A THOUSAND CRANES
"Peter, good to see you again. It's been a while. What brings you in today?"
"I don't really know. You said the door was always open."
"Yes, I did."
"Actually, I've been okay."
"You're a father now, right?"
"Yes, I have a son. I never thought I could love someone as much. I'm the luckiest man. Elizabeth is the most incredible mother, when I see her and Neal…."
"Neal?"
"Yeah. We named our boy after him. Thing is, Dr. Leslie… I've been seeing Neal. Like I did right after he died. It's been a year, seems like yesterday. I can't shake it."
"You know Peter, it's not uncommon what you're feeling. Many people on the anniversary of a loved one's death have a renewed sense of grief."
"I'm familiar with anniversary reactions, we got counseled on it by the Bureau. This feels different."
"Go on."
"I went past Madison Square Park today, where Mozzie has an occasional game of Three card Monte. I followed him for months after Neal died. I was hoping he would lead me to a clue. Something I missed, something that he and Neal were working on."
"Why?"
"I thought if I knew what they were planning. I could have gotten ahead of it, you know. I could have been there. I could have stopped whatever Neal was up to. I could… I could have…"
"You could have saved him?"
"Yeah," Peter ran his hand through his hair.
"Did you find anything, following Mozzie?"
"No. Most nights he would go to June's and just stand outside across the street looking up at Neal's window. June kept Neal's apartment just like he left it. Some nights the light would come on. I guess she visited from time to time. Like the rest of us, she hoped he might just walk in one night."
"So, Mozzie had no clues to offer then."
"Mozzie wouldn't come to the funeral. He was so angry. I worried about him. He blamed the Bureau for Neal's death. He filed a suit charging them with reckless endangerment and wrongful death."
"So he blamed you, as well."
"Not any more than I blamed myself. He had a point. If the Bureau hadn't reneged on their promise… today Neal's original deal would have been satisfied. He would have been a free man."
"You said you went by the park today, where Mozzie goes. Do you still follow him?"
"From time to time. I check up on him mostly, he's not aware of it. It's mainly a ritual now, a reminder. Neal would have wanted that."
"So how is Mozzie doing now?"
"Better I think. He seemed genuinely glad to see me, called me Peter. He seems to be starting to accept it. He said he moved from denial to depression. You'd be proud of him. He showed me this card Neal left with him that day, the queen of hearts. Neal played him with it on their first meeting, right on that very spot in the park. It's when they became partners and friends."
"It seems, Neal had a way of turning adversity into advantage and adversaries into friends," Dr. Leslie smiled as he looked over at Peter.
"That he did, he could charm a rock. Mozzie wasn't always the best influence but he was devoted to Neal, he loved him… of that I'm certain."
"He said for the longest time he thought Neal had left the card for him as some kind of clue. He thought Neal knew he was going to die and that it was a final con. He couldn't believe Neal was really gone, it had to be a con. But even Mozzie's denial and conspiracy theories were no match for seeing Neal in that body bag. Seeing him like that…" A shiver ran through Peter. He fell silent. He had to stop talking.
"Peter? Where are you?"
"I invited Mozzie to come and visit Elizabeth and see the boy. I think he might do it this time. He seemed changed, I can't quite put my finger on it."
"So Peter, what do you think this visit is about?"
"When I was chasing Neal he would send me these letters, notes… sometimes sketches. The cranes, I think were my favorites."
"I remember you said Neal communicated with you, even after you caught him…even in prison. I don't remember you talking about cranes."
"They were beautiful. Art pieces really, origami cranes. I think he sent them when he didn't have the time to write, probably when we were close on his heels. I have boxes of them. I'd come home at the end of the day and find one sitting on the table. "
"I could always tell in my gut when we were close, gaining on him. Then just like clockwork a crane would appear. The cheeky bastard. It was his way of letting me know he was a step ahead. It was the happiest part of my day."
"How so?"
"In part it was the game. The thrill of the chase. But in another way it was making a connection with another mind. You know, being able to anticipate someone so closely, to intuit them so completely. I was at my best. We were at our best."
"Why cranes?"
"I still don't know what it meant to him. I never asked him. Sometimes now, I'll go home expecting to find one, you know."
"The crane symbol is often associated with happiness and longevity in eastern mythology. It was thought they could live to be a thousand years old. Legend promises that if anyone folds a thousand origami cranes they will be granted a wish by a crane."
"God. I'd make a million to have one more chance to see him. There's so much I wanted to say to him… to tell him." A wave of heat crossed his chest and up into his throat and face, the tears he'd been holding back filled Peter's eyes. "I know it's crazy, but I feel he's still out there."
"So is that why you came in, to see if I think you're crazy?"
"Something like that. I guess I just need closure. He's gone. Isn't he?"
"I think you know the answer to that Peter."
"How do you let go? How do you do that?"
"You do the best you can. There's nothing more than that."
Peter nodded. He thought to himself What if it's not the best I can do? What if?
One Year Earlier
Neal woke up freezing, in the dark. He wanted to sit up, but he couldn't. He couldn't move a muscle, not even an eyelid. His heart was racing and his stomach felt like it was filled with ice. He was frozen. From somewhere in the darkness beyond he made out a vaguely familiar sound, maybe a travel kit closing, a suitcase? Then it hit him like a ton of bricks, someone was unzipping the body bag. He was in a plastic body bag. Panic took him momentarily, then followed with something not as simple as that.
He struggled to orient himself. It took a few moments but then things began to slide into place, links in his brain unfastened as he rose out of his drugged sleep. It was the toxin he took, the tetrodotoxin that held him immobilized. Was this consciousness? Was he awake?
He wasn't supposed to come out of it until much later. He was careful, meticulous in his planning. It wasn't time. He studied the physiology; the lowered heart rate, the decreased respirations, loss of consciousness and paralysis. He was prepared. What he wasn't prepared for is what happened next. A familiar voice… Peter, his voice deepened with grief, stunned with pain.
"Stop it, Mozzie. Just stop it. He's gone."
"No, no. He can't be gone."
"Mozzie, he's right there. You need to look at him. You got to look Mozzie. He's dead."
There was too much at stake now. He was prepared to lose everyone that mattered to him, if it meant they would be spared the cost of his freedom; but he wasn't prepared for this. Then it was Mozzie's voice, his denial shattering like glass.
"No, no. He can't be gone."
Neal wanted to cry out to them, I'm here. I'm still here. He couldn't. He wanted to say, I'm sorry. Forgive me. He couldn't. He wanted it to stop. It wouldn't.
"Mozzie, he's right there. You need to look at him. You've got to look Mozzie. He's dead."
"It can't be him, Peter. Neal always had it figured out. He could always get away."
"Not this time."
Neal felt as if he had been truly shot; sorrow, love went right through him as if had been lead. He could feel the blood drain from his heart. With unblinking eyes and tears frozen in grief, he whispered to himself.
"I'm still here."
He lay there awake. He lay there free. He lay there drowning.
TBC
Author's Notes:
There have been some lovely stories already posted on the finale, but I couldn't help putting my two cents in. Not sure if people may have tired of these at this point, but in any case… would love to hear what you think so far. Should I keep going?