Take my Side

"Honestly, I can't believe you can be so… so stupid!"

"It was an accident, I swear!"

The past many times, it was an honest accident, or Gir would knock something over, but Zim was always quick to blame Skoodge for all of the mishaps that happen in his house.

"I don't believe you foolish, foolish Skoodge," Zim said. "I knew I should've never trusted you with the hospitality of my house. I've been nothing but genuinely pleasant to you, and the way you repay me by leaving my house in a mess! You are highly ungrateful, Skoodge."

All of this was a lie, of course. The moment that Skoodge took one step onto Zim's "property", Zim was far from pleasant. He was never violent, but he would always resort to yelling and demeaning Skoodge, making sure that he was on a lower level than Zim. Skoodge was able to easily take it at first, being used to the rest of the irkens making him feel bad, but after a while, it started to get to him. He spent less and less time in the home, almost using it purely to sleep.

But this was one of those cases where Skoodge stayed home since he was tired, and karma took over when he knocked over one of Zim's creations. He was simply walking by and it was on the edge of the table. It probably would've fallen over on its own, but Skoodge had the privilege of being there at the wrong time.

"Honest, it would've fallen down. And it's not broken." Skoodge picked it up and handed it to Zim. There was a scratch or two, but most of them were almost unnoticeable. "See, it still works."

"It's not about the machine," Zim said, balling his hands into a fist. "It's about principle. You can't go around destroying my electronics whenever you please."

"But it was an accident!" Skoodge exclaimed.

"Lies!" Zim exclaimed.

Skoodge sighed. The amount of times he'd gotten into a big encounter with Zim like this had been going into the double digits, and he was starting to lose patience. He was also beginning to see the pattern. Skoodge would try to defend himself and Zim would ignore him and continue to yell until one of them eventually decided to leave the room. Most times, it was Skoodge.

Again, it was Skoodge. "I'm leaving," he eventually said in the midst of Zim's rant.

"Fine, I was going to kick you out anyways," Zim said. "Stay out until you're ready to apologize and bow down to my diabolical wrath."

Skoodge didn't listen to him. It was at least the hundredth time that Zim has said that. 'Bow down to my diabolical wrath,' Skoodge thought to himself. 'Big words from an invader who is currently being unknowingly banished by the Tallest.' Though he wouldn't dare say that out loud. It would upset Zim more, and there was no way that Zim would believe him, anyways.

He put on his disguise, two brown human eyes and a blonde wig, and exited the house. On most days, Skoodge would head downtown and roam around as he looked in the windows of the stores. He saw many amazing wares that he was really interested in, but he didn't have any human money. He didn't bothering entering an establishment filled with items that he couldn't have.

Downtown, most people left Skoodge alone, though one or two people (more on a bad day) would make a comment on Skoodge's green skin, and sometimes his weight.

"You should go to a gym." Skoodge didn't know what a gym was.

"You should go to a dermatologist." Skoodge didn't know what a dermatologist was. He figured he would look it up on one of Earth's databases when he got home.

"You're looking a little green, buddy." Skoodge actually understood the joke behind this. 'Looking a little green means being ill,' Skoodge normally thought to himself. 'I'll just tell them it's a skin condition.'

Otherwise, Skoodge got by well as long as he avoided the street that Dib lived on, or avoided the Skool. As far as he was concerned, Dib had no idea who he was nor that there was another irken living on the Earth.

But this time, Skoodge didn't go downtown like he normally did. He wanted to get away from his routine since he was growing bored of it. Seeing the same shirts and knick-knacks in the same windows can make anyone bored.

Instead of downtown, Skoodge took to roaming around the other residential areas, looking at the many designs of the houses. A couple of dogs barked at him, which frightened him for a moment, but they were all behind gates. Skoodge knew that they couldn't get to him from behind there. He kept moving forward until he made it into an area that he recognized.

It was a neighborhood that Zim once showed him on the computer, though Skoodge couldn't remember exactly why. Though, there was someone there that gave him a firm reminder.

Skoodge's eyes widened as he saw a door open and then shut at one of the houses, the one he recognized the most. 'It's the girl!' Skoodge thought to himself. Skoodge knew that Gaz was Dib's sister and that she was just as dangerous, if not more, as Dib. He quickly got off of the sidewalk and hid behind a nearby tree. Though, he wasn't as silent about it as he thought. Ever step carried his full weight, making loud, pounding noises as he ran on the concrete and the grass.

