The Seven Sins of Stupidity

by Vx Tao Ren xV

As yet another attempt to rid the world of Hao, Jeanne unleashes the Seven Deadly Sins against him. But what happens when there just happens to be six other people in the room, and things go terribly, terribly wrong? Various Warnings, see inside..

"The Seven Sins of Stupidity"

-Vx Tao Ren xV

Disclaimer: Shaman King is not mine. Now that that has been established..

Author's Notes: Hello! I'm back with another one shot! This story actually has a bit of inspiration, unlike every other one-shot that I've posted. You see, I have recently been sucked into the world of Hagane No Renkinjutsushi.. known by everyone else as Fullmetal Alchemist.. where there are seven characters named after the Seven Deadly Sins: Envy, Greed, Lust, Sloth, Wrath, Gluttony, and Pride. Amusingly enough, the voice actress for Lust is none other than our very own Satou Yuuko, known to us as Asakura Yoh. To my disappointment, the other 4 voice actors from Shaman King that happen to be in Fullmetal Alchemist, are not any of the sins.. but oh well! Thinking about the connection, or lack of, between Yoh and the sin of lust, never fails to amuse me, so I decided to work on that idea! Thus creating this fic.. Fear the randomness, and enjoy! Oh yes, warnings for some YohxAnna situations, YohxRen, Manta's height mocking, Everyone OOC-ness (especially Jeanne), and slight X-LAW bashing.

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"The Seven Sins of Stupidity"

'Twas a nice spring day in Funbari, Tokyo. The sakura were in full bloom, and the wind was at the perfect speed and temperature. To the average Japanese citizen, it was a perfectly average spring day. It was even a somewhat average day at the Asakura residence. Maybe even below average. Way below average. It was your typical gathering of friends, and especially since the Shaman Fight has ended, there had been nothing to do, thus resulting in these more than frequent gatherings. Everyone was there, Yoh, Anna, Ren, Manta, Horohoro, Ryu and Hao.. who has mellowed out from the side of evil and has been accepted by all for the authoress' own plot convenience. However, Hao's sudden acceptance and baddy-turned-goody nature had not reached the ears of some justice-driven lunatics.. also known as Iron Maiden Jeanne and Marco..

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Marco: Subarashii desu, Jeanne Sama. (Wonderful, Jeanne-Sama)

Jeanne: Yes, I believe we have finally found a way to banish Hao to the hell from which he came. There will be no escaping the will of God this time, Hao.. You will be punished.

Marco: Sou desu, Jeanne-Sama. (That's right, Jeanne-Sama). There will be no escaping from his own self-destruction.

Jeanne: Let us leave now, Marco. The dawn of a new era is approaching.

Marco: Hai.

--

Meanwhile, back at the Asakura household, Yoh, Ren, Anna, Manta, Ryu, Horohoro, and Hao, oblivious to the X-LAWS' newest plan, have all been playing a friendly game of "Do What Anna Says Or You Die". They have been playing this game every day of their friendly gatherings, and yet, no matter how many times they played, Anna always won. Go figure. It was now Manta's turn, and was currently given the task of dusting the ceiling fan. Of course, nobody questions Anna's decisions when playing "Do What Anna Says Or You Die", since, given the name of the game, a slow and painful death awaited that poor soul, so, Manta, being the 2'8" person that he was, was determined to dust the ceiling fan.. Failing miserably, of course. Everyone else was just sitting around the tea table, drinking tea, except for Ren, who was drinking milk. Sasuga Bocchama after all.

Anyway, just as Manta was getting absolutely nowhere with his task, the X-LAWS, or who was left of the X-LAWS, burst into the house, with the usual point of the gun by Marco.

Marco: Today is your final day of sinning, Asakura Hao.

Realizing that the X-LAWS did not receive the memo of Hao being a good guy, Yoh tried to explain, somehow knowing that it would make no difference.

Yoh: Naa.. Hao is good now. He gave up his compulsive slaughtering of people and burning of telemarketers and got help. He's been clean for a month now.

Hao: ::just sits there with an absurdly OOC pure and innocent smile::

The X-LAWS, however, have an immunity to sad puppy eyes, dying fuzzy animals, burning telemarketers, and Hao. So therefore, did not believe a word that came out of Yoh's mouth. 

Jeanne: One month cannot make up for the thousands of years of pain and suffering that Hao has caused. We now have the ultimate form of payment for his sins.

Jeanne revealed to have a small glowing white box. Glowing objects in the hands of French girls who live in Iron Maidens usually meant some kind of impending doom, so we can safely assume that here as well. The X-LAWS also failed to take notice that every attempt they have made to kill Hao, only resulted in the death of 3 or more X-LAWS, however, what made it different this time, was that there were only 2 remaining X-LAWS, so how can 3 possibly die today? Apparently, logic has sinned at one point and had been abandoned by the X-LAWS long ago.

