Hello! For those of you that don't follow me on Tumblr, there's been quite an absence of my fics on here, and for that, I'm very sorry! I have been writing, quite a lot actually, but I've been posting all my fics on my Tumblr account and neglecting this one a little! I'm very sorry! If you would like to read more of my fics when I post them, rather than me forgetting to re-upload them here, definitely go check out my Tumblr which is on my profile for you! If you like this fic, Like and Reblog it on Tumblr as well~! All my fics are organised by pairing in the 'Fic Master Collection' link on my blog! Big smooches, and sorry for the delay in fics!
I needed something happy to cheer myself up, but I also needed a bit of a cry, so this fic is quite therapeutic in which it's so happy and heart-warming that it helped me out emotionally by letting me have a bit of a weep. Maybe I'm just a big softy, eh? Haha~ Either way, I feel much better now thanks to this fic where hard of hearing near-deaf Alfred tests out his brand new cochlear implants and hears clearly for the first time in his life with the loving support of his partner Matthew. This is happy fluff, so hopefully you enjoy it! Smooch smooch!
Today was the big day; the grand unveiling.
Alfred would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous. Of course he was. He was terrified. Anxieties crawled up his throat, twisted his gut hard inside of him and made it feel like it was turning to stone; heavy and dragging down every other organ it was attached to, tugging his throat so that it tightened, and the bile in his stomach compressed and made him feel sick in turn. It was exciting, but just as equally terrifying, unsure of what to expect, despite how many times the procedure, the possible outcomes, and the risks were explained to him—both in written form, and through the assistance of a professional translator.
Broad hands trembled in his lap, his bright blue eyes staring fixatedly ahead, his mouth clamped shut, and usually loud voice utterly silent.
Too many complained about his boisterously cheerful voice, mainly due to its volume, and how he had a need to shout everything and lacked an inside voice. Of course, those who knew him understood his incapability to keep quiet while speaking, and those who studied him for even a few moments quickly came to an understanding about the reasoning behind his loud speech and wildly exaggerated hand gestures.
A tap made Alfred jolt, soft on his shoulder, and he jerked his head to the right, his expression creased with fear and worry, finding Matthew smiling gently at him, the Canadian's hand gentle and briefly caressing his arm along his bicep; tense and hard. Alfred's lips pursed as he tried to hold in sounds of distress, all muted to him with the thick muffling headphones on his ears, hating the utter silence, hating even the semi-silence his life always was, but hating the permanent silence that he would experience without help.
His trembling hands clutched harder to the hearing aids he held in his lap, large and chunky. They weren't in use, not needed anymore, or, so they were hoping now. Matthew's hand came away from his arm, and, even though he spoke fluently, could both speak and hear well, his hands formed words at the same time as his lips.
"Are you okay?"
Starting to nod, Alfred quickly turned it into a shake of his head, placing his hearing aids down to rest in his lap and lifted his hands up to impatiently touch at the headphones that muted the world out, feeling the padding out with the pads of his fingers before his hands dropped again to hover before him, signing his response with trembling digits to his lover.
"No. I'm nervous. What if you wasted a lot of money and it doesn't work?"
Matthew smiled kindly, his eyes lifting from Alfred's shaking hands to bright blue eyes. With a small shake of the head, he reached out and gently cupped Alfred's only method of secure and confident communication gently, leaning in to kiss each knuckle sweetly and softly, letting his lips linger, knowing how sensitive they were to touch. Releasing them, Matthew replied.
"It's never a waste for you."
Alfred nodded hastily, turning his eyes back down to the device in his lap. He'd had it for as long as he could remember—not specifically this pair, but since he had been a child, he'd been hard of hearing, had needed help, and though not completely deaf, he relied on American Sign Language to communicate effectively with people without them needing to scream in his ear or have him shout in his paranoia of not being heard. It was always difficult to distinguish the true volume of his voice; his only possible comparison to others was what he perceived through his ears and to try to match it and continue to speak louder until it sounded right, though he knew it was a poor method. He knew how bad his own ears were, and how he was often told he was being much too loud.