He leaned against the tree, hoping that Gaz would go away soon. From his location, he could faintly hear her talking to someone. "I heard something."

"Heard what?" A male voice. Young, like Gaz's. Skoodge assumed it was Dib's.

"Over there. I think we're being watched."

"Zim… Let's sneak up on him. We'll catch him off-guard."

"Quiet! Or they'll hear us."

Skoodge felt it was now futile to continue hiding behind the tree. They were going to come get him, so he figured running was the best way to go. He started sprinting down the street, officially revealing his location to Dib and Gaz. Though, he wasn't nearly as fast as Zim was and he could hear running footsteps get closer and closer to him.

"Stop, Zim!" Dib's voice said from behind Skoodge. "We have you now!"

"I'm not Zim. Leave me alone!"

They clearly didn't listen, because the footsteps continued to get louder and louder until eventually Dib jumped up and tackled Skoodge to the ground.

"Hah-hah, I got you now, Zim! I guess you've slowed down since the last time I saw you." Dib looked down and saw Skoodge's backside before saying, "And… gained a few pounds, too. Geez, Zim. I just saw you yesterday."

"I'm not Zim," Skoodge said, muffled because his face was pressed against the concrete.

"What?" Dib asked. He got off of Skoodge and flipped him over, his eyes widening when he noticed a different irken staring back at him.

Skoodge quickly got up, making sure that Dib didn't take him down again. He was more prepared this time. He readjusted his wig and shifted his eye socket over a centimeter since it got knocked out of place.

"You're not Zim," Dib said. He prepped himself into a fighting stance and said, "Which means you must be dangerous. After running into Tak, I'm not going to lower my guard again."

"I'm not like Tak… or Zim," Skoodge said. He put a hand over his chest and said, "I am Skoodge. I am not an invader. At least… not anymore."

Dib loosened his stance, though he kept himself prepared. "Not an invader? I thought all irkens were invaders."

"It's complicated," Skoodge said. "I have been living on this planet for several months with no intent on invasion. Not that Zim would allow me to help him, anyways."

"I see," Dib said. "So… you're an irken that isn't an invader, and you know Zim very well."

Skoodge nodded. "Yeah, I live with him. He doesn't make for a really good roommate, though. He likes to yell at me a lot."

"Do you hate Zim?" Dib asked, hoping that Skoodge would say 'yes'.

Skoodge put his hand over his lip, thinking for a moment. "Uuuum, no. Zim has been mean to me, but I feel bad for him. The Earth isn't his mission, so I just let him believe that he's doing a good job."

Dib blinked. He looked left and right. Gaz was gone, probably leaving right when the conflict got big. That was usual for her. He then focused his gaze on Skoodge again. "Say that again."

"The Earth isn't Zim's mission. The Tallest chose this instead of banishing Zim. They aren't going to send the armada if Zim succeeds."

"You're serious?" Dib asked. "How can I possibly believe that? All of Zim's constant invading was because he was supposed to be banished?"

"Yeah. The Tallest make fun of him all of the time on the Massive." Skoodge figured that he was saying all too much information to a human. Though, he hadn't been connected to the Massive in several months and he thought that Dib had most of this information anyways.

Though, that wasn't exactly the case. "That's information to my ears. Do you think Zim would ever stop if he knew that all of his mission was a lie?"

Skoodge shook his head. "No. I think he was told in some other occasions. I've told him once. He doesn't believe it, and the Tallest will never admit it. They use Zim as a fun toy for their own entertainment."

"Hm…" Dib thought for a moment, keeping his hand on his chin. He then came up with something brilliant. "Skoodge, would you like to come in my house for something to eat? I heard irkens particularly enjoy doughnuts, and I have a few dozen of them."

"Oh, you have doughnuts?" Skoodge asked, his eyes lighting up. He was at first confused by Dib's sudden change of subject, but his hunger got the best of him. "I haven't had one since I left the Massive. Zim only feeds me some of the candies that he doesn't like."

"Well, why don't you come with and we can talk over some doughnuts," Dib said. "I figured that you have a lot that you can tell me about yourself."

