A/N: So this is a silly idea I actually had a year ago and I only decided to write it two weeks ago. That's some procrastination right there! But anyway, the struggle is real with the Dragneel family. I hope I'll make you laugh with this one!
Once upon a midnight dreary, behind the bars of the banister, a small pair of legs ghosted its way down the stairs. A mute gasp escaped the villainous creature's mouth as its feet did so much as brush the cold floor. With admirable stealth and self-control, the trickster stalked to the kitchen and closed the door. As it made a beeline for the kitchen table, an eerie atmosphere settled around the room; the creature's aura blended in with this grim environment.
A devilish smirk tugged at her lips, and the small figure trembled as she tried to contain a long overdue cackle of glee and mischievousness. Her teeth shone in the dead of night, and her eye – the other one being hidden by a few strands of hair – mirrored and blinked the hint of a bright yet ominous colour.
Blood red.
"This is going to be a fun day."
A lazy hour after the sun rose, as he downed his much needed cup of coffee, Natsu – already in his work attire – looked up and blinked in surprise to suddenly see all hands on deck.
"Why didn't you wake me up?!" Lucy asked in panic, running left and right in the living room to get everything she needed.
Luna, their 8-year-old daughter, followed her mum and toddled her way into the living room trying to find the shoes she had carelessly flung off her feet the day before.
"I thought today was your day off," Natsu answered his wife as he watched this curious display of morning awkwardness.
He breathed as he set down his cup of coffee and ran the back of his hand over his mouth to wipe off the droplets around his lips. Seeing that Luna had finally found her shoes, he stood up, grabbed the schoolbag sitting on the table and casually threw it to his daughter. As usual, she caught it in mid-air with one hand after she finished tying her shoes.
She mirrored her father's trademark toothy smile. "Thanks daddy!"
"Today is my day off," Lucy chimed in as she hastily put her blonde hair in a ponytail, "but I already told you that I have a dentist appointment this morning!"
He narrowed his eyes for a second, and his mouth made a silent 'Oh' when he remembered. He scratched the back of his head and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I totally forgot about this," he admitted, "I guess my mind was too busy thinking about other things."
"What other things?" she asked offhandedly, grabbing her purse.
"Oh, you know, work stuffs."
"Mum, we're gonna be late," Luna whined, pulling on Lucy's hand.
"Don't worry, Luna," she assured, "go and jump in the car, I'll be right there with you."
Luna grinned, putting her schoolbag on her back, and sauntered out of the living room to head to the garage.
Lucy watched her with a fond smile until she was out of sight, turning a mischievous look back to Natsu then. Natsu raised an eyebrow, not understanding why such a playful smile adorned her face just now. With surprising ease, regardless of the high-heeled shoes she wore, she hummed an upbeat tune as she pranced her way to her husband.
Before he could even make a sound, Lucy had gripped his tie and yanked it towards her, catching the breath that got caught in his throat with her lips. She felt him freeze at the unexpected kiss – a slight breathy laugh escaped her nose as she threw her arms around his neck. He had needed three seconds to process what was happening, and she could feel him relax in her arms. He slid his hands beneath her shirt at her hip and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss. His hands slowly slid up her ribs, making Lucy squirm in his grasp. He kissed his way down her jaw and her neck as he let his hands roam and stroll around her bare skin. Lucy whimpered softly and tugged at his hair when he sucked gently on her neck.
A mischievous smirk tugged at her lips. "Down, kid. Don't get cocky."
She gave him a little shove and he lost his balance, making him sit back down on his chair.
He smirked. "Someone's feeling ballsy today."
His heart missed a beat when her tongue slowly licked her own lips. She put a knee up his chair and straddled him, pressing and rubbing her body against his. She cupped his face and locked her lips with his again, hard. He opened his mouth, welcoming into him the flood of heat given by the flicks of her tongue against his own. The rhythm of this wild, tight dance felt like a quick waltz – flick, gasp, grind, and repeat. He moaned a little louder as he felt the delicate bite of her teeth on his lips, making him melt under her cunning move. She reached under his shirt and let her experienced fingers run down the hill of his chest to his stomach, making him gasp as her cool fingers rubbed and pressed all the right spots. She kissed her way down his neck then up his ear, aiming at a sensitive spot behind his earlobe.
He gasped in anticipation. He could feel her panting against his ear. He wanted to touch her. To grab her. To grind on her. To bury himself into her homely warmth and claim her his.
