NA: Gina McGucket is based on this picture

post/102338500064/first-try-at-drawing-a-mrs-mcgucket-i-have-such-a

and this conversation

post/102347348095/oh-my-gosh-phuz-you-practically-friggen-slapped-me-in

It hurt more than Fiddleford would have thought possible. Each new fragment of a forgotten life tortured him. The friends whose names and faces he could no longer recall, the mistakes he'd made, the family he'd let down. In his stupidity and cowardice he'd hurt so many people. Each new memory was like a dagger to the heart.

However, the pain was better than the alternative. Fiddleford had done things that he could never forgive himself for, but he would never try to forget them again. Running away from his problems and erasing them from his memory hadn't made them go away. It had just made them worse and caused him to hurt more people.

So, even though the memories were painful, Fiddleford clung to every new one he got back. He tried to undo some of the damage he'd done. He was trying to make amends with his son, although he wasn't even sure if that was possible any more.

Fiddleford had quickly discovered that anything could set off a new memory and help reconnect a little more with his past. He'd taken to wandering around town, trying to find places that felt familiar.

The smell of pine on Manly Dan's axe had triggered a memory about going on a hunting trip with his ex-wife's (then fiancée) brothers. It hadn't helped him remember any of their names but he did remember their laughter at his unwillingness to kill a rabbit.

The library had given him the fuzzy memories of hours spent researching. He couldn't remember anything specific but there had been another man there too. He didn't remember the man's name but he was sure they'd been working together. They'd been … researching the supernatural? Sometimes there had been a third man trying to help or annoy them. While Fiddleford couldn't remember what either of them had looked like, he thought they'd looked very similar.

The sound of music brought back a conversation. He couldn't remember who it was with but he'd been happy at the time.

"Yo Nerd," they'd said, "you finished on your latest gadget yet?"

"Not yet Moron, so not touching," he'd told them.

"But I wannnnnnna," the other man had moaned, then grinned, "Come on Doc, you've been down here all day, you need to eat at some point."

In the bowling ally, Fiddleford remembered a family evening out with friends. He, his wife and their son had been on a team against… he couldn't really remember. Had the two people he almost remembered working with been on the other team? He was sure there had been a child on the other team as well but… no, he couldn't quite remember.

The taste of pancakes had given Fiddleford back the face of his ex-wife and her laugh.

He remembered sitting across a small table from her, while their son sat in a high chair covered in baby food. He'd been telling her about the previous day when his two colleagues… two friends? had dragged him into some sort of trouble. She'd laughed and said that if they didn't take better care of him, she'd have to have words with them.

He'd said, "Oh, I don't think you need to do that. They're still quaking in their boots from the last time you told them off, Gina."

Fiddleford's breath caught in his throat as the memory ended and he found himself sat alone in a booth at Greasy's Diner.

Gina… his wife had been called Gina. She'd been the most beautiful woman he'd ever known. He'd loved her so much. How could he have allowed let himself forget that?

Fiddleford wiped tears from his eyes as he wondered how long she'd stayed once he'd started to go mad. What had finally driven her away? How much had he unintentionally hurt her with his insanity? He racked his memory but it didn't tell him anything new. Maybe one day he would remember everything and he could tell her how sorry he was.

He wandered into the graveyard and was hit by the memory of fear.

Fiddleford had been running for his life from… something, but he hadn't been as quick as the two men who'd also been sprinting with him. They'd both grabbed one of his arms and picked him up as they kept running.

"Put me down!" he'd yelled indignantly, even through his fear.

"Oh, don't worry," one of them had panted, "we'll put you down if it catches us. When I say 'put you down,' what I really mean is throw you at it so we can get away."

Fiddleford was standing in a lab. There was a howling wind dragging at him that was coming from some sort of portal. He was pouring fuel into a machine that fed it. Once all the fuel was emptied into the machine, he joined the two other men in the lab. They were laughing and joking.

Fiddleford was practically bouncing with excitement, "I can't believe we're actually going to do this! If this works, it's going to change everything!"

"Calm down, Fiddleford," one of them said. Fiddleford's eyes darted to him. Something had sounded… off about his voice and this man never called him Fiddleford. Then he shrugged, sure that he'd imagined it. "We all know what this could mean."

"Yes, yes, I know, Stanford. I'm just excited. Are you guys sure I shouldn't be the one to go through?"