"Oh, yes," Skoodge said, revealing his loyalty. "Very much. I don't know why Zim warned me about you. He said that you would immediately strip me of my organs if I ever encountered you."

"Zim just doesn't understand me like you do," Dib said as he led Skoodge to his front door. He felt so satisfied that he was actually egging Skoodge on. Though, he was developing at least a small connection with the sentimental irken. "Zim's only upset because I've been foiling his plans to invade the Earth. I think he will never take a liking to me."

"Well, you are his main interference," Skoodge said. "I'm surprised you're still alive. For other invaders, you would be the first target."

"I am and will always be the first target," Dib explained. "Zim just isn't smart enough to get rid of me. He's not exactly a competent invader, is he?" He opened up the door for Skoodge to step through.

"No, not really."

"Why do you think that is?" Dib asked.

"It's been rumored that he's defective," Skoodge said. "His PAK's all messed-up and he was designed wrong."

"I can understand that," Dib said. "So, irkens are purely made?"

"Now, yes," Skoodge said. "Reproduction and anything of the sort is taboo on Irk. No one really talks about it. It's just to be avoided."

"I see." Dib walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pink box full of doughnuts. He opened it to reveal 6 chocolate doughnuts and 6 glazed doughnuts. "Take as many as you like. I keep this stash to one-day tempt Zim. But this works, too."

Skoodge smiled as he eagerly grabbed one of the glazed doughnuts. "Thank you," he said before shoving it into his mouth. "You are a much more pleasant human than I thought."

Dib looked eagerly at Skoodge, though he was a bit disgusted by how he downed the doughnuts. He knew that irkens were pretty gluttonous, but Skoodge seemed a bit more so. "Oh, thank you. Most people think I'm crazy."

"Because you believe in aliens?" Skoodge asked.

"Yes," Dib said.

Skoodge nodded. "Yeeeah, I've been wondering why you humans can't tell the difference. I walk around a lot and saying that I have a skin condition manages to get me by."

"Same with Zim…" Dib said, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's irritating. I know I'm right, but everyone thinks I'm lying. Or that I'm really confused."

"Well, it doesn't matter," Skoodge said, moving his eyes to the side. "Zim isn't worth worrying about. Many of the invaders have completed their missions and Zim hasn't seemed to scratch the surface."

"Because of me," Dib said. "I'm the reason he hasn't caused much more destruction. I even helped stop Tak's plan to actually destroy the planet."

"You defeated Tak?" Skoodge asked. "Impressive. If she was allowed to take her test and become an irken elite, she would've become a very powerful invader. She's smart."

"You sound like you admire her," Dib said.

"You can say that," Skoodge said. "Let's say we both conquer the same planet in the exact same amount of time. She would probably be credited for the planet's destruction, and I would be shot out of a cannon as part of an Organic Sweep."

"That sounds oddly specific," Dib said.

"There's a reason for that," Skoodge said. "But it's not important. I'd rather not talk about it."

Dib nodded. "Fine. Tell me more about Zim. Why was he supposed to be banished?"

Skoodge explained Zim's role in Operation Impending Doom I and how he was initially banished to Foodcourtia. Dib then responded with another series of questions about how Zim was before all of this. Skoodge was able to answer every question with ease since he knew Zim very well when he was a smeet. They were "friends", but not in the traditional sense. Skoodge remained friendly, Zim… not so much.

"I can't believe that you can befriend an irken like Zim," Dib said, rolling his eyes. "Being ruthless even when he was younger."

"It's complicated. Nobody wanted anything to do with Zim after he got in a fight with just about everyone. Because of my appearance, people avoided me, in general. Since Zim at least paid attention to me, I took him yelling at me in exchange for his friendship. And now he's giving me a place to stay."

"Sounds a lot like my life," Dib said, looking down at the table. "Kids looking down at me because they all think I'm crazy. Sometimes that can really get to your head. Especially when your own father and sister think you're crazy, too."

Skoodge cleared his throat before grabbing yet another doughnut. The box was already half gone. Skoodge would've had more, but he didn't want to come off as greedy. "It probably doesn't mean anything to you, but…" Skoodge quickly threw a doughnut in his mouth and swallowed it before continue, "I don't think you're crazy."

