The Hawk and the Handsaw, an alice, 2009 fanfic

The Hawk and the Handsaw

"Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice. Alice."

He didn't know how long he had been wandering the woods…though he occasionally dropped by Charlie's fortress, he had pretty much taken to a solitary existence. There was nothing left for him here – the good guys had won, the Resistance was no longer necessary. There was no more tea to sell. He had no friends to speak of. Except Charlie, of course…but Charlie wasn't exactly in his right mind. He probably didn't have enough sense about him to be able to make friends.

Not that he was one to talk.

Ever since she went back through the Looking Glass…she was all he could think about. Day and night. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat. Sometimes he felt like he couldn't breathe. He considered himself lucky to be able to force himself to move, albeit aimlessly through the forest. But that was something. Right now, it was all he had.

He didn't notice the approaching footsteps, didn't realize he was being followed until a man stepped directly in his path. It was the 10 of Clubs…or previously the 10 of Clubs? He didn't know if the newly appointed King of Hearts had kept the old titles. And he wasn't particularly concerned with such details.

"Hatter, a word?"

"Which one would you like? I know several." Well…whatever his title, at least he wasn't wearing that silly "club" hat anymore. It was hideous. And he would know…he was called "Hatter," wasn't he?

The other man ignored his joke. "The King would like to have a word with you."

"Well, which one would he like, then?"

"Are you going to come quietly?" he asked, clearly annoyed.

Hatter finally made the effort to look around him…he was surrounded by men. Again, they weren't dressed in their traditional "suits"…good thing, really. Suits weren't a particularly good choice for a stroll in the woods, were they? "If you want a word, it will require that I make some sort of vocalization, in which case, I can't be quiet, now can I?"

10 started walking away as a means of response. Hatter followed him…he didn't really seem to have much choice. But despite his previous statement, he remained silent the entire trip.

They led him to a small log cabin. It was quaint, complete with a woodpile under the window, with wisps of smoke rising from the chimney. 10 opened the door and made a gesture indicating he should enter. Hatter inclined his head a notch, as means of thanks, then did just what he was supposed to do. As he entered the cabin, he experienced the same kind of disorientation he had always imagined Oysters faced when they came through the Looking Glass. Nothing was as it should be – he was in the Queen's Casino, with nice new shiny walls, pristine white tile on the floor…this didn't make any sense. Hatter turned around, but he door was gone. Shrugging, he continued walking in the direction he had been headed. There were two large doors at the end of the hall, and he walked through them without pause, without wondering what was behind them, without a thought.

Except one.

"Ah, Hatter, I'm so pleased that you've come."

The King sat on a throne with a large red diamond as its back. It actually made Hatter stop and think for a moment. Why a diamond? Why not heart? His last name was heart. Perhaps this was a way of separating himself from mommy dearest? Or maybe he cared more for material things than feelings. But then Hatter decided that he didn't much care either way.

"Tell me which word you want of me, so I may give it to you and be on my way."

Jack Heart smiled…it was the stiff smile of a stiff man – hair slicked with fancy clothes…he had never loved anything in his life. Least of all Alice.

"I'm sorry," Hatter began a few seconds later, interrupting the King, who had begun to speak while he was obsessing. "I spaced out for a tick…you were saying…?"

"I wanted to introduce you to my queen."

Hatter had seen the blonde, scantily clad broad once before, and was unimpressed. But the woman who came out was neither blonde nor half dressed. Her hair was still long and dark and straight…and the single-shouldered red silk gown she wore looked lovely on her.

"Alice!"

"That's the Queen of Hearts to you," she replied icily, before turning to her husband. "Can we get on with this? I have more important matters to attend to…"

Hatter was confused. "Sorry…?"

"Your sentence, of course…you're part of the Resistance. We couldn't have you running around loose, could we?"

All of a sudden, the gentle numbness that Hatter had been floating in disappeared, replaced by a wave of sheer terror. "And the others…?"

"Already disposed of," the King said without emotion. "And you will face the same fate – a night in the Eye Room, followed by a date with the executioner."

Hatter couldn't believe it...any of it. He found himself speechless for the first time in his life. Even his inner monologue fell quiet. He just stared at them incredulously.

"Dearest," Alice began, "is that really necessary? After all, the man did save my life…why make him suffer?"