But suddenly, it all stopped. His lap could no longer feel her weight, and he blinked in confusion as he watched her sashaying her way out of the living room.
"W-wow, wait a minute," he stammered in a husky voice. He could feel sweat dripping down his forehead and suddenly his pants became too tight for him. "Wh-what was that for?"
HONK! HONK!
She stopped in her track and shouted, "I'm coming Luna, just wait a second!" She sighed. "This kid, I swear."
She turned her head around to look at her clueless husband who was barely recovering from what had happened. She grinned. "You sounded pretty confident last night, so it was my way of telling you that you have to live up to your word tonight."
Her words echoed in his mind. "Live up to my word?" he muttered.
"Sorry, I'm pretty tired tonight… but don't worry, tomorrow I'll make you scream so loud the neighbours will think I'm about to kill you."
His mouth breathed a silent 'Oh'. She winked. "Remember now? So, still living up to your word?"
The corner of his mouth curled upwards. "Oh, don't worry, I will."
The ride to school was oddly louder than usual. She was used to Luna wanting to turn on the radio to listen to music, but she was way less used to people honking at her for no apparent reason. She was aware that some jerk drivers would often think that women didn't know how to drive but this, this was ridiculous. She tried her best not to curse drivers out with her daughter as a witness – until she dropped Luna at school, she could only seethe inwardly.
"Why would they honk at me? It's a fu- it's a red light! I can't do anything wrongat a red light!"
She groaned and threw her head back in exasperation. She frowned a second later, feeling some sort of constant tremour in the backseat. She sat upright and raised a brow at the rearview mirror.
"Luna, what's so funny?" she sniped.
The little redhead girl scratched the back of her neck and smiled sheepishly. "Honking sounds always make me laugh, I don't know why."
Silence lingered between the two for an indefinite amount of time, but the transition from the red light to the green light broke it, making Lucy drive away from the honks.
"You'll be able to drive in ten years and trust me you won't like them," she deadpanned. "But," she added with a wicked smile, "it feels great when you're the one honking, good stress reliever," she admitted, nodding.
A few honks and an almost-ulcer later, Lucy managed to drop her daughter off at school.
"See you later mum!" Luna cheered as she dropped a kiss on her cheek.
"See you later sweetheart! I love y-"
HONK! HONK! HONK!
"Oh fuckin' hell!"
After embarrassing herself in front of children and judgemental teachers and outraged parents, she drove off cradled by her new personal choir that were the honks. Whenever she chanced a glance at drivers that passed her, she swore she could see knowing looks on their faces. She thought there was probably a joke that linked the honks with her breasts, but she sighed it off her lips quickly enough.
She drove fast to her dentist's so she could finally get out of this car and – maybe, if the heavens forgave her for whatever she did wrong – not be honked at ever again. On the other hand, she was free to curse the whole world out as she herself honked at the other cars driving by. After some time, a couple was driving next to her, and they smiled and laughed as they honked at her. With admirable self-control, she returned their smile, and they laughed even more.
She froze, understanding seeming to dawn on her. She drove off, leaving the couple dumbfounded. "Oh no!" she panicked in her car. "My teeth?! Is that it? They know I'm going to see a dentist?! Are my teeth that bad?! I didn't see anything gross when I looked at myself in the mirror though!" She wanted to throw her head back in embarrassment and desperation, but she preferred to choose life over a car crash, though the latter seemed pleasant for a second.
She ultimately parked her car close to her dentist's office and ran to the door with her head down in shame.
After thirty minutes, she stepped out and blinked. "Well, my teeth were perfectly fine in the end." She breathed a breathy smile and walked back to her car. She paused then, raising an eyebrow. A big sign was hiding her license plate.
HONK AT ME IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! XD
Her breathing suddenly became heavy through her perfect gritted teeth, eyes blazing. She whipped her phone out of her purse to call Natsu. "He'd better have a good explanation," she growled. "Wait..." Lucy trailed off, noticing today's date on her screen. April 1st.
"Luna, what's so funny?"
"Honking sounds always make me laugh, I don't know why."
She quickly connected the dots, and her fists clenched at the realisation, almost breaking her phone. "Luuuuunaaaaaa!"
