Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. He and all the Inuyasha characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
Falter
The unexpected scurrying made her squeak despite herself and in a second Inuyasha had entered the hut.
"What happened?"
She just pointed mutely to the offender all the while shaking her head.
"Sorry. I shouldn't be surprised, really. It's normal out here."
He didn't answer.
"Inuyasha?"
"Keh." His back was to her. "Only a weak human would scream like that over a dumb rat."
"Geez. I didn't mean to. After all, it wasn't that big or anything...it just surprised me."
"Keh!" His exit was abrupt and Kagome was left wondering whether she'd really seen his hands shake at his sides.
She left the hut only to find Miroku and Sango had been just as confused by the whirlwind of white hair that had just passed them.
"Did something happen, Kagome-sama?"
"No, not at all, Miroku-sama." She didn't want to speculate, and she really wasn't sure what had happened.
"Perhaps..." Sango began, but was stopped by Kagome.
"I know. I know it's tonight."
"He'll be back, you know?" She added.
Kagome could only hope.
No-one noticed the worry that crept into Shippo's eyes.
"Kagome...", he piped up when Miroku and Sango had entered the hut to prepare dinner "I...please go after Inuyasha."
"I..."
"He needs you..."
"Shippo..." He was starting to sound quite scared.
"Kagome...he's not too far. I'll take you to him..."
"Do you know what's wrong?"
The boy furrowed his brow:
"If...If Kagome had a big secret, and she didn't want anyone to know, but...I found out...by mistake...do you think it would be alright to tell Inuyasha?"
"Well..." She didn't really have time to discuss analogies and variables with Inuyasha unwell, so she just shook her head.
"So...come with me?" He pulled on her hand insistently.
"Alright, and Shippo...?"
"It's alright...I won't stay...Inuyasha is the one who needs you now."
Again, that word! He was beginning to sound ominous.
"Thank you, Shippo." She offered the youngster a smile.
"Y' know...I don't always act it, but...I really do want you and Inuyasha to have mommy-and-daddy time."
Kagome chocked on air.
"M...what?"
"Time to yourselves, like my momma and pa used to." He explained as if talking to a small child.
"Er...I...appreciate the thought." Because she did.
Shippo just nodded.
She could already see the soft glimmer of white hair in the distance.
"You know how to get back, Kagome?" Shippo asked sounding more like a concerned parent.
"Yes, yes." She ruffled his hair.
"I'll keep Miroku and Sango pre-occupied." He whispered conspiratorially. "Don't worry about a thing, Kagome."
She smiled again and began walking towards Inuyasha. The boy didn't stir, perhaps lost in reflection, or ignoring her – she wasn't certain.
"Inuyasha..."
He didn't answer so she moved closer to him. Perhaps he really was lost in his own thoughts?
"Inuyasha..." She knelt behind him and her breath ran out; from such close distance she could see what her eyes hadn't caught before: Inuyasha was shaking – not the sporadic trembles that come with autumn chills, but strong, constant tremors that reverberated through him.
"Oh, Inuyasha." Her arms came and squeezed him tightly. "It's alright...it's alright." The words sounded hollow even to her and she flinched.
Countless minutes passed silently before at last his arms came up to clasp onto hers as proof he'd heard her. He couldn't speak – wouldn't stop shaking – emotions bellowed in his mind, grasped violently at his heart and filled him with dread. So...so...many! Kagome was the only thing keeping him from breaking down completely, yet even so he knew his control would not last long – not with the sunset so fast on its way. He was weak! So damn weak!
Anger alone couldn't cut through the terror that was strangling him, though; and his heart pounded harder. He could sense Kagome's distress, her concern for him, and it touched him as much as it frustrated. He didn't want her to be worried. It was stupid! So stupid! Just like him! Pathetic!! Dammit! At this rate he would...No! He couldn't let Kagome see that!
Frazzled, he did the only thing he felt he could: he pulled away from Kagome's arms and turned around, hiding himself behind his hair for an instant before diving towards her in a desperate attempt to conceal his fear. His arms wrapped around her middle and his face hid itself in her stomach. Now, he was safe...now, if he lost all control, perhaps she wouldn't notice.
To say she had been surprised by Inuyasha's behaviour didn't quite cover the extent of Kagome's emotions. Was he sick? Was he hurting? What was wrong? What had she done? Sadly, she knew Inuyasha wouldn't tell her if he could help it, and so far it seemed he was all too able to do so.