Matthew had stuck through it all for him. He had been there with him through thick and thin, and had even gone to a special school outside of regular classes in the evenings and on weekends whilst growing up to be able to learn sign language just for him so that he wasn't left out so much amongst others who had no struggle in picking up words without help. Alfred had been in love for as long as he could remember, and though proficient in his signings, he'd never found anything harder to sign than 'I love you' for the first time to Matthew, only to find it so much easier when the words were returned to him with Matthew's paler hands, and his own hands flew into a blur of 'I love you, I love you, I love you' being signed over and over. There wasn't a single day that went by that he didn't sign it to Matthew, never getting a negative response, and always falling deeper and deeper in love.
Now, Matthew was here comforting him after the recovery of his cochlear implant surgery, waiting anxiously to see if the surgeons had managed to restore some of Alfred's lost hearing successfully.
Matthew's head turned, and he smiled, his lips moving, and Alfred's eyes followed, spotting the nurse walking in, followed by Alfred's translator, both shaking hands with Matthew first, and then extending a hand each to Alfred, the American smiling awkwardly, nervously, and shaking each in turn as he half rose out of his chair to do so, settling again when the conversation around him continued. The sense of isolation was heavy, only able to see lips moving, his gaze flickering between the nurse, his translator, and Matthew, looking for a sign of what was being said, trying hard to lip read what seemed to be quite a rapid conversation while the nurse typed away at the computer on the desk.
All at once, gazes were on him, and he stiffened, looking between each person in confusion and panic.
"Remove your earmuffs, please," the translator signed, pointing to the item on his head, then took a step back, "Your implant has been switched on now."
Alfred looked to Matthew for guidance, scrabbling for some form of reassurance, finding the kind and tender smile he knew and loved as well as a quickly signed "I'm here for you. It's okay. I love you."
Taking in deep breaths, Alfred's hands rose, trembling, and grasped at the fluffy padding that covered his ears, having protected them so that they wouldn't be damaged by sudden, too loud noises. The office they were in was far enough away from machinery and loud conversations and general noise that it was safe to remove the protection there, which Alfred did ever so slowly.
The fabric was soft and ticklish as it came up, sliding away and giving way to the silence, replaced instead with a sharp pitched hum of white noise. Pulling the band off of his head, he placed them in his lap by his hearing aids, looking around, bright blue eyes glossed over, searching for sound, as though he could see it as plainly as hands signing. It was still so quiet. Had it failed? Had Matthew helped scourge together all that money, only for it to be a waste, for it to flop and simply be another scam for a supposedly miraculous cure that he wouldn't get? He'd been looking forward to it so much, but maybe their hopes had been far too high, in the end.
Looking sadly to Matthew, he lifted his hands, suddenly unaware of what to say. That it had been a failure? That he couldn't hear anything but a slight pitched buzz in his ears? That he was so very sorry?
"Hello, Alfred."
Instantly, Alfred stiffened, going completely rigid from head to toe, bright blue eyes wide as he stared at Matthew, stared at his lips, stared at the words that had come from them. His breathing picked up, chest rising and falling a little faster, his eyes burning, and his skin began to feel much too hot, the room heating up and his throat tightened further, as though he was being hung from within.
"I'll always be here for you, no matter what, so it's okay," Matthew spoke, his voice slow and liquid velvet, soft, but sounding so very loud, tender and so devoted. How could anything sound so loving?
A choked sob escaped Alfred's lips, his jaw hanging open as his hands began to shake, simply staring at Matthew and gasping in sharp breaths. He could hear them, each inhale like the slice of a knife pushing in and out of his throat, the same choppy motion, his voice crackling in the way sparklers did when they were first lit. That was his voice. Matthew's hand was on his thigh, soft, rubbing, violet eyes glistening and searching, trying to determine the type of emotions Alfred was going through as the nurse stood on standby, lest it all be too much to handle at once.
