Secret Lovers
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Yuuki was sitting at a bar contemplating with her thoughts, thoughts of jealousy toward Tsukushi, she was jealous that her friend was happy and she was not, jealous that her friend had a lover and she didn't, jealous that she was alone and her friend had the F4.
She was on her fourth round of whiskey, though she was jealous she did not hate Tsukushi, instead she loved her and was happy for her. Though she just felt so alone, like no one knew she existed. No one would comfort her if she got hurt, wipe her tears, and tell her everything would be ok or that they loved her.
She turned to look around the bar and to her surprise Nishikado Sojiro walked in with two women on his arm, as usual he was living up to the playboy image she hated yet she carved the attention he gave to those loose females. He went to the exclusive area in the bar and did not even acknowledge her, even though they both knew he saw her.
She was tired of being ignored, and she was tired of going home to a lonely bed, yes she was a virgin, and she was sure it was obvious to anyone who saw here. But she was ready to give it up and she always wanted Sojiro to be her first but he never gave her the time of day.
She was a good person, when was she going to get her just dues from life? She started humming, a song she heard earlier today. She could relate to the words,
"What is love? But a feeling we all crave for?
When will be my turn to fall deeply?
Or will I be a wondering spirit,
With no one beside me or to hold when I cry
All alone under a cloud of rain." She continued to mumble the song in slurs of drunkenness.
and felt a presence sitting next to her, she glance to her right and saw that it was Hanazawa Rui, "Hey" He nodded in acknowledgement.
"You seem sad," he whispered
"You to" she replied
Finally she thought, someone notices her!
"I have never seen you drink."
She scrunched her forehead, and pondered his statement.
"Well that's because we don't socialize much… or at all now that I think about it."
"Hmm," he nodded in agreement.
Rui was a good guy, she thought, he was sweet, kind and very good looking. Perhaps it was the liquor or the agonizing feeling of loneliness but his eyes looked lonely, and it sparkled with sadness. She reached out a hand and time stopped, everyone around them disappeared, and her hand was the only moving thing. It softly touched his left cheek and her fingers caressed him, his eyes burst with shock, yet he did not push her away. Though she was tipsy, she could still comprehend the situation, Rui eyes had pain and sorrow, she felt like she was looking into a mirror. Her fingers explored his face as slow and gentle as possible, and she stopped at his lips. It looked so sweet and welcoming, and then she knew what she wanted and needed from him. But would he want it?
"You're as lonely as me," she stated in a whisper.
Then in an instant the moment was gone because Yuuki snatched her hand away and stood up. She grabbed Rui and pulled him by his hand out of the bar, it was pouring outside, but she didn't care.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Rui was in a daze after Yuuki caressed his cheek, he was curious as to where she was taking him so he allowed her to take the lead. Four years had pass since Tsukushi and Tsukasa got married, and he had not been with a woman since, but today was different, Yuuki was different. The rain was pouring hard and it was cold, but he was not stupid he knew what she wanted, it was what all women wanted from him, sex and money. They ran down two blocks and he wanted to let her know he was parked by the club but he was lost in the moment. They reached some condos he recognized from his daily drive to work and she pulled him inside. They walked to the elevator and nodded to the doorman, who gave them a disapproving look.
They did not talk in the elevator but he felt her fingers caressing his palm, should they go through with this? Would he regret it? Would she?
When the doors opened she took him down a hall and stopped at room 1017b, when they got inside she took him to her room.
She began to undress him, she unbuttoned his shirt, and slowly took it off, she kissed him on his chest several times, trailing to his cheeks and then his lips. He would take it slow with her, it was obvious that she was a virgin; Rui had many women but only few lovers. He began to undress her; he took her hair out of the ponytail and enjoyed the way it cascaded down her shoulders. He didn't love her, and he knew she didn't love him but they needed each other, he needed to be wanted, needed to be needed.
"Yuuki?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I am Sojiro"
He immediately pushed her away, she swayed to the side a bit and she fell on the bed, knocked out from all the liquor. He felt anger rise in him, his whole body felt like it would explode; he picked up a photo of Sojiro on the night stand and threw it at the wall. Why did he always seem to be with women who loved other men?
He was tired and upset he knew he should leave, but he didn't he couldn't, Yuuki was different, she needed him and he didn't know why but he wanted her to forget about Sojiro, and only think of him. He got on the bed and straddled her sleeping figure, and tapped her on the cheeks. He wanted her to sleep thinking of him only,
"Yuuki"
She moaned in reply.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Yuuki felt someone tapping her cheeks, and she was fighting to wake up,
"Yes" she answered to the caller.
