I would have found the sun's warmth to be comforting. I would have enjoyed the cool breeze of the morning. I would have returned the smiles and greetings of the strangers I came across with along the sidewalk. But I didn't.
All because of an exam.
No, I didn't fail. And I didn't pass either. None of the above. How come? …because the exam that was supposed to take place thirty minutes ago didn't happen!
For the whole week, (the whole week!) I had been shoving my nose, eyes and forehead into pages of chemistry, anatomy, biology, and any medical textbooks on my reach. Each night, I had flipped through them while in a battle of keeping my eyelids apart. Each day, I had distanced myself from my social life and engaged in the company of technical words. I drowned in theories, principles, compositions and any significant information we had discussed in class and beyond.
I had been eating less, drank gallons of coffee, created mind maps and used other mnemonic devices. I even placed some books under my pillow. You know, in accordance with the superstition that sleeping on a book could help you remember its contents.
In short, I had performed the sacrificial ritual of reviewing.
It was all for the glory of one major subject. The last exam I had to take this semester. I imagined myself sitting at my desk and marking the questionnaire, analyzing the problems carefully and scanning my refreshed built-in library. I was eager to put my knowledge to the test, and I kept on reading and reading and reviewing concepts and reading and reading until my most awaited day arrived.
This morning, I woke up earlier than my alarm clock. I showered, got dressed and ate breakfast faster than Road Runner, even though no Coyote chased after me. I hadn't even savored my mother's special omelette, and I cursed myself for not praising it. She prepared it as perfect as she could and fried it with just the right temperature. She cooked me breakfast and yet I hadn't even uttered a simple 'thank you'.
I'm such a horrible daughter!
I had climbed back to my room to retrieve my school bag, and just then did my alarm clock wake up with a loud ring. I could only shake my head at it. What an over sleeper.
My parents wished me luck before I stepped out of the house and traveled on my own to the bus stop. Such was the life of an only child. Others would say that I was lucky for having no rival with my parents' attention. But I would say others were luckier for having someone to share most of the time with, to share secrets with, or someone to accompany them in a simple walk to the bus stop. What I'd give to have a sibling.
When I entered our classroom, no one was around yet. I thought nothing of it at first, since I was about an hour early; so I just scanned my notes for the time being.
Five minutes before the designated time and nobody else was in the room aside from me. I checked the room number just to be sure, but I was in the right classroom. I tried searching the adjoining rooms, but there was no sign of my classmates there; just some students loitering around. I even asked someone what day it was, just in case I might have confused the dates in my overloaded mind, but today was Wednesday, the scheduled date of our exam.
I became an alien in my own world. I was floating in a foreign atmosphere, where the things I thought were facts turned out to be mere fiction.
What if they rescheduled the exam and had moved it to an earlier date?
My mom must have given me raw eggs and I saw them as omelette, because there was a shuffling in my stomach and chicks might be the cause of it; chicks that went through genetic mutation and experienced metamorphosis to become butterflies. I couldn't have missed the exam, could I? What about all those hard work spent on reviewing? What about my parents' good luck wishes? What if I disappoint them?
It was ten minutes past nine, ten minutes past the designated time. The room was empty. And I was doomed.
Just as I headed back to the hallway, a familiar face finally appeared. Shino, one of my classmates, was walking the stretch of the corridor. When I asked him about the whereabouts of our classmates and what about the exam, his reply was something I couldn't figure out how to react to until now. I could still remember his exact same words:
"Our exam has been postponed to Monday next week. Professor Tsunade announced it to another class two days ago. She also posted it on facebook. She said she have to attend a conference at Oto… I see you were not informed."
I wasn't informed – True or False? True. I had no idea.
Our exam week had started last Wednesday, and regular classes no longer took place. All my other exams were set on that first day, and today should have been my last exam for a major subject. After last Wednesday, I spent the rest of the week at home, away from school, away from the internet… just me and my sacrificial ritual. How could I have known Professor Tsunade's announcement?
How could Ino, Tenten or Hinata not tell me about it?
Lightning added to the commotion in my nervous system. Of course! I switched off my phone when I started reviewing, and I hadn't even touched it yet until now. It had been sleeping inside my desk drawer for the whole week, and I had completely disconnected myself from any form of social interaction.
I guess that didn't matter now, because the exam that was supposed to take place thirty five minutes ago didn't happen!
Wow. Terrific. Absolutely astounding. What a joke my life had just turned into.