"Alfred… Mon cher, I love you."
Tears welled up and overflowed, rolling over lashes and down his tanned cheeks, flushed a dark pink as Alfred began to cry silently, his hands before him beginning to desperately sign, flying in rapid movements repeatedly.
"I can hear you! I can hear you! I can hear you!"
Matthew smiled widely at the silent message, gently catching Alfred's hands to hold them still, watching the American's crying turn to small sobs, his head jerking about at the sounds, startled and curious by the newness of it all, the loudness, only to look back at Matthew again, his mouth opening and closing soundlessly before he found his voice again.
"Can you hear me?" Matthew asked, each word enunciated far better than Alfred ever imagined it could be, able to hear every letter, each rounded edge of accent, his heart swelling in joy with every millisecond he took it in.
"You sound perfect," Alfred choked out through tears, body bowing down, hands coming to cover his face as he sobbed, hastily touching first his throat, and then his ears, hands never ceasing their shaking, lifting his head when Matthew's hands touched the crown gently, looking up at the small prompt.
"The nurse says I can do the exercise with you so you can listen to my voice instead of hers…"
The woman in question smiled kindly, wrinkles crinkling by her glossy eyes as she watched the two young men who she'd been working with for almost six months now, warmed by the way Alfred was so intently focused on Matthew like he meant the world. The American always looked to his partner—his husband—with such affection, but now, everything had come to a halt save for the sounds falling from the Canadian's lips which were being greedily drunk up.
"I'll say the days of the week for you, Alfred, so that you can hear what they sound like clearly," Matthew continued gently and slowly while his thumb brushed over the tanned cheek, wiping away the tears that persisted to fall, "Sunday… Monday… Tuesday…"
Alfred let out a loud sob, covering his mouth and began to rock slightly, watching the words form, watching every vowel, consonant and syllable take shape on Matthew's tongue, lips and against his teeth, echoed out with his soothing voice.
"Wednesday… Thursday…"
Alfred's hands were signing frantically again, "I can hear you! I can hear you! I can hear you!" repeating his silent words as Alfred sobbed, desperate not to look away, chest heaving as his sounds grew louder, the reverberation of his own voice overwhelming, thunderous, so different to what he'd grown accustomed to; a deep and low sound, far too faint to hear for himself properly, even with his earpieces helping to make everything louder for him.
"Friday… Saturday…"
It all echoed for him, coming in both ears clearly, each of the sounds sharp as though they had been finely tuned and the thick cotton that had been stuffed in deep in the canals removed, letting each vibration pass unaltered. Matthew bit his lip to keep composed, wanting so desperately to release his own emotions of unmeasurable joy at his husband's tears of happiness, finally able to hear after so long of empty silence and being so left out.
"It's all a little overwhelming, isn't it, eh?" Matthew chuckled, blinking rapidly to keep his tears from overflowing. It wasn't him who was being gifted with something everyone else considered a right more than a privilege. Alfred would appreciate it all more. "Feels like you don't know what to do, right?"
Jerkily, Alfred nodded, swallowing down the thick congealed lump in his throat, licking his lips and sniffled hard, parting his lips to try his hand at speaking once more.
"I sound weird," he half-shouted, accent thick and curled on his tongue, and he touched his throat again after echoing his words with sign language, so accustomed to needing to have his hands repeat himself to be understood. Speech was so difficult for him when he was unable to hear the words others were saying distinctly, and even to hear himself to tell if he was replicating them correctly.
Matthew shook his head, smiled, and helped to smooth back dark blond hair, helping to try and soothe his clearly overwhelmed partner.
"You don't sound weird. You have never sounded weird to me," Matthew assured, shifting his chair forward, the heavy drag of chair against carpet drawing a gasped sob from Alfred whose gaze snapped down to locate the sound, desperately grasping to Matthew when the Canadian came within reach, "Can you hear my voice coming in through both ears?"
