He still sits outside her house some nights. Sure he was with Parker. She was fun and sassy, she was Lilly light. Not that he really compares her to Lilly he wouldn't do that to Lilly. Parker is someone who would call him on some of his shit, but wouldn't put him through shit. Parker was everything he should want in a girlfriend. Fun, loving and hot. She was simple. She wanted the things every girl wanted. A boyfriend who wanted her and didn't cheat, didn't stray and felt lucky to have her. He knew that Parker knew he was still in love with Veronica.. She put up with it. He wasn't sure if it was some girl thing where she wanted to reform the bad boy in him or if she could sense the broken little boy in him and wanted to take care off him. He felt in some way she wanted to fix him. Logan wanted to tell her it was useless. If he couldn't be fixed by Veronica he felt it would never happen.

So he sat outside her house when he should be home in bed or with Parker. He didn't call her his girlfriend, he wasn't sure what they were. They were taking it slow. Logan because of Veronica and Parker because of Mercer. Why did he do this to himself? Why did he sleep with Madison? Did he really want the break up to stick? Is that why he slept with someone he knew she wouldn't get over? And if he was being honest with himself he had to admit that he knew she would find out. Madison couldn't keep her mouth shut in high school why would he think that she would start now. He knew that eventually it would get back to Veronica.

Had he been trying test her to see how much she loved him? Was he so convinced that he couldn't be loved that he would do anything to make sure he was proven right? Maybe he should start seeing a shrink. Logan leaned his head against the head rest.

Maybe he should just break it off with Parker and spare her self destructive Logan. Who was he kidding of course he would ruin it some how. He wasn't in love with her and he didn't see how he could be since he was pretty sure he was still in love with Veronica.

xxxxx

Veronica watched him sit there in her parking lot. She wasn't sure what he thought he was doing but it was the third time this week he was here. Was he protecting her? Stalking her? She wasn't sure. And she wasn't sure why she didn't make him leave. Call him and tell him she knew he was out there. She wondered why he wasn't asleep, or with Parker.

That was a new thing she was angry about. What did he think he was trying to pull with that move? She has no option but to say it is fine that he dates Parker. There is no other possible answer. If she says no it shows one of two things. Option A either she is really not over him and might want him back. Option B she was a bitch and didn't want him but didn't want anyone else to have him. So she took the only option she could she told him to go ahead and date Parker. Maybe there was an option C she didn't know what that was and she had been distracted by solving the dean's murder at the time.

She peered through the blinds again. He's still sitting there. She sighs, he really isn't very good at staking places out if he was just going to sit in plain sight. His Land Rover may be less obtrusive than his Xterra but it still wasn't a car normally associated with her neighborhood. She wondered how long he would sit out there tonight. She reached for her phone to tell him to go home when his lights come on and he leaves on his own. She watches his taillights until they disappear around the corner.

xxxxx

Logan heads up to his room alone again. He has his cell phone in his hand and he stares at it. Should he call Parker ask her to come over it was only eleven? They could watch a movie or something. He doesn't call her he just stares at the phone he knows who he wants to call but he can't. The elevator doors open and he walks down the hall to his room. As he looks at the number by the door he thinks it might be time he found some place more permanent.

Over the summer Veronica and he had looked at apartments. He hadn't really been interested in buying or renting some place. The Grand was just easier they brought him food when he wanted and even cleaned without him having to arrange for a cleaning services. Parker thought it was cool that he lived in a hotel. Veronica thought - well she didn't really care and it didn't matter what she thought anymore. Logan knew he had to stop comparing Parker to Veronica. They were different. Just like he had to stop comparing her to Lilly as well. Logan thinks he will be forever doomed to compare all the women in his life to the first two, the one's that mean the most.

Veronica used to tell him he was a hopeless romantic and the girl in the relationship. Dick calls him whipped. Logan when he thinks about his relationships calls himself desperate. He doesn't need to got to a psychologist he can self analyze. He was probably looking for love in all the wrong places. Logan was fairly certain if he ever did seek help for his mental health he would hear something about the need to love himself. He didn't need to hear that kind of crap.

xxxxx

Veronica sat staring at the window long after he left. She thinks of what could of been. Maybe her and Logan could have made it. She loves him, not loved, loves present tense. Veronica thinks he has purposely driven her away. She wonders why. She wonders why she couldn't tell him before the Madison thing was able to happen that she loved him. Why couldn't she respond with more than a yeah. Why she could say the words. She knew he deserved them they both had been through so much.

She turns away from the window in disgust. Even though he had dumped her the time before she knew it was her fault. Why did she have to push so hard? Why couldn't she try and be something resembling normal? Why couldn't she just let things be? So Veronica acknowledged that them broken up was her fault. Logan sleeping with Madison was in a way her fault. The fact she couldn't get over it was her fault. The whole thing was her fault. So letting him date Parker and trying to act normal was her punishment.

It seemed fitting to see the man you love with a woman you couldn't hate. That had to be some circle of hell somewhere. Maybe she could have gotten past the Madison thing with time. Veronica lies to herself. Every time she hears the name Madison she wished that she would have let Weevil crush the car.

It was her fault she couldn't move on. The rational part of Veronica knew that they were broken up and he had the right to date or do anyone he wanted to. The rational part knew that Madison wasn't responsible for all the horrible things that went wrong in High School and in actuality a lot of that was Logan. It was the irrational part that wouldn't let her take him back. The part that carried the hurt from the year after Lilly died and everything and everyone changed.

The only thing rational and irrational Veronica agree on was that it was her fault.

xxxxx

Logan had probably stood outside his door for ten minutes before Dick swung the door open. Dick didn't say anything more than a 'dude' and shook his head as he got on the elevator. Logan figured if you have become so transparent that Dick Casablancas could read your mood maybe it was time to seek professional help.

He sits staring at the TV. It's not on the suite is silent. He thinks he should have given her more space let her grow into their relationship. He'd always been an all or nothing kind of person. He couldn't switch to this friend person he was supposed to be.

He'd pushed her to hard. He shouldn't have broken up with her. He shouldn't drink himself to oblivion, this didn't stop him from reaching for the beer he'd opened and set in front of him on the coffee table. He takes a long gulp of the foamy liquid. Logan thinks at least he isn't drinking some had alcohol he'll never forget on beer. His phone is still in his hand. Parker's name is no longer highlighted Veronica's is.

After sitting in silence he's developed a routine. Gulp the beer stare at the phone highlighting he name until the light goes out, gulp beer stare at her name.