Still thirty minutes of class to go, Luna thought as she checked the clock above the blackboard. She roller her pen around her fingers, thinking about the pretty fun day she had so far. She had orchestrated some good pranks, but her victims would realise it later. That was what she loved the most about her pranks; her victims realised they've been fooled only after she was out of sight. She laughed inwardly at their suffering.
She suddenly shot her eyes up, along with her classmates, when a loud high-pitched noise came out of the school speakers. An announcement was about to be made.
"3rd Grade, Class C, Luna Dragneel must come to the principal's office immediately. I repeat: 3rd Grade, Class C, Luna Dragneel must come to the principal's office immediately."
Luna's brows raised and she froze under the inquiring stares of her classmates. This kind of announcement never meant anything good. It didn't make sense to her; she always had good grades and she never got in trouble for anything – even for her April Fool's jokes because nobody ever found her out.
"Oooooh has Luna Dragneel finally become interesting?" one of her classmates teased.
Luna glared at him, but her teacher calmed everything down before Luna could retort with a quick-witted comeback.
"Gavin Redfox, no comment," the teacher warned. She then turned to Luna with a sympathetic smile. "It's probably nothing, Luna," she assured, "just take your bag and go there with a peaceful mind."
Luna gulped and nodded. She walked out of the classroom, trying not to listen to the whispers and gossips that already seemed to spread between her classmates. She ignored Gavin on the way, which seemed to annoy him more than anything.
Luna's mind worked at a million miles per hour, trying to figure out why the principal called her. She fiddled with her fingers and thought for a while, and she froze when she got in front of his door.
No way, she thought in panic, it can't be that! How could he have found that out? Ho-
"Come in!" a threatening voice inside the room growled.
A chill ran down her spine and all the way to her toes. He felt my sinful presence, I'm doomed.
She walked in with a ball in her stomach, and she almost did a double-take when she saw the less than impressive figure of Makarov Dreyar, her principal, standing on his desk. He set his old and judging eyes on her after she closed the door, and she swore she could feel disappointment in the deep breath he took before speaking.
"I cannot believe you did this."
She felt a lump being shot up from her stomach to get caught in her throat. She tried to gulp it down as she stepped back in fear, almost falling under the weight of his glare.
"How dare y-"
"I'm so sorry!" Luna cried out, making her principal shake his head in surprise. She stepped back again, feeling an army of tears gathering around her pupils, blurring her surroundings for a moment. "It was me! I'm the one who whited out the 'gl' of 'glass' in the dictionary! I didn't think anyone would see it..."
The principal's face twitched at the sudden confession, but he remained strangely calm when he took another look at her. Her freckly face seemed to glow, as though she had poured oil all over it. Or sweat. It was most definitely sweat. He wanted to bite his lip, but he averted his eyes and cleared his throat.
"I think there might be something else you'd like to add, Miss Dragneel?"
Luna let out a strangled gasp. The principal always called pupils by their first name, so him calling her Miss Dragneel spoke for itself. He was mad. She couldn't understand how he managed to know about the pranks. She thought that he maybe had a sixth sense for pranks since he, too, looked like a trickster. A deep sigh escaped her mouth, and she bowed her head in defeat.
"Yes," she muttered. "About that, I..." She trailed off, glancing at the backdoor of his office. She briefly eyed her principal; he quickly averted his eyes once again and tugged at the collar of his shirt, giving her just enough evidence to think she might not be in trouble anymore.
Now, Luna was everything but slow, and hearing someone behind the door sure managed to make her more skeptical. She walked to the door and turned the doorknob, finding a dumbfounded Lucy with puffed out cheeks and teary eyes.
After two seconds of awkward silence, Lucy gasped in laughter and pointed a winning finger down at her daughter. "Fooled ya!"
Luna felt a giant weight being lifted off her shoulders but she managed not to show any sort of relief on her face; she had such a thing as pride. Instead, she stared her mum down with threatening glares and crossed arms, but Lucy could only smile at such a cute face. Ultimately, Luna sighed and looked back at her principal, who was now grinning and proudly making a V sign with his index and middle finger as though he was saying 'Gotcha!'
She rolled her eyes back to her mum, and her smile was still there. It was irritating, to say the least. Luna rubbed her still teary eyes, managed to eliminate the flush out of her cheeks, crossed her arms and pouted.
"M-my prank was b-better," she huffed.
Lucy grinned.
As it was almost the end of class, Luna was allowed to leave school with her prankster of a mum.