Her now empty arms dropped to her sides, and she let her hands wander through his hair, in an attempt to soothe him. Slowly, his shaking began to subside, and she closed her eyes in relief. Her fingers played gently with his hair, occasionally venturing as far as caressing an ear before it twitched at her in chastisement and discouraged her until the next time she gathered enough courage to touch it again.
The light was beginning to dim and part of her couldn't help being excited: she'd never seen Inuyasha really transform before. Unfortunately for her, Inuyasha had other thoughts and just as brusquely as he'd attached himself to her, he now distanced himself.
"Inuyasha..."
"Don't!"
"Why not?!"
Because it's disgusting...pathetic! Because I'm ugly!!
"Inuyasha..." She walked around him. "I want to see. I think it's amazing how you do this every month...and I'm...well..." She blushed. "I'm kinda curious."
He blushed in response but continued to shirk from her.
"Please?" She saw him purse his lips. In a bold move she grasped one of his hands and raised the other one to his ear.
He flinched and his eyes fixed on her in wonder and shock.
"Just once...okay. There's no-one around and I won't tell...I'm just...curious."
He couldn't even find it in him to nod.
She watched the sun begin to sink with a measure of anxiety and glee; the fingers from one hand dancing back and forth over his claws, the ones from the other tweaking his ear sporadically.
This was it! The sky began to darken. Her excitement swelled. She peered closer, her nose almost touching his, and observed how his eyes shifted colour. For the slightest of moments there was a mingle of warm amber and dusk blue before his pupils dilated and blue possessed his eyes. She felt his claws literally disappear from under her own fingers, and followed them with her eyes – she realised with great wonder that his claws didn't just retract - his whole nail bed changed shape to allow for more square, human-male-shaped nails.
With the disappearance of the sun she began to feel his ear tremble under her other hand; it shrunk and shrunk until it disappeared, and she quickly rushed her fingers to the side of his head, just in time to feel his human ears grow. At first it felt like much like feeling a bump beginning to grow would, but soon they had reached their proper shape and size leaving a very awed Kagome in their wake.
Lastly, just as the last rays of the sun speared them, she leant forward, brushing his hair with her lips, attempting to feel this final part of his transformation. She could just feel a small brush against her mouth when the black overtook the white, much like a small breeze, or weak youki.
"Thank you..." She murmured once she regained her voice. "Thank you, Inuyasha!" Her voice shook with the gratitude she felt and her eyes nearly drowned him with warmth. It almost made him forget that...The thought brought ice to his veins again, and this time he had no means of concealing the tears that shone in his eyes. Damn! This was pathetic! He wasn't supposed to...After all this time! He wasn't supposed to...
"Oh, Inuyasha...What's wrong?"
He didn't...couldn't...
She must have understood on some level because she merely hugged him to herself.
"It's ok. You don't have to tell me, but...I'll still be here, I will."
Human nights brought out what he considered worst about him: his emotions, his frailties – which were pretty much synonymous as far as he was concerned – his memories. The latter were, by far, the worst. He could repress many a-memory in his half-demon form, his human form was obviously designed to torture him.
He was tired, so very tired, and he knew Kagome would understand.
"Just tell me one thing..." Kagome spoke suddenly. "Was it my fault...? Did I do this...to you?"
He chocked at the fear that was emanating from Kagome, so palpable even to his human self.
"No!!" He hadn't meant to yell but he couldn't have her thinking she was to blame. "No...no...it's not..." He paused wondering if he ought to confess what had caused it. "It's not."
"I'm glad." She spoke and he could see her eyes glimmering with unshed tears. "Because I don't know what I'd do if I knew I'd hurt you..."
That cinched it.
"It...it was..." He stared at the ground wondering how to best explain.
"You don't have to force yourself, alright?" She patted his knee.
"I'm...afraid!" He blurted out and cringed at the sound of his own voice. "I mean...I'm...I really don' t like rats!" He confessed softly.
"Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm scared of snakes. Shippo's afraid of thunder." Part of him was relieved because he knew she understood.
"I don't think any less of you if that's what you're worried about." She smiled knowingly and he blushed: she'd hit the nail square on the head.
"It's alright, really." She squeezed his hand. "Thank you for telling me."
"It's pathetic!" And to him it was.
Kagome shook her head.
"Not really. I saw a snake eat a bird when I was little, that made me afraid. Shippo's encounter with Hiten and Manten are the reason he's afraid, and whatever reason you have for fearing rats, it's just as valid, I'm sure."
