AN: A random oneshot I came up with after playing Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance yesterday. I realized I kept saying "Don't squish my Soren!" when the ballista on the great bridge pegged him off. So then I had him run forth and squish them, but that's beside the point. It just seems like an odd thing to say, which sparked images in my mind of Stefan calling Soren his and Soren getting all pissed... and I just kind of ran with it, although the end result is fairly bizarre...
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Soren made his way down the battle field, easily striking down his "enemies". Truthfully Soren knew he was better than any of them, and it almost seemed unfair to beat them down like that. The keyword being almost.
Soren looked up only to find an arrow heading toward him. Luckily enough, he saw it early enough that he could easily dodge the aerial missile. Unluckily enough, another arrow was sent his way from the other direction and that one hit him square in the chest.
'Damn ballista,' Soren thought, 'Not overly painful but bothersome...'
"Don't squish my Soren!" Stefan roared, running over to the archer who had hit him and slashing him down easily.
"Your Soren?" Soren growled.
"Sorry Soren," Stefan sighed, "They were squishing my Soren-" seeing the glare directed his way he said, "Er, squishing you and they couldn't live."
"Squishing me?" Soren glared, walking over toward Mist to get healed.
"Well hurting you," Stefan sighed, following Soren, "Oh you know what I mean."
"Whatever you say," Soren said, running back up to his previous position, "Now get to work!"
"Since when can you order me around?" Stefan sneered.
"Not only have I been with this mercenary company longer than you," Soren started, "Ike and I are close and I could probably have you fired if you weren't doing a satisfactory job. I mean, you just left your duty station to follow me and I don't think making sure I'm okay would be a good enough excuse."
Stefan ignored the jibe and laughed coldly, "Yes, you and Ike are quite close, aren't you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" Soren implied angrily.
"Ah nothing at all," Stefan looked away, "Just that it seems you and Ike might be a bit more than what most people would call friends."
"Listen you freak," Soren said angrily, grabbing onto Stefan's arms before he could leave, "Just because I'm friends with Ike doesn't mean there's anything happening, got it?"
"Got it," Stefan laughed lightly, "Besides, if you and Ike were together..." he glared evilly toward their blue haired leader, "I might just have to have a few words with him about that."
"You mean threaten him?" Soren glared at the older man, "Why would you do that?"
Stefan sighed, "Jeez, for someone who's supposed to be so smart you're an idiot sometimes Soren. I'd have to warn him that you're all mine."
Stefan took advantage of the fact that Soren was still grabbing onto his arms to bring the two closer together.
Soren pushed away and whacked Stefan with one of his books "Listen you pervert. Just because Ike isn't my boyfriend doesn't give you the right to just hit on me in the middle of the battle field!"
Soren appeared to remember that they were in fact fighting, and moving toward the nearest enemy he called back to Stefan, "Get back to work you idiot!"
Stefan slashed at a nearby enemy.
'Soren's too stubborn for his own damn good,' Stefan thought.
As always, the team of mercenaries was soon successful and the fighting was finished.
Soren left quickly to write down the results of the battle. He wasn't sure why he even bothered anymore, Ike usually noticed when someone from his own troop had died (there was only one time when he hadn't) and it had been at least a few fights since that time.
Either way, Soren grabbed the piece of parchment and walked toward Ike's tent.
"Ike, are you in there?" Soren asked loudly.
Ike popped his head out of the tent a second later, "Here to give your battle report?"
Soren nodded and Ike opened the tent flap to let him in. Soren quickly handed over the latest battle report.
"That's all," Soren said monotonously, "By your leave, I will excuse myself."
"Soren could you wait a minute?" Ike asked.
"Sure Ike, what's on your mind?" Soren asked back, hoping he could get out soon to practise his magic.
"It might be none of my business," Ike looked uncomfortable for once, "But what's going on with you and Stefan?"
"He's an ass," Soren replied moodily, "But I guess he's almost my friend or something."
"Really?" Ike looked at Soren suspiciously, "Then why were the two of you hugging in the middle of the battle field earlier."
Soren was pissed. Now everyone was going to think he was gay.
"He was being an ass," Soren repeated, "Besides, I pushed him away right after and hit him with my book."
"Just the answer I was looking for," Ike smirked.
"Why did you want to know anyways?" Soren asked warily, making his way toward the exit.
"Well if something was going on between you two I must just have to fire Stefan," Ike said, oh so slowly making his way across to Soren in what he thought was an attractive manner.
"Ike!" Soren exclaimed as Ike drew nearer, "What are you doing?"
"Oh nothing," Ike lied, placing his hands on Soren's wrists.
"Get off!" Soren cried out, grabbing his wrists back and running out of the tent.
"Soren wait!" Ike called out, running after the smaller boy.
"Why doesn't anyone understand it?" Soren exclaimed, drawing a large portion of the mercenary group out to see what was happening, "I like girls! Like Lethe!"
"Sorry Soren," Lethe said, stepping out of her tent, "I'm kind of engaged to Ranulf now..."
"I didn't mean I liked you," Soren sighed, "I meant you're a girl."
Lethe rolled her eyes and walked back into her tent.
"Sorry Soren," Ike said meekly, "How was I supposed to know you weren't gay?"
"You shouldn't automatically assume people are gay," Soren growled, "You're supposed to assume their straight unless told otherwise."
Ike shrugged and walked back into his tent. Soon everyone went back into their tents, except for Stefan and Soren.
Stefan walked over to Soren, looking him up and down mournfully, "Straight huh?"
Soren blushed profusely before giving Stefan a light kiss on the cheek and walking away, "Well, mostly straight anyways..."
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AN: I know, why isn't Soren straight right? Well... I don't know, I just felt like ending it like that, it was pretty funny right? Well at least uh... unique perhaps? Okay, so blame the sleep deprivation... Thanks for reading, review?