"Admit it," Lucy insisted as she closed her car door, "my prank was better."
Luna shook her head without any hesitation. "Nope, mine was. Mine worked for a long time," she argued with a hint of pride in her tone, "yours was finished in a matter of minutes and you got caught in the act! Dad would say it's a newbie mistake!" She punctuated her argument by sticking her tongue out, much to her mum's irritation.
Lucy narrowed her eyes for a second. "What has your dad got to do with it?"
"He helped me with the 'Honk At Me It's My Birthday!' sign," she answered casually. She looked up and away, thinking back to how they planned it all. She sighed in both content and disappointment. "I can't take all the credit for this joke, too bad."
Lucy's eyes rolled far back in her brain at the casual confession, and her hands gripped hard around the wheel of the car. "This idiot," she snarled. She remembered the honk harassment she had been the victim of this morning, and her eyes set on fire. She'd gotten her revenge on Luna but –
"We have to prank your dad," Lucy declared with unprecedented resolve.
Luna jumped a little when she felt her mum's vengeful aura, but her lips drew a wicked smile on her face. All her teeth were visible, as though she just thought about a mighty delicious meal.
"Already did that," Luna chuckled.
Lucy shot a glance at her. "I'm all ears?"
Luna joined her fingertips together and grinned. "Around midnight," she began in a low voice, "I went down to the kitchen and threw red onion and garlic in the blender, and I waited for the mix to be as liquid as possible." She snorted and gave her mum a knowing look. "I know that you two are heavy sleepers so I wasn't worried," she added. "Then, I emptied dad's perfume bottle that I had borrowed when he was in the shower and poured the elixir of nastiness in it."
Luna relished in the memory. It had taken her a lot of time to prepare her plan and execute it correctly. She knew her prank would work just for a second because anybody would smell the nastiness after one spray on their body, and her dad was also the one who taught her everything about pranks, so he would probably figure it out before even spraying his perfume.
She shrugged, thinking that it was still worth it, that she managed to kick her prank game up a notch. She sighed herself out of her fulfilling trance and looked back at her mum. She laughed as she watched her mum speechless, mouth agape.
A monster, Lucy thought, taken aback by her daughter's wickedness. Have we been raising a monster this whole time? she asked herself dramatically.
Lucy snapped herself out of her thoughts quickly enough not to seem too scared of her own daughter. She was about to drive off when her eyes wrinkled abruptly, glaring at her daughter from the corner of her eye.
"Luna?" she said in a low voice.
Luna did a double-take and shivered when she saw her mum's inquiring look. She just knew it would be brought up at one point or another, but she didn't think it would be in a locked car.
She scratched the back of her head. "Yes?" she asked sheepishly.
"You whited out the 'gl' of 'glass' in the dictionary? Really now?"
Luna didn't answer and kept on laughing nervously. Curiously enough, Lucy just sighed. She thought there was probably a pun to make out of her misdeed but, considering how quick-witted her daughter was, she would eventually end up being the butt of the joke.
Natsu came back from work a few hours later. After dinner, he sat on the couch with Lucy around her arm and Luna laying down with her head on his lap, all leisurely watching some cartoon about French cats. However, this moment of calm broke when Natsu sighed his lungs out.
"What's wrong?" Lucy asked.
Natsu puffed out his cheeks and scratched the back of his neck. "Today was awful," he grunted. "People at work kept complaining about some smell lingering around the office, but I couldn't smell anything. And apparently, the smell was stronger when my coworkers got close to me. That's such a rude thing to say, right?!"
Luna gulped. "Maybe you forgot to take a shower," Luna suggested nervously.
"I did take a shower thank you very much," Natsu snapped. He sighed and let his fist rest under his chin. "But just in case it really was me," he added sheepishly, "I discreetly put on more perfume, and they would complain even more!"
Lucy gave him a sympathetic look and put a hand on his his shoulder, trying to tame his anger. She knew whose fault it was, but she could not tell him now, because she would end up being one of his victims as well.
"Wait," she muttered, narrowing her eyes in confusion, "why didn't you smell anything?"
"Pollen allergy."
Luna froze and her eyes stayed wide open. This wasn't supposed to happen, she thought in panic. This joke wasn't supposed to last his whole day at work; it was too late to confess her sin now, if he ever found out…
Her eyes moved right and left frantically and she looked over at her mum, and she had seemed to understand what her mind was going through, and they nodded in unison. Through eye contact alone, thanks to the bond between a mother and her daughter, a silent promise was made.