So now, here I was at the bus stop, desperate to go home and maybe throw every item in my room (or just the durable ones) before I could sleep away this… anger or irritation or whatever the heck this red cloud of confusion in my head could be.
I was in the middle of a sigh, when the bus halted by the waiting shed. Only five persons waited here with me. I wondered if they were also dealing with some problems right now. If so, then they did a pretty good job at hiding it, unlike me; I couldn't even manage to smile back at the little girl to my right. She was around ten to twelve years of age; and from the moment I arrived, she had been holding a cartoned chocolate drink, biting down its straw and looking up at me (or was it at my hair?) with pure delight. While here I was, sending out some negative vibrations into the world.
This sucks.
Some passengers were still descending the bus and one of them, a tall woman in business suit and high heels, tripped at the last step. She grasped onto the side of the door for support, before limping towards the sidewalk. Once there, she found that one of her high heels had been broken. A string of curses was all I heard from her before it was my turn to board the bus.
The seats were about 80% full, but I managed to spot a vacant row near the back and made my way to its window seat.
Solitude, how are you my friend? Great. Now I'm acting all crazy and talking to myself. Even if studies show talking to yourself is healthy, I still believe I'm going insane. Although there are scientific reasons that could prove it's a good thing, the idea just seems weird… don't you think? Ugh, I'm doing it again. And so I officially proclaim myself 'crazy'.
The bus hadn't moved yet. What was the driver waiting for? I wanted to go home! With curiosity or anger or both, I craned my neck to look at the driver. He was talking to the little girl from a while ago.
A crease marked the space between the girl's eyebrows as she rummaged her backpack in frantic. The driver then smiled and handed her the chocolate drink he had been holding for her, and then he said something that also put a smile on the girl's face, illuminating her features.
After that, she ran along the aisle, her eyes roaming for a seat. Blue eyes stopped at the seat next to me then shifted to look at me (or was it at my hair?). I didn't need to be as good as Nostradamus to predict her next move. And my prophecy was confirmed.
Yup. Goodbye solitude.
I turned to the window just in time to see the woman who tripped earlier. There was something different about her though. Identification: What made her walk straight this time? Wasn't she limping from uneven heels when I last saw her?
She held the answer in her hand, in a literal sense. She clasped two slender metals in one hand. Two metals which were formerly attached to her shoes. A smirk flashed on her lips as she dropped the heels into her shoulder bag.
Nice thinking… I didn't know why exactly, but I was a bit proud of her.
Shadows started playing inside the bus as we drove away. They skipped from one face to another, from the floor to the seats, from the asphalt road to this bus. They tried so hard to look happy, but they couldn't hide the sorrow they carry. They couldn't fool me. They always stay behind the light, and had no choice but to follow forms. They move with the light's every whim, uncomplaining of being stretched to their limits or being stomped on.
If it weren't for the fixed glass window, the cool wind would have joined us here as well. It would sweep away our thoughts, leaving behind a sense of serenity, taking with it the confusion and disappointments. If the glass window were absent, we may have heard the shouts of the wind as it slid around our ear canals, announcing its existence.
Whether it rushed over to us or we disturbed its repose, air would always try to make its presence known. Although our body accepts it in automatic, our consciousness tends to take it for granted. The air was a martyr, always giving us a favor even if it gets nothing in return. It may act like our negligence was okay, but I knew better: The air sought for recognition, and the wind was its form of communication.
A tap on my arm dragged me out of my thoughts. The little girl was smiling at me again.
"Hi!" She said, still trapping the chocolate drink's straw in between her teeth.
"Hi…" I tried to pull the corners of my mouth upward, I really tried; but sorry, I wasn't a weight lifter.
"I like your hair."
Thought so. "I know."
I almost made a move to catch her eyes, because they threatened to fall out of their sockets.
"Cool!" Her cheeks demanded a pinch… or two… make that three. "Are you some kind of a fortune teller?"
"I wish…" So I could have foreseen what happened today. "You just openly stare at my hair, so I figured as much."
Her cheeks caught some of my hair color, and I might have been turning into a pinching monster. I had to remind myself that I may scare this kid away if I give in to the urge of squeezing those cheeks.
"Sorry…" she said. "I know starring is rude, but I'm extremely fascinated with your pink hair. It's very pretty and unique."
"I get that a lot, though others drop the 'pretty' in that statement. Thanks…"
"Umm… What's your name?"
What a friendly kid. "I'm Sakura, and you are?"
She grinned. "I'm Naruto."