"Of course you don't. You're the species that I'm trying to reveal to the world is real."

Skoodge rested his hands on the table, removing his gloves since they were getting a bit sticky, revealing his small green hands. "Maybe so, but I respect you more than any person than I ever met. Human or irken. You're the only one who actually seems interested in what I have to say."

Dib couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, Skoodge."

Skoodge nodded in response. He looked at the box of doughnuts, then at the nearby clock. It was surprisingly 10:00, past the time he generally returned to Zim's house. "I should probably go back home. Zim's probably wondering where I am."

"I doubt it," Dib said. "Like you said, Zim is too selfish to care."

"Yes, but it is late and I would rather not be outside while it is too dark," Skoodge said. "I've seen weird, suspicious people at night. I'd rather avoid them."

"Well, you're already going to run into them at 10:00," Dib said, letting out a light yawn. He thought for a moment and then said, "Would you like to stay here for the night? You can just go home in the morning."

Skoodge blinked. "You would like me to stay?" Skoodge thought about it for a moment. "How do I know that you aren't just going to betray me and dissect my organs while I'm asleep?"

"After all this time, you don't trust me?" Dib asked, a bit aghast.

Skoodge shook his head. "It's invader instinct. You don't trust anyone, even your friends."

Dib thought for a moment. "How about this? You'll sleep in my room. I can show you every possible way where you can escape as quickly as possible. That way, if I go crazy and betray you, you'll know a way out. That's, of course, hypothetical because I would never do that to you."

"Okay," Skoodge said. "Perhaps I can trust you a little more after that. But… why do you want me to stay so bad? Zim's house isn't too far, and I can survive on my own outside."

Dib blinked. He thought for a moment and finally mumbled a couple of words together.

"What did you say?" Skoodge asked.

"I… I've never had a sleepover before." Dib often forgot that he, himself, was a child who actually wanted some kind of a childhood. He was constantly interacting with adults and Gaz, who sometimes acted like an adult as well. A cranky adult.

"A sleepover?" Skoodge asked. "What's that?"

"It's a fun little thing where someone spends the night with you," Dib said, almost acting like an expert of sleepovers. "You play games, eat junk food, and then you feel sick in the morning."

"That doesn't sound very fun…" Skoodge said, especially after hearing the last part.

"It's really fun, I promise," Dib said. "We can bring the doughnuts and maybe break out some of Gaz's old games. I haven't tried them before, but we might like them."

Skoodge looked from side-to-side, and then returned his focus to Dib. "Well… if you insist that it's fun, then I guess I can have a… sleepover with you."

"Okay," Dib said with a smile. "Thank you so much, Skoodge. I'm glad that you aren't anything like Zim. You might actually be one of my good friends." Dib looked around for a moment, then yelled, "Dad! My friend Skoodge is spending the night."

"That's great, son!" Professor Membrane responded. "Make sure you and Skoodge clean up after yourselves. I'll be in the lab all-night."

Skoodge smiled. He felt so accepted, though… it was strange. These were all humans, a species different from his own, and they were treating him much better than anyone else.

"Let me take you up to my room," Dib said. "I have all of my alien research stuff in there. You'll be impressed with everything that I've learned."

"Oh… okay," Skoodge said. He didn't know what to expect, so he simply followed Dib.

Dib led Skoodge into his room and turned on the lights.

Skoodge got a good look of everything. The many posters, the bed, the computer. He looked at the desk that was filled with papers. Dib's research, Skoodge assumed. That's when he discovered a little bit of technology that he was very familiar with. He picked it up and asked, "Is this what I think it is?"

"If what you're thinking is a PAK, then yes," Dib said proudly. He grabbed it from Skoodge's hands and said, "I haven't been able to perfect it at all. There's surprisingly not very much accessible information on your PAKs."

Skoodge grabbed the PAK. An x-ray device was ejected from Skoodge's PAK and he held it over Dib's makeshift PAK. He examined it for a moment before saying, "You're missing a lot of vital components. An irken attached to this would be able to survive, but would not be able to sustain or utilize their memories."

"That's a thing?" Dib asked.

"PAKs are complicated," Skoodge said as he returned the silver device to Dib. "I took an entire class on it. As long as I have the proper materials, I will know how to put one together. But the materials are hard to come by."

