm...How did you get in there Grasshopper?" he asked.
"Well, I came in here with my lunch and the meanie ate me!" she replied like it was everyday that she got eaten by a dinosaur. Selphie looked at the blood.
"Why is mayonnaise in his blood?" she asked.
"Because I had consumed half of a very large deli sandwich and he ate the other half!" she
replied like it was no big deal. Which it wasn't, in her mind. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a juice box and took a sip.
"Yum! Apple juice! Oh! Tart!" she started laughing maniacally. However, she was still swallowing at the time and snorted some up her nose. She coughed. "Hmmm...I smell
apple juice!" Grasshopper skipped off to her dorm.
Everyone sweatdropped.
"Anywaysss....I got put in charge of Garden Festival this year again," Selphie started to
say, "and I was wondering if y'all would help me."
"Sure Selph!" Rinoa said, reeeaally excited! She started talking really fast.
"Doyouknowwhatthethemeisyet?Ihavesomegreatideas!BladyblaudyblaudyBLAH!"
"Ummm....sure..." she replied without knowing what in the world she said. "What about you Irvy?" she fluttered her eyelashes.
"Okay, but what are you gonna do for me?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows. Selphie
giggled and walked off, adding a booty shake every now and then. Irvine started panting
and followed her like a huffalump to honey. Rinoa sighed and went back to training.
*****
The almighty voice...well, more like the scratchy, fruity voice.....of Headmaster Cid came
over the intercom.
"Will the Sorceress Warriors, Grasshopper, Kitty, Moirae, and the lapdog..."
"HEY! I RESENT THAT!" screamed Seifer up at the intercom.
"....please report to my office immediately?"
"NO!" they all said from all over the Garden in unison...well, except for G-Chan and Zell
because they're just such goody-goodies.
After blackmail, bribery, and coaxing (all of this
over the intercom mind you) they all made their way to his office on the....dun dun duuun....third floor.
Once they got there, Cid started pacing in the way that he does.
"Okay, as you can see, we've been under water for a few months now..." he started saying.
"Naaaaaah! Really?" Seifer muttered sarcastically.
"Would you like to swim with the fishes young man?"
Seifer cowered. "N-No s-sir."
"Good. Now, as I was saying. We need to figure out how to back up on land."
"Sir?" Selphie asked raising her hand. "Why did you pick us?"
"Because I have a thing on all of your heads." he replied bluntly. Irvine looked between
his legs. "No, not that head, Irvine." he said, shaking his head as if saying "Poor,
demented, lost soul."
"And what are these things on our heads?" Kitty asked innocently.
"Well, with you, there's too many to count. Moirae, the whole manipulating Seifer thing.."
"BUT THAT WAS KITTY!" she yelled. Cid blinked.
"Well, you're guilty by association. Grasshopper, for just being so Hynedamn random."
"Hynedamn random, Hynedamn random!" Grasshopper said, cracking up.
"I rest my case. Seifer, you're a lapdog. Rinoa, you make me wish I had a hot body like
yours. Squall for resurrecting NORG. Selphie, for having Irvine in your room late at night when I was watching you through a camera from my office. Irvine for being a playa. Quistis for having a stick up her ass." he finished out of breath.
Rinoa restrained Squall from attacking Cid while Zell patted Grasshopper on the back to keep her from breaking down and crying. Kitty played cat's cradle with her chains. Moirae just sat there staring out the window. Quisits ran out of the room, crying.
Seifer said, "Damn right I'm a lapdog! And I LIKE it!"
Everyone turned to him and gasped.
Moirae stood up and said "You can be MY lapdog!"
They all turned to look at her.
She turned red and sat down, muttering, "What? He can..."
Everyone sweatdropped.
Grasshopper turned to Zell with a big grin on her face. "Zell, you can come to my room
tonight and we can role-play! It'll be the adventures of Grasshopper and her amazing
Inflatable Whip!" ((Trademark Kitty))
Zell looked at his girlfriend and nodded, an equally big grin on his face.
Grasshopper looked back at him and said "I was... kidding. But we can go 'TRAIN' in the
'TRAINING CENTER'," suggestively.
After looking at the two crazy-in-love people in front of him, Cid turned back to face everyone, just to find everyone on the floor, fainted. "Well, people, wake up or else I'm gonna feed ya to the sharks."
Everyone sat in their chairs.
"Thank you. As I was saying, figure out a way to make the Garden resurface. Or else."