That earned a raised brow. "But that's a boy name."
"I am a boy!"
Oh.
The kid's features were soft and the blonde locks were long enough to be mistaken for a messy pixie cut, so I thought…
Could I blame it on stress?
"So, Sakura-chan huh? Nice name you got there and you seem nice too! Just like the bus driver! People in Konoha are so kind."
"Why did you say so? Are you new here?"
Naruto stared at the carton of chocolate drink he was holding. "Yeah… I just got here in Konoha this morning. The buildings are SO tall! I've never seen anything like them in person, they're awesome! The vehicles are a total kickass! I want to ride that caterpillar thingy they call MRT! We only had carriages and small trucks back in Uzushio, you know."
"Really? I think I want to visit that place. It's good that you're enjoying so far; welcome to the city life… Stay here a little longer and you'll discover the real image of Konoha. I doubt you'd still find it amazing by then."
"Why?"
"You'll see."
"I don't know, but I have a feeling I'll love this place no matter how imperfect it is. I didn't expect the bus fare to be so expensive though. You see, I lost my froggy purse, and the spare coins in my pocket were short… but the driver let me have a free ride! Isn't he nice?"
That was a first. That bus driver had always been strict when it came to fares. He often argued with passengers if they didn't pay the right amount, or if their fee was short by even just a cent. He didn't even allow student discounts during weekends, which was unfair for college students like me, since our classes lasted until Saturdays.
I was about to ask Naruto why he was travelling alone in a big city, but the bus came to a stop and the driver called out.
"Hey kid! The blonde kid from the previous stop! This is Hokage Street. You said you're headin' here right?"
Naruto was on his feet in less than a second. "Oh! This is my stop Sakura-chan! It was nice talking to you!"
I had only met this kid, but the idea of him leaving this bus saddened me a little. I guess I really needed someone to talk to right now. This was one of the times when I wish I had a sibling waiting for me at home or a sibling who was willing to listen over the phone.
I managed a small smile for Naruto. "Same here… You take care, okay? Bye."
"Bye Sakura-chan! Hope to see you again!" He walked backwards with a wide grin, waving a hand in the air. Then he turned away. And bumped into a boarding passenger.
The chocolate drink took most of the impact and brown liquid spattered onto the man's grey shirt.
Naruto gasped. "I'm so sorry sir! I didn't see you! Please don't let me pay for the damage! I'm sorry!"
The man, who looked about my age, didn't show any facial expression. Maybe he was a mannequin or a life-sized action figure of a model. Black unruly hair crowned his flawless and chiseled face, while his sculpted physique and tall stature completed the magazine cover look, regardless of the stained shirt.
His eyebrows moved in a slight furrow, and the action was somehow scary despite his angelic features. His lack of reaction made him appear like the stoic villain, who was trying hard not to lash out at the protagonist then and there.
Uh-oh… I think Naruto's in trouble.
The man's chest rose as he gathered air to speak. "Forget it."
I blinked. Well, that was unexpected.
Naruto announced a series of thank you's to the entire street, but the man ignored him and continued walking along the aisle (catwalk) towards the seat beside me. When he was seated, he examined the stain on his stomach for the first time.
I feel like I was also responsible for that little accident. I should've told Naruto to watch where he was going. Speaking of the blonde, he was waving at me from the sidewalk. I waved back at him and offered a tight smile.
The bus started moving again, and a snort from the man beside me caught my attention. He was still shaking his shirt away from his skin, letting the chocolate dry I think.
Still feeling guilty, I rummaged my bag for a tissue before handing it to him. "Here, you could use some of these."
Dark brown eyes that were almost black stared at the wipes, then at me, back at the wipes, and then he snatched the wrapper from my hand. "Hn."
Woah… Did I associate him with an angel earlier? I take that back. Indeed, looks can be deceiving. "Uh… You're welcome?"
He remained silent and busied himself with his shirt. His face didn't bother to show any emotion either. Mister… _(fill in the blank?)_ appeared to be an expert at ignoring people. Someone was having PMS today. Then again, if anyone spilled some drinks on my clothes, I would have acted the same. Or worse, I could probably start a lecture on the spot and give them a piece of my mind, especially if I had a bad day to start with.
I focused on the far skyscrapers and on the road-side trees behind this clear glass, suddenly reminded of my exam. All the hard work in reviewing was cast aside, thrown away, and unrewarded. My parents knew that today was our exam, and I wanted to finish it so bad. I wanted to see the fruits of my labour, the prize of my sacrifices. I wanted my parents to be proud of me, to let them know I value their support and encouragement. And showing them a high mark was the only way I know how.
