HELLO everybody!! It is I, Phoebe, writing to you from my exciting computer. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Review! Flames are allowed, but constructive criticism is the way to my heart!

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. Oh, look, a purple pig just flew by! Oh. Damn. Neither of those things is true. Oh well, can't have everything.

THE MEMOIRS OF MR. MOONY

Err…Hi. Yes. Hi. Having never written in a journal, "Hi" seems like a good way to start. Oh. Lily has informed me that one usually starts a journal with what she calls "vital statistics." "Vital to what, the parchment?" I asked. Lily just gave me a pitying look and explained that she meant height, hobbies, favorite things, and so on. Sooo….

Name: Remus John Lupin

Height: 5'8"

Appearance: Light brown curly hair, thin, light brown eyes. Err…arms, legs, fingers, toes.

Hobbies: Reading, writing, Quidditch (I'm a Chaser for Gryffindor.)

Friends: The Marauders: James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. And also Lily Evans (not a Marauder.) And assorted other people. Right.

Favorite things: Flying, reading, sleeping, being with friends.

Facts about me: ( Because apparently everything ELSE I've written doesn't count.) I'm shy (according to Lily. According to Sirius I just hate people.) I'm an only child. I'm 16. Oh, and I'm a werewolf. Yup. Bet you never saw THAT coming. And-

"Whatcha doing, Moony?" That's Sirius.

"Nothing," I said, automatically covering this journal. Too late.

"Lupin, you have a DIARY??" Oh fuck. I am NEVER going to live this down. Shoot me now.

"Remus is a girl, Remus is a girl, Remus is a girl, Remus-"

"Sirius, SHUT UP!"

"Why? Girl."

"Immature git."

"Know-it-all."

"Dumbass."

"Am not."

"Leave me alone." Sirius grinned wickedly.

"Only if you write what I tell you."

"No."

"Remus is a girl, he wears frilly knickers, and-um-wears make-up and dresses!" Oh God.

"If I write whatever it is you want me to write, will you go away?"

"Yes."

"Fine."

Ok. Here goes. Despite my "sucky personalilty"- Sirius, STOP POKING ME- I "managed to snag an amazing group of friends who are all much cooler, smarter, and better looking than you." (You meaning me, as Sirius was saying that and forcing me to DEFILE my journal- NOT A DIARY- with his inane and senseless ramblings. No one knows better than I how ironic it is that Sirius Black has never been serious in his life.) Now that he has decided to stop torturing me, I can keep going. Actually, what Sirius said was true. I do have an amazing group of friends. When they found out I was a werewolf, not only did they continue being my friends, they learned how to turn into Animagi (wizards who can turn into animals) to keep me company. (A werewolf is only a danger to humans.) James is a stag (Prongs), Sirius is a dog (Padfoot), and Peter is a rat (Wormtail.) I'm called Moony, for obvious reasons. Let's see, what else should you, the hypothetical reader, know? Um…I like chocolate. I'm smart-the brains (and conscience) of the group. Sirius (according to any female between 4 and 400) is the best looking in the group. James is the leader, Peter is just there, and I'm the brains. Somehow, it all works. Oh no, Sirius is back and he appears to have brought the entire House with him…-RJL