"Perhaps you're right…shall we just get right to the beheading, then?"

"That sounds delightful, my love," she replied. "Guards – off with his head!"

It wasn't until the guards grabbed his arms that Hatter came back to life. "Alice, no! Alice…wake up!" He struggled against them, broke free, and managed to come within arm's reach of her. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her hard. "Alice, wake up! Wake up! Alice…"

He shot up from his bed. If you could call it a bed. He was out of breath and drenched in sweat…but at least it was morning. Things never seemed as bad when it was light out.

"Another dream?" Charlie asked. He was sitting by the fire cooking…something.

"Another nightmare, you mean?" Hatter lay back down and closed his eyes. "This is starting to get serious."

"Posh, dreams are nothing to fear, my boy," the White Knight said with authority. "They are just your inner demons coming out. You have defeated them by waking up."

"I mean it, Charlie. I think…I think I'm starting to lose it."

"You are confusing 'madness' with 'love.' It is easy to mistake one for another, but…"

Hatter eyed the burgundy coat hanging from the tree beside him. He was still bothered by the fact that she felt she had to return it. It was gift, and she gave it back. That hurt him. Acutely. And now he kept it with him, his only reminder of Just. Plain. Alice. Other than his nightmares.

"…and anyway, I can't believe you just let her go *poof* through the Looking Glass. You didn't even fight for her. You know, in my day, when a gentleman fancied a lady, he would…"

Charlie was making too much sense for his liking. "I'm going for a walk," he announced, and left the old man lecturing himself about men of honor and how they dealt with love. Men of honor. Ha. What honor did he have? He was a scheming middleman, only performing acts of kindness when he thought he could get something out of them. That's how it was with Alice, in the beginning at least. Yeah, he gave her the coat, but the poor thing looked like a drowned rat. It would take a cold heart indeed not to offer her something in the means of warmth or dryness. But the moment Dodo wanted to force the Ring of Wonderland off her finger…a spark sprang to life, deep within him. It was a feeling he had never experienced before, one he had never held much stock in. One that continued to grow the more time he spent with her, until all he wanted to do was hold her. Those few moments in the Queen's Casino, when she threw her arms around him because he wasn't dead after all…that was when he knew he was hooked. That was when he knew he would never let her go.

But he had let her go. He watched helplessly as she was pushed through the Looking Glass. Never to be seen again…

"Hatter." The man formerly known as the 10 of Clubs stood before him. "A word?"

Hatter immediately looked around him and saw that he was surrounded. "Which one would you like? I know several."

"The King would like to have a word with you."

"Oh…I don't think I like where this is going…" Hatter mumbled to himself. But it wasn't the idea of facing his own mortality that bothered him. He was far more upset by the prospect of having to see Alice married to the King.

"Please, Hatter, this is a request, not a demand. You needn't come if you don't want to."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight…"

"If you ask us to leave, we will."

Hatter shrugged. "Got nothing else to do, nowhere else to go…it would be my pleasure to have a word with the King."

His exaggerated politeness was not lost on 10, but the other man chose to say nothing. Instead, just as in Hatter's dream, he turned away and began to walk. Hatter followed obediently, remarking as they went, "You know, I actually have a few choice words for the King…"

Hatter jabbered the entire way, desperate to fill the silence, doing everything he could to make the reality before him different from the dream behind him. It was a silly thing to do, really, and he knew it. But the nightmare was still so fresh in his mind, and Wonderland was such a twisted world, that he would not be surprised to learn that his imagination could be used against him…in a court of law…or anywhere else, for that matter.

But 10 didn't lead him down the same path as the one in his mind – it was not a log cabin they approached, but a clearing. There was construction going on, with large numbers of laborers cheerfully going about their work. The figure nearest them wore a red suit. He was looking over blueprints of some sort.

"Your majesty," 10 said.

"Ah, Hatter. I'm pleased you decided to join me." The King handed the papers to 10 and gestured to the right. "Would you do me the honor?"

Hatter was so relieved by the scene that he actually removed his hat and gave him a slight bow. "Of course."

The two strolled away from the construction and back into the woods, towards a nearby lake. Nothing was said during the brief trip, they merely walked side by side until they reached the rocky shore of the large pool of water.