Alas, no exam happened today. It was the same as having a rendezvous with someone who never showed up. You had arrived at the meeting place earlier than the early bird, waited for hours, practiced the topics you could talk about with that person, waited some more, but then no one turned up. All those time preparing and waiting proved to be a waste. Just how frustrating was that?
Stupid conference that Professor Tsunade had to attend to.
The small pack of wipes appeared before me, making me turn to the person holding it. None other than Mr. Blank himself. He only stared at me and raised the wipes to my face for emphasis.
He wouldn't say a word, would he?
"…"
Nope. I picked up the wipes, threw him a glare and let my voice escape through gritted teeth. "You're welcome."
He sat back, folded his arms over the chest and looked forward. "Hn."
Would it hurt him to say 'thank you'?!
I could feel the red blood cells rush to my head, carrying oxygen to my anger-filled mind, keeping its composure in check. My lungs collected air in an attempt to distract me from uttering unpleasant words and my eyes tried to help by rolling up the ceiling and landing out the window.
Don't mind him, Sakura. He's not worth the effort. He thinks he's all cool and mighty with that posture? Tch, he's just trying to hide that stain on his shirt.
What a day this had been so far. Was I being punished? Tell me! What should I do to stop being unfortunate? First, I was frustrated with a postponed exam, and now I was frustrated with a douchebag seatmate.
Before I could stop myself, my eyes had already glanced at Mr. Blank. I originally planned to steal a glimpse of him, but hey, plans could always be altered. His eyes were closed, and I found myself staring at those long eyelashes. Was he sleeping? Calmness radiated from him, like he hadn't been in a bad mood minutes ago, like the little accident with Naruto hadn't occurred at all.
I wished I could forget undesirable events as quickly as he could. I had always found it a challenge to get over the smallest of things; but to him, it was a piece of… I would say cake, but it was too cliché, how about… bread? It could be chewed as easily, or at least most of its kind. Yeah, it was a piece of bread for him.
How could he do that? Was it natural? Did one have to be born with that attitude? If it was a skill, I would be more than willing to learn it. Imagine how it would feel like to silence a nagging thought, to put the worrying to a stop, or to quit regretting your past actions. That would have been a less stressful life.
Maybe that's his beauty secret.
I became so pre-occupied with my thoughts that I hadn't registered the lift of his eyelids until it was too late and he was staring back at me. His eyes had their own magnetic field, because they attracted my gaze, held me in place like a satellite in orbit, and I couldn't look away. Dark eyes reflected light from the window, and I was looking at the stars against the endless night sky.
But then the night sky narrowed, and Mr. Blank raised a brow. "What?"
His deep voice dug past my hypodermis, muscle cells and into my skeletal system. My heart started a race with the bus after winning a race with my head. I couldn't come up with a believable excuse, so I uttered the first words I could think of.
"Why didn't you get mad…?" I don't even know what I'm talking about. I must be looking pretty stupid to him right now.
The eyebrow stayed up. "Hn?"
"Uh…" Think! Think! "With the kid… Why didn't you get mad with the kid who stained your shirt?"
"I did."
"But you didn't scold him."
"I didn't want to."
Okay, now I'm confused. "Could you please elaborate?"
I could burn from the intensity of his stare, but I would risk a first-degree burn. After all, I had just dived into the magma of humiliation.
"Why should I?" He grumbled.
"Because... I know that kid, so I deserve to be aware of what you think of him. You also owe me a favor with the wipes, since you didn't thank me for it yet; but your explanation could make up for that."
Three seconds of staring, before Mr. Blank sighed in defeat. "I resent that kid for what he had done, but I chose not to castigate him in public view."
"So, you're planning to get back at him in private?"
"No. I will not waste my time with that dobe."
My defensive mode switched on and my furrowed brows were the signal. "Don't call him that… You're saying that you let him go away and did not confront him because that's what you wanted?"
"Hn."
That's it? That's the reason why he didn't scold Naruto? Because he just chose not to? "That's the beauty secret?"
"The what?"
Holy crap… Did I say that aloud? "Nothing, you weren't supposed to hear that. I was just thinking."
I turned back to the window, hoping he would take the move as the end of this conversation, hoping that my face didn't mimic my hair color.
