Set: Kind of bright…sunny…(Azula shields her eyes and Mai's eyes are about to burn up out of their sockets.) Zuko, Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee are seated in big fluffy green chairs adorned with flowers…
Mai: Ty Lee…what is this? I thought the set was going to be more…Goth than this.
Ty Lee: Aw, stop being so gloomy. It's so pretty! chuckles happily
Azula: All right, everybody, shut up. We're starting!
Ty Lee: CAN I DO THE INTRO?
Azula: No, stupid, we got a narrator to do that. Narrator!
Some person with a narrator's voice: Welcome to the Ask the Firenation show, where you can ask the lovely teens of the Firenation questions, be them random or serious! Funny or serious! Love letters or serious--ow! (doubles over in pain.)
Azula (fingertips smoking): Zuko, you hired the worst narrator possible. And you came up with a lame title--Ask the Firenation Show? Boy, that's catchy.
Zuko: Sorry! Jeez! I couldn't think of anything else!
Mai: Azula, leave him alone. (Zuko curls up like a wounded puppy.) Ty Lee, go get the letters.
Ty Lee: Here they are!
(Everyone stares down at a pile of about five letters.)
Azula: This is it?
Zuko: Great job on the advertising, Azula.
Azula: Shut up! Ty Lee, why aren't there many letters? I gave you zillions of flyers to hand out, to tell people who to write to! Why--
Mai: Does anybody care? No, I didn't think so. Ty Lee, why don't you just read the first letter?
Dear Princess Azula,
How come when your hair is up, it's black, and when it's down, it's brown? And how come you wear that stupid topknot all the time? It looks really stupid. And you have, like, a lot of problems. Did it ever occur to you to just enroll in a mental hospital?
--KelliexOrwellxx449
Azula: GIVE ME A PEN!
Dear "KelliexOrwellxx499",
You know what's stupid? Your name. You know what else is stupid? You. Just a tidbit of information: MY HAIR IS EXACTLY THE SAME COLOR WHETHER IT IS UP OR DOWN. Your might just be blind, in which case, you can't read the following:
YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
YOU'RE PARENTS DON'T LOVE YOU.
GO PICK A FIGHT WITH MAH POPPA AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
Too bad, I would have really liked you to see that. Anyway, I wear my "color-changing hair" in a topknot because, if you haven't noticed, it is what practically everybody in the Firenation wears, excluding Ty Lee, who's just an outcast whom nobody loves, and including Mai, who is so patriotic that she actually wears two. And by the way, according to Mike and Brian (our lovely creators) I actually, after the finale, supposedly went to a mental hospital where I am supervised around the clock. So there. Are you happy now?
Lots of Love,
Princess Azula
Ty Lee: Wow, Azula, you're so straightforward…
Mai: You know what? Wait, put your hair down, Azula.
Azula (pulls out her hair band): What?
Mai: I think it actually DID change color…did you see that, Zuko?
Zuko: Yeah. Freaky.
Azula: MY HAIR DID NOT CHANGE COLOR. (She puts it back up.) SEE? SAME COLOR.
Mai: No, it looks a tad darker…
Ty Lee: Don't listen to her, Azula, it's really pretty either way. And even if your hair did change color, like, how cool would that be?
Azula: MY HAIR--oh, screw it. Next letter, please.
Dear MaixZuko:
I just don't know where all of the Zutarians are coming from. Zuko, you clearly love Mai, and Mai, you clearly luv Zuko. 3 Would you make out just for me?
Luv, ChatNoirAalis
Dear Chat Nore Alice,
Mmh kay.
--Mai
(Zuko shrugs and he embraces Mai. They make out for a good ten minutes.)
Azula: Please…guys…I think I'm gonna--
Ty Lee: Here! Use my coat!
(Azula vomits all over Ty Lee.)
Ty Lee: Wow, maybe some of your awesomeness will rub off on me…!!
Mai: Azula, I don't deny a fan's requests.
Zuko: Neither do I. Maaaiiiii…
Mai: Rr-row!
(Azula vomits again.)
Ty Lee: I think they're cute!
Azula: NEXT LETTER!
Dear Firenation
Azula you rock; I love you and you're so hot. Ty lee you freak me out. Katara should be with Zuko also so Mai go break up with Zuko and/or die you meaningless dead fruitcake so Katara could be with him.
XxsesxpiecesxX
Mai: Like that's going to happen--
Azula: Mai, whatever happened to, "I don't deny a fan's request, tee-hee-hee"?
Mai: What…? I didn't go tee-hee-hee…
Ty Lee: She's right, y'know.
Mai: But--
Azula: We already had a sappy Maiko moment. Seriously, go jump out in front of a car or something, Mai, you're boring up the show.
Zuko: Katara…wait…OMG HER??
Mai: THAT HAD BETTER NOT BE EXCITEMENT IN YOUR VOICE I HEAR!
Zuko: What? No--no, I meant…isn't she the Avatar's girl?
Azula: That was only for the show, hello! Didn't you see her practically chugging down Listerine after that final scene?
Zuko: Poor little guy…
Azula: Not really…I mean…blushes…it's not like he doesn't actually have a loving girlfriend…
Mai: No. Freaking. Way.
Ty Lee: I don't get it!
Dear Freakish-Name,
This is Azula speaking. And while I agree with you wholeheartedly that Mai is a fruitcake and that Ty Lee is a freakish outcast, (and that I rock out loud) you totally should take matters into your own hands with the whole Zutara thing. Because stupid MAI will not dump stupid ZUKO and if I kill them, I might get arrested. So there.
--Azula
Mai: You killed the narrator and you didn't get arrested…
Azula: Are you promoting your own death? Because I can totally make that happen if I wanted to badly enough!
Mai: Bring it on.
Azula: Wha--WTF did you just challenge me, you black teddy-bear bee-yotch, oh, MARK MY WORDS, you shall RUE the day--
Ty Lee: Aw, shoot, the camera stopped working…(checks it out)…gee, we're all out of tape!
Azula: THAN THERE WILL BE NO EVIDENCE!! MWAHAHAHAHAhahah--
Zuko: Oh, great, you're here. (Leads two Earth Kingdom cops in full regalia to the room where Azula is attacking Mai and Ty Lee is still fiddling with the tape recorder.)
Earth Kingdom Cop 1: Hey, isn't she…the one with the topknot…wasn't she installed in a facility a few weeks ago?
Earth Kingdom Cop 2: Fred, I think we've got ourselves a runaway…(into walkie-talkie disguised as a cool Asian-ish device) Backup! We need backup! Over!
(June, with her smelling creature thing, rides in. Azula is promptly paralyzed and handcuffed; Ty Lee moans after she accidentally rips the camera apart into two pieces.)
Zuko: Do you think we'll still have a show…?
Ty Lee: What happened? (Looks around.) Hey…where's Azula? AZULA?
Mai: Yeah…well, the only way we can have a show is if people write in with questions.
Zuko (in tacky actor voice): Wow! And how do they do that?!
Mai: Knock it off. Just review. Maybe even, if you're all kind enough, we can round up enough fire nation coins to bail Azula out.
Ty Lee: AZULA IS IN JAIL?? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??
Zuko: Ty Lee.
Ty Lee: Hm?
Zuko/Mai: SHUT UP!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Authour's Note: Yes, I know--I'm horrible at writing these "Ask" fics. But however bad they might be, just ask any one of our lovely mentioned Firenation characters (or even Katara) a question, because these "Ask" fics are very fun to write.