"You and I don't really get along, do we?"

Hatter replaced his hat and lingered by the tree line, while the King made his way to the edge of the lake. "You could say that."

"Why do you think that is? We both want the same thing." Jack Heart paused, as if he regretted his choice of words. "What I mean is, we were on the same side, both members of the Resistance. We wanted freedom from my mother – freedom to live as we choose, to do as we like…"

"Perhaps I don't like the way you go about gaining your freedom," Hatter suggested.

"Perhaps."

Hatter swore he heard a touch of regret in the other man's voice, and he momentarily wondered if he was being too hard on him. "Not that I should talk."

Jack turned around to face him. "Exactly. That's what I mean…of anyone I know, you're the one who should understand…"

"No." Hatter shook his head and held his hand out in protest. "No…I don't understand. I won't do something for nothing, it's always tit-for-tat with me, but I'm not like you. I didn't do what you did."

The King froze mid-step and considered his words. "I did what I had to do."

"I wouldn't have done it. Not in a million years."

He turned around and returned to the water's edge. "This is all pointless…what's done is done. Her choice is made. It doesn't matter."

"It does matter! You used her…you put her in danger time and again…yet she still came back for you, she still went off with you…"

"In the end, she went with you."

Hatter let the words sink in before he responded. "In the end, she left us both."

Jack spun around, angry. "You're a fool! She didn't leave you…she wasn't running away from you. She was running towards something else!"

It was quite the experience, seeing the ever-calm, ever-cool, ever-collected Jack Heart lose his temper. Hatter would have enjoyed it immensely if his words hadn't cut him so deeply.

He turned his face away from the King, looking down at the pebbles beneath his feet, exhaling audibly.

"You have to understand," the King continued, more gently, "that she has a family. Her father disappeared, and her mother…"

"I know."

"…her mother's heart would break if Alice followed suit..."

"I said, I know!"

Jack approached him and placed his hand on Hatter's shoulder. "She didn't belong here."

Hatter raised his head and looked up at him, defeated. "I know that too."

"She has her own dreams, her own life…I saw what it was like for her, out there in her world. She was letting her father's desertion stand in the way of…of everything." Jack removed his hand from Hatter's jacket. "You accused me of using her…and you're right. I won't deny that. But I've helped her as well. She's seen the truth and made peace with the past. She can move on now."

Hatter hated to admit it, but the King had a point. Several, in fact. But that didn't make him feel any better. Actually…it made him feel a lot worse. Talking about this only served to open fresh founds. "Why did you bring me here?"

"To convince you to go through the Looking Glass."

"Have you gone mad?" Hatter asked with a hysterical laugh, backing away. "I don't belong there any more than she belongs here…"

"You belong together…does it really matter where?" Once again, a flash of raw emotion tore across Jack's face – pain, jealousy, and acceptance – momentarily contorting his handsome features. He took a deep breath and collected himself. "You won, Hatter. I knew that the moment I came to take her to Caterpillar. Alice is not a flighty girl; she wouldn't have almost kissed you if there wasn't some kind of meaningful emotion behind it. I'm trying to be the bigger man here."

Hatter stared at him with a combination of giddy joy and pure disbelief. "Really? You really think so…?"

"Yes."

It took Hatter a few minutes to take it all in…to digest the words that had been so difficult for the King to utter. In all the time that had passed since Alice had left, he had never considered what her feelings were. It was not so much an act of selfishness on his part, as it was a question of his own worthiness. She was so…so…amazing. Even with everything they had been through together, he had been unable to even consider the possibility that somewhere, out there in her world, she was thinking about him too. Missing him too. "She's probably found another guy by now…"

"I find that hard to believe. For everything you know about her world, you've never been there. Women of her character are…well, they are often unappreciated by men in that place."

Although Hatter thought such a notion was preposterous, he needed no more convincing. "Either way, I need to see her." And, upon realizing that he had given away too much, he quickly added, "You know, to make sure she's all right…"

"Good. It's settled, then. On to the Looking Glass." He started walking away, then paused and turned around. "But first, we should find you some…less conspicuous clothes."

"Sure. Fine. Whatever you think is best." The King continued on his prior heading, with Hatter close behind. "But the hat comes with me…"