A/N: This is a Kaoru/Haruhi one-shot inspired by chapter 52 of the manga and the song "Hands Down" by Dashboard Confessional. It may contain a tiny spoiler, but you don't really have to have read chapter 52 in order to read this. I usually avoid writing in first person because I feel like I can't do justice to the character, but this story sort of needed to be in Kaoru's POV.

The Curse

I love you …

But I love Hikaru more.

Something smooth… soft. I glance down. Haruhi jerks her leg away, blushing. "Sorry." She whispers, her eyes glowing beneath the dull light of the motley collection of candles. They cast a warm hue over everything, a petty compensation for the lights that have blown out.

"Are you ok?" I ask, staring down at her. She looks particularly cute tonight, wrapped up in one of her father's blankets. Self-consciously, she pulls it over her exposed legs, then smiles.

"Of course." She tells me. The storm passed through quickly, but it was enough to unsettle her. Hikaru and I were secretly pleased when, at the end of school, she confided that her father was working late that night. She didn't say it outright, but she was definitely (even perhaps subconsciously) hinting for us to accompany her. And we never need any encouraging.

So we came and we wrapped her up in the blankets we found in her father's room, and we turned up the TV really loud. We positioned ourselves on either side of her and held her hands as the apartment shuddered and creaked with the claps of thunder and onslaught of rain. The whole time she remained completely silent – her eyes staring with unnatural determination as the characters in the black and white movie crackled in front of us. Then the power went off.

I was surprised that Ranka hadn't heard the scream from his okama bar. I was even more surprised that the one she instinctively grabbed onto was me. I could feel her nails through the thin material of my tee shirt, clinging at my back; her warm breath against my chest; our hearts thumping fast. Probably for different reasons. And as I had buried my face into her neck and pulled her closer I could feel Hikaru glaring at me. Just let me have this one moment, I had mentally pleaded with him, It doesn't mean anything. And, knowing as twins just do, he got up and declared he would go and check out the fuse box. After the door closed behind him Haruhi and I glanced at each other – and the moment was gone. She hurriedly had gotten to her feet and mumbled something about candles.

And here we are, with a faint and yet delightful sense of electricity between us. So thick it's almost tangible. I breathe deeply, reminded of our time at the carnival. The feel of her smooth cheek against my lip, the very edge of her lips, sweet from the cotton candy. I exhale. She obviously doesn't feel the same way. Obviously.

Slowly, almost timidly, Haruhi turns to face me. I stare at her curiously as she places a tiny warm hand on my thigh. For her I'm sure it's a completely innocent move, but I have to avert my gaze to hide my blush. I gulp. Where is Hikaru? "I'm sorry," She says earnestly, staring at me intently. I continue to focus on the wall to my left. I can't think anything. I mustn't think of anything. "I know you said it was all pretence for Hikaru but it wasn't, was it?"

It takes all my composure to calmly reply, "What on earth are you talking about?"

"The carnival…" I can feel a thin sweat breaking across my forehead. My legs are jelly. I couldn't get up now if I tried. "The confession."

"Don't be ridiculous," I snap, attempting to brush her off. She doesn't move away, but instead, leans closer and brings her hands up to clasp either side of my face, forcing me to look at her. The sense of sadness in her eyes is too much to bear, but I can't look away.

"I don't …" I watch her lips as they purse together, searching for words. "I'm smart. At school. But books can't really tell you how to handle these sorts of situations and …" She makes a cute little frustrated noise and I have to exercise the restraint of a monk to stop myself from just kissing her. I want to listen to what she's saying, but I can't tear my eyes off those lips. Still thinking, she absent mindedly runs her tongue over them and my knuckles turn white as my fists clench tight. "I don't know how any of this is supposed to work." She finally says.

"I know that I must love you." I momentarily forget to breathe. "But I also love Hikaru. And then there's Tamaki and the others." She makes a pleading face, one I'm not used to seeing. "I don't know which love is which, yet. I don't know what it-"

And I find myself running my hands through up past her jaw line, into her hair and laugh like a madman because as far as I can see it's the only reaction I could have to this news. In the end, it doesn't matter if I'm a potential romantic love, because I could never compete with Hikaru. I know that it would kill me to see her with anyone but myself, but I know that seeing Hikaru tormented by my actions would kill me with a sickening pain I simply couldn't bear. Being a twin is both a blessing and a curse. And in this instance, it means sacrificing my own wants for that of my other half.

But just for this moment, I will allow myself a little bit of selfishness. So I let my hands begin a slow trek downwards, savouring the feel of her spine beneath my fingertips. And before she can begin to react, I kiss her softly, just to the left of her mouth. She stares at me with wide eyes, and I kiss the tip of her nose. I feel a jolt of satisfaction shoot through me as I feel her shiver a little under me. Finally, finally, I press my lips against hers. A salty sweetness. My hands clasp her waist, pulling her into the kiss, running my tongue against her, pursuing her. And this time when I feel her heart pounding, I know it's for the same reason mine is. I smile against the kiss, then pull back, our faces just inches apart. Her breathing is hard, forced through her lips. It tickles my cheek and I smile again. "It's ok," I tell her earnestly, "I'll be fine. We're just friends now, okay?"

I'm not sure if she understands or not, but she smiles anyway. "Friends." She repeats. "Okay."

Reluctantly, I pull back and we resume our original positions. She notices the blanket has fallen to the ground and quickly brings it back up. "It's nice of you to think of Hikaru so much," She says, a hint of hidden wisdom, as she stares at the candles flicker.

I shake my head, "You really are amazing." But then I turn serious – "Don't rule out Hikaru, though. If you are going to love anyone, it should be him."

She looks thoughtful, but otherwise doesn't show any signs of having heard me.

The lights came on. The glare of electricity is harsh on our eyes, somewhat accustomed to the darkness. I squint. The door bursts open with a jerk and Hikaru is there in the doorway, panting. He obviously ran up as soon as he could, I think with a wry smile. He stares at me suspiciously, but is visibly calmed by the innocent scene. I get up and sling an arm across his shoulder. "Worried, Hikaru?" I tease, and he blushes profusely, shoving me off.

"Idiot." He mutters, going to sit besides Haruhi. As he animatedly describes his adventure to the fuse box, Haruhi stares at him, only vaguely listening. Could you love him? I wonder, observing the two. As if feeling my eyes on her, Haruhi turns and looks at me in confusion. It will take her awhile to get used to the idea of having one twin closer than the other. I smile at her and shrug.

"I'm going to head home, okay?" I say, my hand resting on the door frame. Hikaru glances up, surprised, and then moves to get up as well. "No, no," I wave him down, "You stay. See you two later, kay? Don't do anything I wouldn't!"

With a gentle click, I close the door behind me and sigh. I guess that's that.

A/N: Thank you for reading. Please review.