BLEED FOR ME

Author: Zefiros83
Disclaimer: Characters from BtVS belong to Joss Whedon. Or to Mutant Enemy. Or to whoever it is that owns them. g I'm just borrowing them for fun.
Distribution: Want, Take, Have. That simple.
Rating: R for some good amount of reason. And well, adult themes.
Summary: B/A. This story takes place in the middle of S3, beginning right after everyone's found out Angel's back from Hell. Buffy's saddened that her friends and family aren't supportive of her relationship with Angel. She's beginning to think they will never understand - when the latest nasty in town gives her a welcome distraction. Plz R&R.

CHAPTER 1. A LAPSE INTO PASSION

I went to the Garden of Love,
And saw what I never had seen;
A Chapel was built in the midst,
Where I used to play on the green.

And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
And "Thou shalt not" writ over the door;
So I turned to the Garden of Love
That so many sweet flowers bore.

And I saw it was filled with graves,
And tombstones where flowers should be;
And priests in black gowns were walking their rounds,
And binding with briars my joys and desires.

- William Blake -

A pair of feet landed squarely on a patch of green grass. "Come on, where are you guys?" Buffy Summers whispered in a tense voice, her eyes scanning the surrounding darkness. Rows of crumbling tombstones stretched into the shadows of Sunnydale Rest, one of the many cemetaries in the sleepy suburbian town. At two o'clock in the morning the cemetary was eerily silent, the only sound being her own nervous heartbeat, scampering in her chest.

She saw nothing.

A sudden gust of wind ruffled the nearby trees, inciting the chilly night air to a chorus of frantic whispers. Buffy shuddered, clutching her stake with a force that was likely to splinter the wood. "You know, the hide and seek routine - really not what I had planned for tonight." She muttered in frustration.

She'd been following a group of five vampires, behaving wicked conspicuous, but lost track of them right outside this cemetary. Buffy thought it was possible they'd decided to search the grounds for a quick snack, but even in Sunnydale, the cemetaries weren't big hangouts for mortals after nightfall. It wasn't likely they'd find anyone there. So why go there, Buffy wringed her brow. Unless they were graverobbers, of course.

"God I love my job." Buffy sighed heavily, and resolved once more to finish off the party of five, before going home for a really hot shower. And sure enough, circling around one of the many old crypts there, she heard low voices, talking about something. She couldn't quite pick out the words, but peeking from behind the corner she saw the group, settled next to a mossy stone fountain.

The vampires wore similar clothes, battle armor that slightly resembled that of the Three. But now there were five of them. Buffy shook her head in mild amusement. These dark forces she was supposed to fight, weren't getting any more original. Not that she was complaining. The Three had been easily defeated. Perhaps the only time when Giles' brilliant advice of 'ignore it and it will go away' had actually worked! If the five were anything like them, this shouldn't be too straining. Should things turn too rough she could always just bail and let their boss take care of them. But looking at the group, Buffy doubted it would come to that. Throw five snarling idiots my way anyday.

"Boy, nobody sure told me about this lovely little gathering. I would've brought my party-hat." She said as she strolled along to the five vampires, giving them a clear view of her. Too stunned to react, the vampires kept gaping at her, enraged growls rumbling from their chests. "Why is it you guys always keep me out of the loop? Is it because of the pulse-thing that I have? Don't you think you're being a tad discriminative."

"You insolent brat! We're on a sacred mission given to us by Savina herself!" The tallest of the vampires snarled. The group seemed to have finally stepped out of their stupor, and began advancing on her with predatory excitement in their expressions.

"And that would be who? Newest busty blonde star of daytime television?" Buffy stood her ground, crossing her arms relaxedly. It took more than just a few vampires to frighten her.

The vampires simply growled in response, the colour of their eyes shifting to a gleeful amber glow. "You shall learn her name soon enough, and speak it in fear as the rest of them."

Two of the vampires attacked, but Buffy managed to dust both of them without so much as breaking a sweat. Boldly she turned her attention back to the remaining three.