"Puu? Ooohhhh yeah.... mmmhmmm.... righty-oh!" Kitty said, having a conversation with
her other Puu-self. "Birds wearing tuxedos... maybe you mean penguins?" She paused
for a moment. "They peck out the eyes and flap the infernal wings!" she cried out. Her
checkered top hat fell off of her head. As she bent down to get it, two guards came in to
take her to the loony bin for the fifth time this week. And it was only Tuesday.
"NO! Don't take me away from Puu!!! PUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!" her voice receded as the guards dragged her away. A few minutes later, she was seen floating outside Cid's window, and she was mouthing "Puu" and pounding on the glass.
"Oh shit! I forgot we were under water again. Dammit- seventh time I've done that, too," Cid cursed. "Let her in, Hynedammit!" Presently, the two guards swam to her in diving suits and dragged her back inside.
After staring at the bizarre scene, Cid turned once again to the people- minus Kitty- in his office. "Get some ideas. And hurry it up. I really want to send that girl to the asylum. Now LEAVE."
Everyone got up slowly, and ran out of the room.
****
The Next Day
"Okay, I have ten people signed up to help me." Selphie muttered, checking her notepad. "Now all we need is a theme."
Selphie walked into the cafeteria, knowing that everyone would be in there. She was right
because we all know that Selphie is psychic, just like Kitty. She sat down next to Zell who, after being taken off his no-meat diet that day, was stuffing his face with hot-dogs. G-Chan was sitting next to him....actually, so close to him that she was almost in his lap. Quistis was sleeping because she ended up going back up to Cid's office and beating the crap out of him and then casting Confuse so that he wouldn't know that it was her. Seifer was being Moirae's lapdog and Moirae was obviously happy about it. Squall was looking at the two in disgust and Rinoa was giggling. Irvine was trying to suppress a boner caused by the two. Selphie hit Quistis over the head to wake her up. She shot up, and used Bad Breath on Selphie, who promptly put up a Protect.
"Okay everyone, we're having a meeting in the Quad to start setting up for the Festival at
7:00 sharp!" she said all business like. "We'll also discuss possible themes and decorations and entertainment."
Everyone stared at her. Moirae leaned up to Seifer.
"I knew she would take my advice on learning a bigger vocabulary." she said.
"Yeah, whatever." he replied.
"Stop copying me, dammit!" Squall said, wielding his Lionheart. Seifer wielded his Hyperion. Everyone else wielded whatever weapon they had and the entire cafeteria got into a big wielding fight.
******
That Night
"Where is everyone?" Selphie wondered aloud to herself. "I said 7:00 sharp and it's 7:30!" A look of realization hit her. She slapped her forehead. "Dammit!" She ran back to the cafeteria. Everyone was still cleaning up from the wielding fight.
"GUYS! I meant 7:00 PM not AM!" she screamed to her friends.
They all looked at each other and defeatedly dragged themselves to the Quad. They seated
themselves in a circle. "So, any ideas?" she asked.
"Oh! ME ME! PICK ME!" Rinoa yelled waving her hand in the air.
"Umm...yeah. Go ahead Rinoa."
"Ha! She picked me!" she boasted to everyone. Squall palm-faced. "What about an 'Under the Sea' theme?" she suggested. Everyone stared at her and blinked.
"But we ARE under the sea...." Quistis said, scratching her head.
"Wait! That's an awesome idea, Rinoa!" Selphie exclaimed. "We can make the Quad all
blue and green and since we're under the sea, it'll be even more realistic."
Zell jumped up suddenly. "And there can be giant seahorses galloping around the Quad with mongooses on their backs and wielding giant thumbtacks!"
"Thumbtacks?" Seifer asked, arching an eyebrow.
Zell shrugged. "Thumbtacks make the world go 'round."
"Or rather, we should throw in a few SPORKS and FOONS just to even things out," Moirae retorted.
"Perhaps..."
Grasshopper jumped up and down. "Can it be formal! I wanna wear coral! Oooh, oooh,
and seaweed...and fishnet...and all those other fishy things you can make clothes out of!"
((G-chan= ^ ^))
Seifer was starting to get into this. "Or what if we had everyone dress like bunnies and
hop around!?" he yelled. Squall, who had been scratching his head with his gunblade,
pointed at Seifer, the gunblade stuck in his hair.
"Bunney..." Squall said in a weird voice. ((To get this you need to watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas". *thumbs up*))
"Or what if we roleplayed? It could be Cosplay!" Quistis suggested. Selphie was furiously writing down all the suggestions.
"Anything else?" she asked.