"Yeah, most of these are scraps I have lying around," Dib said. "Maybe a few things from Zim's base, but not much."

"It's impressive," Skoodge said. "It looks like you put a lot of work into it."

"You really think so?" Dib asked.

"Yeah! I know many irkens who don't even know how their own PAKs work, but you, a human who's only seen one irken for most of your life managed to almost rebuild one." Skoodge calmed himself down. He didn't want to sound so enthusiastic.

Dib couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, Skoodge." Almost as if it were someone primary instinct, Dib threw his arms around Skoodge in a hug.

Skoodge shuddered from the sudden touch. No one had ever hugged him before, at least… not in a very long time. He waited a couple of moments and noticed that Dib wasn't prepared to let go of him. So instinct told him to wrap his arms around Dib as well.

Once he did that, he felt a bit more comfortable. He was able to feel Dib's warmth against his own. It was almost… affectionate. That made it awkward for Skoodge again and he let go of the hug quickly.

Dib blinked, then frowned. "Oh, crap. I made you uncomfortable, didn't I? That was really weird of me."

"No, no. It was fine," Skoodge said, waving his hands in front of Dib to reassure that he was alright. He lowered his arms after a moment. It was true, Skoodge had actually enjoyed the hug. "But… I want to know why you did it. That thing that you did. It was a little weird."

"It's a hug," Dib said. "I guess I was just going off of instinct. You were being nice and thanking me for my work."

"Oh," Skoodge said. "Do you want to do it again? I interrupted it before you could finish."

"If you were fine with it," Dib said.

"I am. I'm actually a little curious. It did feel nice."

Dib smiled, and then brought Skoodge in for another embrace. Skoodge definitely enjoyed this one far more than the last. He felt like he could actually feel Dib's friendship radiating off of him. He didn't even know what friendship felt like. He attributed it to feeling good with someone else. And he was Dib… and he felt good.

Dib eventually let go of the hug and put his hand behind his neck. "Listen, Skoodge. I should probably tell you the truth."

"What is it?" Skoodge asked, curious about Dib's sudden change in mood.

"When I first saw you and noticed how friendly and loyal you were, I was planning on using you to go against Zim. To foil his plans or ensure that he never touches the Earth again." He looked down to the ground, expecting Skoodge to say something. Though, Skoodge remained silent, leaving the room in a sea of awkward silence.

Dib couldn't take it anymore and eventually looked Skoodge in the eye. "But… you know what. Forget about that. I'll keep going after Zim on my own."

Skoodge blinked. "Are you sure? It would be better for you if you both just stopped fighting. Zim's going to learn the hard way that he was abandoned."

"I'm sure," Dib said. "Besides, I don't think I would be the same person if I wasn't hunting down Zim. I guess you can say it's my job."

"Well, you can do whatever you want," Skoodge said.

"I will," Dib responded. He thought for a moment. He was a nervous, but then said, "Hey, Skoodge?"

"Yeah?" Skoodge responded.

"Would you like to wander around the town tomorrow? Just the two of us. I can pay for lunch or something."

"Really?" Skoodge asked. "What about Zim?"

Dib thought about it for a moment, then came up with an idea. He opened one of his drawers and grabbed two small tablets. "I've been holding onto these for a while. These things will put Zim to sleep for several hours. I've used them on him before and they work perfectly. If you slip this into his food before you leave, then he'll be out. I'll take the fall for it and say that I managed to slip in and do it myself."

Skoodge grabbed the small bits of 'medicine', then looked at Dib. "I'm going to take this back to the lab tomorrow and ensure that these do what you say they do."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Dib said, smiling.

Skoodge returned the smile as he stashed the small tablets into his pocket. "Then, yes. That sounds like fun. Much better than doing it by myself."

"I agree," Dib said. "Now, let's get some sleep, alright?"

"Alright," Skoodge said. He was led by Dib to a makeshift bed. Skoodge was fine with it, though he asked for extra pillows since he had to make up for the PAK on his back. Dib obliged and handed him more pillows.

"Oh, and I should probably tell you about those exits like I promised."

"Don't bother," Skoodge said.

"Trust me now?" Dib asked with a devious smile.

"Maybe a little more," Skoodge said. "You've earned a bit of it."

"Then I'll take it. Good night."