WHY ALIENS HAVE NEVER INVADED EARTH
DISCLAIMER: i don't and never will own CCS
this is my first fic.. SO NO FLAMERS! Bwuhahahahahahahahahaha! RR PLZ!
The whole population of this planet has never before seen a real alien up close. Except for one, that is.
Enter Yamazaki Takashi. Right now, he's just a plain old 10-year old. A really weird 10-year old. So what was the reason aliens never set foot on this planet? We will find out today...
One sticky, hot, summer night, a 6-year old Yamazaki was lying down very comfortably in his back yard. His face had the markings of a frown on it, mainly because today had been a baaaaaaaad day.Chiharu had strangled him FIVE times today! And why? Because he had been telling the truth! Was that such a crime? Come on, everybody knew that mosquitos were made of ice cream, strawberries came from dogs, and electricity tasted like beef. (na: chicken was a bit overused already)
As he was thinking of how unfair Chiharu had been, a bright light suddenly appeared from the sky, temporarily blinding him. The next thing he knew, he was lying down on a hard metal table, with a group of the stupidest, wimpiest-looking aliens anybody could ever imagine. They were PINK, for God's sake, and had little furry antennae with poofy hearts at the end. Plus their noses were brown, with neon green spots on them.
All Yamazaki could do from laughing out loud and pointing rudely at the was to strangle himself, which he promptly did. Hey, he did have some manners.
"Greetings, Earthling." The one who was probably the leader squeaked. "You are a very fortunate ingred-.. er.. specimen, because we will be taking you to our home planet of Kang, in the Yelabon Galaxy". Yamazaki just scratched his head in confusion, seeing as he had a very limited vocabulary, being a 6-year old and all.
"There you will be able to achieve the best education anyone can offer," the leader continued. "Okay!" the very eager Yamazaki yelled, while not really undertsanding what was being said. "We will show you to your room now," an older-looking alien gestured, and led Yamazaki out of the room.
Once he was outside, the remaining aliens suddenly adopted a sinister look on their faces, changing their appearance from silly to scary.
"It looks like our great plan is going to work!"
"Yes! We Kangans are finally goint to receive universal fame and fortune!"
"One thing worries me, though. He's as thin as a stick! We should plump him up!"
"Yes! Then he would be perfect for the Great Feast back home!"
"Bwuhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" The resounding laughter of the aliens continued very evilly, until Yamazaki poked his head inside. "Could you shut up? I'm trying to sleep here!"
"Oh, sorry," mumbled the aliens, lookin both sheepish and not sorry at the same time.
Satisfied, Yamazaki headed back to his room.
Approximately 8 Earth Hours Later...
"Wake up little boy!" Yamazaki awoke to see the face of the same alien who led him to his room. "The others are waiting for you."
Together, he and the alien walked to a big room. The room was as wimpy-looking as the aliens themselves, but what he really noticed was the gigantic feast laid on the table in the center of the room. The table seemed to sag under the weight of the many turkeys, pies, puddings, cakes, potatoes, and so much more! (na:YUM!)
Yamazaki eagerly rushed to the table, and began to stuff his face as much as he could, failing to notice that the aliens adopted a very evil grin on their stupid faces.
Finally, he looked over to them. "Hey! Aren't you guys going to eat?" he asked with his mouth full. (Okay, maybe he didn't have that many manners)
The aliens looked uncomfortable as they answered "No, we want to wait for the great feast back on planet Kang"."Okay". Happy with this answer, Yamazaki then devoured everything on the table.
2 Earth hours and a huge stomachache later...
I'm bored. There's nothing to do here! Yamazaki thought. I know! I'll go exploring! So then Yamazaki went off to explore the whole ship.The first room he stumbled upon was the kitchen. He looked on the counter and saw an exceedingly disturbing cookbook. The title read "How to Cook Humans".
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed little Yamazaki. The aliens then rushed into the room, where they met the accusatory finger of Yamazaki. "You were going to COOK me!"he screamed. "No, we weren't" one answered. "Oh yeah! Then what's this?"he showed them the cookbook. "There's more" one answered and blew off some dust from the cover. The new title now read "How to Cook For Humans".
The dust caused Yamazaki to sneeze, and as he did so, he accidentally blew of more dust off the cover. The title now read "How to Cook Forty Humans". yamazaki gasped and shouted like a little idiot "MURDERERS! MURDERERS!"
"Wait," one alien said impatiently. He blew off even more dust, and the title now read "How to Cook for Forty Humans".
Yamazaki now just gaped like an idiot, while one alien proceeded to break down in tears. Don't forget they were WIMPY.
"You actually think we were going to eat you!" it sobbed. The other aliens comforted their companion, and the leader then glared at Yamazaki. "For making one, er.., most of us cry," he glanced at the others who were now crying a whole flood coz they were all bonding (told you they were wimpy), "We will proceed to invade Earth! You puny humans will be no match for us! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Did you know that Earth itself is a ticking bomb that will explode once aliens invade it? The force of its explosion will cause the WHOLE universe to explode to a billion million gazillion little pieces," Yamazaki fibbed. "And the Earth's core is a deadly weapon with a DNA cannon programmed to fry any alien who lands on our planet. It won't attack humans, coz it has our DNA programmed," he fibbed some more, with help from the numerous video games he had played. This seemed to scare the aliens very much for some reason unknown to Yamazaki.
So like the stupid, ignorant 6-year old he was, Yamazaki tried to make peace between him and the aliens. "Would you like some CANDY?" he queried, producing some out of his pocket. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH! It's candy! The most deadly weapon in the entire universe!" the aaliens shrieked whilst running about like a bunch of headless chickens. "You're scared of candy? Everybody on Earth carries at least 10 pieces of candy!" Yamazaki added, petrifying the aliens even more! "All Earth people MUST be great warriors if they can stand the dreaded CANDY!" shouted the aliens.
Finally they managed to calm themselves down a little. The aliens still looked frightened at this and began to mumble amongst themselves. "Okay," the leader said, "we won't invade Earth, IF you promise not to destroy our beautiful faces with the most deadly weapon we know of. CANDY." Yamazaki just smiled eerily, coz he didn't understand (dont't forget he was 6 YEARS OLD). "We will now drop you back at your house, and we will never ever invade your planet again. We'll also warn the other aliens species about the dreaded weapons of Earth".
So...
"Goodbye and take care!" shouted Yamazaki as he now proceeded to head back into the warmth and safety of his home.
Back up in space...
"Thank the heavens we have averted a universal crisis! Imagine if we provoked a war wherein humans used CANDY against us! We all would surely lose," mumbled the commander. "Set course for planet Mustafar , the best vacation planet known to all." "Aye, aye sir." And so the aliens left.
Now you know why aliens have never invaded. But who knows? Will they succeed in taking over when we humans finally run out of the dreaded CANDY? to find out, keep watching the skies..
HOPE YOU ALL LIKED THAT!
r and r plz, but BE KIND!