"Who's Savina, and what's she doing in my town?" She asked.

"You'll find out, when I feed you to her myself!" The nearest of the vampires snarled, as it leapt towards her.

"Pay attention boys and girls, the proverbial empty threat." Buffy sing-songed, and stabbed the pointy end of her stake accurately into it's target. The charging vampire exploded into a cloud of dust.

Next in line was a light brunette on the shorter side. "I'm gonna suck you dry, little slayer.." He threatened, licking his narrow lips.

"Gosh, is coming up with original threats, like, a mission impossible for you guys? Might throw me off my game." Buffy proclaimed as she delivered a well aimed roundhouse kick to his head. She followed up with an upper-cut and as vampire staggered back, she plunged in with her stake and caught him in straight in the heart.

As the fourth vampire crumbled to dust, Buffy realized someone was missing. The eldest of the group was no-where to be seen. "..Chicken." She muttered in disappointment, and stepped over the ashes of her most recent slay. Since when had vampires started running from slayers? If this behaviour spread, her work could quickly turn unpleasant. No way was she chasing the fleeing undead, not the way they could move. And staking something that was on the run (and possibly screaming or wetting his pants) just didn't give her the same kind of happy that dusting one in hand-to-hand combat did. It would be hard to see herself as saviour of the world, if her adversaries were mostly wussies who wouldn't even face her. Blah. Vampires, she scoffed and turned to leave - when suddenly a glint of something metallic in midst the grass caught her attention.

She grouched down and picked up what looked like a golden earring. It was a relatively big one, and carved full of familiar looking symbols. Now, what had Giles called these again. Runes, or something.

"Boy, I guess nothing says evil like ugly jewelry.." Buffy muttered, as she shoved the earring inside her jacket pocket. She'd show it to Giles, just in case it was one of those infamous 'cause-of-research-party' objects. But then again, it was Giles she was talking about. He made christmas into a a 'cause-of-research-party' object. She was sure that once the name Savina was mentioned, he would not stop running the name through his books until the cows came home. Buffy wringed her brow as a sudden thought entered her tired mind. Do cows actually come home? Had they left? Were they runaway cows, in search of better life? She sighed in frustration. Now it was gonna bug her all night, thus adding to the things that normally prevented her from falling asleep.

Just what I need, less sleep. Less blissful oblivion. Buffy took a lungsful of the cool night air, and strolled along the dimly lit path that wound through the whole cemetary. She was determined to finish up her patrol, since there wasn't much left of it anyway. Just because you met a bunch of looney vampires didn't necessarily mean red alert. No wait, Sunnydale. The home of America's biggest Hellmouth. Where seeing thick velvet curtains in front of small basement windows could only mean one thing. Buffy sighed. She should go straight to Giles'. Spill the beans. Try not to widen the gap between them that was created by Buffy's decision not to tell him about a certain deceased who'd recently returned from Hell. But couldn't going straight to her Watcher wait until monday?

Torn by her indecision, Buffy wandered into the oldest parts of Sunnydale Rest. Giles would probably not mind, Buffy thought, if she appeared on his doorstep at three a.m. in the morning. No, he'd probably be happy that she was there, to provide him with a new and exciting reason to panic. At least this wasn't like last time. Like then. When she'd literally screwed the soul out of her boyfriend, and then sent him to hell, only the memory of making love to her fresh in his mind.

Buffy heaved a sigh. She glanced up at the full moon, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. Oh, Angel..

When she'd finally given up hope of ever seeing him again, he was suddenly back again. A part of her leapt with joy each time she repeated that sentence in her thoughts. It had become quite the mantra of feel-good for Buffy.

Angel's back, he's back and he's here..

