Forever In Love with Her Sorrow, an inuyasha fanfic

Disclaimer 2: I do not own the song "Lithium" by Evanescence.

Author's Note: I'm doing this song fic for my friend Kiba Blackfire. Kikyo is one of his favorite characters and "Lithium" was the song he chose that most suited her.

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Forever In Love with Her Sorrow

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without…

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Oh, but God, I want to let it go.

Kikyo sat at the edge of the river watching, with sightless eyes, the ebb and flow of the water, her reflection blurring in the ripples. Her mind was lost in the memories she kept locked away, memories that haunted her day by day, memories of him…Inuyasha, the half demon man who had stolen her heart and then so many years later broke it like she had thought he had done fifty years before when she had sealed him to the God Tree.

She wanted to let that part of her life drift away into the past where it belonged, where he belonged. Even as she wanted to forget about him and the pain that she had endured knowing him, she couldn't let it go. She was far too in love with the sorrow of being with him and without him to just let go.

Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone.

Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show.

Never wanted it to be so cold.

Just didn't drink enough to say you love me.

Kikyo, damning herself for still thinking of Inuyasha, reflected on the time they spent together. Although she had been surrounded by the villagers she had still felt so alone. Her life had felt empty and so utterly cold. At least it had been until she had met Inuyasha.

Inuyasha, even being the half demon he was and it being forbidden to be with him because of her station, had brought unspeakable warmth into her life. She had felt true happiness for the first time and she had fallen in love with him.

Kikyo remembered how tense and cautious he had been with her at first, not trusting her because she was a priestess. She hadn't blamed him though; it was her duty as a priestess to rid the world of his kind. But gradually he had come to be her friend and then they had grown closer and as she remembered every word that passed between she couldn't recall one time where Inuyasha had told her that he loved her.

I can't hold on to me,

Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without…

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Kikyo couldn't understand why she couldn't hold herself together when she thought about Inuyasha. She couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. He was the past, but yet he was still the present as well, but was he the future?

Of that Kikyo wasn't certain. Now that her reincarnation was at his side she feared that she would lose him forever to her. Kikyo wondered if maybe Inuyasha's affections towards Kagome had to do with the fact that her soul resided in the girl's body.

Kikyo smiled a wispy smile. She knew she was just hoping for something that could help her hold on to Inuyasha.

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.

Drown my will to fly.

Here in the darkness I know myself.

Can't break free until I let it go.

Let me go.

Kikyo knew she had to let Inuyasha go, to let him become a memory of the past. She couldn't allow his presence to drag her down, smother her will to fight against the darkness that Naraku spread. Darkness that she knew all to well, his darkness was much like her own.

Naraku's human heart longed for the love from the one he knew he could not have. The heart of a human, who in the shadows of a cave, burned and scarred, not long from life had fallen in love with a woman, had fallen in love with her. He had been a selfish man, letting demons devour his body so he could have a strong body to take her away, but instead his plan had be foiled and Naraku had been born.

Kikyo's eyes hardened with anger at the thought of the half breed demon that had destroyed her chance at happiness, the demon that had struck her in the guise of Inuyasha. She had been made to believe that Inuyasha hated her, that he had only wanted the jewel so she had pinned him to the God Tree with her sacred arrow right before she died.

Darling, I forgive you after all.

Anything is better than being alone.

And in the end I guess I had to fall.

Always find my place among the ashes.

Kikyo knew in the end that she was going to lose her life in this raging battle against Naraku. She had finally let the forced betrayal she had felt towards Inuyasha become nothing more than a distant memory. She had forgiven him for taking the jewel because she knew now it hadn't been his fault, he too thought she had betrayed him and had acted out when his heart had been broken.

She didn't want Inuyasha to be alone grieving over her memory when her body returned to the ashes from which it had been reborn. She wanted him to find happiness in the girl that held an old soul who recognized her love for Inuyasha. She wanted him to live for her.

Kikyo knew then when she felt her heart lighten that she had finally allowed her heart to release the sorrow she harbored, freeing Inuyasha from its grasp. She would forever be in love with her sorrow, but she had finally let him go.

I can't hold on to me,

Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.

Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without…

Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow

Oh, but I'm gonna let it go

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Well for a Kikyo fic that turned out pretty good. She isn't one of the easiest people for me to write about but I did it. Yay me! Please review, all flames are welcome. Thanks for reading.