I awoke to an empty pillow beside mine. Don't go thinking it happened every morning because it doesn't. Sometimes theres a man sleeping next to me. Sometimes I don't remember his name.

It's hard to forget the things I do in my life, but it's not hard to regret them. I regret everything I do, because I know it doesn't have to be the way it is. I could of grown up happy. I could of lived in the city, or in a flat by the water. I could be anywhere but here. I grew up in an old house with my alcholic,abusive, step-father and my mom. I guess I could help you understand about my wretched life by filling you in a bit of my past :

My mom doesn't care about me. All she cares about is keeping the clothes on her back,while working at the truck stop. The last time she said she loved me was when I was ten years old. Seven years ago.

When I was a teenager my hair was the same length it was now. I still had the uncontrolable brown curls. Back then I hated them, I straightened my hair as often as I could, but by mid morning it would be back in curls. When I was nineteen I just gave up the iron and left my hair to control itself. Kind of like the weather.

When I was six, my mother told me that no matter what, I would always be what mattered most. She told me that she loved me more than anything in the world, and nothing would come between us. That was until she met Wayne.

Wayne was nice to me at first, giving me gifts and being extra nice. I never liked him from the start, but I guess my mother fell for him, because they got married within the year. Things stayed pretty much the same after that, except for the gifts. It was when I turned 13 that he started looking at me differently. He started beating on my mother almost every night. I would beg her to divorce him, but she never did. She loved him that much. He never touched me, but he always looked at me strangely. He'd make sexual remarks here and there, but he never hurt me. Until I turned seventeen.

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"Kathrine. Kathrine wake up, it's almost seven."

I awoke to the light blinding me momentarily. I raised my arm across my face and rolled over onto my stomach. After a moment I groaned and sat up. Wiping the sleep out of my eyes, I looked at the clock.

"Shit." I cursed, standing up quickly and running to the dresser. I got dressed as fast as I could and ran down the stairs to the kitchen, stopping to look at myself in the bathroom mirror on the way down.

I stifled a yawn as I walked into the kitchen, balancing a tooth brush in my mouth. I headed to the sink, spitting into it. My mother sat at the table wearing the truck stop's waitress uniform. She frowned at me as I turned around. She didn't say anything though, returning to reading the newspaper. I shoved my tooth brush into my back pack and sat down at the table across from her. I watched her carefully. She glanced up at me.

"You're going to need to learn how to get up on your own." She said, looking back down to the paper.

"Whatever." I stood up, grabbing an apple off the table and headed to the door.

"Come home right after school, I need you to be here."

"Why?" I said, turning around. I could have plans.

"I'm your mother. I don't need to tell you why. Just be here."

"Whatever." There was no use picking another fight with her. She was no longer worth the time. Sam had done some awful things to her. He changed her. My mother was no longer the person she used to be. Somehow I blamed myself.

I walked out the door and hurried to the ugly yellow school bus that sat impatiently at the end of the road.

"Be on time tomorrow." Elaine the bus driver told me.

"Whatever. Sorry." I answered, before heading to the back of the bus. I fell against the seat, throwing my book bag onto the floor. David sat on the seat next to me. I turned my head towards him, and he was watching me intently. He slid his arm around me and I leaned my face into his shoulder.

"Ugh." I moaned. "I hate my life."

"Join the club." he muttered, smiling. " Smile babe, today's the big day."

"I almost forgot." I moaned again, faking a cry.

"It wont be that bad."

I looked up into his dark eyes, which were half covered by his bangs-his hair was also dark.

"You need to cut your hair." I said. He smiled.

"There's my Katie."

Before I could yell at him for calling me Katie, he had his lips against mine. I answered his kiss with passion, allowing him immediatly to enter my mouth with his tounge. Our kisses were so intense. I couldn't imagine anyone who kissed better than this. The bus stopped, but we didn't. There was no way we could be at school yet. David slid his hand around my waist, holding me against him.

"That's just Kate and David, they're always doing that." Someone announced. I broke the kiss to see who had said my name. It was just some damn ninth grader. Then I saw him. Someone new.God he was hot. I swept my eyes over him, before looking into his face. His eyes were deep green, his hair a light shade of brown, cut short. He was watching me with curious eyes.

"Is this seat taken?" He asked. I couldn't answer. Holy crap. I couldn't speak. David spoke, while looking at me suspiciously.

"Does it look like it is?" He asked rudely. The new, wonderful, guy sat down in the seat across from us. He threw his bag beside him.

"Hey, I'm Luke." He said with a smile. I stared but couldn't speak.

I got off the bus slowly, aware that he was right in front of me. David and I walked to the edge of the school's front stairs. I perched myself on the ledge, watching the people as they walked into the school. David stood on the ground beside me. He kept his hands on either side of me, declaring me his.

Maria walked up to us and sat down on the stairs.

"You should of seen my moms face when I told her what you were going to do today." She had this huge grin on her face and it made my stomach queezy thinking about what I was going to do. I forced myself to smile down at her.

"What did she do?" I asked.

"She didn't believe me, so I promised I'd take pictures."

"Great. And you can show them to my children some day." I murmered. She laughed, choking on her own saliva. Her hair, long and blonde was resting on her shoulders.

"If you have kids." David said from behind me. I didn't answer. If I had kids, would I become my mother. Oh I hoped not. I hoped to marry and have children. Not what I was going to become. A slut who housed a different man every night.

The bell rang and the three of us got up and headed into the school. David kissed me goodbye and headed down the opposite hall, while Maria and I walked towards the back of the school for Biology. I was looking forward to this class. My partner, Conner, had switched schools, so I was all alone. I could spend more time on the labs without having to show him how to rinse out a beaker. My heart skipped a beat, when I walked into the room and saw who was going to be my next partner. It was Luke.

"Holy shit. Who is that?" Maria whispered to me as we walked into the door. I shrugged my shoulders and went and sat next to him. I placed my books down, and he looked over.

"Well, hello again." He chuckled.

"Hi." I said back.

"I'm glad I got you as a partner. Someone I almost know." He said.

"Yea I guess." I started playing with the edge of my binder, so that I wouldn't have to look up into his eyes.

"Atleast I can get to know you now that you're not being eaten alive."

I took that as a refrence to David and I. I held in a laugh. Mr.Frause came in then, stopping our brief conversation.

The class went by quickly, too quickly. Luke and I got along great. It turned out he was from Chicago. He had moved her with is older brother who had gotten a job at the bacon factory outside of town. Luke was a nice guy, I could tell we were going to get along. He had such a great personality. It was a bonus that he knew a lot of Biology. He said he wanted to be a doctor when he graduated. Maria had a lot of questions after class.

"He is so hot." she moaned.

"Yea he's okay." More than okay.

I had English next, and I was sad to see that Luke wasn't in that class. It could of been for the best, because David was in that class.

Lunch came in no time, and Maria was waiting for me outside my classroom. My heart was beating so fast.

"You're not going to wimp out." Maria said as we walked from our lockers to the cafeteria.

"Of coarse she isn't" David said, putting his arm around my shoulders. I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn't eat as we sat at the table. I watched as David and Maria stuffed thier faces. Mark and Joanne came and sat with us. They kept joking about what I was going to do, which made me feel even worse.

When the lot of us had finished eating, I looked to Maria. She nodded at me. I stood up, and looked at the rest of the school around me, including Luke, who had walked into the room carrying his lunch and tray.

I took in a large breath of air. I was going to need it.