But things weren't the same anymore. Everytime she looked at him, she could feel his pain and frustration, almost as acutely as he did. She would watch him twitching in his nightmarish visions of Hell, his face drawn to a mask of pure agony. Nothing she said or did seemed to comfort him. And when she visited him during the day, he'd always be sitting slump in some shadowy corner of his mansion, staring blankly ahead of himself, guilt-ridden and miserable. Wishing perhaps, that he'd never been forced into this situation, into dealing with everything he'd done.

After centuries in hell, after countless hours of blinding torment, Buffy winced at the thought, he still couldn't forgive himself.

Her friends and family certainly wished he'd never returned, with the exception of Willow perhaps. They wanted Buffy to join in their little 'Let's hate Angel' club. And she couldn't. She wouldn't. To leave Angel alone, wallowing in his self-hatred - it went against everything she'd ever been taught of right and wrong. You just don't turn your back on someone you-- Egawds. Buffy's eyes widened as it finally sunk in. On someone you love. After all they'd been through in the past year, in spite of everything that had been said and done.. she still loved Angel. No matter what people thought of her feelings for him, it didn't change them - she'd just gotten more careful about who to share them with. She saw herself become this quiet, guarded person who couldn't trust the people around her to accept her the way she was. And she hated it.

She hated not being able to do anything about the whole situation. She was supposed to make everything better, god damnit! She was the Slayer, the Chosen One, the hope of the friggin' free world! When had she let her own life become such a mess? The way things were now, she'd rather take on all the demons and vampires in the world than face the complications of her screwed up, everyday life. Huh. Whoever thought that one day she'd consider slaying an escape. Buffy shrugged abjectively.

Who needs a Hellmouth, when you can have relationships.

Taking a shortcut through the park, Buffy had ended up walking right along the edge of the duck pond. All around her she could hear life - crickets, an owl, frogs croaking in the rushes. But she was so distracted by her own inner torments, that she couldn't even sense the vampire walking up to her from behind. A few feet from her, he stopped abruptly, taking in the sorrowful demeanour of the petite golden blonde in front of him.

"Penny for them." He spoke up in a soft, masculine voice.

Buffy started at the sudden interruption, and turned around with a jolt. She saw Angel standing nearby, dressed entirely in black. "God, I guess there's just no way to convince you that sneaking up on me is still not my idea of a romantic surprise." She sneered at him. "Come to think of it, surprises in general tend to be of the bad around here. So just.. cut the stalking."

"Sorry. I just.. You looked like you had something on your mind."

"And you didn't want to disturb my Kodak-moment. Got it."

"So.. Is it a demon thing?" Angel asked, silently walking over to Buffy's side.

"Huh?"

"What you were thinking."

"Isn't it always?" Buffy sighed bitterly, and threw a flat stone into the dark waters of the pond. The stone skipped twice before it sunk into the shallow black water.

"Anything I can do?"

"Apart from stalking me?"

"Don't want me around? Fine. I'll go." Angel mumbled in disappointment, and turned to leave.

"No, Angel wait." Buffy grabbed his arm and looked up at him apologetically. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't lash out at you like that. But it's just that you're.."

"A vampire?" Angel offered, frustration in his dark eyes.

"A convenient target." Buffy corrected pointedly, shrugging off the very distracting notion of how gorgeous Angel looked in the blue shimmer of the moon. "You're like the only person I can really talk to anymore. The only one who listens and does that whole non-judgemental thing, you know? Unlike some other people.."

"So.. I'm guessing it wasn't a demon thing after all."

"No demon. Well, besides you."

"Giles' still giving you a hard time?" Angel guessed.

"Yeah, it's like everytime we meet he goes all 'spill the big dark secret'. And I'm like there's something I should know that I so totally don't? Why is he suddenly Mr. Paranoia? It's not like every week I'm hiding the ex from Hell!"

The moment she said it, Buffy felt like hitting herself. Way to hurt his feelings, girl.

"Gosh, It's really getting hard to talk with all these pesky feet in my mouth. I'm sorry. Didn't mean the whole.. You know."

"I guess it's OK. I mean, we are ex now, and as such we should feel--" Angel stared at her, suddenly very dry in the mouth.