We cannot tell him, otherwise we will suffer the dire consequences of making the little prankster's master angry.
Luna brought a fist to her mouth and coughed.
"Something wrong, Luna?" Natsu asked worriedly.
Luna shook her head. "No, no," she coughed, "I'm just a little tired so I'm going to take a shower and go to bed."
Natsu smiled down at her fondly. "Okay, sweetheart," he whispered, "don't forget to brush your teeth, alright?" He waited for her nod, then leaned in and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight dad, goodnight mum," she sang as she jumped off the couch to skip her way out of the living room.
They listened to her footsteps slowly making their way up the stairs, and they stayed there on the couch, enjoying each other's company, not really caring about the French cats openly flirting in front of them.
All of a sudden, Lucy brought a hand to his leg and squeezed it, startling him, ultimately breaking this comfortable silence.
"I believe you promised me something for tonight," she hinted in a lewd voice.
His eyes reflected the fireplace, and her words looked as though they fired him up. A smirk tugged at his lips. "Was waiting for you to bring it up," he answered in the same tone. He bit his lip and brought two fingers to her chin, cupping her face to kiss her. "You'd better go to bed and prepare yourself, I'll be sure to be right up there with you very soon."
Lucy's tongue strolled around her lips, and she kissed him again, a bit harder this time. "Don't make me wait too long," she advised jokingly.
"In a few minutes you'll wish I had," he sniped with a wink.
"Show-off."
"Realist."
Lucy snorted and calmly walked out of the room; he was always so confident. She gasped unconsciously on her way up the stairs, thinking back to his other… performances. He had a lot of confidence and he sure as hell could back it up.
Natsu got off the couch shortly after and – instead of going upstairs – headed to the kitchen, deciding to make himself a cup of tea. "Red fruits will do," he muttered. He poured the hot water in his cup with a hint of a smirk on his face, as though he was waiting for something to hap –
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Oh, double scream. Nice."
The horrific screams came from upstairs. In the shower, Luna seemed to battle against spider webs. They attacked her when she pressed on the shampoo bottle above her head. Her face and hair were covered in fake spider webs, curiously resembling the ones they had during Halloween. She struggled to even open one eye but when she did, her jaw dropped – only to be closed immediately because of the spider webs. With a marker pen, someone that she knew very well wrote on the back of the shampoo bottle.
NOBODY BEATS ME ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY! XD (next time you wanna prank me, don't leave the weapon at the crime scene)
She had left his perfume bottle in the kitchen instead of putting it back where she found it. This whole story about his coworkers complaining about his smell was a lie, she thought in frustration. She facepalmed at her newbie mistake, which led her to have spider webs stuck to her hand now.
A dozen steps away from the bathroom, Lucy was in her underwear. On the floor. When she went to lay down under her covers – all prepared to welcome Natsu the way he deserved it – her whole body shivered at how slippery the sheets were. She fell pathetically out of bed in unknown disgust. She reached behind her and touched her back, only to be repelled by the viscosity of it all. This abomination was on her whole side of the bed, and her stomach twisted over itself at the sight of the green filth.
"I-is that… slime?!" she asked herself in utter disgust.
Her brows furrowed, trying to wrap her head around why this thing was even happening to her.
"Sorry, I'm pretty tired tonight… but don't worry, tomorrow I'll make you scream so loud the neighbours will think I'm about to kill you."
Lucy fumed. "That's what you meant by that?!"
After those screams, birds flew off their branches, some cats ran away, and the neighbours' dogs started barking. Some lights that were off turned on, and even one of the neighbours stepped outside to check what was going on.
As for Natsu, he was just seated in his comfortable chair. His ankles were crossed in front of him, bent at the knee, his legs cutting sharp angles out of his dark jeans. In the comfort of his kitchen, Natsu brought his hands to his mouth and breathed on the hot cup of tea he was holding. He could see his face bend and distort in the red liquid, with eyes that had all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, his reflection smiling a maniacal grin.
And he took a sip.
A/N: Nobody messes with the prank master on his favourite day of the year. Consider yourself warned.
Yes, I quoted Poe twice in this fic because why not? Makes things more dramatic x).
I hope you enjoyed this mess of a fic! Please consider dropping a review if you liked it :). See you next time!