Jeanne: In this box, contains the things that will ensure your descent to hell, Hao. This box contains the seven factors leading to a person's eternal burning in the deepest pits of hell.

Ren: You mean the Seven Deadly Sins?

Jeanne: No fool! I mean the Seven Deadly Sins!!

Ren: Isn't that what I just said?

Marco: You dare defy Jeanne-Sama?!?!

Marco then shot at Ren using his pistol, resulting with Michael appearing with it's bright holy-ness, due to the angel's size, however, it got cramped in the house, and the sword broke through the ceiling.. angering Anna. An angry Anna usually meant bad things. And thus, bad things happened. Anna knocked Marco unconscious using her almighty fist, resulting in the disappearance of the gigantic angel. Now for the progress of our story..

Jeanne: ::coughs:: Yes, once released, the legendary Seven Deadly Sins shall possess you, and eventually lead to your own self destruction. Hao, there is no escaping the wrath of God this time.

Not waiting for a reaction or a response, Jeanne opened the glowing white box, unleashing 7 beams of light, each of which hit the seven other people in the room, on the contrary to Jeanne's belief that each of the 7 sins would go and possess Hao, since that is what she wanted. Apparently, the Seven Deadly Sins were not a fan of the X-LAWS, and each possessed Yoh, Ren, Anna, Manta, Horohoro, Ryu, and Hao. How dare they defy Seishoujo Iron Maiden Jeanne-Sama! Realizing what had just happened, Jeanne said the one thing that seemed most fitting for the situation.

Jeanne: God dammit!

The 7 victims of the X-LAWS' newest bout of stupidity just blinked and sat in their places blankly for a couple of seconds. Then, they all proceeded to act extremely OOC in their own rights, which probably had to do with the fact that each were possessed by one of the sins. However, we don't exactly know who was possessed by each. Although, some of their actions quickly confirmed it. Yoh quickly ran and tackled Anna to the floor, proceeding to try and make out with her, of only she hadn't fallen asleep. Manta's personality quickly changed, as he started running around, yelling and knocking down anything that he saw, or could reach. Ryu, then proceeded to pick up those things and run off with them, coming back for more each time. Hao then ended up sitting down, gnawing on his own hair, after he drank all of the tea from the other's tea cups. Horohoro ended up sitting next to Hao for some reason, admiring the manner from which he was attempting to chew his hair, and tried to do the same. After failing, he started watching Manta, and joined him in the random screaming and knocking down of objects. Ren just sat there.

Ren: What the hell did you do now?

Jeanne: No! It wasn't supposed to be like this!!

Ren: Apparently. I don't see how any of this could lead to the destruction of Hao. Now on the other hand, what would have killed Hao, quite easily if I do say so myself, was a single Shaman Fight with myself. Actually, I could've killed Hao long ago if those other idiots haven't gotten in my way.

Ren just sat there in his own glory, until Horo ended up sitting next to him, apparently bored with acting like Godzilla with the short one, and proceeded to admire the glow of self-absorbency that Ren emitted.

Jeanne just stood there, watching the spectacle which she had created, completely dumbstruck. Of course, that ended when she discovered Hao trying to eat Iron Maiden "hat" thing. Manta, of course, then ran around Jeanne in circles, yelling, waving with his arms in the air, for a couple of minutes, then leaving her, running about the rest of the house, knocking over more things. Jeanne took off her "hat", leaving Hao on the floor, madly biting away at the metal face of the Iron Maiden, that is, until Ryu ran in and took it from him, running out of the house again. Now, back to Yoh and Anna, Well, Anna was still asleep, except now she was snoring loudly, resulting in Yoh giving up on her, and proceeded to seduce Ren instead, who started blabbing about how he wasn't surprised that another guy would try to seduce him. Horohoro, started asking Yoh questions this time. Stuff like, "How do you get your tongue to do that?" and, "Couldn't you get stuck like that?" eventually it lead to things like hours of practice and if he could become a professional if he tried hard enough.

Marco then became conscious again, only to wake up to this truly frightening scene. Obviously terrified, Marco asked what happened. And, Jeanne explained it to him.

Marco: So, Jeanne-Sama, all of them are stuck acting like this?

Jeanne: Of course not Marco. It should wear off in an hour or so.

Marco: An hour?

Jeanne: Yes, I thought that Hao would've exploded by then, so I conveniently made the effects to last for an hour.

Marco: I see. Sasuga Jeanne-Sama.

And so, the madness ensued for quite a while.  As an hour had approached, the conditions had become worst. Manta had somehow gotten his hands on a chainsaw, and had been chasing Marco around the house for the past 20 minutes. Yoh had dragged Ren into a random room upstairs, Ren of course, ranting about how Yoh probably couldn't be able to physically drag any of the others, then going into an in-dept explanation of his personal training schedule. Ren's constant talking was quickly silenced as soon as the door was shut. Oh yes, pretty much all of the furniture was missing, and Ryu proceeded to try and carry the refrigerator out the door. Anna was still asleep, except she got a grip on Horohoro, from when he was closely watching her sleep, and now was using him as an extra pillow, and she had a vice grip on him, squeezing his ribs whenever she moved.. occasionally saying random things like "I love you teddy" and "Tuna fish isn't biodegradable.". Hao was last seen chewing on a blade of the ceiling fan, which was unfortunately, on.