"No offence," the third man (so like his twin in appearance) said, as he tied a rope around tightly around his waist, "but if this thing leads to some sort of hell dimension, I think I'd have a better chance of getting back safely. I don't fancy explaining to Gina how you were eaten by a monster from dimension X. Besides, we don't know if any of your gadgets will survive the trip. The rat's cage was pretty mangled when we pulled it back though."

"But the rat itself was fine," Fiddleford said, and then grinned, "but I take your point, Stanley. Besides, I know I have to stay on this side and keep the machine working in case anything goes wrong."

"I wouldn't trust anyone else to keep me safe."

"Hey!"

"You know what I mean, Stan!"

As Stanley walked towards the portal, his brother Stanford held onto the end of the rope that was tied around his waist. The wind was dragging harder than ever now and Fiddleford ran to the controls so that he could keep a closer eye on the readouts.

"Wish me luck!" Stanley yelled as he reached the portal.

"Good luck!" Fiddleford and Stanford both called back as he stepped though. The readings on the machine went crazy for a moment and then settled down again.

"The readings seem to be the same as for the animals we sent though," he told Stanford. Stanford laughed, it wasn't a nice or kind sound and Fiddleford's head whipped around just in time to see Stanford let go of the rope.

Fiddleford screamed at him in horror and confusion as the wind dragged the rope towards the portal. He scrambled after it desperately, trying to catch the end before it was too late. He had almost caught it when he was tackled to the ground.

He kicked and struggled under the weight of Stanford but it was no use, he couldn't get out and he could only watch as the rope disappeared forever.

"What the hell are you doing!?" he screamed, he was panicking and struggling to breathe under the weight of the other man but all he cared about was trying to save the man who'd gone though the portal. "Get off me. Stanford, we need to help him."

Stanford got up, dragging Fiddleford with him by the collar of his lab coat. It was only then that he noticed that Stanford's eyes were glowing yellow and he had slits for pupils. He screamed in fear and tried to pull away as the other man began to drag him towards the portal. The thing with his friend's face gave an inhuman laugh and said, "Sorry Llama but Fez isn't here right now."

Fiddleford woke drenched in a cold sweat. He was shaking in fear and terror and breathing hard.

No, no, no, no, he thought in horror, why didn't I realise what was happening? How did I not realise he wasn't Stanford? I shouldn't have let Stanley go though that portal. I should have saved him. I should have saved them, I should have saved them, I should have saved them…

It took Fiddleford hours to calm down. The guilt and horror of what had happened 30 years ago hit him as freshly as if it had only just happened. He wondered how he'd survived that night but his memory was still blank after Bill, using Stanford's body, had started to drag him towards the portal.

The memories hurt but he wasn't going to run away again. He had to try and make amends.

Stan watch as Dipper and Mabel ran outside laughing with Soos as the three of them went off to play laser tag again. It was nice to see his niece and nephew doing something that wasn't potentially life threatening for once.

He looked around for Wendy but, yet again, she was nowhere to be seen. With a sigh, he went behind the counter to man the till. Just as he was sitting down someone walked through the door. Grunkle Stan crossed his arms and his eyes narrowed when he saw who it was.

"What do you want, McGucket?" he asked more aggressively than he'd intended. The other man just stood there looking at him and not saying anything. "Well?"

Fiddleford took a deep breath then asked, "Stanford, what happened to Stanley?"

Stan's breath caught in his throat. His eyes quickly ran up and down Fiddleford as he really looked at him for the first time since he'd entered the shack. He was cleaner than Stan had remembered seeing him in years; his gaze was steady and held none of the madness Stan had grown used to seeing there. Now he thought about it, Stan realised that there hadn't been any large robot attacks recently either.

He knew it couldn't be his friend. He'd lost the Fiddleford the same night he'd lost his brother. Technically, Fiddleford had gone mad a few weeks later but it was because of that night. The night Stan had made a stupid deal that had cost him everything.

He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up but he couldn't help it. In a small, slightly hesitant voice, as if the answer could kill him, he asked, "That you, Nerd?"

Fiddleford shrugged, not sure how to answer and said, "Maybe, I think I'm closer than I have been in a long time. I… oof" he was cut off as Stan ran around the counter and tackled him in an almost bone crushing hug.

"I missed you, Nerd," Stan told him.

"Can't… breathe," Fiddleford gasped.

"Oh sorry," Stan said letting go.

"Moron," Fiddleford said once he'd got his breath back and Stan grinned at his old nickname, "I wish I could say that I'd missed you too but it would be a lie. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long but I think I'm coming back."