"--Like astranged, distant acquaintances." Buffy finished his sentence, caught up in the desire that burned in her lover's eyes.

"God Buffy.." Angel breathed out, a plea of mercy that he knew would go ignored. He stepped closer and lowered his lips to Buffy's delicate mouth.

"I know." Buffy whispered hoarsely and leant in for the kiss, her fingers soon finding their resting place at the side of his neck. Feeling the familiar cool flesh under her fingers, Buffy tightened her grip. Their kiss had become fervent and she could feel the way his muscular body leant into hers, needing to feel her body closer. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her body to his, until nearly every inch of her was rubbing up against him.

She tilted her head to the side, allowing his expert lips to wander across the nape of her neck, sending wonderful thrills down her spine. She sighed in utter content, closing her eyes to be fully swept away by all the little touches of his fingers that seemed to be everywhere. Her brain dimly recognized Angel was undressing her, and something told her she should not let him do this. But her thinking had reduced to 'talk, bad, touching, good.' She felt Angel's blunt teeth grow to their full demon length, as he slipped into his game-face, too lost in their unfulfilled lust to notice, or care for appearances. His sharp canines scraped her skin, never breaking it though. Buffy's spider-sense reacted to this kind of touching, but not the way one would expect.

It drove her insane with want. She threw her head back, incoherently mumbling something about wanting him inside her now, screw the public place and the world and whoever else that might have something to say. And she felt his hands on the inside of her thighs, his lips on her bared breasts, then slowly, she felt them trail weightlessly over her stomach, lower, lower, until her world was nothing but a haze of blurry watercolours, and panting and 'I love you's howled into the night.

"Angel..?" Buffy awoke with a jolt. Her eyes were bleary of deep sleep, and for the first time in a long while she felt rested. Languidly she stretched her lithe form, taking in the luxurious feel of silken sheets against her bare skin. But the thought that had awakened her from her sleep wasn't about expensive linen. It was something else, something much darker and about last night.. Suddenly Buffy's whole body stiffened with dread. The soft, plump pillow under her head was permeated with an earthy masculine scent. Angel's scent. She was at Angel's, without any recollection of how she'd ended up there, with the exception that she'd definately slept with him somewhere along the way. And more than once.

Buffy turned around very slowly, mentally bracing herself for the demon that wore Angel's face. She fully expected to see Angelus leaning against the doorframe, leering down at her. But instead she saw her lover, sleeping peacefully on his side of the king-sized bed. Obviously, had he lost his soul at any point of the night, he would have woken up to it - and certainly, wouldn't have gone back to sleep in the same bed with her. Not even Angelus was that twisted. Since it seemed like they were essentially in the clear, Buffy heaved a sigh of relief and relaxed back on the bed. Any day that didn't start with Angelus and promises of slow, painful death was a good day in her book.

Now she could focus on basking in the afterglow, and watch Angel sleeping quietly beside her. It was an experience she'd badly craved on the morning after her seventeenth birthday - and now she could finally have it.

As her eyes raked over Angel's half-naked body, she felt an intense stab of lust and protectiveness. He didn't breathe as he slept, apart from the small sighs and exhales every now and then, but he looked so utterly human and vulnerable with his rumpled hair and shut eyelids. The thought of Angelus never crossed Buffy's mind, although she was sure the shadow of Angel's demonic self would always loom over their relationship. Instead of dwelling on such unhappy thoughts, she concentrated on his face and the aura of serenity that surrounded him. This time, there was no pain or nightmares or guilt to distract her from the beauty that was him. Buffy reached out her fingers silently, hoping she wouldn't wake him, and traced the side of his face lovingly with her fingers. Her tender administrations were enough to wake him though.

She smiled warmly as his eyes fluttered open and settled on her. Instead of the hollow void she feared to see, her eyes met the warm greeting of his soul. "Hey." Angel mumbled, his voice muffled against his pillow. The tiredness in his eyes was edged with lighter, softer tones, and his entire being seemed to smile at her like a miniature sun. So that's what he looked happy, Buffy observed with a mischievous grin. I plan on seeing that more often.