"Open your eyes"
She opened her eyes to see surprisingly Rui on top of her, and then the memories of the night came rushing back.
"Rui"
"Yes," he agreed, "Rui, not Sojiro but Rui."
She tried to clear her mind, the influence of liquor was clearing up, and now she fully understood the situation she had created.
"Rui," she agreed, "I know that"
He was shirtless, and she was becoming fully aroused.
"Do you?"
She embarrassingly remembered that she called him Sojiro, she cringed.
"You remember" he said
"hmm"
She had always longed for Sojiro, and always over looked Rui, but now she wanted him more than anyone. Then she thought of Tsukushi,
"And who am I?"
"Yuuki" he answered.
"Rui you are with Yuuki" she pulled him down towards her, "not Tsukushi."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
They fell asleep for an hour or so in each others arms, and Yuuki was the first to wake up.
"Rui"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you"
"Hmm?"
"I know you don't love me," she said, "and still you comforted me and held me in your arms."
"Don't worry though I don't expect anything in return," She said.
"Yuuki, what we did was on a whim, if you asked for anything I wouldn't give it to you anyhow." Yuuki didn't know how to respond to that, she felt hurt and unsure of the feelings she was having at this moment for Rui.
"I see" she said finally. "Lets keep this between us, no one needs to know, we can pretend that it never happened."
Rui felt the anger from before return, he was secretly happy about the situation, but he was reluctant to share it.
"Fine, no one will know, it'll be our secret.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
She woke up to discover herself alone, Rui left and didn't even say goodbye. Last night was like a dream, making love for the first time with a man who she would never again mistake for someone else. And believe it or not she did not regret it, and she believed that Rui felt the same.
Today she had a blind date set up by her mother, she had to meet some school teacher by six tonight. She did her routine shopping and headed to work, she was a manager at a cosmetic store. She didn't really enjoy her job but it paid the bills, during lunch she stopped by a café and order a latté and began to think of Rui, he was a well known business man. He was not great like Domyoji Tsukasa but he was apparently smarter and more talented. She never considered him as a love interest because of Tukushi but now she felt like someone took off a blindfold from her eyes.
She had to be back at work in 15min so she gathered her things to leave, as she excited she bumped into someone causing her to drop her things, and splash her latte all over her vest.
"Sorry," she said and bent down to pick up her things, "Sorry" she repeated.
"Its ok" a female with gorgeous curly hair said. When she looked up she noticed that the woman's companion was none other the Rui, she smiled at him.
"Hi,"
The woman next to Rui responded as a misunderstanding, "Hello, are you sure you're okay?"
Rui glanced at her and back at the woman, "I'll wait for you at a table."
"Okay," the woman said.
Yuuki could not believe that Rui just ignored her, just like Sojiro did last night. She felt like he just stabbed her in the heart.
She could feel tears at the brim of her eyes, "are you sure you're okay" she heard the woman ask.
"I … I'm fine" she replied with a smile and quickly left.
She felt so used, so violated, she wondered why he didn't call or even said goodbye, and now she knew. He was a bastard just like the rest of the men she knew, and to believe she gave herself to him. The rest of the day continued like an empty dream.
She waited for her date at the restaurant and when he finally arrived she was jolly as could be. She hid her pain as best as she could, they spoke for hours and she was reluctant to go home to an empty apartment. His name was Matsuda Yuri a high school math teacher, someone on her social level. They laughed a lot, that must be a good sign she thought, and he enjoyed many things she did like writing, classical music and reading. And strangely he resembled Rui just a bit.
"Yuri" she said "would you mind walking me home? I don't live to far from here."
"Sure" he said eagerly
And then she regretted it because now he probably thought they would sleep with each other. She cringed at the thought.
As they walked in silence she thought of Rui, what were these feelings of hurt for? She knew that he didn't love her right?
"Yuuki," Yuri interrupted her thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"Can I hold your hand?"
How sweet she thought, she felt like she was back in high school, perhaps this man can make me forget Rui. Who knows I might marry him.
"Sure"
He grabbed her hand and once again walked in silence.
When they reached her apartment, Yuri began to say his goodbyes and it was obvious he wanted a kiss. 'What the hell,' she thought, 'Rui was already with another woman right?'
She closed her eyes and waited to feel his lips against hers and surprisingly it took quite a while so she opened her eyes only to Rui walking towards them with fire in his eyes.
"Leave" he told Yuri.
"Wha-at," Yuri stammered.
"Now!"
Yuri didn't question him a second time and just walked away.
Rui grabbed the keys from Yuuki's hands and opened the door. He dragged her inside, and pushed her down on the sofa.
