The Terrible and Freakish Truth

Chapter One-shot: Drabble by Ghost of Ass Ketchup

It was a freakish day when I died. I should've known I'd die from the day I left the safety of my home. I am here as a ghost mainly to say one thing: Nurse Joy does not exist. Neither does Officer Jenny, or any other look-alike in the series I used to be in.

I returned to Viridian City for absolutely no reason at all. Misty and Brock were with me, Misty carrying that gay egg Pokémon as usual. That Pokémon was supposed to be mine. I found it! I found the frigging egg for crying out mother fuing loud. I should've left Misty in the Pokémon Center to DIE and stole Togepi with me. But no, I didn't, because I'm supposed to be Mister Nice Guy!

Anyway, I digress. It's been three years since I became a trainer. That fateful day, we walked in the Viridian Pokémon Center to ask Nurse Joy something: Why the hell does she have so many sisters that look exactly like her? That goes for Officer Jenny too. I mean, it was unrealistic, even in a cartoon.

Before Nurse Joy could answer in her gay cheerful voice, Chansey shrieked. The door was blasted off its hinges, and in marched Team Rocket. What a gay name. I like Team Aqua better. And Team Magma. At least they have a unique objective, not trying to take over the world like every lame villain in every lame show/movie!

Any, again, I digress. Such is to be expected from a guy like me. Anyway, to carry on: Team Rocket burst into the Center, with an army of Scyther behind them. Giovanni was leading them. He has a cool name. He's the mot sane person in the world. I like him, despite the fact he has a lame objective.

The Scyther charged in, and slashed everyone. That was awesome! Team Rocket should've done it ages ago. Invade the center with a bunch of Scyther. They just charged in, and slashed the nurse's head off. That was when we three gay asses found out the truth.

Judging by the bunch of wires coming from Nurse Joy's neck, she was a robot! We should've known from the minute we found out there was a Nurse Joy in every town. The police force of Officer Jenny's charged in to quell the trouble, and off went their heads too, again, wires broken.

Before any of us could exclaim in surprise or shock, off went our heads, and Team Rocket grabbed Pikachu and took him away. Realizing that Pikachu would never listen to asses like them and take orders, they had no use for him, and threw him off the skyscrapers of Saffron City to his demise.

Since we're all dead, I can only hope another adventure begins with someone else, this time with a cool guy. Someone who's sane and won't give up Pokémon left and right like I did with Charizard, Haunter, Pidgeot, Primeape, Lapras, Butterfree, Squirtle, and others. If only I kept all of them, I might not have died. Charizard could've owned all of them.

That was the story of Ash Ketchum or as I like to call him, Ass Ketchup. If you've been reading this story, it's probably because you believe the show has gone down. Otherwise, it might be because you like the show, and thought that this story would be some other tense day in the life of Ash. It's not. Well, actually it is, but in a freakish way.

Now, you may be wondering what happened to Gary and his grandpa. Well, they're cool, so they lived. Gary dedicated his life to catching every Pokémon in a way different from his rival. See, Ash let them all go eventually. Gary catches, trains them, and evolves them the way it's SUPPOSED to be. Oak is still in his lab, working on a more updated Pokedex. Now, the world of Pokémon is so much better, especially because there is a new trainer who's cooler than his predecessor.

This guy actually killed the crap out of Team Rocket. He raised an army of Walriens, and did his own mass murder. As of this day, Giovanni's head is hanging on a golden platter up on the wall over the new guy's bed in his secret base.

The End.

A/N: No, I don't HATE Pokémon, I'm just making fun of it. I've been pissed for years at the show. It's great to let it out. No, I don't like Pokémon either. My feelings are in between, like my feelings for many other things. I rarely choose a specific side.