Did he dare tell her? He bit his lip. Perhaps, if he told Kagome his heart wouldn't hurt so much when he was human, just like before when she made his heart feel better by letting him talk about his mother. Maybe...
"I was...I was trapped...with rats...I mean..."
She dreaded what would come next by the tone of his voice.
"After my mother died, the villagers trapped me. They threw me in an old cellar. No light. Just rats...and they were everywhere...with red eyes...I...I...missed my mother...and my first human night there I thought I was going to...never come out alive. I couldn't do anything...and even now, I still feel stupidly weak whenever..."
"H-h-h-ow old...?" She pushed the words past trembling lips while her hands continued to squeeze his fingers.
"Dunno...Eight maybe..."
"Oh God!" Tears came to her eyes so sharply it made her dizzy. "Oh, Inuyasha..." She pulled him close and began brushing fingers through his hair. "Oh, Inuyasha! I'm so...so sorry."
"Don't..."He barely managed to choke out.
"Please? Let me cry for you. Let me grieve what you can't. It's alright...it is."
He let himself melt in her arms.
"Thank you...you..." he sighed "...you're so much like my mother..." He was just as surprised as she was – he hadn't meant to say that.
"Er...what I mean is..."
"It's alright, I don't mind you seeing me as your mother..."She had hoped...She understood, though: it was a high compliment.
"Damn!" He swore a bit more before pushing himself away and glaring down on her. "It ain't like that! I..."
"I understand Inuyasha...it's okay."
"The hell it is! You thinking I'm thinking you're my mother! Which is wrong coz I ain't never had any thoughts of my mother like I do about you!" He stopped abruptly then cursed. Kagome stared. Had he...?
"Crap! Dammit Kagome! I...how the hell do you do this? You make it so nothing I think makes sense! And...and...what's in my head makes sense in my head and then it comes out my mouth in such ways I'm wondering if we're still speaking Japanese. I am speaking Japanese right?!"
Kagome smiled.
"A little old-style, a little rough, but, yes, Japanese."
"What are you doing to me?" He murmured. "All I'm seeing is you, awake, asleep...You and your scent. You'll be the death of me one of these days, if this goes on, and...I don't think I'd mind it."
"Don't even joke about that!"
"Well, I ain't! I'm bein' honest. Y'know bein' human does that to me."
"Still, I don't want you to die, especially not through my fault." She argued.
"Not like that Kagome...I think...I think I've fallen." He watched her eyes widen. "No, scratch that...I know I have...and...and I'm damn pissed at myself for having more guts to tell you in this form than in my other form but dammit...I want you...I want you with me...as long as you can, as long as you will...if it be forever, then forever; and if it be until you change your mind about me, then so be it...The gods know I deserve less than that."
"What do you mean...change my mind...?" She rasped out. "I wouldn't...I've wanted nothing more than to be with you for so long..."
"You want me more than your world?" He asked incredulously. "More...than your family?"
"No.." She paused to choose her words carefully before he got the wrong idea. "But, I want to be with you enough that I give them up...and it's okay. You...you are my right choice."
The pressure building in him throughout the whole of the evening suddenly spilt itself from his eyes. He raised his arm and rubbed furiously.
"See...? You cry for me too, Inuyasha..."
"I...It's this stupid human body!"
She chuckled and pried his arm away to pepper kisses all over his wet cheeks.
"I know. I know."
Suddenly a thought occurred to him that had him freeze.
"Kagome...are you mad?"
"Mad?" She asked puzzled.
"Angry...with me..."
"Why would...I...?" She floundered.
"That I told you in my human form..."
She kissed his cheek again.
"No. I know your usual form gives you...ah...verbal difficulties sometimes." She smiled. "But, you know...my answer is for all of you: half-demon – man and demon" A shy smile blossomed on his face. "I just happen to love you in your human form, as well." She winked.
"Kagome..." She could feel his voice, laden with so much emotion it made her heart soar. "You...I...I am...with you...I mean...I'll walk with you...I mean..." He took a deep breath. "This time, let me stand by you...forever?"
She just nodded and kissed him again.
Author's Note: Yeah...um...AU, OOC, FOD (fluff overdose) and lots of italics.O.o For those of you who are following Yore or Footsteps, I'm doing my best to update soon. They will be finished eventually. I hope this wasn't too unreadable. Lots of love to all.