His words jumbled in my head and arranged themselves in random, getting ready for a matching type. So, he just chose to ignore Naruto and preferred to stay calm in a stressful scene? Well, that was easy. Very easy indeed. A piece of bread. So easy that everyone in the world could just think about love and we could wind up attaining the elusive peace and unity.
Yeah right, like I would believe that.
Then the woman from the bus stop came to mind. She didn't let the broken heels get to her. Sure, there were a few curses at the beginning, but she still managed to be rational and find a solution. She managed to adapt to change. And she ended up being happy.
The bus driver did the same. He must have noticed that Naruto was new to this city, and he may have realized that the kid's purse had been stolen; so he considered letting him in for free. Despite his strict regulations for bus fares, the driver opted to let his values took over. He opted to help a child. And he ended up being happy.
Mr. Blank over here had the option of berating Naruto for causing the chocolate stain on his shirt. But he didn't. And he ended up being hap– …being calm.
Now I get it. He's right… we always have a choice.
There was always an oasis within miles and miles of desert, an island in a vast ocean, a source of light during the night, a good in every 'bad' situation.
We just have to find it.
If our exam happened today, I wouldn't have realized this, I wouldn't have met Naruto or Mr. Blank.
In fact, I could work the postponement to my advantage. The topics I had to review were narrowed down to the ones I hadn't thoroughly focused on. I could read through my notes without undergoing the sacrificial ritual, because I had already covered most of them. I only needed a little reading here and there to refresh the topics in my head. I earned an edge with the exam.
Even though I wasn't in a classroom, I felt like I had just answered a tough question. Not through filling in the blank, enumeration, multiple choice, nor identification. This silent problem was different. It helped me create the foundation of my truths, made me realize where I stand as a person, and opened my eyes to the principles of others. This question had something to do with how I view life. This had something to do with me. This was an essay type.
With that understanding, I therefore conclude that this day wasn't as bad as I initially thought it was. I had a choice to make it better, to prefer the proton from the electron. And this genuine smile on my face was just the beginning.
Mr. Blank was facing front, but his eyes shifted to mine once he noticed I was looking at him. I didn't care if he replies or not, I just wanted to say these words to him.
"Thank you."
Another raised brow, which I could translate to 'What for?'
"For making me realize the power of one's decisions. It's not about what happens to you that matters, it's about how you respond to it that does. We may be too stressed sometimes to see the good things, but if we distance ourselves from 'what we think is the problem,' we would be able to see the whole picture more clearly. That's the knowledge you've shared with me."
"I hadn't done anything."
"You may not be aware of it, but you did display that idea. It's what you did moments ago."
"You formulated that on your own."
I hadn't thought I could put the words humble and him together. What I know was that my lips could rip apart with this grin I sported. "Maybe."
I swore staring was his hobby. He did just that with a stoic face on, before his eyes dashed away to the driver seat.
"Annoying." He muttered.
"Nice try, but I'm still grateful you gave answers. Your rude comment didn't ruin the mood; better luck next time though, if there were any. By the way, I'm Sakura."
His eyes stayed in front. "Not interested."
Unbelievable. Does he think I'm making a move on him? I was mad, insane kind of mad; because instead of being offended, I was holding back a chuckle, and failed at it.
"Dream on! I don't find you attractive one bit. A douchebag's not on my checklist."
Thank goodness I wasn't a live wooden puppet whose nose becomes bigger after every lie. But if I were one, the last sentence could put my nose back to normal.
He wore a blank face. "A loquacious one's not on mine either."
"Hey, I'm just trying to make a friendly conversation here. I figured you may still be a good person despite the jerk aura and all. Moreover, this bus ride's taking too long. Aren't you bored?"
"No."
"Well, I am… but if you don't want to talk, then I'll keep quiet now."
The scenery outside kept me entertained for the following three minutes or so. When we arrived at the next bus stop, I turned to face Mr. Blank.
"If this is your stop, I guess I should say goodbye. Thanks again, stranger."
He glanced at my direction. "This isn't my stop."
"Oh. That sucks, I have to say that again later."
His eyes met mine, and the unexplainable magnetic field held me in place once again. Dark eyes reflected light from the window, and I was looking at the stars against the endless night sky.
"It's Sasuke."
Huh? What's what?
The night sky narrowed in annoyance, and what he said finally became clear. My zygomaticus major and orbicularis oculi worked with 15 more muscles to create a smile.
"Nice to meet you… Sasuke."
A/N:
Just clearing out some clutter my mind left behind. :)