"Y-Yeah, I—I hear you. I can hear you, Mattie, I—I c-can hear," Alfred sobbed, instinctively trying to mime the words with his hands again, "I-It sounds very high. M-My voice s-sounds squeaky too…"
"It'll sound that way for a while, but then your brain will re-adjust it to be the right volume and tone. If there's a pitched buzzing, that's normal too, and will go away. It won't always be that way," Matthew explained, pulling Alfred closer to gently embrace him, tears glistening on his cheeks as they finally fell as well, rubbing at the broad expanse of Alfred's back to soothe him, kissing the crown of his head, "It's okay. You did so well. This is such a big step, and I'm so proud of you. I love you so much, Alfred."
The nurse and translator left the two be, knowing how deeply emotional a time it could be for deaf and hard of hearing people to experience sound for the first time in their lives, and for their partners who were able to speak to their lovers for the first time without sign language, not wanting to interrupt or intrude on the intimately private moment the two were sharing.
"I don't wanna listen to myself cry… Mattie, Mattie, talk… I wanna hear you talk," Alfred choked out thickly, leaning back, grasping at Matthew's shoulders, breaths hiccupped and heavy as he watched his lips intently through tear clouded eyes.
"You'll be able to hear me talk all you want now. We can talk all night. I'll take you to the park and you can listen to the birds there, and the fountain. Splashing water makes sounds too, and we can listen to them together," Matthew said kindly, wary of the volume of his speech and the sensitive newly activated implants, watching Alfred's face carefully as it scrunched up in irresistible bliss and joy through emotional tears, "You can hear me say my vows to you now. Do you remember? How I signed our vows at our wedding?"
Alfred nodded hastily, hands restless, starting to sign again before he covered his mouth, large tears gliding over his cheekbones as his sobs turned silent, body convulsing with the strength of his overpowering feelings. Again, for emphasis, Alfred nodded eagerly, and a warbled and awkwardly pronounced "please" hiccupped out from between his fingers.
"Alfred, my one and only love; I have known from the moment I met you that I loved you. My life has been nothing but joy with you at my side, and I wish to spend the rest of it by yours," Matthew recited, Alfred's eyebrows knitting up, his hands hastily signing "They sound so good. You sound so good," as he focused solely on Matthew, "You are the most compassionate, kind and gentle person I have ever known, and your bright personality outshines even the sun. A lifetime is not long enough to return all that you have given me, but I promise to spend each and every day loving you, cherishing you, believing in and supporting you, through sickness and in health, through better or worse. I know my love for you will never grow poor with any riches, and keep us wealthy no matter the amount we have in our pockets. Alfred, on this day, I give you my love, my trust, my fidelity, my body, and my soul to the end of time."
A wailed sob tore from Alfred's lips, and Matthew held him tightly again as he lunged forward, the hearing aid a forgotten relic in the American's lap as he drank in the sounds of everything he could, his sobs turning to half formed laughs, fingers clutching to the fabric of Matthew's shirt.
"I'm so happy. I love you, Mattie. Your voice is the best thing in the world, Mattie," Alfred gushed, the nurse stepping forward from around the desk and gently placed a box of tissues nearby, resting a soft hand on Alfred's shoulder, looking between him and Matthew.
"We'll get you all fixed up now so that you two can go home, okay? Then you can get adjusted to hearing properly in privacy so you can take it slowly, one step at a time," the nurse promised, meeting Alfred's bright blue watery eyes and he nodded, smiling widely, looking up at Matthew and wiped his vision clear of tears.
Once they were home, Alfred vowed to discover every single sound Matthew's voice could make and put it to memory, take advantage of his new hearing. It was a valuable treasure too many took advantage of, but he would cherish every single utterance to fall from Matthew's lips like it was priceless gold or diamond. Beside him, the Canadian wiped his own tears away and kissed the American's cheek softly, and Alfred's heart melted at the sound of words he didn't think he'd ever be able to hear enough of in his life.
"I love you, Alfred."
