If you've read Craziness, Candy, Jedi Knights, and WHAT!, you'll know that i put Sephiroth through a lot of crap the past couple chapters. Now it's his turn to plot revenge, along with the Remnants!
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII, The Lion King, Kingdom Hearts, Nomura, or N*Sync.
Be Prepared
"That lousy Wolf," Kadaj groaned as he and his brothers sat down in the Forgotten City. "I won't be able to show my face for a week!" Yazoo started chuckling uncontrollably. "It's not funny, Yazoo."
That's when Yazoo's laughter turned into insane hysterics.
"Shut up!" Kadaj moaned in annoyance, shoving Yazoo.
"Yeah, Brother, knock it off!" Loz said from his position on a rock. "Look at us! You'd think that we'd be important to the fandom, but NO, we just have to sit here until someone realizes we exist."
"If it weren't for those authors, we'd be in control of this entire website!" Kadaj sighed as he traced patterns into the dirt with a stick.
"I HATE authors!" Loz cried before tears trickled down.
"They're stupid," said Yazoo to cheer him up, sharing his grief.
"And mangy," Loz added, sniffing.
"Creepy."
"And dang, they're FUGLY!" they both said simultaneously. They both burst into cackles.
"I couldn't agree with you more," someone new murmured darkly.
"Hey, it's Big Brother!" Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz waved to Sephiroth in gretting from his perch on top of a large boulder.
"For a second there, I thought you were that Wolf," Kadaj said.
"Now that's one creepy author," Yazoo said with fear. "She even made Big Brother cross dress and have a Mary Sue harem."
"I know!" Kadaj exclaimed with fright. "She also made him get fat and sing N*Sync songs! We're probably next! She makes me shudder!"
Sephiroth facepalmed. "I can't believe you three."
Kadaj gave him an incredulous look. "What are we supposed to do? Kill Wolf?"
Sephiroth's smile twisted into a feral grin. "Precisely."
Sephiroth hopped off his rock and came gracefully to the ground. Ominous chanting erupted in the background as black water sprung from the ground.
"I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as Barret's backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride
It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking authors and obsessions
Even you can't be caught unawares
So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer!"
"And where do we feature?" Kadaj asked.
"Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!
"Yeah, Be prepared!" Loz exclaimed excitedly. "Yeah-heh... we'll be prepared, heh...For what?"
"For the death of the author!" Sephiroth exclaimed with sick glee.
"Why? Is she sick?" Loz questioned with not a trace of worry.
"No, fool - we're going to kill her! And Tetsuya Nomura too!" Sephiroth rubbed his hands together as he plotted.
"Great idea! Who needs an author?" Kadaj said. Him and Loz sang together, "No author! No author! La-la-la-la-laa-laa!"
"Idiots!" Sephiroth hissed. "There will be an author!"
Yazoo began, "Hey, but you said, uh..."
Sephiroth cut him off. "I will be author! ...Stick with me, and you'll never be written out of character again!"
"Yay!" the Remnants cheered. "All right! Long live the author!"
"Long live the author! Long live the author!" a myriad of other villains from the Final Fantasy series cheered. They sang, too.
"It's great that we'll soon be connected.
With an author who'll be all-time adored."
Sephiroth took over once more. "Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected
To take certain duties on board." He mimed slitting his throat to demonstrate what he was planning.
"The future is littered with prizes
And though I'm the main addressee
The point that I must emphasize is
You won't get a sniff without me!" Startled by Sephiroth's sudden movement towards him, Yazoo fell into a pool of murky black waters.
So prepare for the coup of the century
Be prepared for the murkiest scam
Meticulous planning
Tenacity spanning
Decades of denialIs simply why I'llBe author undisputedRespected, salutedAnd seen for the wonder I amYes, my teeth and ambitions are baredBe prepared!
Everyone chanted together:
"Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared
BE PREPARED!"