"What about-" Grasshopper started to say before being interrupted by Seifer.
"No more suggestions from you!" he said.
"But it's really good!" she said jumping up and down like she had to go to the bathroom
really badly. Cause that happens sometimes. Just like exploding tables. ((G-Chan: *nods
head* Yes, it does.))
"What about EGL?" Kitty suggested.
Moirae's eyes got really wide and she got a huge smile on her face. She nodded her head furiously.
"Yeah!" she yelled.
She started babbling on about all the EGL outfits that she and Seifer had until she was finally shut up by Zell throwing Selphie on top of her. Selphie just looked around, confused. She got up and started jumping up and down like Grasshopper, which she was still doing by the way.
"Okay, these are all awesome ideas so I'm gonna let the students decide. We'll hold a
vote!" Selphie said, smiling. "C'mon Irvy!" she dragged him with her towards Cid's office. Everyone went to bed.
****
The Next Next Day
Selphie held a vote and all the students came and voted. There was a tie between....drum roll please.....a formal and "Under the Sea"!!!! So, decorations were made. But things weren't going very well so far.
"Zell! I said green and blue streamers not black ad red!" Selphie whined.
"B-But, Kitty told me that we changed the colors to black and red!" Zell cried.
"Kitty, get yo' ass over here!" Selphie screamed. Kitty skipped over.
"Were you manipulating people again?" Selphie accussed.
"Me? No! Of course not! Want some tea?" she asked, holding up an "Alice in Wonderland" teacup.
"No! Are you mad?!"
"Of course. We're all mad here!" Kitty responded, nudging Selphie before skipping away
because of course she's not going to nudge Selphie AFTER skipping away. That's just...well...mad.
((Moirae's note: What kinda crack is G-chan on???))((G-Chan's note: I'm not on CRACK silly Moirae. I'M HIGH ON LIFE! *holds up half-empty (or half- full depending on how you look at it.) bottle of gingerale.))
Anyways, Selphie sent Zell out to get the right streamers from the storage room and everything else was running smoothly....sort of.
"Rinoa, Grasshopper, what are you doing?" Selphie asked. They were completely covered in blue, green, and aquamarine paint.
"Umm...nooothing...." Grasshopper replied, hiding a paint can behind her back. Rinoa did the same. Selphie just shook her head.
"I don't wanna know. Just clean up the mess when you're done and make sure to paint
sea stuff."
Selphie walked off to wear Seifer and Squall were bringing in speakers and stuff for the DJ. They decided on a DJ since they obviously couldn't bring a band down from Dollet or Balamb.
"Stop slacking off on me, Puberty Boy." Seifer said, his teeth grit together.
Squall, having enough of Seifer's taunting, dropped the speaker they were carrying together, on
Seifer's foot.
"DAMMIT!" Seifer yelled, grabbing his injured foot and hopping on his other leg.
"Cut it out you two! We can't afford to break one of these speakers! Just hurry up and
put it on the stage." She went to check on Irvine, Quistis, and Moirae with the lighting.
"How's it going so far?" she asked Quistis.
"Okay, so far. But we're gonna need a few more strings of blue lights." she replied.
"No problem. Uh-oh.....Moirae! Stop moving before you get yourself tangled up in the lights! I can't afford for someone to die on me right now!" Selphie screamed. "If you die then you're not getting paid!"
"You mean we're getting paid for this?" Seifer asked astounded. "HELL YEAH! C'mon, pick up the pace Pub-I mean- Sq- I mean- COMMANDER....yeah.." he said arrogantly. "Let me tell ya, he's good at COMMANDING." he muttered.
"I heard that!" Squall said.
"I meant for you to! That was the point!"
"Shut up!"
"You!"
"You!"
"You!"
".....Whatever...."
"............"
Selphie was starting to tense up. Zell came back an hour later, holding a hotdog.
"ZELL! Where are the streamers!?" Selphie yelled. Zell looked down at his hotdog.
"Oops...." Zell ran off, dropping the hotdog, picking it back up, and running to get the streamers.
Kitty followed him with an evil grin on her face.
"Ohhh boy....." Selphie said as she saw the two exit the Quad.
Everything went smoothly for awhile except for Moirae almost choking herself with the lights but
other than that, everything was going good. That is, until Kitty came back into the Quad, holding the streamers, Zell hopping on all fours behind her. Grasshopper dropped her paintbrush (but
she made sure to wash it so that it wouldn't get paint on the floor because that would be mean) and ran up to the two.
"What did you do to him!?" she screeched. "Did you get out the inflatable whip?!"