Jeanne just stood in her spot, watching a convenient stop watch, which triggered 20 seconds until an hour. The screams of Marco, and yelling of Hao as he flew off of the ceiling fan did not effect her as she watched until just 10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1 more second until—

CRASH!

Anna had just thrown Horohoro across the room sending him flying into the wall.

Anna: If you dare touch me ONE-MORE-TIME, I'll make sure you go through that wall next time!

Jeanne was relieved as she watched as everyone turned back to their normal selves. Let the IC-ness begin! Manta stopped massacring Marco with the chainsaw, Hao returned from his ceiling fan-induced flight, collapsing on the floor from the dizziness, Ryu was crushed as the refrigerator fell on top of him, for some unexplainable reason, Ryu gained some bizarre sense of strength from his encounter with the sin, and.. there was still no sign of Yoh and Ren. Annoyed with this, as she's usually annoyed with everything, Anna sent Manta out to look for them. After investigating the kitchen, where all of the food was missing, except for some fish bones scattered across the floor, the bathrooms, and whatever other room that happened to be on the first floor of the Asakura residence, Manta's search turned up negative. Since the authoress feels the need to mock Manta's height once again, Anna sent out Horohoro to investigate upstairs, since she decided that Manta was far too short to climb the stairs in less that 10 minutes. Horohoro then began his ventures into the depths of the second floor.

Jeanne: Wait a minute, if all of you are back to your normal sinning selves, where did the sins go?

And evidently, Jeanne's what-was glowing white box that housed the Seven Deadly Sins before all of this stupidity, was indeed still empty.

Anna: Wh--

Anna was interrupted by the rather loud and getting-louder screaming of Horohoro as he ran from the second floor back into the tea room.

Horohoro: MY EYES!! OH MY GOD, MY EYES!!! MY EEEEYYYYYEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!

Horohoro apparently wasn't paying attention to where he was running during his moment of senseless screaming, and ran straight into a wall. Annoyed yet again, Anna went up to him and grabbed him by the jacket collar.

Anna: Horo! If you interrupt me ONE-MORE-TIME!!

Horohoro: But the horror.. the HORROR!!!!

Horohoro then became the second to fall victim to Anna's almighty fist. Completely ignoring the unconscious Horohoro, Anna continued with her question concerning the escaped sins.

Anna: What did you think would happen after you killed Hao with those stupid sins?

The X-LAWS had no chance to answer, since at that moment, a ranting and raving lunatic, who was acting strangely similar to Manta, in a blue pick-up drove right through the front door and into the house. The driver, revealed to be none other the random truck driver from America, Billy Anderson, salvaged Ryu from under the refrigerator, said his trademark, "Hey Boy".. however, Ryu was too knocked out to reply with his usual, "Hey Billy", followed by the sporadic burst of kissing, so, Billy went mental, not like he wasn't already.

Billy: Boy! Hey Boy! What did they do to you?!?! Noo!!!

Billy then put Ryu into his truck and proceeded to yell at the inanimate refrigerator.

Billy: You monster! I'll get you back! Don't worry! You'll paaayyyyy!

Billy then stopped with his pointless yelling and drove away, back through the entrance of the house. However, more random shamans from America and other places from around the world, ended up running into the house. For example, Lyserg came by looking for Hao, apparently trying to rip off his clothes and wear them himself, and asking things about how he gets his hair so shiny and where he bought his shoes. This was quite disturbing. Chocolove then dropped by, wearing a dress and enough makeup to make a drag queen proud.

Chocolove: Who want's some of this, baby?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those who were either conscious, or not engaged in questionable activities on the second floor, ran for their lives, far, far away from the house. Although resistance was futile as Chocolove proceeded to chase them through the streets of Funbari.

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Owari!

Wow! That was so much fun to write!! Of course, now it's 5:15 am and I didn't get any sleep, but that's okay! Incase you couldn't catch it for whatever reason, here's pretty much a list of who got possessed by what..

Pride – Ren

Sloth – Anna

Greed – Ryu

Lust – Yoh

Wrath – Manta

Gluttony – Hao

Envy – Horohoro

Wrath – Billy

Envy – Lyserg

Lust – Chocolove

Sorry if Horohoro's envy-possession didn't make much sense. I really wasn't sure how to portray it. Same applies with Lyserg. Oh yeah, and I felt that Chocolove being possessed by lust was truly frightening, so I made that the ending! ::starts laughing::

Yeah, so if you liked it, please review!! I had a really great time writing this, and I hope you all enjoyed it! And a special thank you goes out to Fullmetal Alchemist ::cheesy smile::