Author's notes: Heres a new nicfic for my sins. I know I should get the message that enthusiam for my stories has waned, butI love entering Nick's world. I've moved back to just before the end of the series, after Nick's held the baby for the first time. My usual Nick is a more perfect Nick than we left in the series. I'm having a go at writing a more edgier Nick. Fingers crossed it works. So if you've ever wondered what the first few eps of season four would've been like, here's my version. I hope you enjoy.
Nick kisses Anne on her cheek, she yawns and stretches out her limbs, her hand gently hitting him in the face, he smiles, kisses her once more and reluctantly hands his, apparently, tired daughter back to Lulu. He instinctively wants to kiss her too, but remembers they're not together anymore, that she's finished with him. He pushes down the pain and rejection that threatens and concentrates on his beautiful daughter and how wonderful it's been to finally feel her in his arms. How surprisingly right it felt to have this tiny, vulnerable person in his arms, he expected to feel, nervous, scared even, but he was hit with a surge of love and protectiveness so strong, it had weakened him at the knees and it took willpower to keep him standing.
He walks quickly down the corridors leading him out of the hospital, trying to ignore the emptiness he feels without his daughter in his arms, all he wants to do is run back to the room and gaze upon her one more time. A strong surge of envy rushes through his veins at the thought that Lulu can be with her every minute of the day, he wonders how long he will get to spend, he knows there will be whole days when he won't see her.
"Hi Dad. "
" Oh, Hi Son. "
Burton takes a sip of his scotch.
" Have you eaten, there's leftovers in the fridge, lasagna."
"That sounds good. I'm hungry. "
" Help yourself. "
Nick opens the fridge and removes the lasagna, he puts the remains on a plate and heats it up in the microwave. While it's going he helps himself to some coffee. Once finished he brings them over to the sitting area and settles on the empty couch. He digs in, the smell taking his hunger up a notch. After a couple of bites he turns his attention to his dad.
"Anne is out of the incubator, I got to hold her. "
Nick can't keep the pride and emotion out of his voice. Burton smiles.
" That's great news, I can't wait to meet her properly myself. Have you talked to Lulu about coming over on Sundays? "
Nick shakes his head.
" Not yet. There's been a lot going on. "
" Of course. I remember new fatherhood can be a little overwhelming. "
Nick nods his head and gives a heartfelt reply :
" You can say that again. "
There's silence as Nick finishes his meal. He leans forward and places his plate on the coffee table and wipes his mouth with his napkin, then picks up his drink. He's aware of his dad fidgeting slightly and looks over at him, recognising the sign. His dad wants to bring something up he doesn't think Nick will be happy about. In Nick's experience, this slight show of apprehension never stops him, so Nick braces himself as he has a good idea what the problem is.
"I hear you quit today. "
Nick nods.
" Yes I did. "
" Is that wise with a new baby? "
" You didn't want me to work there in the first place, you should be happy. "
" Do you have somewhere else lined up? "
Nick has no intention of voicing his real thoughts on the matter, he's certain his dad will never understand and will disapprove. He shrugs and answers vaguely.
" Maybe, I don't need to rush into anything..."
He gives him a slight smile.
"It didn't exact work out well last time. "
A thought hits Burton and his voice is edged with sharpness:
" You're not thinking of starting your own place again, it would be foolish Nick.. "
Nick bristles.
" Why? You don't think I can make it on my own?"
"It not easy starting from scratch... "
" I have your clients.. "
" I thought you'd have the support of a large firm behind you.. "
Nick breaks in again, his voice tight and low:
" Are you saying you won't support me should they come to you for assurances. "
Burton looks down at the drink in his hand. Nick stares at him, stands abruptly and turns to go. Burton calls his name.
" Nick,! "
Nick stands still.
Burton stands and calls his name once more.
" Nick, of course I'll recommend you to whoever calls, in fact I'll call them and let them know that everything's good. "
Nick turns to look at him.
" That won't be necessary as I'm going to see Alvin tomorrow and accept the position of Director of Legal Services."
Burton's momentarily stunned, then questions what he's heard.
"You're what? "
Nick stands his arms folded across his chest.
" Lulu's stepping down as director, she wants to work part-time. Alvin's offered me the position and I've decided to take it."
Burton can see the challenge in Nick's eyes.
"Son, you wouldn't last a month, you love business, you love the money. "
Nick shakes his head.
" I don't Dad, I thought I did, because I wanted to be like you, but I realised today that it's a lot of blustering and dealing for stuff that isn't real and... and if I'm not working with you, there's no point. "
Nick turns on his heels and walks out the door with Burton calling his name echoing in his ears. He's mad at himself for making that confession, he wants to be mad at his Dad but he doesn't have the energy, or will power for both. He climbs in to his car and quickly speeds off, not risking his Dad coming out to stop him.
The next morning.
Nick dries himself off from the shower and stands in front of the mirror to shave. He stares at his reflection. It' s still the same face staring back, despite that he's not the same man he was a week ago. He's a father now. Just thinking about Anne makes him break out into a smile.
"Well that's different... "
He says to himself.
" I never smiled at myself before. "
He's in his boxer shorts with the closet door open, he reaches in and grabs his Friday suit, which is a dark grey with a black checked pin-stripe running through it. It's one of his favourites. He lays it on the bed and begins to turn around to grab a shirt when he stops and shakes his head. What he's doing? Today doesn't require a suit. He's a man of leisure. All he has planned is to stop by and see Alvin before heading to the hospital to spend time with Anne. Usually inactivity doesn't sit well with him. Since quitting his old life, he could never find anything to adequately fill his time. When Lulu moved in, it was different but that hadn't lasted long. But the thought of having nothing to tear him away from Anne, sounded almost criminal, and he's determined to enjoy every moment of it. He puts back the suit and steps in a pair of jeans, a jumper and a jacket. He looks at his watch as he enters the elevator to take him to the LSP office and thinks to himself.
"Ten minutes here and I'll be at the hospital before nine. He can hardly wait to see her."