"Nooo...Remeber what I did to Seifer?" Kitty replied.
Grasshopper went pale and ran up to Zell. His nose was twitching just like a rabbit's.
Squall turned around, with a microphone in his hair. He pointed at Zell. "Bunney..."
"What did she do to you Zelly?" Grasshopper asked, kneeling down to his level. Zell looked at her with big, blue eyes and licked her nose. "Awww...bunny kisses!" She hugged him. Zell suddenly snapped out of it.
"W-What happened." he asked Grasshopper.
Grasshopper, not wanting to make him embarrassed that he was manipulated by Kitty, thought up a lie.
"Umm...you died a horrible death and....my....tears revived you....YEAH!" she said.
"Ohhh...okay!" Zell went to go hang the streamers.
Grasshopper glared at Kitty. Kitty smiled. Moirae almost choked herself again. Seifer saved her and proclaimed his undying love for her. Quistis cried. Rinoa tried to clean the paint off of her. Squall took the microphone out of his hair. Selphie screamed and pulled out some of her hair. Irvine tried to comfort Selphie but it didn't matter because everyone had forgotten that he was there anyway. Well, not really. Only Selphie did because she puts career over men. So does Seifer. At least, we HOPE he does....
****
Once again, the group was eating lunch in the cafeteria. Zell was having a hotdog. Grasshopper, not wanting to displease her man, was also eating a hotdog. Kitty was eating a salad with ranch dressing. Moirae wasn't eating anything. Seifer was stuffing his face with pizza. Quistis was sitting by Squall, refusing to sit anywhere near Seifer. She tried to make him talk to her, but he had his head on the table, pretending to be dead.
Rinoa was nowhere to be found. ((But it's not if anyone cared anyway.)) Irvine was with Selphie doing... things. Bad things. Like 'X-rated things which cannot be mentioned here' things. Anyway, carrying on...
The group was talking about the Garden Festival. Of course, what ELSE would they be
talking about? It's not like they have personal PROBLEMS or ANYTHING ELSE that matters in their sad, pathetic lives (apart from Moirae... she's suicidal!).
"Well, I think it's gonna suck," Kitty said, looking up from her salad.
"Always the optimist, aren't you, Kitty?" Grasshopper asked. "What do you think, Zell?" she asked, looking into his deep blue eyes.
Quistis jumped into the conversation, "Yeah, it's gonna blow."
"Ummm.... flghyt fgrsh daksdes," he replied, a piece of hotdog still in his mouth.
"Swallow and say it again, Chicken-Wuss," said Seifer.
Zell swallowed his HOTDOG
((Moirae: Contrary to the belief of the two BAKATACHI behind me. Grasshopper: Well look at all the blowing and sucking in the above paragraphs! Moirae: *blinks*))
and said, "It's gonna be good this year."
"That's what I thought," said Grasshopper triumphantly.
"So you actually think?" muttered Moirae sarcastically to Seifer. He snickered.
"WHAT WAS THAT?" Grasshopper shrieked toward the two.
"NOTHING," they said together.
"But... you did say that comment about her actu-" Kitty broke off when Seifer smacked her upside the head.
"She didn't say anything, it was Puu, remember?" he told her more than asked her.
She nodded, looking a little dazed. "Puu..."
"Anyway, I think it's gonna be great," Grasshopper said. She got up and dragged Zell with her to deposit their trash, then walked out of the cafeteria. Everyone stared after then, lapsing into an uncomfortable silence. One by one, they got up and left until Kitty was left, because Kitty is always alone. ((Poor Kitty!))
****
The Day of the Garden Festival (The whole group: *sarcasm* Woohoo....)
Selphie woke up with a start. Because, as we all know, it is quite impossible to wake up
with a finish. She looked out the window to see water everywhere.
"Oh no! It's raining! Seifer and Quistis were right! It is gonna suck and blow! I hate it when Seifer and Quistis are right!" she exclaimed.
Now she was depressed. She curled up into a fetal position and went back to bed. Quistis came in.
"Selphie! What are you still doing in bed! We still have some stuff to do before the festival starts!"
"But it's raining!" Selphie said, pointing out the window.
Quistis palm-faced and dragged Selphie out of bed. Selphie got dressed and the two went down for breakfast. Everyone was really excited about the festival, even Squall. Of course, he didn't
show it because he's such a party-pooper but we all know, deep down in his heart, that he just might have been excited. After breakfast, they put up the last decorations and went to go get ready. Well, the girls did anyway. The guys just sat around Squall's dorm room and watched TV
untill Squall came in and kicked them out yelling profanity at them for breaking into his room. Which was mean because....it....was.