"Morning." She responded lamely, content in lying there with her eyes locked to his. "Just wanted to make sure you were still.. you."

Angel's expression suddenly turned very serious. "What we did last night.."

"I know. A bad, bad thing. Can't happen again. But Angel, how come--"

"I still have my soul?" Angel guessed, having read the look of worry on Buffy's face.

"So I'm guessing you're of the clueless too, huh?" Buffy wringed her nose in distaste.

"Yeah." He grinned lopsidedly, taking a mental photograph of his girlfriend's expression. She looked cute.

"You did have a.. uh.. you know?"

"Moment of perfect happiness? Yeah. There never was any doubt about that, with us."

"Are you sure?"

"No matter what Angelus.. I.. might have told you before.. I've only lost my soul with you."

"Don't I feel special." Buffy frowned. "Look, I should head back home. Mom'll get suspicious."

"Buffy.. You don't regret what happened, do you? I know we should, you know, regret, but.. I don't." Angel spoke, with a sincerity that reached his eyes.

"Angel, don't ask me that. When we made love.. it was incredible. For a moment there, I felt like.. like I touched heaven. Like it was this tangible mass of warmth and light right there in front of me, within my grasp and now.. It's gone. And I have to return to living my life. The one with the demons and the darkness. And after last night.. it's all that much uglier. How is that better for me? But you ask if I'd want to erase the day, if I could, somehow? Not for the world."

"Buffy.." Angel reached out for her hand and squeezed it gently.

"Just don't, OK? You can't make it better." Buffy shook him off. "I have to go."

Buffy had been wandering the empty, early morning streets of Sunnydale for hours. She'd wanted to get her head straight before facing her mom - and to find some explanation for her behaviour last night, but nothing came to mind. The only excuses she could give herself were not very flattering, and certainly weren't something she'd want to repeat to her friends and Watcher. What was she supposed to tell them, that she had endangered all their lives because she was horny and lonely? That when the first opportunity to sleep with Angel had presented itself, she seized it without a second thought? So to speak. But anyway, it wasn't like her to act so irresponsibly. What on earth had possessed her to give in to desire? Angel had attempted the rational approach, he'd given her every chance to back out but she'd insisted. Perhaps out of the need to feel something, anything. But what was she going to tell her Watcher, if anything at all? There had to be a PG-version of last nights events, one that left everyone smelling like roses. If she could only come up with such a story..

All Buffy's hard thinking had amounted to though, was sore feet and not a lot of answers. So she'd turned back home and climbed up the tree to her bedroom window, only to find her mother sitting there on the edge of her bed, facing away from the window. Buffy considered turning back and leaving the way she came, since the last thing she wanted right now was another argument with her mother over her slaying-hours. But instead of the usual fearful apprehension she felt towards confrontation, this time, Buffy felt confident enough to take on anyone who dared to challenge her - including her mom. So she let her backpack land on her room floor with a thud, thus alerting her mother to her presence.

Joyce immediatly stoop up and faced her daughter. "Buffy, where on earth have you been all night! I was worried sick!" Joyce's voice was raised in disappointment and anger, but in her eyes flickered a genuine concearn.

"I was out. Patrolling." Buffy replied flippantly. It wasn't a lie, exactly. She had been patrolling like a good little slayer.. until that other thing that happened.

"I couldn't stop thinking you were lying somewhere, wounded, or-- Buffy I need you to be home, safe, before midnight. I thought we had an agreement." Joyce scolded her.

"Mom, I'm fine. Last night, I just had some.. un-scheduled slayage."

"Well, it's a good thing it isn't a schoolday today. You must be beat."

"Not really."

"Then why don't you change and come down for breakfast."

"Sure mom. That'll be nice." Buffy said, and mustered a pathetic little smile on her face that never quite reached her eyes.