"What the hell is your problem?" she asked.
What's my problem? He asked, "What's yours, do you make a habit to bring strange men back to your apartment!"
"Or did you forget about me in the couple of hours we have been apart" he asked.
"I'm not the one who forgot! You are,!!"
"I pretended just like you asked" he said.
She completely forgot that stupid request she made, now she felt like an idiot.
But why was he here?
"Why are you even here" she questioned.
He shrugged his shoulder, how could he tell her that he was alone, that he did not want to go home to an empty mansion filled with servants who hated you. And he thought she would be alone as well but he was wrong.
"Who was that man" he asked ignoring her question.
"A blind date set up by my mother weeks ago"
"Let's get something straight" he said thinking about that guy trying to kiss her, "if you begin to feel lonely call me, you can use me!" He yelled.
He didn't know what his problem was but Yuuki made his blood boil, he didn't know why he didn't realize it before but now that he did he didn't want to loose her like he lost his other lovers. No, she belonged to him; he needed her, Just as much as she needed him.
Yuuki was shock, use him? Her use him she thought?
And then it dawned on her Rui was lonely, and she was beginning to feel that this feeling of need she had might turn to love.
She stood up from the couch and walked towards her room, she stopped at the door way. Rui just stared. She reached out a hand to him and he slowly walked toward it and grabbed it. She led him to her bed where they once again made love.
As Rui lay sleeping Yuuki gazed at his face and brushed away his hair from his eyes. "I would never use you," she said. "I want to give you the love you deserve."
He opened his eyes and found hers, Love he thought, her love. The idea made him smile, but no he thought he couldn't love her, she was confusing lust with love, but he would not make the same mistake.
She rested her head on his chest, and he caressed her hair. For the second time this week he was not alone and it made him feel good.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Three weeks past and each night Rui would find his way to Yuukis apartment, but each morning he would leave without saying goodbye. He was not sure why but he had to leave before she woke up.
Today he was meeting with the rest of F4 for lunch; they were all chitchatting when he arrived.
"You will not believe who I saw at a club the other night," Sojiro said
"Who" they asked in union
"Yuuki," he answered.
"So what" Rui said "that's no big deal."
"True, but I wanted to find out if she was ok because she looked pretty depressed."
"Why don't you give her a call" Akira asked
"I lost her number a while back,"
"Here get it out of my cell" Tsukasa said giving the phone.
Everyone looked at him in surprise. "What!? You know she is the Godmother of my son so I need it in case of emergencies."
"Thanks man" Sojiro said.
Rui was surprised that Sojiro wanted the number but stayed quiet because it would be weird of him to go against it. He wondered how Yuuki would feel, knowing that finally Sojiro would give her the time of day. Would she leave him for Sojiro?
The possibility scared him; he would not could not give her up.
"So are you going to finally give her a chance," asked Akira.
"I doubt she wants a chance" mutter Rui
"What" Sojiro said "what female wouldn't want a chance?"
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Two days passed after that conversation an Rui laid in bed with Yuuki, he wanted to know if Sojiro ever called her but he didn't know how ask. But what did it matter, this fling they were having was coming to an end soon. So he didn't give damn, she didn't belong to him, she was free to see who ever she pleased. He stared at her face and began kissing her, she taste so sweet he just couldn't get enough of her.
"Rui"
"Hmm?"
"I love you" she said into his ear.
Rui froze; he was not sure how to act. Love, he knew she didn't mean it, and he knew he had to end this now. Woman didn't know how to love, no woman he had ever been with had truly stayed loyal to him, they always left him. And Yuuki would too eventually, so he should end it before she did.
He pushed her off of him and he saw the look of confusion on her face. He began to gather his clothes.
"Don't ever tell me those words again," he said.
"Huh?" she covered her body with the bed sheets.
"Love is just a word used by poets but it doesn't truly exist, and since it doesn't exist I can't love you he said, I don't love you."
Even as he said the words he regretted it, he would never forget the look of hurt on Yuuki's face, pale, lost and confused. But it was for her own good he told himself, he didn't do anything wrong.
'And who cared if Sojiro called, he could have her,' he told himself.
"I'll see you tomorrow" he said and walked out. He knew he should have ended it right then but he couldn't bring himself to do it. So he left her in shock instead.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Yuuki could not believe her ears, Rui was indeed a heartless bastard, but she still loved him. Yet he had another thing coming if he thought she would let him back into her room. She always wanted Rui to tell her goodbye when he left but not that way.
She knew he loved her, she just knew it and she was not going to give up on him. No instead she would make him hers. And she would prove to him that love did exist.
To be continued...