Then, they stared out at the ocean and Irvine brought up the theory of evil wooden bubbles of doom. Zell and Seifer looked at him and wished that there was some way of tossing him out in the ocean. Unfortunately, there was none. Well, there was, but only Cid knew about it and he wouldn't tell anyone for just that reason. Plus, he's a faggot but we won't go there....Although, if he knew it was Irvine, then he probably would have agreed.
A few hours later, the girls were almost ready. They all went to Selphie's dorm to do their make-up. They were even able to get some lipgloss and mascara on Kitty and Moirae! Then they all went to the Quad to meet up with the guys. The girls walked down the stairs into the Quad one by one because they can.
Quistis was wearing a peach colored dress that glittered. ((But then again, how can you color a peach? There could be an orange or a purple peach. Or even an aquamarine peach! But we have to go by the generic color of the peach because the government is hiding the true essence of the peach! Brought to you by the mindless babble of Kitty.))
Moirae was wearing Victorian EGL, which was all ruffly and poofy and darkred and black. Kitty
came jeans and a t-shirt because she can. But they were nice jeans. Selphie was wearing a
poofy yellow polka-dotted dress. Rinoa was wearing a pretty blue prom dress that was made by Gucci or some other high-dollar company because although she hates her father, she still doesn't mind taking his money. Grasshopper was wearing a black dress that was white in the middle from the waist down.
Well, it was a lot of fun. The girls made the guys dance and even though they complained,
but they know they liked it. Plus the fact that they knew they were gonna get some that night.
((Damn, gutter-minded G-Chan.))
But of course, Kitty decided to be anti-social...AGAIN and went to go stand in the corner. Actually, just imagine Squall as a girl at the SeeD ball and there you have Kitty. She got bored and started fiddling with a control panel she found. She saw two big, red buttons.
"Ohhhh! What do these buttons do?" she asked herself.
She pressed the first one and the floor started to open up (just like in "It's a Wonderful Life") and everyone fell into an unknown pool. She pressed the second button and suddenly the Garden started to shake. A floatation device had sprung up around the Garden, causing it to float upwards. A few minutes later, they were floating on the water. Kinda ironic actually. When they were under water they were dry but once they got above the water they were wet! And everyone worshipped Kitty, as it should be.
And everyone lived happily ever after. ((Okay, if you want a juicier ending, read on. If not, go do yourself a favor and read a better fanfic.))
********
The Garden was secured to its natural spot and never flew above water again
because the stupid humans learned their lesson.
Headmaster Cid died because we don't like him and wanted him to die so we got Irvine to snipe him.
Edea eloped with a Treppie.
Quistis killed all remaining Treppies at Garden because they also suck. Quistis became commander of Garden. She was raped by some random guy off the street and we think he was a hobo, well, a homo-hobo but that's okay because he was silly. She was then eaten by wolves.
Rinoa and Squall got married and had lots of kids but Squall wasn't sure if they were all his.
They would have been living in a trailer park if Garden wasn't there. Squall became the Headmaster of Garden and he divorced Rinoa. She became a prostitute among the hidden
Treppies that were at the mercy of Quistis. Squall ran around in circles for the rest of his days. He won every cake walk.
Xu and Nida raped each other often and usually at the same time. Nobody really knows why.
It's kind of like exploding tables. It just kinda happens.
Grasshopper realized that she was the biggest Mary-Sue on earth and let Zell control the relationship...almost. She had some power because otherwise Zell would have had a threesome with her and a hotdog but we won't go there.
Moirae and Seifer got married in Vegas and divorced two days later.
Moirae killed herself with a string of Christmas lights because Seifer wasn't there to save her, due to the fact that he was pushing Rinoa off a cliff at the time where she died a horrible, tragic death
and was then eaten by wolves. When her skull cracked, there was much rejoicing.
Selphie and Irvine mysteriously disappeared after Irvine decided to hit on Quistis when she was
being eaten by the wolves. We think it was a double homicide by the homo- hobo but that's okay
because he liked bunny kisses. And so does G-Chan even though she's annoying as
CRAP! Because crap can be annoying. And it is flammable.
Kitty was worshipped and took over the world and anyone who wasn't dead before died. And all was happy. So, therefore you are dead so go away, as you are dead. Therefore you cannot
read because you are dead. Go away. Bye. Wait! Before you die completely, please leave a review!